Original subtitles

Gee,

and I thought I was sitting in the no perky section.

I can't help it, sir. I love this job.

Helping the downtrodden, serving justice.

Give me goosebumps.

That makes my skin crawl, too.

Judge Stone?

Imagine that.

Richard Elliott, special consultant with the governor's office.

Dan Filding, assistant D .A. on the move.

You have a case coming up. The defendant is a Mr.

Toshiro Shibata. You tell the governor when we're through with that gangster,

can have his head for a paperweight. He's a good friend of the governor's.

That's exactly why that wonderful man will be out of here faster than sushi

through a sumo.

What can I do for you, Mr. Elliott?

The governor is giving Mr. Shibata a testimonial dinner tonight, and we would

like you to arrange your schedule so that he's finished in time to get there.

Well, I don't arrange anything just to accommodate a man with political

connections.

we will serve no crime before it's time.

Tell Mario that new haircut is woo, spiffo.

Boy, that ticks me off.

I'm sorry, sir. It just seemed like a perfect opportunity to suck up.

No, that that fellow would expect me to change around my docket to accommodate a

Mr. Shibata. We don't have any favorites in this fellow's court.

Who's first, Mac? People versus Shibata.

To what do we owe the pleasure of Mr. Shibata's company?

Well, sir, it seems Mr. Shibata was caught rolling for dollars with these

rarely upstanding women.

All three?

That's illegal.

And quite impressive.

When he was apprehended, he had a 50 -gallon drum of soy sauce, and they were

the middle of something called the Sukiyaki Slam Bam.

While neighbors in adjoining rooms did complain for over seven hours, I believe

that... Seven hours?

My God, man, how do you do it?

Every day, I swim ten miles, eat 100 oysters, and sit in a barrel

of pickle brine.

You got that?

Mr. Shibata, as much as I appreciate your efforts to buy American, the

fact remains that you've got to obey the laws of this city. Now, since a fine

would mean very little to a man of your obvious resource, I'm instead going to

sentence you to ten days of community service.

He didn't take that nearly as well as I'd hoped.

How's he doing, Doc?

Well, his condition is stabilized.

Oh, good.

He's dead.

Dr., are you sure he's dead?

Well, I could do one more test.

Nope,

he's dead.

Well, bye.

Hey, Doc, wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something?

When the heart stops working, so do I.

I guess we should call the coroner's office. I just did. They can't suit a

for at least four hours.

What are they going to do, leave him up here until he sprouts mushrooms?

Sorry, Dan, but if there's no one around to take him to the morgue... I'll do

it!

Unless somebody else wants to.

Oh, no, no, no.

not carry a dead body around like a bag of kitty litter.

Use a gurney or something, and for goodness sake, be discreet, huh?

It's Elliot from the governor's office.

Oh, great.

Hi.

Uh, Mr. Shibata. Uh, oh yeah, he's all finished.

Uh, well, we've hit a little, uh,

uh, snag.

I'd really rather not say over the phone, could you come down here?

Oh, no, I'm sure Mr. Shibata won't leave till you get here.

Your Honor,

I want to thank you for dismissing the charges against those hookers. I think

Mr. Shibata would have liked it that way.

I got the impression that Mr. Shibata liked it just about every way.

So, who have we got here?

This is Horace Jenkins, Your Honor. Assault with intent to commit bodily

What other kind is there?

Mr. Jenkins got into an argument with another patron at the Monte Carlo Lounge

and attacked him with a blunt instrument, specifically the manager.

Defense? Guilty, Your Honor.

Let's make it a $250 fine and damages to the cashier. She'll tell you what to do

down the hall to the right.

This is something new for Mac.

Hey, hi, everybody.

This is Hondo Jenkins, my old army buddy. We wallowed in mud together, ate

beans together.

And got our butts kicked in every dive from Saigon to Cam Ranh Bay.

Oh,

you just can't buy fun like that anymore, can you?

This guy ran through 50 yards of enemy fire to save my life.

I still got the shrapnel scars to show for it. You want to see?

I'll take your word for it.

You didn't ask me.

He also took a bullet in the shoulder.

Well, it gives me some place to keep my pencil.

Say, Mac, I'm going to go pay my fine, then we'll go get some grub. Hey, great,

we can catch up.

Well, speaking of long -lost buddies, anybody seen Bull? No, sir.

Maybe I should have sent one of you down with him to help with the body.

Hey, I don't do anything that gross and disgusting without a box of candy and

some sweet talking.

Mommy, look, it's Casper.

Boy, I'm sure glad there's not a dead guy under this sheet.

Can you tell me how I could find the small claims court?

Small claims, let's see.

Walk straight to the end of this corridor, make a right, go to the end of

hall, and make a left.

Thank you very much.

Come on, Billy.

Bye, Billy.

Cute kid, huh?

Hey, where do you think you're going?

No more of this funny business.

say we take our lunch now.

Is that okay, Mac?

Mac, we're all going to go up on the roof and dive off into a dumpster. You

to join us?

Be right there, sir.

On that note, we'll adjourn for an hour and maybe in that time the aliens will

return Mac's brain.

Boy, he sure is glued to that screen.

It must be the episode where Gilligan sleepwalks into Ginger's hut.

Those were the days.

Come on, buddy.

I'll buy you a beer. We'll talk over some old times.

Speaking of old times, Hundo, you know, I've been looking through your file, and

I found some.

Like this conviction in 1976 for disturbing the peace.

Yeah, okay. So I got in a couple of scrapes. Scrapes? Is that what you call

months in New Jersey State Prison?

Hey, it's not like you think at all, Mac.

I mean, after my enlistment was up, I kind of had a little trouble adjusting.

sort of...

Bounced around for a while.

Finally ended up managing a convenience store.

Well, they don't put you in prison for that.

They do when you don't drop the receipts off in the night deposit.

Oh, Hondo.

It's 4 ,000 bucks, Mac.

You know how long it takes to make that kind of money on a job where you gotta

wear a little paper hat?

Hondo. Hey, I admit it. I made a couple of mistakes.

But I paid my dues, Mac.

Yeah, but you don't understand.

See, this screw -up tonight broke your parole.

And as soon as I put this information in this computer, some fat lady in Newark

is going to see it and you're going back to jail.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

What do you mean by that?

You could lose that file and no one would ever know.

You're asking me to commit a felony.

Well, hey, maybe I thought taking a bullet for a friend was worth something.

But how... No, no, no.

You just do whatever you think is right.

Excuse me, I... I gotta go rest my shoulder.

Matt!

I can't believe it. I heard everything.

He has no right to ask you to lose his file.

Maybe.

But I've got no right to say no.

There you are.

What would you say if you had something to tell someone, but you didn't know how

to say it?

And you wouldn't say anything, except someone might think it's important.

You lost a body, didn't you?

You lost

a

dead Japanese industrial...

He outsmarted me, sir.

I don't think any further explanation is necessary.

Your Honor, any word on Mr. Shibata yet? Not yet, but he's been reported on

three different floors.

See, this guy is fly, Your Honor.

What do you mean, fly, Bull?

A corpse is a corpse. Of course, of course.

This is unbelievable. The guy has to be in the building somewhere.

He couldn't have just vanished into thin air.

We're not trying hard enough, people.

He's not just going to roll up and say hello.

Are you sure you looked everywhere?

I even checked the men's room, sir. And you didn't see anything?

Nothing to get excited about.

Matt, you cannot lose Hondo's file.

Think of the consequences.

If Hondo would have thought of the consequences back in that jungle, I

be here. Would you please stop talking like that? Why are you acting like you

have to live up to some stupid macho code?

How can I put it?

Did you ever see Bambi?

I may have.

Seen it a few times.

You remember the forest fire and little Bambi being trapped in the inferno?

With all his furry little forest friends?

Right. Do you remember what Bambi's mother did?

He sacrificed her life so Bambi could live.

Right. And that's what Hondo did for me. I owe him my life and I have to pay him

back.

I never thought of it that way.

Wait a minute.

Bambi's mother never trashed a bar.

Doesn't matter. I have made up my mind. Mac, you could go to prison.

Then I'll need a lawyer. You want the job?

Mac, of course I'll be your lawyer. That's not the point. Grace, then

we've talked about is privileged information.

I've got one more thing to do first.

Mac!

You say you found the body?

Can you describe it to me?

You're 5 '6", 140 pounds, and he says his name is Steve?

Hey, Mac, what's up?

I just came to tell you I'm resigning.

Are you kidding?

Why? I can't tell you.

Do you know what's with Mac?

Yes, sir, I do. What is it? I can't tell you.

All right. Harry, I've had it with the Night of the Rolling Dead.

Damn. Can't get anyone in the broom closet. They're afraid they're going to

into Corky the Carcass.

bothers you all that much, why don't you pitch in and try to help find the guy?

Why don't you just wait a couple of days? You can follow the flies.

Dan, he's not some muskrat we squished out on the interstate.

Besides, the governor's aide is going to come in a minute, and I don't know what

to tell him. Tell him the truth.

Terrorists broke in. We fought them off to no avail.

I'm not going to act like some kind of deceptive chicken -hearted weasel.

It works for me.

I just want to let you know, no matter whatever you do, I'm behind you 100%.

Judge Stone, blame him. I had nothing to do with this.

Now, you mentioned a snag.

Oh, yeah, a snag. Well, the snag has, uh, it's developed into, uh,

sort of a glitch.

Where's Mr. Shibata?

Well, he's, uh, you know, how do I say this?

He's, uh, dead.

Oh, my God. That's not the bad part. No.

The bad part is we, uh, we lost the body.

You lost the body?

How could something like that happen, Stone?

Well, there were these terrorists.

Any news on Abnacadabra?

Well, I checked the cafeteria.

He didn't stop for lunch.

Now, where could he be? I've got to think like a dead guy.

Dare to dream.

Now, if I was dead, where would I hide?

but I doubt if they're clean anymore.

Well, it happened, Mac.

I finally had worse food than in Nam.

Forget the food, Hondo.

Oh.

Done for an hour or two, buddy.

And don't buddy me.

I'm gonna do it, Dan.

Do what? Pay my debt.

I'm erasing your files. You're as free as an eagle.

Look, I really appreciate that, Mac, but there's something... Of course, it's

costing me my career, my self -respect, maybe my whole future.

Wait a minute.

I mean, my wife and kids will probably not have anything to do with me.

Unless... Unless you change your mind.

Well, I didn't think so.

But I want you to know this whole... Business sticks in my craw.

I mean, you don't have a care in the world, and I'm as dead as that Shibata

dude.

Whatever the hell he is.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I bet that chokes you up, huh?

Downed man, don't you have anything to say for yourself?

Right. Not much you can say.

What the hell are you doing?

Help.

Cooking. Well, I'm choking.

Is that it? Choking?

Well, I mean, it's an easy mistake. I mean, your H looks like an O.

You're choking?

Well, why don't you say something?

Now, don't worry. I know the Heimlich maneuver.

No matter how much you sweat, hold on to the handlebars.

Colombian, the richest kind.

Bull.

Yes, Ross?

Do I look like a dead Japanese man in a...

You know you're the third person to ask me that tonight.

Come here. Let me explain something to you.

You folks are just going to have to try harder.

This one's going to live.

Thank God.

You okay?

He's not going to be talking for a while. His throat's pretty torn up.

Oh, too bad. I was looking forward to some more whimsical latrine humor.

What did he choke on anyway?

I want to tell you that I think you are a selfish, conniving, low -down... Bad

apple!

Well, I'll just leave him to your tender, loving care.

Bambi's mother.

Ha! You may think you're going to get away with this, but I am here to tell

different, bub.

I'm here to take a Hondo Jenkins into custody.

Christine, you didn't.

You're right.

I didn't.

Well, then who did?

You called?

Why?

What do you mean you changed your mind?

Oh,

you're saying saving my life was the one noble thing you ever did and you didn't

want to tarnish it?

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

you understand a single word he's saying.

That's how he talks when he's drunk.

I should have known that any friend of Max would be a decent guy. I'm sorry.

Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, please tell me.

This is one of the most gross displays of incompetence and irresponsibility I

have ever had the misfortune to witness.

You think Shobata's dead? Wait till you see your careers when I pass this on to

the governor.

Yeah, well, don't think you can intimidate us, because some of us don't

easily. Some of us do.

Excuse me, I need a drink of water. Oh, wait, allow

me. I'll turn your knob for you.

Hey, look.

Let's get it.

In good time, Bull.

In good time.

Yeah!

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the water fountain.