Original subtitles

What do you mean I forgot something? I didn't forget a darn thing. Now, look. I

got steak, French fries, cottage cheese, celery, seven TV dinners,

rice, two tangerines, and a kumquat.

Uh -oh.

What's the matter? I forgot the wine.

Well, you don't have to get hopping mad about it.

Hold it. Hold it. And kindly refrain from making jokes about my condition.

Well, you must be pretty upset.

You don't seem to know if you're coming or going. You can't get that mad about a

bottle of wine.

Tim, that has nothing to do with it. We Martians are loyal friends.

When this happens, it means someone close to us is in danger.

Oh, well, whatever it is, it must have passed.

You stopped popping in and out.

On the contrary, the warning has ceased, but the danger is close.

Very close.

danger in here is to my eardrums.

Hello, boys. Welcome home.

Tim, it's not you in danger.

It's

Oh! What happened?

I was just dusting and all of a sudden this thing exploded.

The personality altercator.

You must have dusted the on button by mistake.

Oh, dear, I hope it didn't do any real damage.

Would it help if I dusted the off button? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Look at me, Loralee. How do you feel?

Well, sometimes when I'm on my feet all day... No, Mrs. Brown, what Uncle Martin

means is how do you feel right now?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you. How sweet of you to ask.

Well, it's just that the machine sometimes has a curious effect on

this time I... Oh, time.

That reminds me. What time is it?

Oh, it's, uh... Oh!

Oh, my goodness, that's late.

Okay, here, let me help you.

Thank you.

I've got to get down to the store myself and pick up a few things. Anything I

can get you?

Yes, yes, as a matter of fact, there is. We could use a little wine with our

steak tonight. Nothing too expensive. I know a little shop where I can get the

best in the world for a song.

Well, thank heavens the personality allocator didn't change her at all.

still the same old Laura Lee.

Well, don't be too sure about that.

Well, we may not have the wine, but while we're waiting for it, at least we

something to read.

Where did you get that?

Right here, next to the personality allocator.

Well, that answers the question, then.

The criminal mind, now completely absorbed by Laura Lee.

Do you mean that she's... Oh, come on, Uncle Martin. Don't make me laugh on an

empty stomach.

Which reminds me, isn't it sort of time for lunch? We could, uh... My

watch.

Well, it's funny. I had it just a second ago. It's gone.

Loralee, like I said, the machine has changed her, all right, into becoming as

crooked as they come.

How's the antidote coming?

Almost ready. Oh, great. We'll give her a dose the minute she walks in that

door. I'm not ready to take Tim.

Ready to go to the freezer.

It won't be effective until tonight.

Tonight? Well, that's terrible.

I mean, well, can't we explain to her that she's not herself?

Make her promise to... Maybe we could just shake hands on it. Well, after you

shake hands with her, count your fingers.

Uh -oh. She's back.

And in your own vernacular, she's loaded with loot.

Loot? You don't mean she's been shoplifting.

From the vibrations I'm getting, I'd say she tried to lift the entire shopping

center.

Didn't steal all that stuff?

Unfortunately, no. Some of it she paid for.

Under duress.

Well, then that's not so bad. Perhaps we could...

Hey, what do you mean, unfortunately?

You sound like you're sorry she didn't steal at all. Well, I only meant it

have been simpler for you.

For me?

What do I have to do with it?

You are going to have to separate the chaff from the wheat.

Huh?

Pardon me, may I repeat my question?

Huh?

You are, of course, familiar with the slang term hot merchandise.

Well, sure.

That's for stolen goods.

Well, it may surprise you to learn that on Mars we employ the same idiom.

Really? Well, that's a coincidence.

Not at all.

There actually is a minuscule rise in the temperature of stolen articles.

You see, a thief's emotions rise in the commission of a crime.

These emotions expel heat, which is then transferred to the merchandise as he

handles it.

You're putting me on. On the contrary, Tim. I was never more serious.

This is a Martian thermal amplifier.

You touch the tip to any stolen article, push the button, and the heat generated

by the item will be increased a thousandfold.

Enough to be detectable to the touch.

How about that?

A lie detector under glass.

I'll keep Loralee occupied while you test the things there in the dining

Afterwards, we'll take them back to the stores where she... Loralee!

Oh, just a minute!

Oh, Martin, Tim, come on in.

Oh, I've just been on the most marvelous shopping spree.

I picked up all sorts of things for practically nothing.

Uh, did you get the wine?

Oh, yes.

A Chateau Terry 1922.

Chateau Terry 1922. I hope you like it.

Well, it's rather expensive for our simple tastes. Oh, well, don't worry

it, Martin. It was a steal.

That's what I was afraid of.

Oops, stolen. That stays there.

That's all right.

That goes over there.

Not stolen? That goes over there.

My watch!

Let's see now. What's next?

All right.

Try that.

Stolen. Stay there.

Boy.

She must have stolen right off the lady.

Good news, yeah. I see the bad news got here first.

Now, Bill, that's no way to talk about Martin.

I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

What's going on in there?

What do you think you're doing in here, O 'Hara? Opening up a cut -rate cleaning

plant? Oh, I was just looking at some of the things that Mrs. Brown picked up.

Bought, bought, bought.

Oh, yes, Bill. I want you to see my new first deal.

Well, uh, stolen.

Oh.

Just like you didn't leave anything for me to buy.

And here I've been saving up for your birthday.

Oh.

Good heavens, look.

Oh, you don't have to buy me anything, Bill.

I've got everything I need.

Now.

Doesn't that take a load off your mind?

Now I know how much a little surprise can mean to someone.

And speaking of surprises... I'm surprised to find your hand in my

Oh, whoa, whoa. There's a spot back there. Oh? Is it gone?

Not yet.

Come in the kitchen and I'll have another go at it. In a minute. I'm due

the station on an important matter.

Police security.

Oh?

Oh?

Oh. You've no doubt heard of the famous slotkin diamond.

The slotkin diamond?

The slotkin diamond. The slotkin diamond.

Do you mind?

Now I have something very confidential to tell you. It's going to be a great

surprise.

The news isn't on for 20 minutes yet. Well, the news that interests me is on

right now.

Mrs. Brown.

How did you do that, Uncle Martin? Well, people have frequencies, just as

individual as their fingerprints.

All I did was tune in on hers.

The slot can diamond coming here on exhibit, and you're the one responsible

bringing it here.

Oh, Bill, I am so proud.

I'd tell you my plans if they weren't confidential.

Clever idea.

I bet I'd be even prouder if I knew just how clever a scheme it was.

Well... The armored truck will proceed down Wabona to Third,

then right on Parable. Yes.

Then by the terminal, north on Jones, turning east on Southern.

Mm -hmm.

And arriving at the galleries at exactly four o 'clock in full view of everyone.

Mean what?

The diamond will actually be delivered by a lone guard coming there on foot

through the alley.

Isn't that simple?

It ought to be a cinch.

Uncle Martin.

Huh? She is going to steal that diamond. Now, we've got to stop her.

Yeah. Listen, isn't there a picture of that diamond in today's paper?

Yes, it's in the women's section, front page.

Excellent. Get me a wine glass, Jim. Oh, no, Hugh, don't. Listen, that wine is

going back to the store where she filched it. An empty wine glass.

Oh.

One glass coming up. One glass going down.

Now, step back. Step back.

You know what that is?

You mean that?

Mm -hmm.

I never touch the stuff.

Glass molecule?

Now what?

How about that?

One glass and I'm seeing diamonds.

Gretchen, Tim. One glass and you're seeing glass.

This fake wouldn't fool anybody.

Except Laura Lee in a dark alley.

What's the plan?

After we return the items Laura Lee acquired on her shoplifting tour, we go

the French galleries.

Now, while you're in the exhibition hall covering the story, I'll be in the

alley covering Laura Lee. That way she'll rob me of the phony diamond

the real one carried by the guard. Come on.

Welcome, gentlemen, welcome.

And welcome to the famed slotkin garden.

My congratulations, Detective Brennan.

Thank you.

Actually, the diamond is not in here.

Why? To ensure its safe delivery. The diamond has been brought here by

another route known only to me.

And here is the result.

He's been robbed.

The Sloth King Diamond.

No. Oh, no. No, no, no. Quick, Ren.

Search the alley.

Ren, who else knows about this harebrained scheme of yours?

No one, Captain.

At least... Oh, no.

It's impossible.

Captain.

We've got it, Captain. We caught the thief with a diamond. Let me help.

You'd never get a hold. How did you finally get them to let you go?

How could they hold me? Would you tell me that?

Since when is it a crime to be found loitering in a dark alley in that

uniform I was wearing and carrying a 230 -carat fake diamond?

Thank you, Emil Zola. But let's face it, the way you acted didn't help matters

very much, hinting that you might, after all, be guilty.

Ah, exactly what I wanted.

Now that they suspect me, by letting me go, they think I'll lead them to the

real diamond, which is exactly what I plan to do.

That is...

As soon as I find it.

Well, Mrs. Brown must have hidden it somewhere in her house.

Loralee?

Oh, I forgot. You don't know.

Loralee didn't steal it.

She didn't? No, no.

Before coming upstairs, I read her thoughts.

She couldn't make up her mind what to wear to her first big heist.

So by the time she decided, she ended up being late for her own crime.

What are you doing?

I'm looking up the properties of the Slotkin Diamond.

Now, let me see, Tim. Just a moment. I've got a little machine here that

never seen. Now, what I'm going to do with this is that I'm going to tune in

the wave frequencies of the diamond just to find out the whereabouts of the

diamond. Now, let me see.

Marley.

Oh, Bill.

It's those O 'Haras. I know it. I just know it. Oh, Bill.

If only I'd been there, those dear boys might not have committed this terrible

crime. How could you have stopped them?

Well, let's just say that it's my little secret.

Oh, yes.

I don't understand you, Loralee.

I don't understand myself lately.

Oh, Loralee, if you only knew how much I longed to get my hands on that slotkin

diamond. Bill, I know exactly how you feel.

Strangely enough.

Then you will help me.

Nothing illegal, of course.

Oh, I'd be happy to steal it back.

If I could just find out where they've hidden it.

That's just what I want you to do.

Steal? No.

Oh. Find out where they've hidden it.

They must have eavesdropped on us when I told you my plans.

Now... I want you to steal up those stairs.

Steal? Oh, I just love that word.

And eavesdrop on them.

Oh!

Now, I put this little plug in here like this.

Now, here, you check against this mat.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Are you tuning in the wave frequency?

Right.

Hmm.

What's wrong?

It sounds like it's in England.

Oh. I'm getting interference from the British Museum.

They've got an emerald about that size.

Ah. Ah, here we are.

Longitude 118 degrees, 14 minutes, 28 seconds.

Latitude 34 degrees, 3 minutes.

15 seconds.

Well, that's 221 Flick Street.

But who lives there?

Hmm.

I'll find out.

What are you doing?

I'm going to tune in on the telephone company's electronic searching service

because it'll provide us with the name of the party at that address.

Well, I've heard of Betty Boop.

But who's Beep, Beep, Beep?

Jack Plummer.

Well, that's the guy that got hit on the head.

Yeah, excepting that he wasn't hit on the head.

Oh.

And that's where the slotkin diamond is now, Tim, at 221 Flick Street.

Well, Sid, that's only three blocks from here.

Let's go. Wait.

First, we've got to give Laura Lee the antidote. Now, once she takes it, she

won't remember anything crooked that she's done.

Now, as soon as Brennan leaves, we'll get her to take it.

Uh -oh. What? Uh -oh, Tim. She was eavesdropping.

She's on her way to steal the diamond away from the crook.

All this time, that's what's been on her mind. Well, you didn't tell me that.

But I'm just finding it out, Tim.

To tell you the truth, I didn't want to pry.

So I read just enough of her mind to tell me she was innocent.

Tim, this is dangerous.

We're having a moment to lose.

Well, what did you learn?

Oh, Bill.

Me eavesdropping. I'm so embarrassed.

But what did you find out? Bill, please.

Oh, but, Loralee, you promised.

Only to eavesdrop. I didn't ever say I was going to tattle.

That's asking too much.

Loralee!

Loralee! Oh, Harris, come back here!

is following us.

Since he thinks that we're guilty.

Well, what are we going to do?

Well, we've got to make sure that Brennan captures the thief and looks

real hero.

Meanwhile, we've got to get that antidote into Loralee. Well, how are we

to do that?

You take care of this pill and I'll take care of that one.

He looks like he could use 40 winks.

39, 40.

What do you want, lady?

I'm selling brownies. But I don't like brownies. Oh, you like mine.

Well... They're made with glue.

What is this, lady?

Well, I'm afraid it's what you people call a stick -up.

Oh, I'm so ashamed.

Well, I don't know what's gotten into me.

Yeah, well, I'm afraid it's what hasn't gotten into this problem, Mrs. Browns.

Now, I think I have just the answer. Why don't you try one of my tranquilizers?

Oh, nice.

But first you must try one of mine.

Oh, dear, I'm just so mean.

Lane, what's going on?

When you hear what I've come for, I know you'll be relieved.

Relieved of the slotkin diamond, that is.

Now, if you'll just tell me where I might find it.

Right back there in the closet.

Oh!

Mrs. Brown, now... Oh, Tim, if I could only thank you.

But I'm afraid I just can't be trusted.

Anyone is in the other room. Right in that room. Right in there. He's in

None of your tricks. You're the man I want. It's just that I've been waiting

around for a crime, that's all.

Now it looks like I'm going to kill two birds with one stone.

Loralee!

Ooh,

Loralee. What in the world is she doing here?

Still waiting for some explanation.

Explanation? My poor Bill.

By now it should be obvious to all of you what I'm doing here.

Well, it's obvious that the logical suspect in the case was Loralee.

Loralee? Well, who else knew the secret plans? Unless you arranged for the crime

yourself, Brennan.

But Loralee knew that she hadn't done it. So that left nobody else except the

one person nobody thought of suspecting.

The butler, of course.

The guard himself.

So realizing that he was the one with the diamond, I came here... Now, Mrs.

Brown, I think this has been too much for you. You don't look at all well.

I don't? No. Would you please say ah?

Ah. Ah. Ah.

What's happening?

to think that I ever doubted you.

How did you do it?

I, uh... The good lieutenant was determined to set a trap for the most

jewel thief in the land.

I only rate about fourth. The lady here rates an easy third.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Thinking of others at a time like this, there's good in everyone.

When they send you to jail, I'll come and bring you some brownies.

No, no, no, no.

He must be allergic.

Well, at least we know he's not allergic to rocks.

And where he's going, he'll have all he can use.