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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,540 --> 00:00:06,640 Red Letter Day for New York. Monty Potter is playing five nights at the 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:08,440 Center. Who's Monty Potter? 3 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:10,280 You've never heard of the Potty Man? 4 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:15,900 He's the crown prince of comedy filth. Yeah, he's one of those comics that 5 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:16,960 to shock his audience. 6 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,080 He's a cesspool with lips. 7 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,920 He's not dumping on minorities and women. He's grabbing his crotch and 8 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,000 to his Mr. Friendly. 9 00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:33,120 lowlife would actually pay money to see someone like that. 10 00:00:33,940 --> 00:00:34,960 Two tickets! 11 00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:48,980 Third row center for the potty man. Read them and weep. 12 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,060 Don't you just love a coincidence? Oh, yeah. 13 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,460 What? You don't like Monty Potter? 14 00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:58,340 Not as much as I like sandpaper pantyhose. 15 00:01:00,650 --> 00:01:03,610 You know, a lot of women find risque humor a turn -on. 16 00:01:04,209 --> 00:01:06,490 Most of the women I date would love to go to this concert. 17 00:01:06,950 --> 00:01:09,990 Most of the women you date would love to be able to spell concert. 18 00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:16,230 Forgive me if I just don't collapse in hysterical, uncontrollable laughter. 19 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,970 Saving my laughter for tonight. 20 00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:19,690 Well, 21 00:01:20,870 --> 00:01:23,330 now you know what kind of fans the party man has. 22 00:01:23,770 --> 00:01:26,750 Sure, women who hate themselves and their dates. 23 00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:29,150 Riddle time. 24 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:34,040 What does Ed McMahon have three of, Shelley Winters two of, and Bull Shannon 25 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,040 of? 26 00:01:35,380 --> 00:01:36,380 Chins? 27 00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:39,020 No. 28 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:40,700 Autobiographies! 29 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,540 Bull on Bull. 30 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,080 Real deep, real hip, real Bull. 31 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,960 Bull, how'd you get that book published? 32 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,020 Well, after 426 rejections, Random snapped it up. 33 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:00,560 Random house? 34 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:01,820 No, random author. 35 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,660 Random author? They're one of those vanity publishing houses. Bull, how much 36 00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:09,660 this cost you? 37 00:02:09,699 --> 00:02:11,280 Only $11 a copy. 38 00:02:13,620 --> 00:02:15,900 They said they usually charge Kurt Vonnegut $20. 39 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,560 Bull, big authors don't pay to get their books published. 40 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:20,960 Publishers pay them. 41 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,020 Gee, I'm glad I didn't take their movie deal. 42 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,860 Sounds like I've been hoodwinked. 43 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,680 Depends. How many books did you buy? 44 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,780 Just enough to make the bestseller list. 45 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:26,480 Listen to this. 46 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:31,660 After my first rainy night on Manhattan's mean streets, two things 47 00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:32,700 brilliantly clear. 48 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:37,700 Jane Pauley doesn't return phone calls, and cantaloupe hats leak. 49 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,920 The man's a wordsmith. 50 00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:45,620 I hope. 51 00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:49,600 So, Dan, how was your evening with that toilet fellow? 52 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,080 That potty man? 53 00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,280 For your information, it was sick. 54 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,800 It was crass. It was fantastic. 55 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:04,140 Could have saved yourself a few bucks if you had just stayed here and read the 56 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,140 men's room wall. 57 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,340 I've already committed that to memory. 58 00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,060 Anyway, potty man's jokes were much better. 59 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,380 Listen to this one. 60 00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:14,220 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Listen, listen. 61 00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:17,060 Why did God give women legs? 62 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,240 So that when you're through with them, they can leave. 63 00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:27,510 They can leave. 64 00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:32,010 Degrading women doesn't make me laugh. 65 00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,010 You people lighten up. 66 00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:35,430 It's a joke. 67 00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:41,570 How can an educated man like him laugh at such garbage? 68 00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:46,670 An educated man like him wanted to make synchronized stripping an event at the 69 00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:47,670 Pan Am Games. 70 00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:50,490 What's next, Mac? 71 00:04:50,930 --> 00:04:52,110 Files on its way, sir. 72 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:58,180 As I followed the dusty road, my father's haunting voice crept in my 73 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:03,240 Ring, ring, ring, went the phone. 74 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,400 No, no, nobody's home. 75 00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:07,820 Well, what do you think? 76 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,160 It was so spiritual. 77 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,140 The ringing was a metaphor for your halcyon days before you were swept away 78 00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:16,140 the winds of time. 79 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,420 Wow, and I thought it just had to do with a phone. 80 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,000 Well, here's something we don't see every day. Citizens arrest. 81 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,200 Woo -hoo, some hardened criminal cross against the light. 82 00:05:28,500 --> 00:05:30,100 The story of the year. 83 00:05:31,660 --> 00:05:34,180 Well, if that's all it is, it must be a slow news day. 84 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,940 What the hell day to rest? The mayor? 85 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:38,600 Nope, somebody bigger. 86 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:40,600 Monty Potter. 87 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,520 The potty man? In the flesh, your worship. 88 00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:48,240 Hey, how you doing? Monty, Monty, care to make a statement? Monty, Monty, how 89 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,080 you feel? You mean, who do I feel? 90 00:05:54,350 --> 00:05:55,370 I'll tell you what's going on. 91 00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:58,250 Cassabas are in season. That's what's going on. 92 00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:01,730 That's enough of that. 93 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:06,750 Mr. Prosecutor, to what do we owe the pleasure of this special appearance by 94 00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:07,850 Potter this evening? 95 00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,450 Okay, wait. 96 00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:16,410 Apparently, during Mr. Potter's performance this evening, a crazed 97 00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:20,070 member jumped up on stage and made a citizen's arrest. He's claiming that Mr. 98 00:06:20,250 --> 00:06:21,950 Potter's act... was obscene. 99 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:23,170 Yeah, right. 100 00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,710 Your Honor, as much as I am no fan of Mr. Potter's brand of humor, this case 101 00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:31,350 unfounded. It should never have come before the court. 102 00:06:31,650 --> 00:06:34,630 Hey, honey, if I want your help, I'll drop my drawers. 103 00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:39,110 You gotta give me a trial. 104 00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:43,610 This is about my right to free speech. The clown sat on me for a half hour 105 00:06:43,610 --> 00:06:46,070 screaming the holy roller crap in my ear. 106 00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:48,070 Is the complainant in court? 107 00:06:48,410 --> 00:06:50,250 That would be me, sir. 108 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,580 The Reverend Lester Sinclair. 109 00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,020 Oh, no, not this guy. 110 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,640 I've seen him on TV. 111 00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:01,320 He wanted to retouch the Mona Lisa because she looked like she was thinking 112 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,320 dirty thoughts. 113 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:08,640 In all my years of fighting obscenity, I have never encountered a more 114 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:13,480 lecherous, immoral character than this sinner who stands before you. 115 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,340 Is he talking about Monty or Dan? 116 00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:24,050 Potter is a threat to all that is good and pure. He infects his audiences with 117 00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,290 his atrocious behavior. 118 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:29,590 Uh, Reverend, Reverend, rather than playing to the six o 'clock report, 119 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:33,070 you mind directing your comments to the bench? I'm sorry, Your Honor, but I 120 00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:37,410 truly believe that the world should know about this. Yeah, well, know about 121 00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:41,970 this, huh, Gabriel? Go blow your trumpet. He's a... Huh, butt -face? All 122 00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:42,970 all right. 123 00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:48,250 Much as I hate to interrupt this witty repartee, I don't want to hear another 124 00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,590 word out of either one of you. 125 00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:55,410 If the prosecution has nothing to add but the occasional guffaw... I'm sorry. 126 00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,790 It cracks me up. 127 00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:04,070 The people see no reason to pursue this case, sir. 128 00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:08,830 All right, if there is nothing on which to base the decision... Aha, but there 129 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:11,090 is. The smoking gun. 130 00:08:11,740 --> 00:08:13,820 A transcript of tonight's performance. 131 00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,540 Potter at his filthiest. 132 00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:20,120 You don't expect me to read this into the record. 133 00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:21,339 Oh, what's the matter, Judge? 134 00:08:21,340 --> 00:08:22,340 No guts? 135 00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:25,400 Your Honor, there's really no reason to hear this. 136 00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:27,140 Poop. 137 00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:30,920 Why don't you just dismiss the charges and everybody can go on home? 138 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,320 Ooh, the crack of the whip. 139 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,440 I'm sorry, Reverend. There's no way I'm going to read this. 140 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,220 Just go ahead and read it. I got nothing to be ashamed of. 141 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:41,720 Your mama does. 142 00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:48,520 Well, if it will settle this matter and avoid wasting the court's time, I'll 143 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,379 read it. 144 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:52,540 Ah, goody, I finally get to use my dirty keys. 145 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,800 So I met this broad in a bar. 146 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:03,040 She's got a great set of blankety blanks. 147 00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:07,240 She buys me a drink and tells me she's a dental hygienist. 148 00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,400 So I rinse and spit on her. 149 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,520 Oh, this is sick. 150 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,120 I know. I just hope I can remember it. 151 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:23,320 So I'm in this sushi bar, and I tell the little blankety -blank waiter that I 152 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,320 like my fish cooked. 153 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:29,040 He gives me this stupid stare like he don't know English or something, so I 154 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,920 my cigarette out on his tongue. 155 00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:35,380 Well, I think we get the gist of your humor, Mr. Potter. 156 00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:40,250 I rest my case, Your Honor. Potter's Act is one obscenity after another. 157 00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,990 No, it's one blankety -blank after another. 158 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:47,770 It's also inane, insipid, and witless, but that is not a judgment. That's a 159 00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:49,750 to get you people out of my court. 160 00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:51,350 Stupidity dismissed. 161 00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:52,930 Okay. 162 00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:05,000 Dismissed? Your Honor, this disciple of evil must be made accountable for his 163 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,380 obscenity. What about my rights? I want justice and this clown off my back. I 164 00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:10,219 want a ruling. 165 00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,440 Sorry, fellas, the complaint department opens in the morning. Next case, Mac. 166 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:14,800 What a waste of time. 167 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,300 This is a travesty of justice. 168 00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:21,940 The devil has been released. Well, you can't do this to me. If you don't rule, 169 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,020 this cretin will never leave me alone. 170 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:27,800 Mr. Potter, there is nothing to rule on and there is nothing more to discuss. 171 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,680 Oh, what's wrong, Judge? Afraid to have your name connected with a First 172 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,680 Amendment case? 173 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,520 That's enough, Mr. Potter. 174 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,920 You're a spineless. Is every other jerk in this judicial system. What do they 175 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,160 call you, Judge Jello? 176 00:10:42,860 --> 00:10:46,920 That is more than enough, Mr. Potter. Now either you clear out or I will have 177 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,760 you held over on contempt charges. 178 00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:49,980 Hey, Judge. 179 00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:52,520 Kiss my blank. 180 00:10:54,980 --> 00:10:57,580 Oh, I know what that one was. 181 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,240 So do I. 182 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,960 Say the magic word, go to jail. 183 00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:07,460 Bull, lock him up. 184 00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,880 Justice is truly ours. 185 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,510 Since you're going to holding, want a good book to read? 186 00:11:19,490 --> 00:11:23,370 Well, what do you think? 187 00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,050 Amazing. 188 00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:27,890 How'd you ever get Ronald Reagan to read your book on tape? 189 00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:31,250 Heck, he'll do anything for $200. 190 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,210 So, how many books have you sold so far, Paul? 191 00:11:36,650 --> 00:11:39,090 Well, let's see. Not carrying the ones I gave away for free. 192 00:11:41,810 --> 00:11:42,810 None. 193 00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:44,190 Yes? 194 00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:46,490 Well, you sold one out, big guy. 195 00:11:47,390 --> 00:11:50,850 Great! Want me to autograph it for you? Ah, no, that won't be necessary. 196 00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:54,430 Excuse me, Your Honor. 197 00:11:59,570 --> 00:12:01,290 Damn! It's like a glove. 198 00:12:06,170 --> 00:12:09,850 Say, you look like a woman who'd appreciate Monty Potter. 199 00:12:10,270 --> 00:12:11,830 Why is a chick like a guitar? 200 00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:16,110 Oh, because you can string her along, play her all night, and then lock her in 201 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,590 the closet until you want to use her again. 202 00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:20,410 Funny stuff, huh? 203 00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:23,590 No 204 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:30,970 sense 205 00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:31,970 of humor. 206 00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:37,230 But a great sense of taste. Oh, then what, pray tell, do you find funny, 207 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:38,290 Pollyanna? 208 00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:42,080 Well... I did get a giggle when I read Family Circus this morning. 209 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,960 It had the little boy running into the house saying, Mommy, it's raining cats 210 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,440 and dogs, and I just stepped in a poodle. 211 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,240 Got some messages here for you, sir. 212 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:58,280 Oh, more of the same? Yeah, three bomb threats, offer to speak at two revival 213 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,880 meetings, and an invitation to a Klan sock -off. 214 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:06,100 Ever since I locked up the potty man, he's been nothing but trouble. 215 00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:08,780 Oh, maybe you should let him out, sir. I think you've made your point. 216 00:13:09,230 --> 00:13:10,230 I can't yet. 217 00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:13,570 It's almost like he wanted to be put in jail. 218 00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,350 I don't know. There's something strange about this whole thing. 219 00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:20,210 Muncie potters behind bars where he belongs. 220 00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:23,710 The hound of hell has been muzzled. 221 00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:27,950 I think I just figured out what it is. 222 00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,210 The smoking gun. 223 00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:37,290 Reverend. 224 00:13:39,210 --> 00:13:44,610 this the filth busters arm and arm no picture don't be self -conscious judge 225 00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:51,510 everyone's photogenic in god's eyes reverend i want to speak with you be 226 00:13:51,510 --> 00:13:58,470 back in a minute you know it's really amazing amazing that 227 00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:03,730 you were able to record monty potter's act and get it typed in so short a time 228 00:14:03,730 --> 00:14:08,250 was blessed with an incredible typist ah Ah, yeah. She was obviously blessed 229 00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:10,750 with the talent to type 8 ,000 words a minute. 230 00:14:11,930 --> 00:14:13,250 What are you implying? 231 00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:16,950 You stopped the show at 8 .30 and you were in my court by 9. 232 00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:21,350 Potter must have given you this material before the show. 233 00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:26,410 That is preposterous. What could I possibly gain from that? 234 00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:28,710 A little cash in the collection plate? 235 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,030 Admit it. 236 00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:34,290 You and Potter stir up the press. 237 00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:35,870 He sell tickets? 238 00:14:36,270 --> 00:14:37,670 Your donations go up. 239 00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:41,830 That is an outrageous accusation and untrue. 240 00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:48,970 But... If it were, is it prosecutable? 241 00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:51,730 Oh, yeah. 242 00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:53,310 It's collusion. 243 00:14:53,690 --> 00:14:56,170 With a capital C, and that rhymes with P. 244 00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:58,730 And that stands for prison. 245 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:00,430 You can't threaten me. 246 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,670 I am a minister. 247 00:15:03,150 --> 00:15:04,670 By the way, Reverend... 248 00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:08,760 Where exactly is your church? I thought I might like to attend a service. 249 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,820 Well, we don't exactly have services. 250 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,520 It's a post office box, isn't it? 251 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,660 A very big post office box. 252 00:15:20,860 --> 00:15:23,020 You're a fraud, and I want you out of here. 253 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:26,620 And if I ever hear you and Potter doing anything like this again, I'm going to 254 00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:28,460 share this conversation with your friends there. 255 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,860 Get out of Dodge, Reverend. 256 00:15:38,950 --> 00:15:40,070 Bless you, Your Honor. 257 00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:46,050 Here he is, Your Honor. 258 00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:47,289 Thanks, Bull. 259 00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:49,590 Go easy on him. You appreciate the good literature. 260 00:15:54,470 --> 00:15:56,650 And they call me a menace to society. 261 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,490 Wow. 262 00:15:58,710 --> 00:16:00,610 So how are the accommodations, Mr. Potter? 263 00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:02,150 Fine. 264 00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:06,670 Kind of like the solitude. You know, this is the first quiet time I've had in 265 00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:08,800 week, but... I'm ready to get sprung. 266 00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,120 I'm wondering if I'm sold out tomorrow night, too. 267 00:16:12,540 --> 00:16:16,000 Well, with all the publicity you generated tonight, I imagine you are. 268 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,260 Then it was worth it. Yeah. 269 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,120 Pretty slick, the way you and the Reverend pulled this off. 270 00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:24,180 He spilled it? 271 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,160 Jeez. 272 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,780 You can't even trust a minister these days. 273 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:32,900 You're not steamed? 274 00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:34,700 Hell no. 275 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,240 I appreciate a well -thought -out public relations scam as much as an ex -gun. 276 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,460 You know, you're pretty hip, Judge. How about you and a date come by tomorrow, 277 00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:45,780 house seats? 278 00:16:45,940 --> 00:16:49,000 Actually, I was hoping you might do your act for me right now. 279 00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:51,720 I got a packed room waiting for you out there. 280 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:58,840 No, I don't usually do freebies. You know, this full house of yours tomorrow 281 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,200 night isn't going to mean much if you're still locked up in a holding cell. 282 00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:10,829 Gotcha. Lead on, your lordship. 283 00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:17,970 Thank you. 284 00:17:19,490 --> 00:17:21,770 Thank you. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 285 00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:24,849 Welcome to Harry's Litigation Lounge. 286 00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:28,990 Tonight, held over until I say he can go. 287 00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:43,950 from attacking you. 288 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,690 Pretend you're a salad. 289 00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:51,090 Marty, I forgot something. Yeah, yeah. I was out the other night with this 290 00:17:51,090 --> 00:17:58,050 Iranian broad, right? And I'm walking down this... Whoa, 291 00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,090 whoa. 292 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,310 What are you doing? 293 00:18:01,710 --> 00:18:03,950 Just turning on the light so you can see your audience. 294 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,790 Hey, um, I don't need to endure this. 295 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:09,010 Well, hey, yeah. Hit the mitre, honey. 296 00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,190 Wait, where... 297 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:15,120 Off to anywhere. The bars will be open all night for a working girl like you. 298 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,260 Chrissy, it's just a joke. For your information, I'm going home to take care 299 00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:20,460 my son. I'm sorry, Harry. 300 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:22,320 We'll be up. 301 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,059 Hey, pal. 302 00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,260 Now we know why women get cramps, right? 303 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,260 They deserve them. 304 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:32,900 Anyway, 305 00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:36,800 it's great to be back in New York. 306 00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,640 I like to pick up chicks late at night. 307 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,760 I got a great opening line. 308 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,400 Don't scream or I'll shoot. 309 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,260 Violence isn't funny. 310 00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:49,980 It's sick. 311 00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:54,280 Well, you know what? He doesn't really mean it. Hey, pal, I'm a single. I work 312 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:55,780 alone. Shut up. 313 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,160 Hey, Judge, how about we kill the house lights? 314 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,140 How about you kill us with some of your jokes? 315 00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:07,700 All right. 316 00:19:10,030 --> 00:19:12,690 Nice to see some black faces in the crowd. 317 00:19:13,130 --> 00:19:14,670 You know what it says to me? 318 00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:18,210 It says we better get more security around here. 319 00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:24,410 Actually, I am security around here. 320 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:32,990 And I prefer African American to black. 321 00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,210 So go ahead, potty man. 322 00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:38,030 Okay. Fine. 323 00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:44,600 What do they call an African -American in a suit and tie? 324 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,500 The defendant. 325 00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:51,880 Roger, no. I know. 326 00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:55,280 It's just part of the act. You didn't like that one? 327 00:19:55,540 --> 00:19:58,640 All right, wait a minute. I got another one. What do you call an African 328 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,820 -American in uniform? 329 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:02,760 A veteran? 330 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,060 Well, yeah, that too, but... 331 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:19,120 See? 332 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:33,120 See, it's funny. The blind guy laughs. 333 00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:36,820 I was just wondering if you look as stupid as you sound. 334 00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:49,190 This isn't fair. I mean, my timing's all off, and this isn't my crowd. 335 00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,090 Actually, this is your crowd, Monty. 336 00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:55,990 We found most of these folks waiting in line to buy tickets to tomorrow night's 337 00:20:55,990 --> 00:20:56,990 show. 338 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,230 Why are you persecuting me? 339 00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:02,170 I'm an entertainer. I give the audience what they want. 340 00:21:02,750 --> 00:21:06,290 What you give them is a feeling of superiority over other people. 341 00:21:06,610 --> 00:21:08,610 It's satire. No, Monty. 342 00:21:09,510 --> 00:21:10,870 Don't you see what's happening here? 343 00:21:11,930 --> 00:21:14,430 You're feeding off the dark side of people, man. 344 00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:16,400 And you know it's wrong. 345 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,660 Because it can't take the light. 346 00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:20,520 Oh, come on. 347 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:27,260 You people... 348 00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:31,500 It's all men's fun. 349 00:21:32,980 --> 00:21:36,040 Well, I think the party man has learned to rationalize. 350 00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:38,040 Let's say goodnight to him, huh? 351 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,720 Yeah, well, I guess you think you made some kind of big... 352 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,010 Ah, Judge. 353 00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:50,190 Monty, if anyone made a point tonight, I would say it's you. 354 00:21:50,510 --> 00:21:54,870 Oh, yeah, well, I got a big point for your mother next time I see your work in 355 00:21:54,870 --> 00:21:56,150 the corner. How do you like that? 356 00:21:56,710 --> 00:21:57,710 All right, wait. 357 00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:03,430 You know something? I've been defending you all week long, saying that, well, 358 00:22:03,510 --> 00:22:05,490 he's just poking fun at cultural differences. 359 00:22:06,290 --> 00:22:08,810 But you're just a cheap shot artist and nothing more. 360 00:22:10,110 --> 00:22:12,190 Yeah, you know why you don't like me? 361 00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:14,090 Because you're a homo. 362 00:22:16,650 --> 00:22:18,710 And all homos hate me. 363 00:22:25,590 --> 00:22:26,590 I'm a what? 364 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:34,170 Oh, come on. It's obvious, pal. I mean, and anyone could see it. I mean, look at 365 00:22:34,170 --> 00:22:35,170 his suit. 366 00:22:36,350 --> 00:22:37,350 Exactly. 367 00:22:37,810 --> 00:22:39,390 The poofy hair. 368 00:22:39,750 --> 00:22:43,270 The only thing missing is a Judy Garland fan club button. 369 00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:46,270 I bet you even like show tunes. 370 00:22:48,710 --> 00:22:49,710 What? 371 00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:51,330 I like show tunes. 372 00:22:53,010 --> 00:22:54,430 And I don't like you. 373 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,570 Well, gotta go. Bye. 374 00:22:59,230 --> 00:23:02,530 Well, I don't know about you folks, but I've had enough fanaticism for one 375 00:23:02,530 --> 00:23:03,449 night, huh? 376 00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:04,450 You're not gonna... 29574

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