Original subtitles

All rise.

Manhattan Cribble Court Part 2 is now in session.

The Honorable Harold T. Stone presiding.

Bull, I feel like I should be starting off with a monologue.

Sorry, sir, I guess my trainees are a little starstruck.

But don't worry, I'm turning them into a lean, mean bailiff machine.

Trainees, turn up!

I believe this belongs to you.

Thank you, Mr. Shannon.

Ever so much.

Sir,

I don't want to start any rumors, but I would say that Bull is a little smitten

with one of the trainees.

Now, you know, I... I have noticed a little extra bounce in his step, glint

his eye, shine on his head.

Excuse me, sir, but before we start, could we get you to put your autograph

this? Valerie Sanders, what's it about?

She was picked up for disturbing the peace.

She continuously jumped up in front of the screen during a showing of Sunset

Boulevard.

Excuse me, Mr. DeMille.

But I'm ready for my close -up.

Where shall I take my entrance from?

The stairs, perhaps?

She's doing Gloria Swanson, Mac. What? Gloria Swanson used to be a big star.

I'm still big.

The pictures that have gotten smaller.

I see that somebody's film has jumped the sprocket.

Yes, sir. She's currently starring in Escape from Bellevue.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.

Sir, for obvious reasons, the DA's office has decided to drop charges.

So if you sign this casting sheet, we can hold her till her psychiatrist

arrives.

Okay, Miss Sanders, if you will follow the pleasant usherette there, she will

lead you to your dressing room.

I'm going to follow the yellow brick road.

Actually, it's more of a puke green linoleum.

Uh, Christine, can I ask you a question?

Sure, Bull.

You're a woman, right?

Right.

I was hoping you could give me a little advice.

Is a second date too early to give a girl a pair of arch supports?

Well, uh, that depends on the girl, Bull.

So, uh, you and Rhoda have had your first date already, huh?

Yeah. I took her to a special screening at the Bailiff Academy last night. Oh?

What'd you see?

The care and treatment of the sucking chest wound.

They say romance is dead.

Mr. Kamen, we all know how tough it is to drive in Manhattan. Still, I see no

reason why a cab ride from the airport to Midtown should include a detour

through Orlando, Florida.

The tunnel was bumper to bumper.

$100 fine plus the price of the cab ride.

All right, people, that's a one -hour lunch.

Sir, you know you promised you'd stay and fill out these bench warrants.

Can I go to the cafeteria, Mac? It's Sloppy Joe Day.

Come on now, sir. You can go to the cafeteria and play after you sign the

warrants.

90 -minute lunch.

I gotta stay after.

All right, I want you back here in 90 minutes sharp.

Bailiffs, synchronize your watches.

Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry.

Trini, take that man to first aid.

And you, try to be a little more careful in the future.

I guess I really screwed up this time.

What do you mean?

Did you see the way he was recklessly standing there?

Just forget about it.

Yes, sir, Mr.

Shannon. You're so kind.

And may I say, you're an inspiration to us all.

Roger.

Why don't you go relieve Trini Perez on guard duty?

Yes, sir.

Well, there's one trainee who's never going to make the cut.

Rhoda, are you kidding? She's the greatest.

Greatest? Are we talking about the same lady who handcuffed herself to the

revolving door in the lobby?

And didn't she tackle the nun who set off the metal detector?

All right, she's made a couple of mistakes.

But look at her target from the shooting range.

Ever see a shot cluster like that?

She could take out a pituitary at 200 feet.

The day they issued that woman ammo, I'm coming to work in the Popemobile.

Okay, trainees, these are your four bailiff food groups.

Meat, dairy, grain, and tuna log.

So, Roz, why aren't you involved in the bailiff trainee program?

I was last year, but the supervisor didn't think who you're looking at was a

good motivational speaker.

And I've found that the most important talent for a bailiff is the ability to

stand for hours without taking a break.

Let your bladder be your buddy.

Mr. Shannon, I really need to talk to you right away.

That's what the old bulldog's here for.

I think I sort of made a mistake.

Is that all?

Come on, Rhoda.

Sure, we're bailiffs, but we're still subject to those little imperfections

make us all human.

Now, what seems to be the trouble?

lady escape.

Excuse me.

Yikes!

Sir, I want to let you know I'm taking full responsibility for this.

Thank you, Bo, but I'm afraid the chef's to blame for this one.

No, sir. I was referring to that lady who seemed to like the movie so much.

about her?

She isn't being watched as much as she used to be.

You mean she escaped?

That's another way of putting it.

My God, That woman is psychotic.

I read her reports, sir. She's got a long history of assault and violent

behavior. You better find her before she finds herself another innocent victim.

Talk about lucky. You and me running to each other in the corridor like that.

Me with a 90 -minute lunch break.

You agreeing to come to a cheap hotel with me.

Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

I was just about to say the same thing myself.

Hello, security. Any luck?

You once found a dollar bill stuck to your shoe.

I meant any luck in finding the escapee.

What?

Somebody saw her get in the elevator with Dan.

This is Judge Stone. Listen to me. That woman with Fielding is psychotic.

Yes, I suppose that does go without saying.

I'm just trying to stop them before they leave the building.

You have to work fast, Roz. You check out all of Dan's regular spots.

The utility closet, the boiler room. And the event.

What? Thought you knew.

Mr. Sullivan, you check the phone book for any adult motels in the

Right. Mac, you go down to the secretarial pool and ask them if they

idea where Dan might have gone.

But don't tell them that we're trying to save Dan's life or they won't open

their mouths. Right.

Okay, how are we doing?

I had no idea there were so many adult motels in this city.

Bubba's Pleasure Palace, now featuring towels.

Sir, I've been thinking it over, and I decided I have no choice but to hand in

my letter of resignation.

I put a lot of work into it. I wanted to get it just right.

I quit.

Too wordy?

Well, I don't have time for this right now. Your escapee is out on a date with

Dan. Excuse me, sir.

I talked to a guard in the lobby.

He said that woman was with some man. They went out a door and turned left.

Which door?

The one marked exit.

They're all marked exit.

Isn't that confusing?

Only for the first couple of years.

Hello. I'm Dr. DeLeon, Miss Sanders' psychiatrist.

I got here as soon as I could. Well, I'm afraid you didn't get here soon enough.

And what do we mean?

We mean that your patient is out on a date with our assistant, D .A.

My God, don't you know that woman is dangerous?

She over -identifies with characters in movies and acts them out, sometimes with

horrifying results.

Boy, and she seemed so sweet when we were watching TV in the lounge.

Quickly, miss.

Exactly what were you watching?

Uh, it was an old black -and -white film about a guy in a dress.

Oh, uh, something like it hot.

No, psycho.

Pretty strange request. Wanted me to shower first.

Hey, do we smoke first, too?

Can't seem to get this working.

I guess shower's not a real big priority in this place.

Oh,

no pinkies.

Yeah, oh, okay, well, thanks anyway.

Sir, you can check off the El Rancho Hotel.

They're closed on Mondays to hold the place down.

Hi, is this the St. Anne Hotel?

I beg your pardon?

The Stain Hotel.

Uh, yes.

I'm looking for a man. He's tall. He's got dark hair. He's wearing a gray suit

and a red and black tie.

What's that?

Oh, I'm wearing a black skirt and a pink... What difference does that make?

You want to do what with my shoes?

You find these things offensive?

Who wouldn't? Oh, a psyche that didn't feel the need to deny its frustrated

sexual impulses by substituting feelings of rage?

Oh, bug off!

Doc, is there really a chance that this woman's going to kill Dan?

Yes, perhaps, but he might be okay as long as he treats her with kindness and

compassion.

He's dead.

Come on, my Pat.

The meter's running, babe.

Look at all of those lights.

Makes you wonder, you know, how many people are out there getting lucky

Ah, the tango.

The dance of desire.

I told you I wouldn't disappoint you.

Make my day.

I'll make your week.

I told that clerk I didn't want to be disturbed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hello, we're fine on little soaps, okay?

Dan, thank God I found you.

Harry.

Oh, wait, no, this is not, I don't know, no, Dan, this is only... Dan,

I know it's you.

All right, all right, fine, it's me. Can't a guy have a private life, for

sakes?

You've got to listen to me. That woman you're with is psychotic.

Well, maybe a little enthusiastic.

Uh -huh.

All right, wait a minute. How exactly are we defining homicidal?

The line went dead.

We gotta get over there. It's just around the corner. Right. Mac, call the

police. No, no, no, no. That'll just make matters worse.

In my professional opinion, we can handle this ourselves.

After all, the key to unlocking the disturbed mind is best held in a caring

hand, not an iron fist.

Who said that? Freud?

No. Oprah.

You're human, technically speaking.

Humans make mistakes.

You screw up all the time.

Yeah?

The only difference now is you'd rather quit than have to tell Rhoda she's not

going to make Bayless.

I don't know, Rod.

I'm just afraid I'm going to hurt her.

You know, Bull, of all the muscles in that overgrown body of yours, the

biggest is your heart.

If anybody can tell her without hurting her feelings, you can.

I guess I have to.

Oh, hi, Mr. Shannon.

Rhoda. I was just leaving.

Thanks, Ross.

I appreciate your taking the time to talk to me.

I had to.

You're blocking my way to the bathroom.

So, what are you doing?

Oh, I was just trying to get my mind off things by organizing some of these

files.

Uh, Rhoda?

There's something I've got to tell you.

There is?

Uh -huh.

Now, it's really hard for me to say this, but... Well... Rhoda, you're not

to make bailiff.

Boy, is that a load off my shoulders.

It is?

Yeah.

This whole experience has been miserable.

Being a bailiff was my mother's idea.

I only stayed with it because of some of the people I met.

Any tall, shaven -headed ones in particular?

Maybe.

I hope I'm not out of line.

Nah. I like you, too.

Really? Yeah, you're the cutest thing in a holster.

Well, this is great.

I met a special guy, and now I'm free to do what I really want to do. What's

that? Surgical nurse.

It might be best to stay away from the pain -related fields.

As usual, you're probably right, Mr. Shannon.

Bull. No, I really mean it.

No, I mean, call me Bull.

Okay. Bull.

Come on.

Let's go down and we'll turn on your badge and gun and I'll treat you to a

goody bar.

That's funny.

I know I had my gun when I was guarding that lady.

It sure did turn up somewhere.

So, I'm told you're a movie buff.

I won't be ignored.

I wouldn't think of it.

I'll tell you what. Why don't we just sit back, put up our feet and watch a

couple of movies, huh?

We'll return to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Seen that already.

Tonight on Movie Showcase, Dressed to Kill.

We're the Muppets when you need them, huh?

Freeze, pilgrim.

Oh, way to go, mister. I don't think we should call the police.

Sam, you didn't call the police, did you?

Sam. It's a movie.

Who knows movie, Sam?

Sam. Sam.

Sam.

You're 70, Sam.

You're 76.

Oh!

Oh, you corn -snared rabbit!

That doesn't sound like you, Sam.

Uh, no, it is.

It's me, Sammy Davis.

Hey,

slob brothers, you're all beautiful.

Don't torture me, Sam.

All right, I confess.

I told Thursby.

Thursby? Sam.

Sam Spade.

Damn. Damn, that's it.

He thinks you're Sam Spade in the Maltese Falcon.

Great, I've never seen the Maltese Falcon.

You've never seen the Maltese Falcon?

The greatest noir film of the genre? Hey, Harry, I don't think now is the

to criticize my taste in movies.

Pay attention to me.

Sam?

Bogart.

Uh... She would do all these things to say.

That is the worst Bogart.

Not a bad Sylvester the Cat.

Please believe me, Sam. I never would have told him if I thought he would kill

Miles. Uh, well, sure. I wouldn't think you would have.

Why'd you have Thursday shadowed? I don't know. I'm making this up, Harry.

Ask her. That's the next line in the film.

Oh.

So, why did you have Thursby shadowed?

I told you, Sam.

I thought he was betraying me and I wanted to find out.

That's a lie.

That's a lie.

You had Thursby hooked from the start and you know it. You had Thursby hooked

from the start and you know it. You wanted to get rid of him before Jacoby

showed with the loot.

So you wouldn't have to split it with him.

Miles wasn't clumsy enough to be spotted that first night.

You told Thursby that... Do you want to do this?

These are my partners, Willie, Nick, Peaches, and the Weasel.

Hey, maybe I should try this. I mean, at least I've seen the film. Well, excuse

me for living in the present.

All right, Angel, I'm sending you over.

Don't say that, Sam.

Even in fun?

I won't play the sap for you.

You're going to take the fall.

No, Sam, no.

Chances are that you'll get off with life.

In that case, if you're a good girl, you'll be out again in 20 years.

I'll be waiting for you.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Uh -oh, I think somebody changed the channel.

I've seen this before.

She leaps randomly from one movie to another.

I blame cable.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me try something.

Oh, no, no, I'm not good at that. Get up there, Mac.

Put him up, put him up.

I ain't scared of you.

I'll fight you with one paw tied behind my back.

I'll fight you with my eyes closed.

This is not a movie. This is real life.

Look, I know how much fun fantasy can be. Believe me, I'm a real fan.

But there comes a time when you've got to face reality.

It doesn't always make a whole lot of sense, but there are people who can help

you out with that stuff.

So what do you say? Why don't you just give me the gun and we can all just sort

of get on with our lives.

Can I ask you one thing?

Anything.

You feel lucky, punk?

Not anymore.

Sir, Trainee Wasserman lost her revolver and there's a... Oh, there it is.

Thanks, now Rhoda can get her deposit back.

You know what, sir?

I'm back on the job.

Do you sometimes get the feeling we make things harder than they need to be?

Come along, Miss Sanders.

Everything is going to be just fine.

Oh, why don't you come up and sing me sometime?

Oh, come on,

Mac. Let's go.

Oh, by the way, thank you very much for pitching in. That took courage.

Hey, now, don't you go telling Roz about that cowardly lion stuff.

Dan, I gotta be honest.

Most of the time, you're the sleaziest, shallowest, most self -centered,

insensitive jerk I've ever come across.

But you really put it all on the line tonight.

Thanks.

You know, Harry, despite all of your idiotic advice and your total absorption

the... Meaningless trivia of a bygone and best forgotten age.

And that's about yourself.

You know, Danny, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.