Original subtitles

Okay, who's got my headlines?

You looking for this, Mac?

Brian Boss Faces Big House.

Yep, another front -page headline for Margaret. I'm telling you, with the

she's dug up this year, they're gonna be able to put away Al Little Puffball's

Vecchione for life.

You saving her clipping?

Oh, yeah.

Someday we'll cuddle up next to a roaring fire and we'll have these warm,

wonderful memories to share.

Mob boss blown to bits.

Hitman decapitated in vicious attack.

Mobster's leg found in chopped salad.

Is that a headline or a recipe?

Hey, is this a great night or what?

You seem to be in good spirits.

And why shouldn't I be? I'm a living, breathing human being. I love me. I love

you. I love everybody.

Great. Let's check into the Waldorf, my tree.

I meant that spiritually, Dan.

Oh, she's spewing that support group babble again.

And why shouldn't I?

Happy, alone, healthy adults is more than just support.

Ha -ha is a way of life.

To celebrate my brand new freewheeling lifestyle, I've decided to throw a hey,

I'm back and I'm okay party.

Tonight. Completely spontaneously.

Okay, here's your party assignments.

I printed them out on my home computer.

Gee, it's not often you get a really spontaneous printout.

Mac, you and Conley can bring the hors d 'oeuvres.

Anything you like.

Although this rumaki recipe never fails.

Jack, spontaneous rumaki coming right up.

Bull, I thought you could be in charge of the music.

Oh, terrific.

I haven't played my ocarina in years.

Well, I was thinking more along the lines of a cassette deck and tapes.

Okay.

And, Dan, I thought... Sorry, can't make it.

I'm up to my neck in paperwork for the Phil Foundation. I have to feed the

remember?

Well, okay, but this completely throws off my plans.

What's my assignment?

Roz, I thought you could guard the coat.

Finally, my life has meaning.

Why would we want to steal each other's coats?

Well, I'm inviting a few other people. I'm including my support group.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

A whole group of single, desperate, lonely women?

My kind of party.

I'll bring the oysters.

What about the poor, Dan?

Let them find their own women.

All right, Matt, what's next?

People versus Yolanda Wells.

Solicitation. Hi, Yolanda.

What's your story this time?

I'm innocent.

I wasn't soliciting.

I merely asked.

Hey, Your Honor, it was entrapment.

Not true, Your Honor. This arrest was totally by the book. Oh, I beg to

The arresting officer neglected to identify himself or show his badge.

I think he wants to hear more testimony.

No, no, no, no, no. I know what he's doing. Uh, two words.

First syllable.

I don't get it.

I do.

Two words. First syllable.

Dr. Zhivago!

Who's that?

Your Honor.

Miss Wells. Ah, yeah. Yolanda, let's make it the regular.

$100 and time served. And might I suggest that you consider the joys and

of a loving, monogamous relationship.

Monogamous? No, that's Latin for almost dead.

And what do you say we take a little break, people?

Well, this happiness is depressing me.

Harry's so happy to have somebody, it revolts me. You're so happy not to have

somebody, it disgusts me.

I've got a girlfriend, too.

You know what that makes me?

A candidate for neutering.

Harry, I love you so much. Let's go home right now. We need to spend some time

together. Oh, sweetheart, court's still in session.

I suppose I could stall for 15 minutes.

I've always wondered if this couch folds out.

I mean, I need to talk to you.

It's important.

Okay, I got a few minutes.

What's up?

Oh, this is hard to say.

Harry, I feel so close to you.

I think about the future, and I know we'll feel the same way about so many

things for the rest of our lives.

Margaret, whatever it is, you can tell me.

Or show me.

Okay.

What I'm trying to really say is that I... Hey, here. Can I talk to you a

minute?

Can you see you're interrupting?

It's no big deal. Nobody's naked.

Look, I need some legal advice.

Do you think giving $5 ,000 to a needy but statuesque woman could count as a

donation from the Phil Foundation?

I don't know, Dan. Does she have a trust or a fund or something? Oh, yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's called Purchase a Porsche for Patricia Group.

I don't think so, Dan.

She's an orphan.

Harry. Honey, court will be done in an hour. Christine's having a party

I'll pick you up. We'll go together.

I'll have to meet you there. I have an appointment.

With who?

My family minister.

I'll see you later.

What was that all about? She comes in here telling me how much she loves me

how much we have in common and starts talking about our life together and now

she runs off to... She runs off to talk to the family minister?

So?

Dan, before you barge in, I think Margaret was...

You're going to ask me to marry her.

Then you owe me big.

Talk about dodging the bullet.

Here, wait, wait, wait.

Simple solution. You avoid her for the rest of your life, you're off the hook.

What if I want to be hooked?

Stone, wait.

Are you nuts?

Think about it. The same woman for the rest of your life.

What if you live more than a week?

Hey, guys, what's going on?

Margaret's just gone off to talk to her family minister about marriage.

Harry thinks she's going to pop the question. I cannot convince him to flee

seek sanctuary.

Well, congratulations, sir. Don't encourage him.

Hey, a good marriage is one of life's great joys. For sure.

Yeah, look at me and Kwan Lee. It's been six years, and I have never been so

happy. He's never been so tied down, so chained, handcuffed to one

woman.

Wait a minute, I'm making this sound like too much fun.

Harry! Harry!

Everything okay?

Everything is terrible.

Everything's great. Harry thinks Margaret's gonna pop the question.

Whoa, kind of sudden.

It's also kind of wonderful.

Wow, now we have something to celebrate tonight.

I don't know if I'm ready for this.

It's an awfully big step.

Do you love her?

Yeah, I love her.

Yeah, I love her.

And you love it when she grills you from coming home late at night, huh? And you

love the holidays when her family invades your home.

Would you think, man? This is insane.

Hey, Roz, Margaret's gonna ask Harry to marry her. How about that?

As long as I don't have to be a bridesmaid.

I hate taffeta.

Hi, everybody.

What's up?

Well, Margaret went to see her family minister.

Harry thinks she's going to pop the question.

Oh, no!

What's Harry going to do if Margaret marries her minister?

Hey, congratulations, Judge Harry.

Thank you, Jack.

It's like the song says, love is always better the second time around.

It's his first marriage, Jack.

It is?

Uh -oh.

Listen to the blind man. He makes sense.

You gotta listen to your heart, sir.

I wish I could, Jack, but it's pounding so hard.

I don't know why I'm so scared.

This may sound dumb, but to me, being married means there will always be a

surprise in your refrigerator.

Like your mother -in -law's teeth.

I don't care. I want a surprise in my refrigerator.

And I want Margaret in my life.

If she asks, I'm gonna say yes.

I want to get married.

The

other

gentlemen are wearing sports jackets.

Why didn't you wear that sports jacket I bought you?

You got me a ski jacket.

Skiing is a sport.

Are you happy?

I'm happy.

I'm happy. Are you happy? Oh, I'm happy.

I'm happy.

Hi, happy. I'm horny.

Excuse me?

So, what brings you here tonight?

I always go for group activities.

What do you say we get together and make our own private little group tomorrow

night? Oh, I'd love to, but tomorrow's my aerobics for lovers class.

Do tell.

You know, since my wife dumped me, I've become a student of people. I can tell a

lot about a person just by their body language.

Looking at you, I can tell that you're a very angry woman.

you're repressing an enormous amount of rage.

Repressing my rage is the only thing keeping you out of traction right now.

Thanks for sharing that.

I'm still happy.

And stay away from mouth coats.

I'm sorry, Christina, I can't get this tape out. It's stuck.

Oh, come on, Bull. You've just got to get it going.

I've planned an hour and 17 minutes of spontaneous dancing.

How about Thursday?

Another class.

How to make love to a real man.

Oh, my God, don't skip that. Not on my account.

How about the night after? Oh, no.

That's my acting out your sexual fantasies improv group.

Look, here, here.

There's an empty hour.

You're right.

Just to you.

It's a date.

But don't you be mad at me if I'm just a little bit late.

Don't be late. I need that whole hour.

I'll try, Danny. But I have a date just before you with my parole officer.

Your parole officer?

Oh, I have a teensy problem with rejection.

Oh, my goodness, who could reject you?

My last boyfriend.

It really upset me. It also upset my teensy little pistol.

Oh, you didn't, you didn't, you didn't. It was only a flesh wound.

But that won't happen to us, will it, Danny?

No, of course not.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

What was I thinking?

I'm gay.

Okay,

I think I got it now.

Bull, we can't dance to this.

You can if you dance real slow.

Hi, guys. Hey, Harry.

All right.

Save the applause for the wedding night.

Thought that would just happen you didn't bring any magic tricks.

Jack told me the good news.

Being married is wonderful.

I'm looking forward to it, but I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous. Oh, hey,

don't you worry, sir. Just remember, the secret of a good marriage now is

honesty. No, the secret is mystery.

What?

How can you be mysterious and totally honest?

You have honest mysteries.

What kind of nonsense is that?

You called that nonsense?

Yes.

Thanks for all the advice, guys.

Hi, Harry.

Hi, Bo.

So, where will you be honeymooning?

Well, we haven't really figured that part out yet, big guy.

Well, if I may be so bold, I know a great out -of -the -way place just

of Paris, France.

It'll be perfect for you and the little missus.

Marcel's Dude Ranch.

Yeah, it's great.

It's just like Texas there.

Thanks, Bull. I'll run it by the little missus.

Oh, and sir?

Yeah? May your first child be a masculine child.

Keep it up, Bull, and you'll sleep with the fishes.

Harry?

Yeah?

Now, you know that I think you're making the greatest mistake of your entire

life, but you are my best friend, so I hope that you won't be nearly as

miserable as I think you'll be.

Why don't you save that for the best man toast?

Harry?

I hold in my hand the one true secret to a happy marriage.

Is that what I think it is?

Exactly. A prenuptial agreement.

Dan, divorce is the last thing on my mind right now. Now, I know that may

sense legally, but to me, a prenuptial agreement anticipates the worst. It

destroys all the love and the passion. It ruins the spontaneity.

No, no, no. You're still confusing this with a condom.

Hi. Hi.

I am so glad... I want to show you something.

I never bought one of these before.

You think Margaret will like it?

Harry, it's beautiful.

Big changes, huh?

You know, I never did get the chance to tell you how I really feel.

I am so happy for you and Margaret.

You both have everything that Tony and I didn't. And I just think that... Well,

Margaret is a very lucky woman.

I'm a lucky guy.

Not just to have Margaret, but to have friends like you.

You know, it's funny.

In a way, this is our chance to start over.

You with Margaret and me alone.

I guess this really is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Well, not our lives.

Together. You know, separate lives.

She's here.

Good luck.

Well, congratulations.

Gee, thanks.

I'll bet you're floating on air.

Not exactly.

You want me to watch that coat?

No, thanks.

Just want to say that if someone has to ruin Harry's life, I'm glad it's you.

Thanks, I think.

Margaret, I'm so thrilled for you.

Just think, a brand new life.

How did you know?

Oh, well, it's kind of hard to keep secrets around here. But listen, if you

anything, don't hesitate to call on me.

Well?

Harry, I really need to talk to you. Yeah, I know, I know.

Is there someplace quiet we could go?

Come on.

Better get that champagne ready.

Yeah, go get that pretty lady.

Well?

I didn't get a chance to finish what I had to say today in your chambers.

I know.

I'm all ears.

I don't know where to begin.

Maybe I can make this easier.

I know you're nervous. I'm nervous, too.

But I know that what's about to happen is absolutely the right thing.

And I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't be happier I'm going into the witness relocation program?

What?

Harry, I've decided to testify before the grand jury in the Vecchione case.

What? Without my testimony, he's going to walk, and I can't let that happen.

And besides, even if I don't testify, I'll never be safe again. I know too

The government's going to give me protection and a new identity.

I have to go away.

When?

I'll be at a safe house tonight, I testify tomorrow, and then I'll be gone.

I can go with you. No, Harry. I can go anywhere. I can go anywhere. If we're

together... No, Harry.

I've thought of that.

You'd be throwing everything away. Your life is here.

You won't be alone for long. You'll find someone.

I found someone.

Harry, don't make it any harder, okay?

And you can't tell anybody, at least not for a couple of weeks. It'd be too

dangerous.

Miss Turner?

I'll be there in a minute.

I have something for you.

for you, too.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Harry, no wonder everybody was congratulating me. You thought that...

stupid, huh?

No.

No, it's not stupid. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

That's yours.

I would have said yes, you know.

Champagne's all iced.

Where's Margaret?

She's gone.

Things didn't work out.

We're not going to see each other anymore.

Oh, Harry.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, God. Is there anything I can do or anything I can say?

I want to go home.

Will you say goodnight for me?

One can dance alone in the dark.

Two can make a lifetime through.

She takes two, baby.

She takes two.