Original subtitles

Sorry. Sorry I'm late.

It's a problem at home.

Ah, did the baby tooth the ears off your Prince Charles doll again?

No. She said I'm the mercy of babysitters.

Miss Sullivan, would it help if we adjusted your schedule?

Oh, no, no. That won't be necessary, sir. I have a nanny starting on Monday.

Beatrice Williker.

She's a sweet little old lady who bakes pies and crochets doorknob cozies.

As much as I would love to chat about Granny Goodgoose.

The state of New York hopes to spend a few minutes this evening putting felons

behind bars.

Okay, you're right, you're right. Go ahead, please.

All right, Mackey, let the bad times roll.

Yes, sir. First up, case of aggravated assault with a chainsaw.

Gee, if you use a chainsaw, it pretty much has to be aggravated, doesn't it?

Yeah.

People versus... Beatrice Williker!

Oh, dear.

I may not be available for Monday night.

Okay, Mac Man, keep those cases rolling.

Well, we got a slight delay, sir. Seems our next guest started a rumble down in

holding. Well, you share one toilet with 20 guys. There's bound to be a

flashpoint sometime.

Um, say, Roz, um, could I ask you a little favor?

I'm here to serve. Ask away.

Well, the Babykins agency is sending over some nannies for me to meet on

break, and I was wondering if you might help me interview them.

You mean to prevent you from hiring another chainsaw murderer?

Don't be judgmental. She was just charged with maiming.

You need me.

Sure, I'll help you. Thank you.

We're ready now, sir.

All right, then, folks. Can we please go through these next cases with no more

interruptions? Yes, sir. People versus Terry Banoone.

Did you say Terry Banoone?

Uh -huh. I'd say it again, but you don't want us to waste time.

Your Honor, Mr. Benoon was arrested earlier for disrupting a biker's

What do you do for an encore, babe? Roll yourself a meat and play peek -a -boo

with pit bulls?

Sure. Moron.

Ooh, that's contempt you're going to get yelled at.

Sir, Mr. Benoon allegedly mauled several bikers, tossed a Harley through a

police car windshield, and relieved himself in the arresting officer's riot

helmet.

My client claims it was an accident.

Your Honor?

Yo. Yo.

Your Honor, I believe listening is part of the job description.

Sir?

Fifteen -minute recess.

What? I don't get it. First he says, no interruptions, then he calls a recess.

Makes sense to me.

But then, so do the lyrics to A Horse With No Name.

Larry, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Fine. You're sure?

I haven't seen you this jumpy since you swallowed the bee at the Fourth of July

picnic.

Yeah. What's bothering you?

Scientific phenomenon, Matt.

You know, behaviorists have proven that certain traumatic events from our past

can stay with us years after the initial incident. They can even elicit the same

gut -wrenching internalized terror that we experienced before.

It can happen years, heck, decades after the fact.

What the hell is he talking about?

I have no idea. I thought he was talking about losing his virginity.

Heck, that was just a few weeks ago.

Talking about that guy out there, Terry Benoon.

He's my childhood bully.

He used to beat me up every day in grammar school.

Are you sure it's him?

Yeah, yeah, when I saw that born -to -drown -kitten tattoo.

Pretty much confirmed it.

Yikes.

When he walked in, I felt ten years old again.

Had to get out before he could shove my face in the snow or have his German

shepherd drag me around the concrete schoolyard.

Gee, Harry.

Send out for a backbone, will you?

Easy on the judgment, Dan. I understand where Harry's coming from.

There was a guy like that in my life, too.

You had a bully?

Damn right.

Red Munley.

He smacked me around so much, I finally begged him to let me beat myself up and

cut out the middleman.

fell for that? Yeah, for about 12 seconds, then he beat the crap out of

Guys, what do the words mean to you?

This has nothing to do with being chicken, Dan. It's not an intellectual

It's a triggered response.

Right. Oh, I suppose you don't get chills when you hear the words, I think

that's my husband at the door.

can relate.

We're talking about a deep -rooted fear here.

Yeah.

Hey, Harry, look, maybe, maybe he won't remember you.

Did I mention the last time Terry Boone beat me up, they sent him to reform

school for a year?

Ooh, bullies don't like that.

Hold on a second. Let's look at this thing logically. You're a grown -up

now, not a goofy 10 -year -old with a helicopter beanie.

How'd you know I had one of those?

Lucky guess.

Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Legal technicalities to the rescue.

You know the guy. So you've got to withdraw yourself from the case.

You're right.

You're right. I can't hear the case. I'm prejudiced. Isn't that great news, Mac?

I'm prejudiced.

Well, not usually something to celebrate.

But in this case, hey, congratulations.

Okay, so.

All you do is hear the charges, hold him over for another judge, and poof, he's

gone before he recognizes you.

Right.

Thanks, guys.

I feel a lot better now.

If anything happens, I got ten bucks on the big guy.

All right, then. Due to extenuating circumstances, I'm going to withdraw

from this case and hold it over for the day shift. Your Honor, defense would

like to know what extenuating circumstances you're referring to.

It's over.

kind of a guy thing.

I'd be happy to explain it later.

Your Honor, my client has a right to a speedy trial. Defense requests an

Well, it's pretty complicated.

I don't want to bother the court with a lengthy diatribe that has nothing to do

with jurisprudence. Your Honor, I mean no disrespect, but that's never stopped

you in the past.

Christine.

Ixley on the aisle tray.

Don't I know you?

Wait a minute.

Something's familiar.

Floppy hair.

That beady little face.

You guessed it. He used to be the little boy on the Andy Griffith show.

Move it. His lobes are beginning to function.

What's going on here? Christine, please.

I know what I'm doing. Well, then will you explain it to me?

All right.

I can't hear the case.

Because I grew up with the defendant.

Now I remember.

They're Stone.

You're the little creep that got me put in reform school.

Technically, Terry, it was you riding a Schwinn over my neck.

That got you put in reform school.

Yeah.

I owe you for that one, Harry Stone.

Then I'm gonna get you for this one, too!

Hold it!

Not this time, Terry! Take him to holding!

I'll be back!

Don't worry, sir.

I'm sure beneath that gruff exterior beats the heart of a puppy.

Only if he swallowed one.

Excuse me. Miss Sullivan?

Yes. Hi, I'm Rose Minnick. The agency sent me. Hi, nice to meet you. Won't you

please have a seat? Oh, thank you. This is my friend, Roz. We'll be asking you a

few questions.

Okay. All right.

Let's see. Rose.

Um, do you drive? Of course, Miss Sullivan.

Oh, good. Okay.

Ah, do you know first aid? Yes.

Yes, I do.

Excellent. Okay.

Rose,

do you consider yourself to be warm and friendly?

Absolutely, my dear.

Good. Oh, great.

Got any tattoos?

Three. Ever been in a slammer? Twice. What's it go in price for a fifth of

scotch? $17 .95.

Hit the road, jerkweed.

You're incredible.

I know. I ought to be in personnel.

Well, if it isn't Judas in pantyhose.

Come on, Dan. That's not fair. I was just doing my job.

I could tell that he was a sadistic, psychotic monster. It just never

to me he was a bully.

Well, he's a bully, all right. On the way to holding, he said he was going to

hunt you down and make a wish with your legs.

You know, in my career, I've encountered a lot worse than Terry Banoon.

Killers. Terrorists.

Really cranky prostitutes.

Besides, he'll probably get six months.

Your Honor?

Would you be upset if I told you that Banoon guy escaped from holding and is

hiding in the building?

Yes, Bull, I'd be very upset.

Mind telling him after I leave the room?

Security says they've got everything under control. Why don't you guys go

to lunch? I'm sure Banoon won't even get this far.

Are you sure?

Because if he does, I know a pressure point that'll either kill a guy or turn

him into Jerry Lewis.

You know something? We may need that move.

This guy's been in prison so often, he's got a timeshare at Attica.

Public news and street fighting. Seven assaults, including punching a bus.

Doesn't mean he can't be reasoned with.

I've got an idea.

Why don't you go home? And if that bully shows up, we can just tell him you had

the sniffle.

Christine, for just a minute, would you stop being such a girl?

The Terry Banoons of this world don't care about...

Sniffles. Bad news, sir.

What? Your pal is on the rampage.

He knocked out two guards and went to the morgue and slapped a dead guy.

This bully is cold.

On the 14th floor, he Xeroxed his privates and gave copies to all the

secretaries.

We are dealing with a berserko here.

Although a berserko with a great use for the copy machine.

He's only four floors away, sir.

And nobody knows where he's hiding.

You might want to reconsider those sniffles.

I appreciate your concern, guys, but I cannot give in to his kind of

intimidation. Now go back to lunch.

I'll be fine.

Okay. Be careful now.

Bull?

I'm not leaving, sir.

I consider it my bailiff's duty to protect you.

Much like the nose hairs protect the mucous membrane from the staphylococcus.

Flattered as I am by the analogy, Bull, rest assured that I am not worried.

Okay.

Didn't you see?

If you rub their little cheek while they take the bottle, it makes them want to

feed more, and it soothes them at the same time.

I didn't know that.

Sure.

You are so sweet, and I'd love to hire you, but when I think of nannies, I

of starched white aprons and soothing soft hands and no chest hair.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's okay, Miss Sullivan.

I guess I'll just get my old job back as a midwife.

Thanks.

Maybe no for a nanny, but maybe yes for Roz.

I just turned down my eighth applicant.

I think it's me.

I have heard that, uh, we can moms sometimes feel guilty about leaving the

Yeah, so guilty that they try hard not to find a good enough nanny.

So they have to stay home with the baby?

Bingo.

Now, you're right.

Maybe I have been a little overprotective.

Okay, you know what I'm going to do? The very next nanny that walks in the door,

I'm going to hire her right on the spot.

I'm sorry, dearie.

I can't sue made bail.

Harry.

Harry, we got to start the session soon.

Oh, Matt.

Yeah.

He's been rearranging the furniture a little.

Yeah.

Yeah, I see you doing the room in Modern Fortress.

Any word on Benun?

Security figures he's still here hiding somewhere.

Yeah, well, hide -and -seek was always his favorite game.

Of course, with Harry, it's more like hide -and -pulverize.

Harry, it's not like you to be afraid.

Terry Benoon isn't your average everyday fear, Mac.

Oh, yeah?

How's that?

You know that my mom left when I was a kid?

Yeah.

Well, I didn't react to it much at first. I suppose I was trying to

myself that I didn't really need her, you know.

Anyway, a couple of months after she left, this Terry Banoon moved into the

neighborhood, and before long it was my turn to face them on the playground.

I tried to fight him, Mac, but he was too tough.

And when he finished pounding on me, he said, now you get up, baby.

Go run home to Mommy.

And I ran home crying, half expecting her to be there.

And she wasn't.

And that's when it hit me.

I never felt more hurt or more alone than I did right then.

Well, I hope you realize you're not alone anymore.

I figure a guy my age would know that by now. Yeah.

You know, Harry, I only had two semesters of psychology,

although I got A's both times.

My opinion is you are not afraid of that bully.

I'm not? No.

You stood up to him then. You'd do it now.

What you are afraid of is the memories he brings back.

It's what they call a displacement syndrome.

Yeah? Yeah.

Well, to be honest, I'm a little afraid that he's going to displace my nose over

onto my cheek.

Hey, you can't stay cooped up in here forever.

You're right, Matt.

I'm going out there now.

You gonna face Terry?

I guess so.

Mainly, though, I gotta hit the head.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Stop another!

It wasn't helping your case, Terry.

Destroying public property.

How about destroying a judge?

Just like old days, huh?

If you're looking for lunch money, you're out of luck, pal.

I'm looking for you.

Why, Terry?

Do you even know why you're looking for me?

Sure to settle a score.

Something that happened 25 years ago.

Something that you brought on yourself. Look at us, man.

We're grown men. We're not kids pushing in line at the movies.

That don't change the fact that I got put in reform school.

All because of you, you little rat. For something that you did to yourself.

Rat fink? Geez.

Hey, I haven't heard that word in 25 years.

That's the problem, man.

Nobody says rat fink anymore.

We all grew up.

But you missed the boat, pal.

You're still just the bully in the bathroom.

Yeah.

You're right.

Through all this time.

That's all I am.

But I'm real good at it. And I'm going to reach out on the wall with your face.

I don't know why you'd want to do that, Terry. It looks fine to me.

You're making a mistake, man.

I'm an officer of the court. You assault me and you go to prison.

Well, I better make it worth my while.

I'm just trying to help you. I mean that. Mr. Grown -up. Mr. Big Shot Judge.

Mr. High and Mighty. You're just afraid.

And you better be.

Run, you baby.

Run home to mommy.

for the bedtime, Terry.

Because I know we can work this out.

I don't think so.

You're right.

I don't know. I didn't lay a hand on him.

That's the truth.

What do we do with him now?

Well, I guess we should call the paramedics.

Yeah, I guess we should.

First, let's pants him.

Really, I think your field artillery experience is just wonderful.

I'm just looking for a nanny. Just a plain, simple nanny.

Oh, uh, dismissed.

You don't think I was too hard on her, do you, Ross?

She detonates landmines for a living. I think she can take it.

Excuse me, Mom.

Ron, I think we found our nanny.