All language subtitles for my_favorite_martian_s03e21_martin_the_mannequin

Well, what do you think, Uncle Martin?

Hmm? Suave, debonair.

Sort of gives me that Charlie's Success
look, don't you think?

Mm -hmm.

And at these prices, you could easily
wind up as Billy Bankruptcy.

That's the way it is with Martians.

Too practical.

Perhaps. But we Martians still believe
necessity to be the mother of invention,

not the father of overextended charge
accounts.

Now, shall we go?

Hey, Uncle Martin.

Now, here is a necessity that I'm out of
after shave lotion.

Let's see. Mail call.

Smooth sailing.

Hey, look at this one.

Homme fatale.

Well, that sounds sort of... How's that?

Homme fatale. The men's cologne that the
women just love.

Well, I wonder.

Smells like money.

I don't mind.

Come on, what's the matter?

Tim, I'm afraid some of the chemical
ingredients in your Amphital could also

fatal to a Martian as well.

It's frozen my central control system,
paralyzing me. How come I can hear you,

but your mouth's not moving? I've also
got my shoes on, but I'm not walking

either. Now, Tim, get me out of here and
home so I can arrest this situation

before it becomes permanent.

Oh, brother.

How come you're so light?

The process dehydrates and evaporates
all the water from the body.

Oh.

Sir?

Just where do you think you're going
with that store dummy?

Look, fella, I was not trying to purloin
anything.

As a matter of fact, he's not a dummy,
not by a long shot. No, he happens to be

a mannequin.

Mannequin schmannequin, this dummy is
store property.

Well, I'm a customer, and I was
interested in this suit, and I wanted to

in the light.

We would have been most happy to remove
a similar suit from the rack to show

you. But I wanted to see it on somebody.

Please put down the dummy.

Well, the suit it's displaying happens
to be a discontinued number anyway. It's

no longer in our stock.

Howard, over here, undress this dummy
and replace the discontinued number it's

wearing with 235, the tweed, or 397, the
black mold. Yes, sir, right away. Hold

it, hold it.

You can't do that.

Can't do what?

Undress him. Out here in public with all
these people walking around.

Sir, need I remind you that this is only
a... Please.

Even a dummy has his modesty to think
about.

Are you sure you're feeling all right?

Remove the garment, Howard. Howard,
don't touch that suit!

I want to buy it.

And I don't want anybody putting their
cotton -picking hands on it.

Now, how much is it?

Well, it used to be $87 .50. I try to
remember all these.

$87 .50.

And how much is the dummy?

The dummy is not for sale.

I've already told you. The dummy is
store property.

All right.

And now the suit is my property.

And if you try to remove your property
from my property while that is my

property, I will have you arrested for
trespassing with my property.

That is the law.

It's most irregular.

I shall have to consult my superior.

How would you go stand by the front
door, keep your eye out for that dummy,

Mr.

O 'Hara until I return?

What am I going to do? I can't get you
out of here.

So I've observed.

The only alternative is for you to get
my molecular revitalizing ray gun so I

can defrost my central control system
and bring it back here.

You'll find it in the glove compartment
of my spaceship.

Now hurry!

Wait a minute. What happens if that
manager comes back and decides to remove

or remove that suit while I'm gone?

I think we can handle that situation.

Face me towards the elevator. He's about
to go up in.

There should be a little power left in
my fingertip before my controls went

Here goes.

Having him stuck between floors should
give you ample time. Now get moving or I

never will.

I'm sorry, but this suit is already
sold.

I got it. And none too soon. The store
engineers finally released the

elevator.

All right. Tim, point the ray gun at me,
then move approximately four feet away

and pull the trigger.

You're sure you want me to... Tim, don't
argue.

Just move back and fire.

Why don't you look real... Tim,

what are you doing here?

Obviously, he's holding up the stall,
Orly.

Better put your hands up, partner. He
looks dangerous.

Oh, Bill, don't be silly.

What are you doing with that gun in your
hand?

It's a toy.

I bought it for one of my nephews.

Come off it, O 'Hara. Admit the truth.

You can't fool a trained, deductive
mind.

If you had bought that gun for your
nephew, it would be gift -wrapped.

He obviously bought it for himself.

Keep talking, Brennan, because when you
stop, it sounds great.

Oh, boys, now, I wish you wouldn't
argue. This is no place.

Laurel is right. Now, why don't you take
your toy and go out and play on the

freeway while we grown -ups continue
with our shopping?

Shopping? Are you going to shop here?
No.

Here, listen. It's terrible here. Why
don't you go over to Lacey's? They have

great bargains. Do you mind? I happen to
like this store. In fact, I buy all my

clothes here. Oh, you do? Well, no
wonder that suit doesn't fit. Now, look.

see? See how it pinches?

Well, it certainly does look pinched to
me.

Who's the one who's going to get himself
pinched if he doesn't let go of me?

Honestly, I don't know why it is every
time you and Bill and Martin get

together. By the way, where is your
uncle?

Oh, he's around somewhere.

Where? Oh, I'd say over in the...

Toy department?

Toy department?

That's not the toy department.

I'm in space toys.

Oh, the space toys.

Yeah, try notions.

Notions looks good.

Notions? Now, where would that be?

What would he be doing in notions?

Oh, I don't know. I just have a notion
he might be there.

I guess he just got stuck someplace.

Oh, well, that's a shame. With you here,
I thought surely I'd run into him, too.

Oh, what a lovely fabric.

Oh, Bill, come over here and look at
this fabric. Oh, this is very

Although I don't particularly care for
the hat.

No, if you don't like the hat, Mrs.
Brown, then you're not going to like the

suit. Because, you see, this hat comes
with a suit.

It does?

Yes. Yes, you've heard of a suit having
two pair of pants?

This suit has a hat.

Oh, well, maybe we can exchange the hat
for another pair of pants.

You know, then again, that'd be silly.
After all, how could Bill possibly wear

two pair of pants?

What did you see, Laura Lane? Oh, never
mind, Bill. It's not for you.

Even if you could have exchanged the
hat, you certainly don't have four legs.

Mr. O 'Hara?

Mr. O 'Hara.

Mr. O 'Hara.

My supervisor was in absolute accord
with me.

The dummy is not...

The dummy is not for sale. Either you
remove the suit or take back your check.

You mean he wanted to buy the dummy?

Oh, oh, oh, Harrah, I'm ashamed of you.

I mean, I can understand a growing boy
playing with toy guns, but with dolls.

Well, Mr. Harrah, do you want the suit
or do you not? Well, I don't think you

ought to buy it. You won't look good in
a Homburg.

A Homburg?

The hat that goes with the suit instead
of the other pair of pants.

Madam, I haven't the slightest idea what
you're talking about.

This hat belongs... To my uncle. I'm
giving it to him as a gift. Yes, yes,

I'm giving him the hat and the suit. And
you leave it on the dummy until I want

to leave with it. All right? Now take
the check.

And why don't you go over and wait on
that nice man?

Strange.

I just know I've met that dummy
somewhere before.

Oh, well.

I'll go and sit over there and wait for
you boys to finish with your shopping.

What am I going to do?

I can't get clear enough to get a shot
at you. You'd better find some way.

I can feel my control system tightening
up.

Another 30 minutes or so, and they'll be
frozen so solid, even the molecular

revitalizer won't help me.

Hey. Good morning.

Look.

I think we're running into a little
luck.

It's about time.

We've run into everyone else.

I didn't do nothing.

Well, of course you did, didn't, didn't.

But would you like to do something?

Like what?

Well, like, um, shooting that dummy over
there.

Okay. You see, he's Jesse James.

The famous outlaw.

Aw, he ain't Jesse James.

Well, you could pretend he's Jesse
James, couldn't you?

But I can't believe he's a Martian.

I hate Martians. They're all green
inside.

Okay, well, then he's a... He's a
Martian.

All right.

Now let's go get him.

Now take a bead on him.

And remember, he is a Martian who is...
All green and so... No,

no, no. He's not a Martian.

I know now where I've seen him before.

Tim, he looks exactly like your Alfred.
How many times have I told you not to

wander away when I'm shopping?

Come on, Alfred.

Look, Mrs. Brown, I...

Uncle Martin.

Mrs. Brown.

That little boy.

That ray gun.

Tim, in the name of Neptune, get hold of
yourself.

This is no time to panic.

I happen to think it's a perfect time to
panic. Don't lose your step.

She's frozen stiff. And that little boy
is out there with that ray gun, and

she... Can she hear us? No. She's

frozen in a state of suspended
animation.

Oh, that's just great. I thought that
ray gun was supposed to defreeze people.

Yes, but the molecular revitalizer ray
works in reverse on humans.

It's my own fault.

I should have warned you.

However, we do have 60 minutes to undo
the harm that could befall Laura Lee,

10 minutes for me.

60 minutes? And 10 minutes.

Correction, 58 and 8.

You've already wasted two minutes here
falling apart at the seams.

Now get the revitalizer back and
quickly.

That child could make this place look
like a wax museum in no time at all.

I've got you covered!

In two seconds I'm going to have you
covered with the back of my hand if you

don't stand still and let me see if this
shirt fits.

Pardon me, but I believe your son has my
gun.

Has your what? My gun.

He gave it to me to shoot Martians with.

Yeah, yes, yes.

Martians, not Earth men.

You see, this is a demonstration model,
and we'll be selling it soon, and I'll

have to have it back.

Indian giver, Indian giver.

Give the man back his gun.

Right now, this minute.

Here.

I'm on the Martian side, even if they
are all green inside.

Malcolm, you almost saw an Earthman.

All green outside.

Mr. Kelsey, I don't know how this female
dummy got in the men's department.

Well, it's a cinch she didn't walk in
here by herself.

Well, don't just stand there, Howard.

Pick her up, take her back to
womanswear.

Yes, sir.

Okay, when I got it, I... Where's Miss
Brown? She's in women's wear.

Shopping? Displaying. I'm afraid she,
too, has been mistaken for a mannequin.

Oh, that's just great.

Now what are we going to do? May I
suggest we first release one Martian for

active service?

What?

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, okay.

we're having a moment to lose, not to
mention a very dear landlady.

Tim, leave the correct amount for this
aftershave cologne.

What? No, no, don't bother to wrap it.
Just keep the change, will you? You

picked the strangest times to go
shopping.

Homme fatale.

Isn't that the stuff that knocked you
out in the first place? And in the

place, the antidote needed to restore
Laura Lee.

Now, can we head for the last place
where Laura Lee is without further

questions? Laura Lee?

Laura Lee?

Pardon me, young man.

But have you seen an attractive young
woman, about five feet six, blonde, blue

eyes, wearing a two -piece royal blue
dress, wearing white gloves, carrying a

black purse?

Well, have you?

That sounds like the dummy I took over
to a woman's wear.

Dummy.

Young man, I will thank you to choose
your words more carefully. You happen to

be speaking of someone who is very near
and dear to me.

Dummy.

You've got to look nonchalant as you get
close to her and give her a whiff of

this om fatale.

Me? Well, obviously I can't, because if
I inhale some of it, I might freeze my

controls again. Oh, look.

Loralee.

Loralee. Brennan. Oh, we need him around
like Florida needs another hurricane.

Loralee. Now, grab hold of Loralee and
get her to some inconspicuous place.

I'll take care of Brennan with a little
delusionary illusion.

Goodness sake, Loralee, why didn't you
tell me?

I beg your pardon?

You look just like someone I thought
was... There

she is.

Loralee, my dear.

I am not your Loralee. And kindly remove
your hand, you masher.

Masher?

Now, to put her back as she was.

Don't go away, Mr. Brown.

May I help you? Yes, yes. I need some
cologne.

You do?

Yes. Look, I know it's none of my
business, but what do you do?

Bathe in it?

Look, sweetheart, I'm somewhat of a
hurry. So can I just have one bottle of

Homme Fatale, huh? And then some night,
you and I will have dinner together, and

I'll answer all of your questions, and
I'll have a beer I'd like to ask, too.

Now, how about a bottle of Homme Fatale?

With pleasure.

Only we're fresh out of it. Oh, I swear.

What? Look, don't crack up about it.

You've still got enough on you to last
you a month.

Even in a strong wind.

Very funny.

Now, would you just do me one favor?
Would you check the stock room? Maybe

have some down there.

Uh -uh. Not a drop.

Lady just bought the last bottle of
Homme Fatale we had in the store.

A lady? What lady? What'd she look like?
Mister, I only keep a record of the

sale, not the customer.

She was a lady with a little kid.

A lady?

With a little kid?

Does this lady happen to have a black
hat, blonde hair, blue top, green

Yeah, that kind of sounds like her.

Thanks.

You should be ashamed of yourself for
accosting a woman in a public store.

Why, it's getting so women aren't safe
anywhere anymore.

If there were a policeman around... My
dear lady.

I am not your dear lady. And don't you
dare get familiar with me, you

store Romeo.

Well, Tim, it's too bad you finished so
quickly because I was beginning to enjoy

this. Yeah, well, I'm finished, all
right. And so are you, and so is Mrs.

and so is... What happened?

Well, I broke the bottle before I could
give her a whiff. And there's not

another bottle of that cologne in this
entire store. I've been searching all

over for the lady who took... There she
is!

Martin, you've got to get that bottle.

Well, Tim, I can't levitate it away from
her in the middle of a department

store. Oh, come on. This is no time to
play it safe.

Look, we've got exactly seven minutes
before Mrs. Brown turns into a permanent

dummy.

Well, I suppose you're right.

Well, let's see which packet she has in
it.

behind this drape. All right, let's hope
she's still there and that we can

revive her in time. Now, you wait out
here and hold off Brennan while I tend

Laurel. Wait a minute. I thought you
said you couldn't expose yourself to the

direct fumes from this cologne.

Well, it's a chance I'll have to take.
I'll hold my nose and hope that none of

the fumes seep through.

Oh, no.

Luke sure picked a fine place to hide
her.

He's one of them. He was with the other
man who had my package.

Oh, Harold.

I should have known you'd be mixed up in
this. Well, I haven't the slightest

idea of what you're talking about. Oh,
you don't, don't you?

Don't think you can make a fool out of
me, O 'Hara. It's too late for that.

I couldn't agree with you more.

No, no, it's too dangerous.

Where is that shoplifting uncle of
yours?

That way.

You know, Brennan, they ought to invent
a marksmanship medal for you for

shooting off your mouth.

What's going on here?

Oh, you again.

One of my packages was stolen right from
out of my arms.

Well, of all things, here it is.

What? Goodbye.

Sir, I would like to report this man. He
has insulted me. Main accusation.

And who are you, sir?

I'm Lieutenant Brennan, police
department.

Oh, I...

I don't seem to have my identification
on this.

A detective, eh?

I'd say you look more like a shoplifter.
That's one of our suits you're wearing.

You were undoubtedly trying to walk out
of the store that way while drawing

attention to somebody else.

See here.

Oh, Hara, tell him who I am. I'm a
shoplifter. He's a masher, that's what

He tried to accost me. What?

Mr. Kelsey, there's a mannequin walking
around the window.

Oh, how? Wait, what?

there. What else?

Window shopping.

I've been looking all over for you.

You mean that's the dummy you said you
were looking for?

Bill Brennan, how dare you refer to me
as a dummy?

I said no such thing, Laura. I was
merely asking if anyone had seen you.

believe him, honey. He's a liar. He
tried to pick me up earlier.

I did not try to pick you up, madam.

I just said she just looked like you.

In fact, almost all the women seem to
look like you.

Oh, so I'm not only a dummy, am I? I'm
also so ordinary, I look like every

woman. I didn't say that. Wait a minute,
that suit hasn't been paid for. Come

back!

Tim, after all the years that I've been
visiting on your planet, there's one

thing that I don't understand.

What's that?

How can one Earthman like Brennan keep
getting into so much trouble?

Oh, well, I see you got your check back.
Yeah, that poor floor manager was so

happy to get rid of me. I think with a
little extra effort, I could have turned

a profit.

Well, shall we go? Oh, you who, Martin,
Tim.

I just wanted you to know that Bill and
I have made up.

In fact, he even bought me a little
gift.

It's called Femme Fatale. Isn't it
divine?

Oh, I just love it.

Well, we've got to go. Bye -bye. See you
at home.

Femme Fatale.

Pretty wild.