Original subtitles

$100 fine.

And that's a wrap.

Yes! Oh, now, hold on before you all go running off. Harry, could you make this

fast? I've got a date with a harness racer who is hot to trot.

You're dating a jockey?

Four foot eight of pure muscle. The woman gives new meaning to the term

sore.

Well, just make sure you cross that finish line by 9 a .m. because that's

we're all due to be back here for work.

Why?

Is that 9 a .m. when we start work 9 a .m.? Or 9 a .m. in the morning 9 a .m.?

How do you do it?

Do what?

Find your way to work.

Unfortunately, Judge Pond's vacation fell on the same week as Judge Fuller's

prostate surgery, so we've all been assigned to day court for the week.

That is a crock. What about my day job?

What do you mean, the paper route?

No, I gave that up.

Who wants to bicycle to Connecticut every morning?

Now I have an ice cream cart.

Frusen Schnitzel.

The East German taste sensation.

I'm sorry, big guy, but we're officers of the court, and this week the court

needs us during the day. So hasta mañana, amigos.

Sir? Yeah?

I'm afraid I have a scheduling problem.

Don't tell me. You sell cutlery.

No, see, Tony and I have a standing appointment every day at 12.

Ah, young love, a scheduled nooner.

You're a slug.

Well, I'm sorry, Christine, but I don't see how a lunch appointment can be more

important than your job.

Um, sir, it's not a lunch appointment. It's more personal.

You mean the slug's right?

Tony and I are seeing a marriage counselor.

Oh, gee. I knew you two had problems, but I didn't realize they were that

serious. Do you have an appointment every day at noon?

Except Saturdays and Jewish holidays.

Well, don't worry. We'll juggle the dock and we'll break you away during lunch.

Thank you, sir. I appreciate it. Okay.

And, uh, now you get home because you got a little person there who needs you.

You're right.

It's post time!

What a strange way to greet someone.

Can't get a handle on that nine -to -five routine, huh? Yeah.

Usually about this time, I'd still be in bed.

About a half hour later, I'd be on my way home.

Good morning, good morning.

We danced all night through good morning. Good morning to you.

Oven -fresh ginger snapped. I baked them myself.

What are they laced with?

Love, kindness, and a pinch of sunshine.

Gee, look at that glorious sky.

Hey, maybe Harry will let us hold court outside today. We could go to the park

and dip our little toes in the rain.

Ross, what's wrong with you?

You want to talk?

There's nothing to talk about, Mecky.

I guess I'm just a day person.

and stingers in that, bully boy?

Thanks. Ice cold frusen schnitzel?

Isn't that sweet?

Thank you.

Mind if I park here?

Don't tell me. The East German taste sensation.

So good it led to reunification.

Oh, what a morning.

Piece of advice.

Never feed a baby wearing a business suit.

Although I bet the little type looks cute in herringbone.

You're on.

All rise.

Criminal Court Part 2 is now in session.

Your Honorable Harold T. Stone presiding.

Good morning, plaintiffs and plaintees. It's a beautiful day, and the wheels of

justice are raring to go for a spin.

Wow!

What is that?

Sorry, Your Honor.

It must be the sunlight reflecting off my head.

Better?

Thank you, Bob.

Tell us a little something about our first contestants.

Contestants? Angelo, did he say contestants?

Since when do trials have contestants?

Excuse me, would you gentlemen happen to be from the Bar Association?

No, sir.

We gentlemen are from the Golden Oaks Retirement Home.

I'm Angelo. And I'm Norman.

And we spend our days here. Every day for the last ten years. Over 20 ,000

cases. And not one contestant.

Well, I guess I do run my court a little less formally than most.

I've seen more protocol at a fish fry.

All right, Matt, what do we have?

Well, we got a graffiti charge, a couple of kids who opened a fire hydrant, two

tiffs, a spat, and a really heated chess argument.

That's it?

No holdups? Nope. No bar fights? Mm -mm. No ladies of the evening persuasion? Mm

-mm. Hey, this is downright civil compared to the night shift. I could get

to this. Well, wait, wait. Here's one more up your alley, sir. People versus

Douglas, felony weapons charge.

Mr. Prosecutor? Yes, sir. The defendant, a Manhattan cab driver, was pulled over

for a routine traffic stop when the officer saw this hanging from his

mirror.

A hand grenade?

Hey, it's a tough town.

Your Honor, my client claims this is an illegal search and seizure.

A constitutional argument?

We never get those at night. Is the arresting officer here?

Yes, Your Honor.

So what's your side of this?

Well, Your Honor, I observed the perpetrator changing lanes without

Who signals in Manhattan?

The last time I stuck my arm out to signal, it came back shy two rings at a

time.

Then, as I approached the vehicle, I saw the grenade hanging next to the St.

Christopher. Is he the painter?

phase of explosives.

Your Honor, I can't help but wonder why the officer was harassing my client to

begin with.

Harassing?

Oh, I know. It goes with the badge.

Being a cop is in your blood.

But it's not just a job. It's an obsession.

And pretty soon you're working double shifts. And when you do get that rare

off, it's hanging out with the guys. And when you are home, you're asleep in

front of the TV set instead of helping your wife stifle your son.

Lady, my son is 32.

Oh, you think that's a good excuse? Oh, come on, give me a break.

Sounds like we need a ten -minute recess.

Fence, have a ginger snap.

I'd like to see defense counsel in my chambers.

Now.

I bet you two bucks they got something going.

You're on.

Christine, I know that you and Tony are having marital difficulties, but that's

no excuse for behavior that could jeopardize your client's case.

You're right, sir.

I had a cow out there.

You had a herd.

Is this really because Tony's gone back to work as a cop?

Well, that certainly hasn't made it any easier.

Have you ever tried to plan a baby's feeding schedule around a stakeout?

Not that I can recall.

It really is, anyway.

I mean, even I have come to realize that Tony has to be a cop. It's not what he

does, it's what he is. You know, he tried another job for a while. He did?

he worked at Macy's.

You know, he busted 23 shoplifters in three weeks.

They fired him.

Sounds like he was doing a great job. Why would they fire him?

Well, he was hired to sell ladies' shoes.

Tony's not cut out to sell pumps to little old ladies.

He's a free spirit.

The same free spirit that made Tony the single guy so attractive makes Tony the

husband so infuriating.

Oh, Harry, I'm afraid we went too fast.

Tony's not ready for this kind of responsibility.

Nobody's ever ready for that. You grow into it.

Not Tony.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Maybe you're too close to the situation. Maybe you need the perspective of

someone who's removed. You know, someone who really understands human nature.

Now, who immediately springs to mind?

Phil Donahue.

No, no, no, no. I mean someone who can observe the human condition and make

sense of it all.

Gareth and Keillor?

No, no, no, no, no.

Someone you know who can look at the situation and make a valid judgment.

Irma Bombeck.

Me. Harry,

what are you trying to say?

I'm saying that maybe you're wrong about this. Maybe Tony isn't the kind of guy

who just thinks about himself. Maybe he's going to come around and work hard

everything's going to turn out just fine.

The point is... Yeah,

just don't.

Oh, yeah, she's here.

Is it Dr. Zuckerman for you?

That's our marriage counselor.

Dr. Zuckerman.

Oh, he did.

Oh, no, he didn't tell me.

Okay, well, we'll see you tomorrow, then.

Oh, he did.

Ah.

Okay. Thank you.

Goodbye.

So, what's up?

Well, I will be having a lot of time on my hands. It seems that Tony not only

canceled today's session, but he canceled our therapy altogether.

Sure, I have Gareth and Keillor's phone number in here, too.

All right, it's settled, then. A dozen eggs does count as one item.

Agreed?

Very Solomon -like of you, sir.

Personally, I would have given them the chair.

Hey, this day stuff is a snap.

That's lunch, people!

And I do mean lunch.

You know, it's such a beautiful day today, I think I'll go out and buy

Sheppole.

I believe that's one of the twelve signs of the apocalypse.

Hey, I know you don't have lunch plans or anything, so you want to come to the

office? We can split a peanut butter sandwich and talk.

Although we might end up talking again.

Yeah, I'd like that.

Come on.

Frozen schnitzel!

Get it while it's frozen!

Care for some ice cream?

The chocolate sauerkraut swirl is exceptional today.

This is weird. I know that face.

Where do we know you from?

Don't you remember?

All rise.

Criminal court part two is now in session.

Oh, yeah.

It's a tall fella.

You got a new job?

This? No, this is just something I do when I'm not working in Judge Stone's

court. Kid, I've seen Judge Stone's court. Keep the day job.

Freshen schnitzel.

Okay, name your poison. We got creamy, we got chunky, we got extra creamy,

chunky, creamy chunky, and jalapeno.

have been asking Tony to change, but I've stayed the same. That's not fair. I

should change, too. You seem like the creamy type to me.

Tony and I are like oil and water. He's Rambo. I'm June Cleaver.

I like an exciting life, and I like an ordinary existence.

I think I'm too controlled.

Too orderly.

Too... I think I'm too compulsive, Harry.

No one has cut the crust off my bread since I was eight.

There, see, that's what I mean. All right, from now on, I'm going to try to

more easygoing. I'm going to cool out if it kills me. I'm going to be more

freewheeling and loose.

I'm going to make another sandwich, and this time, the crust stay on.

Whoa, don't go for it all at once. You don't think I can do it, do you? Hey,

sure you can do it. I'm just not sure you should.

You know, when I got together with Margaret, you were the one who told me

myself.

I am not going to let this marriage go down the drain.

I am going to live on the edge of the fast lane, or whatever you call it.

I am going to change, Harry.

Right. Here you go. Enjoy.

Ah, eat over the plate. You might get crumbs on your shirt.

All right, I have a little work to do.

I beg your pardon?

Sir, a table. If you didn't call ahead, I bet I have nothing available.

We're talking about the cafeteria?

During the day, we refer to it as the blue room.

Bonjour, Jean -Pierre. Ah, yes. Monsieur Norman, Monsieur Angelo, I have your

usual table under the ice sculpture. Lead the way, Jeanine.

What are you doing here, Dan?

I say you need a reservation. Can you believe it?

Reservations for Mack Robinson?

Yes, Mr. Robinson.

And, uh, guests.

Please follow me.

May I suggest...

The Oyster Rockefeller.

Hmm.

How do the tuna melts look today?

Can you believe this? The date timer's gonna ban?

Look, that lettuce is green.

That meat isn't.

You must be a night person.

I pity you.

Nice eyebrows.

Who was your grandmother, a horned owl?

Your snappy retort has stung me to the bone.

I must write that down, nitwit.

Calm down and read your menu.

Hey, Mac, is that you?

In the flesh? Hey, what's the good word, Jack?

Do not partake of the oysters, Rockefeller.

Oh, thanks.

Surprised to see you here. I didn't know you worked days.

I do.

What do you think? Is it really me?

I'm not sure.

Max? Yeah?

Doesn't this all just seem a little surreal to you?

Nah.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Blue Room is proud to present...

here for a salt.

This is for you.

It was just one of those things.

Just one of those crazy flings. One of those bells that now and then rings.

It was just one of those things. It was just one of those nights.

Just one of those fabulous flights.

Trip to the moon on Gossimo.

It was just one of those things that we thought a little bit about the end of it

when we started painting that town.

There I go

again.

Right.

Much better.

Hey, Sullivan, how you doing?

Listen, I'm sorry about the session today. I just thought we had had enough.

no, don't be sorry. I understand.

I figured we tried it for two weeks. There was really no reason to keep

Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.

You're not upset?

Silly boy.

Okay, yeah, well, there might have been a time when I would be hurt and

disappointed, but there was also a time when I used to cut the crust off my

bread. But I've turned over a new leaf. From now on, Christine Sullivan goes

with the fold.

Flo.

Exactly.

Got good news for you, Tony.

We don't need a marriage counselor anymore.

We don't? Nope. I got the problem all figured out.

You do?

Yep. See, I've been asking the questions.

Why can't we work this out? What's the matter with us?

And then it hit me.

There's no us.

There's no we.

We're just Tony and Christine, two strangers and a baby.

So what are you saying?

What I'm saying is what we need is a plan.

You and I used to be a we once. It can happen again.

Remember at the beginning?

There was something about it that was so exciting.

You made me feel so alive.

It was really special, wasn't it? Yeah, and it can be again.

All we have to do is get back to where we were before you left for South

America.

You make it sound so easy.

Christine, I wasn't prepared for any of this.

I came back from Columbia one morning. I showed up here that evening to ask you

out to dinner.

Next thing I know, I'm heading uptown in a cab with a wife I wasn't really sure

I had and a son.

I didn't even know it was on the way.

It's been a very confusing few months for me.

I know.

For me, too.

That's why we really have to work harder. We have to commit to adjusting

other.

You mean change?

Yes! Yes, and, Tony, I've already started, and it's really easy.

So your idea is that we each become someone that we're not.

You know, Tony...

Before my transformation into this freewheeling, anything goes kind of gal,

kind of attitude might be ticking me off right about now.

I'm sorry. No, no, don't be sorry. Don't be sorry. Be positive.

We have a goal.

All we need is a plan.

Actually, I have something that I think might help us out.

There you go, Tony. I knew this was going to work. Go ahead. What is it?

I think we ought to try living apart for a while.

I think that might be just what our marriage needs.

A little time and space.

No, Tony, a physicist needs time and space.

A marriage needs work and commitment.

But the work only pays off if you really want it to. That's the question.

Do you really want it to?

Do you really want it to?

Get her back to work.

Yeah, well, me too. I got a ton of briefs to go.

Goodbye, Sylvia.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye, Juliana.

You ought to be.

Hey, you sure you're okay?

You want to go to dinner or something?

Oh, thanks, Harry. I'll be fine.

I'll be fine.

No,

no encores, no encores. Judge Stone has left the building.

Angelo, if we hurry, we could squeeze in a custody battle. Go.

Stone, you still got it.

So how'd it go?

Another day, another Deutschmark.

What are you guys looking at?

The weirdest thing.

The sun is going away, and it's getting dark.

Guess we never have looked at a sunset together before, have we?

We've seen a few sunrises.

That we have.

Maybe it's time we shared a new experience.

Never gets boring, does it?

Nope. I'm always overwhelmed by nature's miracles.

Ross, I had no idea you were so sentimental.

It's times like this that make me glad to be on the planet.

I'm glad that I can share them with good friends.

The day is done.

Now get your arms off of me before I rip them out of their sockets.