Original subtitles

If you're trying to invent the sofa bed, Uncle Martin, forget it. Somebody

already beat you to it.

At this point, Tim, I don't believe I could invent a good excuse.

What's the matter with you, Uncle Martin? You're acting like you're in a

funk.

Pink. We Martians don't fall into blue funks, Tim.

Only pink.

Pink schmink. What's bugging you? I've reached an impasse with my spaceship.

I can't decide which of three directions to go in trying to repair it. Oh, well,

I wish I could help you, but it's a little out of my line. I know.

That's why I've decided to bring in a consultant.

A consultant?

A fellow inventor.

Possibly the greatest mind this small planet of yours has ever produced.

Oh?

Anyone I know?

I seriously doubt it. He was a few centuries ahead of your time.

He may have to stay a few days, which is why I was experimenting with a chair

bed.

Wait a minute. I have one little question for you. When you bring this

don't you think he's going to be just a little bit suspicious about the

spaceship? Well, he already knows that I'm a Martian. Now, come over here, Tim.

Stand next to me and cover your eyes.

Well, there must have been a lot of inventions since his time.

Like trousers and haircuts, for example.

Martinelli, mio caro amico, quanto piacere diverti.

Buongiorno.

Leonardo!

Martinelli, old friend.

Leonardo.

Kindly bear in mind, Pim, that the primary purpose of Leonardo's visit is

help me with my spaceship.

Oh, don't worry.

All I want is an interview and a few pictures for future publication.

Hey, can he really learn all the language just by skimming through the

dictionary like that?

For a man of his intellectual capacity, it will be mere child's play.

See John run.

Run, John, run.

The baddest see John run.

Maybe he can give me the lowdown on the sandbox set.

Patience. He has absorbed the language.

Now he needs a moment to digest it.

That's an interesting theory, Leonardo.

There's no question it would provide the necessary escape velocity.

But what about the stored energy?

Ah, it is constantly being stored and unstored as a kinetic energy,

But here, my friend, you see the angular velocities which compensate for the

first... That was a great shot, Mr. Da Vinci.

Now, if I can just get another one.

Martinelli, your apprentice vexes me. Please have him flogged.

Flogged? Well, I'm afraid that would be impractical, Leonardo.

This is my host, not my apprentice.

Oh.

Why do we all have to take what we can get when it comes to Patron?

Look, Mr. Da Vinci, I didn't mean to vex you. It's just that, you see, I'm a

newspaper reporter.

And someday I'm going to write a story about Uncle Martin and some of the

whom I've met. And I'll need photographic proof.

Photographic? Yes, this is a camera, Leonardo.

You remember Jean -Baptiste's Camera Obscura, which you described at some

in your notebook?

Of course.

Well, there have been a great many changes in 500 years.

Earthlings have discovered how to make a permanent picture now with a camera.

Oh, yes, like... Well, here.

Here's a good example, Mr. Da Vinci.

Well, things haven't changed much in 500 years.

Fortunately.

What is it, Dez?

Who are these impostors?

Oh, the Wright brothers.

Orville and Wilbur.

You see, they invented the airplane.

I, Leonardo da Vinci, invented the airplane.

That's right, Jim.

Leonardo invented the airplane, the helicopter, the submarine, dozens of

which we take for granted these days.

You? Me.

And they're not the one, the Florin, that I get paid for them.

Martinelli, get to your time machine.

We get to my father here. He's a lawyer. We sue them for their last docket.

Well, uh...

I'm afraid it's too late, Amico.

Any claim would have expired under the statute of limitations.

Oh.

Well, easy come, easy go.

Tim!

Guess what? Bill just phoned and he's just been given a terribly important

assignment.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company.

Oh, this is a very old friend of mine, Laura Lee. Oh, how do you do?

Oh, my, what a lovely bathrobe.

Oh, yes, yes. Well, he's just in from out of town, Mrs. Brown. And you see, he

hasn't had a chance to shower yet. He wanted a change first. He hasn't had a

chance to get a haircut or a shave either.

Oh, my goodness.

I didn't even know I had these. I was so excited about Bill.

Just keep talking, act natural.

Yes, well, Bill, that's Detective Lieutenant Brennan, a very dear friend

mine. You see, he's going to be in charge of... Don't look at me, senora.

to them.

Well,

you read in the paper about that famous painting they're bringing here from the

art museum.

Well, Bill has been put in charge of guarding it. Isn't that marvelous?

That's fine.

You come back here at four o 'clock. Bring plenty of those.

I'll paint you a portrait.

Then you can tell all your little friends your painting was made by the

Da Vinci.

Da Vinci?

Oh, that's the name of the man whose painting is coming here on exhibit. The

Bill is guarding.

What? Whose painting is coming here?

The Mona Lisa.

La Gioconda. The Mona Lisa. La Gioconda.

The Mona... La Giaconda!

I'm quite sure Bill said... It's quite all right, Laura Lee. The original name

of the painting was La Giaconda, but the name was changed to Mona Lisa after...

After they stole it, those thieves!

Stole it? What do you mean? Well, you don't suppose they paid me a copper for

it, do you, those robbers?

You mean that Bill is guarding stolen goods?

Well, not exactly, Laura Lee. Mr. Da Vinci means the artist who painted the

picture wasn't... paid for it. Yeah, and that was 500 years ago.

Dear, that's a shame, the poor man.

I don't suppose there's anything he can do about it now, is there?

Oh, for that, signora, I would not be too sure.

This is a very bad world you have here.

They steal my flying machine.

They steal my submarine.

They steal my helicopter.

Thieves, they steal and sign their names to all of my inventions.

Maybe you should have invented a better lock to put in your desk drawer.

That's very funny. You make jokes while I suffer the final insult.

They take my painting and they change it in name.

Well, perhaps if we discuss the torque conversion factor on the spaceship,

Leonardo. It would take your mind off things. No, no, no, no, no, amigo, no.

I, uh... I'm suddenly very tired.

It's very late.

No, it's not late.

It's not even noon.

I'm still on Italian time.

I'm going to take a nap. Will you mind?

Oh, we have this chair bed here that I just ordered.

That's fine.

Enjoy.

Tim,

he's furious.

This is going to be difficult.

Yeah, I know.

Problems, problems.

Only one thing is lacking to make my day complete.

Well, that one thing is here.

Now my day is complete.

Good morning, Lieutenant Brennan.

Don't you good morning me, O 'Hara. What do you mean bringing that lout up in

here?

Lout? Yes, lout. Where is he?

I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.

Make it a small piece, Lieutenant. You can't afford much.

Stay out of this, O 'Hara.

Now, just a minute, Brennan.

What right had you to come storming in here insulting our guest?

Loralee told me how he pinched her cheek and ate her fudge brownies. And I'm

telling you, I will not have a delicate, sensitive woman like Loralee

associating with the... With the what?

An itinerant artist.

What you mean, Brennan, is that you are a snob.

You're unwilling to judge a man's work on its merit. Only on his reputation.

I didn't come here to discuss art appreciation, O 'Hara. I came here to

that broken -down artist.

Blown the coop, huh?

You tell that broken -down artist to keep his hands off Loralee.

If I see him...

Da Vinci's gone.

Quiet, please.

What are you doing?

A man as angry as Leonardo just can't help muttering to himself.

Sound waves have never lost him. I'm tuning in on Da Vinci's mutterings.

Tell me. What is it? Such language.

What's he saying?

Brennan may see Da Vinci sooner than he realizes.

What do you mean?

Leonardo is on his way right now to the museum.

He's planning to steal back his Mona Lisa. Oh, no.

Sorry, sir. No admittance.

Oh, we thought this was the room that had the Mona Lisa in it. Yes, sir.

right, sir.

That's why no admittance until it's been uncrated.

Oh, well, thank you very much. Thank you very much.

Well, so far so good. At least we know Leonardo didn't get in there. Well,

underrate him, Tim.

He's around here somewhere.

I'm getting vibrations.

We've got to get into that room.

How? Well, I can make myself invisible, but I may need help.

Your help.

There's one man who can get in that room. Who?

Brennan. I'll hypnotize those guards into thinking that you're him. Then you

follow me in.

Quick, now get over there and hurry.

All right.

Now what?

Oh,

Lieutenant Brennan, I didn't recognize you, sir.

Go right in.

Hurry on, men. Yes, sir.

Watch it, Uncle Martin.

Too

late.

I don't understand it. How did he get in here?

Broken glass.

Oh, see that window there?

But that's 50 feet off the ground.

Now, will you forget that Da Vinci also invented the catapult?

He must have improvised something and fired himself through the window as if

from a slingshot. Maybe he's still around, huh?

Someone's coming.

Everything in order?

Yes, sir. Lieutenant Brennan's in with the pain.

Lieutenant Brennan, you just went in there.

How can I walk in there when I just walked in here?

Oh, Harold, what are you doing here?

Well, as a reporter, I was trying to get a story on what it's like to be alone

in the same room with a Mona Lisa.

How would you like to write a story on how it feels to be alone in a jail cell?

Oh, come on, Brennan, you know how hard we reporters work for a story.

This case hasn't been out of anyone's sight since it was traded and shipped

here. At five o 'clock, a team of experts is coming here to uncrate it. If

find one teeny weeny thing out of order, do you know whose fault it will be?

Oh, yes, but you'd never believe me.

Your fault, O 'Hara.

And just to make sure I can get my hands on you, I'm taking you into custody for

illegal entry as soon as I get downtown.

Lock him up in the ante room until I'm ready for it.

Come on. Hey, fellas, I'm going.

I'm going.

Uncle Martin.

Uncle Martin.

Here I am.

Now what?

Five hours to doomsday.

When they unlock that crate and find that frame empty, we're going to be

and locked up in its place.

Then they'll search our house. Our house? Why? The penny isn't there. What

the garage?

It's in the garage?

No, but the spaceship is. Oh.

We've got to catch up with Leonardo.

Well, maybe he took the penny and went home.

Of course.

That's it.

Not just home to our apartment. Back home to the 15th century.

The time machine.

With a brain like his, he can figure out how it works in no time.

I've got to get you out of here.

Well, just call me Brennan.

Okay. You're Brennan.

Oh, sorry, Lieutenant.

I wanted to see whether you boys were on your toes.

Yes, sir, Lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

Oh, shit, Uncle Martin.

Carry on, then.

Well, he sure moves fast, doesn't he?

Fast just isn't the word for it.

Everything under control. He hasn't tried to escape, has he? Oh, no, sir,

lieutenant. Nobody's come through that door but you, sir.

Me?

How could I have come out when I've just come in?

You idiots.

That must have been O 'Hara himself you saw.

He used a disguise.

Yeah, some disguise.

Something's going on. Come on. We'll go to his house and search it from top to

bottom.

What are you doing?

They steal it from me, I steal it from them.

Careful, Tim, careful.

He's got my time machine.

Your time machine?

Well, what about my television set, my watch, my transistor radio, my

Who misses a few souvenirs?

Souvenirs? And why do you expect Da Vinci to take a bath at the house?

Why do you think I am some cheap tourist?

Now, see here, Leonardo.

All right.

I don't argue.

Who needs a new invention?

I just take my little painting.

The Mona Lisa?

La Gioconda!

Let's not make him angry.

Now let's talk like reasonable men.

All right, Leonardo.

If you don't want to stay... Martinelli.

I want to speak honestly with you.

I do not like it here.

I tell you the truth.

I miss the blue skies of Italy.

Come to think of it, how is it that you people have a brown sky?

We call it smart.

Must be one of your inventions.

All right.

Arrivederci.

Then I take my little painting with me.

Just press this little button here.

I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Leonardo.

You see, I'm the one who's responsible.

How did he do that?

Levitation has been known since the time of the Romans.

I can't, Tim. It's impossible.

That's right.

That's impossible.

I read all of his books. I know all of his tricks.

You're not going to take that picture with you?

No, no, no.

You broke it. I know. Leonardo was always experimenting.

He painted the Mona Lisa on a wood panel.

I should have used cement.

My masterpiece is ruined.

I'm really sorry, Leo.

You presumed to care about my painting.

Well, you only painted it.

I destroyed it. Tim, you were trying to save it for the world. For the world.

Why do you think that painting was priceless?

Why? Why do you think the world loved it so? Why?

And why do you think Tim here was trying to save it? Why? Because of your

genius, that's why. That's right.

I will never know how wonderful I was. They will not appreciate me.

Let's kill each other.

All right.

Wait a minute.

I got a better idea.

They will know because I, Leonardo da Vinci, will repaint.

Leonardo, hurry. Hurry. Begin.

I cannot.

Why not?

Because I must paint from alive. I have no model. Oh, come on. Now, many

painters don't use models today.

Maybe that's what's wrong with them.

I think I can get you a model.

Just a little smile, please.

Oh, Martinelli, please, a little smile.

Are you sure she won't remember a thing after you unfreeze her?

Positive. She'll think she merely stopped by on her way to the museum.

How much time do we have?

Is there no matter?

Is the finish?

Is it enough to magnificent the naturally?

Well, it may be magnificent.

But the Mona Lisa, it ain't.

Leonardo, we can't put this in place of La Giaconda.

Why not?

It is even greater. I outdid myself.

It was a magnificent look.

Oh, I forgot that you're frozen.

Not everyone knows the original. They'll think this one is a fraud.

Ah, what do they know?

Peasants. It was I who made that miserable... Madonna Lisa, beautiful.

me, it took a real genius.

Mr. Da Vinci, can't you just repaint the picture the way it was?

No! It is done.

It is finito. It is superb.

Very well, Leonardo. Thank you very much for helping me on my spaceship.

Well, wait a minute, Uncle Martin. You mean you're going to let him get away

without repainting it? It won't be necessary, Tim. I'll do it myself.

You will paint my masterpiece.

There now.

It's finished.

Oh, we're finished, all right. Not yet, Tim. We still have time to get it to the

gallery. Wait.

Well? Eh, not a bad fun amateur.

You'll notice in a... Can't you please postpone this symposium until the police

are not invited?

Of course.

Well, it's time for me to go.

Arrivederci.

Ciao.

I go now, and I take Mona Lorelei with me.

Goodbye, Leonardo.

Bon voyage.

I'll see you at the museum, Tim.

Okay.

Oh, wait a minute, Uncle Martin. Mrs. Brown.

Oh, yes, yes.

I'd better unfreeze her.

Let's see. Now, I was on my way to the museum.

Oh, the what?

The smile.

The smile.

I must have frozen it on too hard. But don't worry. It'll thaw out in a few

hours.

Oh, there you are, O 'Hara.

Yes, how about that, Lieutenant?

Here I am. Who gave you permission to leave the museum?

Hello, Lorelei.

Hello, Bill.

What's been going on around here, anyway?

Well, that's a long story, Lieutenant. You see, um, when you came in the

Oh, Harold, will you stand still?

Oh, sorry.

Now, what was I saying? Oh, yes.

Never mind.

I wouldn't believe you in any case.

Well, I can't say that I blame you, Lieutenant.

I wouldn't either.

It's here.

The moment we have all been waiting for.

Notice that the colors are so fresh that it looks as though it was painted only

yesterday. Today.

Oh, good morning.

Well, you did it again. Yes, I thought I was rather magnificent.

Strange, I...

I never heard of this Da Vinci work before.

How did... That wonderful ham must have dropped it off on his way back.

Well, Brennan was right about one thing, Tim. He was?

You just can't trust an itinerant artist.