Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Angel Black, she showed up.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sold up.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud. And then there's mud.

That uncompromising, enterprising, anything but tranquilizing. No, no, no.

Down by the Old Mill Street.

may be old -fashioned, but this is great.

Sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade.

People just don't sit out on their porches anymore.

I wonder why.

Well, for one thing, most of the porches in this neighborhood have been stolen.

Anyway, think how lucky we are.

All over the country, it's winter, and we're having a beautiful Indian summer.

Well, I just hope the weather holds for the next few days. I'm trying to sell

the old Farnsworth place this weekend.

Oh, this weekend's not a good time, Maude. There's going to be a full moon.

A full moon?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my grandmother Whitney always said when there's a full moon... Vivian,

nobody wants to hear that junk.

Arthur always gets uptight when I talk about my grandma Whitney's special

powers. Vivian, now stop it.

Tell us. Tell us about your grandmother's special powers. Don't pay

attention, Vivian. No, I'm really... I'm dying to hear. Maude is just being

polite. No, I think she's really interested.

Maude's never polite.

That's right, so shut up, Arthur.

Tell us all about her special powers. Vivian, have a heart. Arthur, we all

to hear.

Vivian, go ahead.

Everybody be quiet and don't interrupt her.

Well, my grandmother had mystical powers.

She could read minds and foretell the future.

But I think the most amazing thing she did was to get rid of headaches.

See, if you had a headache, she'd put a glass of water on top of your head.

Then she'd hold a lighted mat just in front of your mouth.

She'd have you breathe on it, but not enough to put it out.

And then she'd put the mat in the glass of water.

She'd throw the water out the window onto the sidewalk, and you would feel

But whoever stepped into the puddle would get your headache.

Why don't we all go inside?

Now, sit down. You're both being very rude to Vivian. Oh, did you hear what

just said?

Vivian, if you go around telling these kooky stories about your grandmother's

power, what are people going to think? Oh, Arthur, who cares what people think?

You know, that's the whole trouble with the world today.

Nobody says what he really thinks because everybody is so afraid of

unpopular. Oh, sure. That's easy for you to say, Maude. You've always been

unpopular.

That is not true.

I was very popular with the boys in the Sixth Fleet during World War II.

Oh, Maude.

No, but seriously, Maude.

I really want to thank you for defending me.

That's what I used to say to the boys in the Sixth Fleet in World War II.

You know, there was another story about my grandmother that really shows her

mystical powers. Oh, Vivian, I think we've had enough. No, go ahead, go

want to hear about it. What is it?

Well, this is almost psychic, but whenever I would get on a trolley

or a streetcar with my grandmother, she

always had the exact change.

Maybe we should go inside.

I'll get the lemonade and grab the cookies. It's true.

I mean, it was amazing. You all go on. I'll finish cleaning up out here. Forget

about it.

What do you want the camera for?

What's up, Marty?

Maude.

Maude.

Maude.

What did you want to take a picture of?

Gosh, look at her. She can't talk. She's speechless.

I'd like a picture of that.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

Maude, what did you see?

Nothing. Nothing, nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Why, gosh, I've never seen Maude like that. Boy, she must have seen something

pretty awful.

Maude, are you feeling better?

Maude, can you tell us what happened now?

Oh,

Vivian.

Vivian, what I saw tonight is something...

I'll never forget as long as I live. What?

Here you are, honey.

What, what, what?

What, what, what, what, what?

Oh, will you look at me? I'm shaking like a leaf. Oh, can't you give her

something? Yeah, I guess I could.

Marty, try one of these.

Thanks. Is it all right to take this with alcohol?

Oh, sure. It's just a Tic Tac.

Tell us what you saw.

Well, I was standing out on the porch and I

heard this sound. I mean, didn't any of you hear it? No. No.

You mean none of you saw anything unusual out there?

No. No. No. No.

All right.

Well, first there was this whirring sound. It seemed to come from the top of

tree and I...

I looked up.

There it was.

There what was?

A strange cigar -shaped object hovering just above, and

then it started flashing yellow and blue lights, and then it just flew straight

up at an incredible speed.

Whirring sound, incredible speed.

Okay, Marty.

Let's look at the facts.

Now, you claim that... I do not claim that I saw anything. I did see it. Okay.

Cigar -shaped object hovering above flashing colored lights? Yes.

You saw the Goodyear blimp.

Arthur, I did not see a blimp.

Maybe it was a police helicopter. It was not a helicopter.

Wait a second.

The other day I saw an airplane advertising a new Mexican restaurant and

towing a great big enchilada. Maybe that's what it was.

Walter, I know a flying enchilada when I see one.

Why don't we just come out and say it?

You saw a flying saucer.

Yes.

Yes, I saw one.

I saw one.

and I hate myself for having to say this, but... Oh, my God. I saw a flying

saucer.

I never believed these things existed.

Well, if you saw it, I believe it.

And I think you better report this to the police.

The police? Wait a minute.

If Mort saw a UFO, then a lot of other people in Tuckahoe saw it, too.

Let someone else call the police.

I agree with Walter.

Arthur, what if it's an enemy spaceship?

There were thousands of them out there. What if they're just waiting to attack

us, killing every man, woman, and child as they take over our world?

Vivian, I just don't think we should get involved.

Vivian is right.

It is my duty as a citizen to report what I saw to the police.

Oh, they'll think you've got a loose top on your cookie jar.

Walter, I do not care if they think I have a loose top on my cookie jar.

I saw what I saw.

I mean, I've always been a doubting Thomas, but obviously these things do

And if people are to take it seriously, then it is the respected members of the

community who must be in the forefront.

Maud. No, Walter.

If the police hear this from Maud Findlay, they will take it seriously.

Because if there's one thing I have in this community, it is the respect of my

fellow Tuckahoeans.

So, hello, Sergeant.

Maud Findlay.

You remember I ran for state senate last year?

He voted for me.

Oh, now, really?

Sergeant, I am not one of the great women of the world.

Oh,

you were with the Sixth Fleet.

Well, that's very nice of you. Yes, it was a disappointment.

But look, Sergeant, I really have something terribly...

I have something terribly important to report to you.

Sergeant, I have just seen a flying saucer.

Yes,

Tuggy, it's something that happened last night, and I'm just terribly excited

and terribly upset about it, but I can't discuss it with you over the phone.

I'll see you at 2 .30.

Right.

What are we talking to? That was Tuggy McKenna. He's probably the best

television newscaster in Tuckahoe. When he gets here, I'm going to tell him all

about the flying saucer.

What? That's crazy.

It is not crazy, Walter.

One half hour ago, I was on the phone with a Mr.

Jordan Hancock.

And, Walter, he was most interested in what I had to tell him about last night.

And do you know what Mr. Jordan Hancock does, Walter?

Drink?

It so happens, Walter, that Mr. Jordan Hancock works for an independent

organization that investigates all reports about any unidentified flying

And, Walter, he is on his way over here right now.

Walter, you're getting in too deep!

Ma, may I speak to you?

Well, of course, Vivian. Sit down, dear.

I mean, may I speak frankly?

Well, of course, Viv.

Very frankly.

Yes, Viv.

Well, it's about the flying saucer you saw.

What about it?

May I speak frankly? Yes, Viv!

Well,

half the neighborhood thinks you're crazy.

Vivian, may I ask you a question?

Of course.

Do you think I'm crazy?

May I speak for you?

Vivian, I might as well tell you I do not care what anybody thinks. The

the neighbors, anybody.

I am going to stand up and tell exactly what I saw last night. It is my

responsibility. I don't care how loose people think my cookies are or whatever

the hell that damn special is.

Oh. Oh, I wish I had your courage to stand up and tell what I saw.

Viv, you mean you saw the same thing last night? Oh, no, no, it was last

Vivian, why didn't you tell? Vivian, what did you see?

Well, well, one night... Yeah?

I was standing outside just, just looking up at the sky.

Yeah? You know, the way people just like to...

Look at the stars and stare.

Of course, of course.

So anyway, I was just looking up at the sky. Yes.

I was sort of just staring. Yes!

The light snow began to fall.

And then, all of a sudden, there was a big flash of light. And there it was.

I just couldn't believe my eyes.

Vivian, what did you see?

Please, Vivian!

Out!

Walter,

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

The police laughed in my face.

Vivian told me the neighbors think I'm crazy.

Even crazy Vivian thinks I'm crazy.

Oh, I wish Mr.

Hancock from the UFO agency was here. I need the support of another person,

Walter. I mean, I'm strong, but I just don't know how much more of this I can

take. Walter, I'd like to tell you something.

Of course, darling. What is it? May I speak frankly?

No!

Hello.

Just a second.

Walter, it's for you.

Jordan Hancock.

Mr. Hancock, why aren't you here? What do you mean you need another witness who

saw what I saw?

Well, that's ridiculous. You know that I'm an extremely respected and

responsible member of this community. What's that?

Of course you may speak frankly.

You've already made a preliminary investigation of me?

Yes, that's true. That's true. I am under the care of a psychiatrist.

But who isn't?

Now listen, if you do not think that I am credible, I am going to let my

straighten you out. He is right here, and he can tell you what a credible

I am.

Yes. Yes, that's true. He is an alcoholic.

He has not had one drink since he attempted suicide last year.

All right, get another witness.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

You just destroyed my credibility.

Okay, Mort, that's it.

The flying saucer joke is over. Listen, Walter, I'm... Mort, just give it up or

else you'll be the laughingstock of Tuckahoe. You're all alone, Mort.

nobody on your side.

Philip, what happened?

You've torn the pocket off your brand -new shirt.

Oh, I got into a fight with that loud -mouthed Jerry Savio. He said you rocked

your rocker, Grandma, and I couldn't let him get away with that.

Oh, Philip.

Oh, Philip.

I'll cherish this day for as long as I live.

When I felt I was all alone, abandoned on all sides...

My grandson, the bright light of my life, came to my rescue and gave me

the courage to continue to stand up for what I believe.

Oh, Philip, I'm very proud of you. Thanks, Grandma.

Oh, I told Jerry, even if you are off your rocker, you shouldn't go around

telling people about it.

Gee, Grandma, you're in a bad mood today.

I'm sorry, Philip. I'm sorry.

I just have a terrible headache.

Let's leave Grandma alone, Philip.

I'll bring you down a couple of aspirin more.

In the meantime, think about that television reporter.

Laughingstock, Ward!

Obvious. I was just throwing water at you.

Oh, I see.

Oh, listen, Marty, I owe you an apology.

I had lunch at the club today, and I ran into Judge Moffat. Now, I haven't seen

him for quite some time. You know Judge Moffat, don't you? No, I don't. Oh,

that's his car coming up now. I asked him to follow my hair.

Right over here, Judge.

Maude, Judge Moffat saw the flying saucer last night, just like you did.

Huh?

He told me so at lunch. Oh, he... He saw it? He actually saw it? Yes, that's why

I want to apologize to you.

Now that I know that it's true. You see, the judge is a Republican.

May I come in?

Maude, this is Judge Leonard B. Moffitt, retired justice of the New York State

Supreme Court, professor emeritus, Columbia Law School. Oh, Judge, oh,

it's such a pleasure meeting you. Please, please, come in, come in. Judge,

excuse me, Judge, you actually saw the flying saucer, too.

Oh, yes, indeed, I saw it, all right. I could hardly believe my eyes.

Cigar -shaped flashing lights?

That's it, all right. Oh, thank you, God, for sending me a credible witness.

Oh, I can't tell you what a relief this is.

Excuse me, Mrs. Finley? Yes.

Tuggy McKenna, WBLT News.

Tuggy, yes, come in, come in, come in.

Mr. Spindley, I know you didn't want to talk about it on the phone today, but I

got some other calls.

Some of your neighbors think you saw a flying saucer.

Is that what this is about?

It certainly is.

Tuggy, I want you to interview me and my illustrious acquaintance, the Honorable

Supreme Court Justice...

Judge Leonard B. Moffat. That is, Judge, if it's all right with you.

Oh, yes, indeed. We must step forward. Hey, dynamite.

Okay, guys, let's set it up.

What's going on? Walter, Walter, this is Judge Leonard B. Moffat. Judge, my

husband, Walter Finley.

Walter, the judge saw the flying saucer, too.

You actually saw it?

That's right.

We're giving out an interview.

Holy crap!

Where is your aspirin? Oh, Walter, I don't need them anymore. My headache's

gone. Walter, I could use a couple.

Oh, Judge, I cannot tell you what a relief this is. I tell you, everybody

doubted me. My neighbors thought I was crazy. Even my husband, my own husband,

questioned me.

I know what that's like. I went through the same thing myself the first time I

saw one.

I've just learned to ignore people.

Okay, Judge, Mrs. Finley, you want to step over here on the landing? We'll be

doing the interview from here.

Okay? Yes. Right over there.

The first time, you mean you've seen flying saucers before?

Oh, yes.

I see them all the time.

Usually on Thursday nights after I've taken my medicine.

Sometimes I ride in them.

Okay, Vince, we'll start with a two -shot, and then we'll zoom in to Mrs.

Finley. Judge, you... You ride in the... Where?

Where?

I've been to all the planets. Venus.

Mars.

Pluto.

Donald Duck.

Okay, we'll be with you in just one second, folks. But now I only go in the

flying saucers to Mars, because they're the only ones that have seatbelts.

I've grown very safety conscious.

You know what the Martians like to eat?

Marshmallows.

They call them Martian mellows.

This is Charlie McKenna, WBLT News, and I'm at the Elm Street home of Mrs.

Maud Finley. With her is retired State Supreme Court Justice Leonard B. Mudd.

There have been rumors of flying saucers in this neighborhood, rumors that Mrs.

Finley had seen these flying saucers.

And I'm asking you now, Mrs. Maud Finley, what do you have to say about

reports that you have seen a flying saucer?

I deny everything.

My cookies are just as tight as anybody's.

Of course, I cannot speak for the judge here, but then again, why should I? I

mean, I have never met this charlatan before.

It was my neighbor, Dr. Arthur Harmon, who dragged him over here. I say, there

are no such things as flying saucers. At least, I have never seen a flying

saucer. And I want to make that perfectly clear.

Bod was recorded on videotape before a studio audience.