Original subtitles

I'm a little worried about Harry.

He hasn't been himself since Margaret... Dumped him?

Well, I would have chosen a different word.

Anyway, what happened? They were so happy together, then all of a sudden

gone. Well, I guess that's life.

Two ships passing in the night.

Well, I hope her ship gets torpedoed and rots at the bottom of the sea.

Come on, Roz, we don't know what happened.

Anyway, why is it so important to find Blaine?

Because she hurt Harry.

Look at him. He's buttering a tie.

Hi, Harry.

Feeling any better?

Well, wounds of the heart take time to heal.

I just want you to know I'm your friend, and I'm here for you.

What a loser.

Guess who's playing in town this week?

Meals for me.

Hey, that's it.

That would be just the thing to snap Harry out of his doldrums. Yeah.

How about we all chip in and buy him some good seeds?

Seeds? Why would he need seeds?

Oh, yes.

One for his coat.

Dan, just for once in your life, could you show just a little compassion for a

person in pain?

You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm ashamed of myself.

Here's some jam for that tie.

I did call the nightclub, and I spoke to Mel Torme himself.

Do you know what this means?

His career's on the skids, and he's forced to work the switchboard?

No. I told him the whole story, and not only will Harry have the best seats in

the house, but the tickets will be delivered tonight by Mel Torme himself.

Here. I sure hope this makes Harry happy.

I haven't seen him smile in weeks.

Well, I've taken care of that.

I rearranged the docket.

The first case is a Harry special.

Bull, you're over.

All rise.

Criminal Court Part 2 is now in session.

The Honorable Harold T. Stone presiding.

You have no idea how sick I am of hearing that.

I could try it with an accent, sir.

I do a mean Scottish burr.

All rise.

Criminal Court Part 2 is now in session. Bull!

Call it, Mac. Oh, yes, sir.

Here we go.

People versus the chicken.

You're going to love this one, sir.

Prosecution? Yes, sir. Mr. DeChicken was arrested on the West Side Highway while

illegally attempting to walk from the northbound to the southbound lanes,

leading police to ask the inevitable question.

Which is?

Oh, come on, sir. You know the question.

About Mr.

DeChicken.

What question?

Why did DeChicken cross the road?

To get himself a $500 fine for public endangerment.

Take him away.

That wasn't the right answer, sir.

Well, that is my answer, Counselor. And that's the way things are going to be

around here from now on. No more fooling around.

This is a place of serious business.

Now, we'll take a five -minute recess while the clerk rearranges the docket to

represent some semblance of order.

Lucky we didn't call the next case.

Oh, right.

The Albanian cab driver.

People versus Nug Nug Who's Dare.

Stupid place.

Stupid job.

Okay, who turned out the lights?

Get out of here, Art.

You know, I'm trying to fix your couch. Get the hell out.

Okay, fine.

But when you get a string up your butt, don't come crying to me.

What am I doing here?

I'm not making any difference.

I never should have taken this job.

Because then I wouldn't have met you, Margaret.

I wouldn't have a girlfriend in the Federal Witness Relocation Program.

Or if I'd gone with you, I wouldn't be stuck here, where I mean nothing.

Life would have been a lot better if I'd never come here.

Hello, Harry.

Hi.

Mel?

Mel? Who's Mel?

Mel Torme.

Boy, I must really be depressed because I'm not even excited to see you.

I look like Mel Torme?

This isn't funny, Mel.

Will you stop with the Mel? The name's Herb.

Herb?

I'm your guardian angel.

My guardian angel.

Mel, I don't know who put you up to this, but I'm really not in the mood,

So why don't you come back some other time? Oh, this is the way you treat

someone who saved your life?

What? Remember when you were a kid?

trying to impress your friends, hanging on the back of a crosstown bus.

And my fingers flipped.

I started to fall.

But something, someone, pushed you back on.

You?

Ta -da!

If you're an angel named Herb, how come you look like Mel Torme?

Well, maybe you want me to look like Mel Torme. I personally...

would have chosen Wayne Newton.

I have a guardian angel? Harry.

Harry. Harry, I've watched over you all your life.

See?

You were such a cute baby.

There's me and my mom.

And there's my teddy bear, Jamboree. I love Jamboree. I remember.

Listen, look, look, look.

There's you in the third grade.

Okay, there's Boy Scout camp.

Oh, look, look, I took this one the night of your senior prom.

I didn't go. I know, you spent the evening with... With Jamboree.

Herb, I gotta admit, this is very impressive.

It's a living.

Well, what are you doing here now?

Well, I heard you say that you wish you'd never come here, that it didn't

matter. Oh, it doesn't.

I haven't made any difference here, Herb. Oh, Harry, Harry, you're really

hurting. And you need my help.

Let's go for a walk.

Where are you going to take me?

Some magic land beyond the clouds or something?

No, the hallway.

I want you to see what life would be like around here without Harry Stone.

Everything's in black and white.

This is how the world would have been if I hadn't been around. No green grass or

blue sky, just shades of gray.

No, it's just a device I use to illustrate my point.

You're an old movie fan, right?

You gotta ask? Right.

Come on inside.

Now, nobody in there can see us or hear us.

The first reel is about to begin.

Well? Well, what? Christine's still here and there's Matt.

Where did I make a difference?

Watch.

All rise.

Court is now in session.

The Honorable Daniel R.

Fielding.

Dan is the judge?

Well, you weren't on the list, so he got your appointment.

He's been on the bench for about the past eight years and making the most of

The Deputy May is on his way, Chief.

Perfect. I hear the Dan Filko plans for the Central Park renovation.

Right, Chief. I want every one of his political chips pulled in on this one.

Right, Chief. And one more thing.

Don't call me Chief.

Dan Filko?

Well, that's a little real estate development business that he runs on the

when he's not dispensing his brand of justice.

Well,

he can't be that bad a judge. I mean, Christine's still working here.

That's not the same Christine you knew.

I mean, all those high ideals and dedication that she had early on,

vanished. Fielding doesn't exactly treat her with your brand of respect and

gentility.

Counselor?

Yes, Your Honor.

Nice gams.

Thank you, Your Honor.

So how come Mac is sitting over here?

Well, he's the district attorney.

Well, that's good.

It means that if I hadn't been around, Mac could have furthered his career.

That doesn't say much for me, Herb.

Okay, he's a lawyer, but he's divorced, he's bitter, he's lonely.

He's got a chronic gastric condition.

He needed your friendship.

Miss Wagner, time to call the first case.

Judge Fielding, wouldn't it be more expedient if the files were kept over by

desk? More expedient, yes.

More fun, no.

Oh.

People versus ornaments.

Breaking and entering.

Prosecution. Yes, sir. Mr. Arnovitz here was apprehended by the police breaking

Davis' wallpaper.

In his possession were burglar's tools and $9 ,000 in company payroll checks.

Sounds bad, Arnovitz. Defense?

Geez, none really.

I mean, it's just pretty open in chat. My client asked for the mercy of the

court. Mercy?

What possible reason would I have to show mercy, Mr. Arnovitz?

My contribution to the annual judge's ball, perhaps?

And a very healthy contribution it is, too.

In my judgment, this was just a momentary lapse in an otherwise

citizen's exemplary life.

Oh, come on, sir. This man has 35 prior arrests. Silence. I'm still judging.

Case dismissed.

No.

This isn't justice. This is an outrage.

This is Fielding's court.

I need some air.

I mean, if I wasn't around, the cafeteria would be closed.

No, it's not closed. You just have to know the password.

Password?

Not me.

Jack.

And he's not blind anymore.

That's true. But his taste buds don't function. He has never enjoyed a meal.

What happened to the cafeteria?

Fielding turned it into a private club for his friends.

The booze and gambling and... Livette?

Cigars, cigarettes, confiscated evidence.

Hey. Next unit.

Next unit, please.

The deputy mayor's outside. He wants to come in, but he can't remember the

password. What a jerk.

Your Honor, come on in.

Swordfish.

Oh, yeah, that's close enough, sir.

Place your bet. Place your bet.

Bull is the deputy mayor of New York. Yeah, Fielding set it up. He needed a

stooge. But who would be stupid enough to vote for Bull? Oh, we ran a great

campaign. The slogan was, what I don't know won't hurt you.

Okay, now these are the chief's plans.

You know what to do with them.

Dan Fieldco's renovation of Central Park.

Hmm.

He wants to tear down the carousel and put in a pair of mutual dog tracks?

Sure. There's big boxing and greyhounds.

Replace the petting zoo with a hunting zoo?

Peep shows?

A mud wrestling stadium?

I'm not sure about this.

Just use your influence and push it through the city council. And that's an

order.

Judge Fielding's sure this is going to get me elected mayor.

It's in the bag.

Well, gotta go.

Got some real serious city business to take care of.

I'm cutting the cable on a new elevator.

You mean cut the ribbon.

Well, I ran into you.

A tray for the gentleman on table three.

Man, this is getting scary.

Isn't that Roz going by?

Yeah.

And she's in handcuffs.

Miss Wagner, who's our next contestant on if the prize is right?

People versus Roz Russell.

What's her scam?

Demonstrating without a permit.

What? There's no money in that.

Wow. I mean, if I hadn't been here, Roz would have turned into a criminal.

Oh, don't get too full of yourself, Harry. She's no criminal.

Get your hands off me. I didn't do anything wrong.

I'll be the judge of that. What's it all about?

Your Honor, my client merely led a picket line in front of her landlord's

corporate offices.

Big deal.

It is a big deal.

I live in an apartment building filled with good, hardworking people. People

take pride in themselves and their home.

So?

So, a year ago, our building was taken over by a new management company who

tripled our rent, sold our fire escape for scrap metal, and gassed all our

So?

So, I decided we'd had enough. It was time to take action.

This morning, I led all the tenants down to corporate headquarters.

All we wanted was to speak to the owner.

Yeah, well, what's the name of this heartless landlord?

Dan Philco.

The people see no case here, sir. We wish to drop the charges.

And you would say, man, this woman is a menace to society.

No, she's not. Let this be a lesson to anyone who would stand in the way of

enterprise. Ten years, hard labor.

Oh, no!

No, Christine!

Mac, come on, somebody do something. Don't let them take Ross to jail.

They can't hear you, Harry. You're not here.

I've had enough of this. I don't want to see you anymore.

I want to go back.

Wait a minute.

This isn't my chambers.

Who are those people?

Well, that's Dan, his wife Diane, and his son Damien.

Damien? As in? The Antichrist.

Reverend Counselor, you wanted to see me? Your Honor, I've got something on my

mind I want to say, and I don't want you to interrupt me.

Champagne? No, I don't want champagne. I want to talk to you.

When I came here six years ago, I came here with one purpose, and that was to

serve the people.

Bonbon. No.

But over time, I've allowed myself to be dragged down to your level, and I just

can't take it anymore.

Good for you, Christine.

The Russell case just now proved to me that all hope is lost.

So I give up. I resign.

But I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that you and your

corrupt organization are brought down.

Yeah, see that, Herb? There is a happy ending. Christine wins and Dan loses.

You know, Miss Sullivan, I've always admired your pluck.

Really gonna miss you around here. Oh, don't try that with me, Buster.

Yeah, don't try that with her, Buster.

She's got to go.

I've always suspected that through that bleeding heart of yours flowed the blood

of passion.

Well, I think you've heard enough.

You're leaving, remember?

And now that we're no longer colleagues, I'm going to tell you a cold, hard fact

about yourself, Miss Sullivan.

Oh, what is that?

For the last six years, you've wanted...

Only me.

Ha! Don't make me laugh.

Ha! Don't make her laugh.

She's got to go. You find me amazingly attractive.

I find you absolutely repulsive.

Not telling him. Now say goodbye.

Time to face the inevitable, Miss Sullivan.

I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

Love you. I knew it.

No, Christine, not you too.

No.

I've seen enough. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to live in

color. I want to be the judge.

This is insane.

Don't holler. You're back already.

I am.

Look, fresh tones.

And these crummy yellow walls. Oh, how I miss you both.

And this Jack. Look, Jack.

And he's blind.

Isn't that great?

You may be. For me, it's not so hard.

Oh, my chambers.

My armadillo.

My nameplate.

Oh, you.

Well, did you learn your lesson?

I sure did.

I'm glad I'm here.

Life is good.

No matter what curves or bumps might be in the path, I just gotta keep going.

Ah, that's my Harry.

Level with me, Herb. If I had never come here, would all that stuff really have

happened?

Maybe, maybe not. But it worked, didn't it?

Sure did.

I don't know how I can ever thank you.

Hmm. Well, just take this little word of advice, okay?

Maestro.

Nothing's impossible, I have found, when your chin is on the ground. You pick

yourself up, dust yourself off, start all over again. Oh, don't lose your

confidence. If you slip, be grateful for the pleasant trip. Pick yourself up,

dust yourself off, start again.

Work like a soul inspired till the battle of the day is won.

You may be sick and tired, but you'll be a man, my son.

Will you remember the famous men had to fall to rise again? Take a deep breath.

Dust yourself off.

Take a deep breath.

Pick yourself up and start all over.

Start all over.

Start all over.

Start all over.

So long, kid.

Excuse me, Your Honor. Five minutes are up.

We were wondering if you were going to come back to the courtroom.

Oh, you bet I am.

I love my job.

And I love you guys.

Oh, really, I do.

I mean it.

Even you, Dan.

Aw, shock.

Harry's back, and he's not crazy anymore.

Excuse me. Judge Stone.

Herb!

Who's Herb? I'm Mel.

Sure you are.

Everybody, this is Herb. He's my guardian angel, and he sings, too.