All language subtitles for my_favorite_martian_s03e11_the_time_machine

Oh, good morning, Uncle Martin.

You've been working on the time machine
all night?

All night, Tim.

Oh.

Pardon me. Well, did you visit any
interesting places?

Well, I went to Milan in the year 1450
to consult with Leonardo da Vinci. Oh,

yeah. That's the guy that painted the
Mona Lisa. Uh -huh. And first developed

the principles of human flight.

I got an answer from him.

To a question that has been puzzling the
experts for centuries.

What was that?

He was tickling her feet.

Oh, yuck, yuck, yuck. Humor is in your
sense of humor.

Well, at least I succeeded in waking you
up.

Actually, Tim, the machine is stuck.

Stuck? Yes.

The time, 1870.

The place, the state of Missouri.

And that wouldn't help me.

I want to go back to the time and the
place just before my crash occurred.

So that I can see what went wrong.

Well, good luck.

Say, Uncle Martin, next time you visit
Leonardo, would you ask him to remind

to plug in the coffee pot when you get
back? So that when your nephew wakes up,

he can have a nice hot cup of coffee.

No, don't, Tim.

What happened?

The short circuit in that coffee pot
reversed the directional beam.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you
two gentlemen from Missouri?

That's right.

How'd you know?

And the year is 1870?

It was a minute ago.

I was afraid of that.

Tim, I want you to meet two very famous
brothers, Frank and Jesse James.

How you doing? Please.

Do you think Jesse James?

And that thing he's got in his hand is
not a trumpet.

Now, Mr. James.

Call me Jesse.

Now, I realize I placed you and your
brother in a very embarrassing

How do you mean that, mister?

Well, you see, this is just not your
world.

You've been dead for a very long time.

I have?

About a hundred years.

I thought it'd be harder... That's a
funny thing to call a nice place like

No, this is the United States, a hundred
years later.

But don't worry. I can take you right
back to where you belong.

Frank.

You want me? Will you bring me that
machine that's sitting on the kitchen

Yes, sir.

Frank's a good boy.

I promised Ma I'd look out for him.

All right, mister.

Do you say you can get us back to
Missouri?

I certainly can.

Just as soon as Frank brings in that
machine.

That's red sticking out of there.

Well, you must have caught it at feeding
time.

Lame thing has two mouths, and its tail
is stuck in the wall.

All right, mister.

How do you aim to get us back to
Missouri on bat?

No, no, Jesse, that's the wrong machine.

Oh, I know which machine you mean.

I'm beginning to think I should have
brought back Nero.

At least we could have had music while
the toast burned.

How does this thing work?

Well, it's all set. All I have to do is
to have you and Frank stand in front of

it, push that switch down, and you'll be
back in Missouri in a flash.

Hey, that's as handy as a pocket in a
shirt.

Yeah.

It's just one trouble.

What is that?

We don't want to go back.

What? What?

What? But thank you kindly for showing
us what not to do.

But... Frank, step into the kitchen with
me.

We got some confabbing to do.

Or you fellas keep comfortable here.

Do something.

Levitate the gun or the time machine.

Tim, these men are experts. I can't even
wiggle my levitating finger.

Let's see if we can stand up.

And you fellas, come on, back to the
dive van.

Let's move. Come on.

Here, put it on.

Here, put it on. Martin, Tim, is this a
hold -up?

Thus far, Rory, the exact nature of the
activity has not manifested itself.

However, you would be well advised not
to make waves.

All right, you all sit down. I got
something I want to tell you. Yes, sir,

sir.

Pardon me, ma 'am.

You know, somebody's cut off the whole
bottom half of your skirt.

That's the way they wear them now.

Gunny.

Uh, where you put the hoops?

Uh, perhaps I should break it to you,
Mrs. Brown. These two gentlemen are

James and his brother, Frank.

Oh, Jesse, Frank.

Jesse James!

I'll explain it later.

But I thought they were dead.

I thought we were, too.

Unfortunately, they're very much alive.

And mighty anxious to get back to work.
We're going to hold up Santa Fe again.

Again? We tried it once, and things went
wrong.

It ain't often fellas get a second
chance like this.

You'll never get away with it. Getting
away with it's going to be the easiest

part. What with this little fella here.

What do you know about that?

Well, don't you remember?

You showed us.

Can I take her with me, Jesse?

Sure. She can help carry the money.

Martin, you've got to stop them.

Now, don't panic, Mrs. Brown. We'll do
something. You ain't going to do

You ain't even going to be able to find
us. We ain't going to stop in Missouri

in 1870.

What are we going to do, Jess?

Frank, there's a heap of money and gold
and everything else to be taken when

you've got all the history to do your
robbing in.

You mean like that Confederate gold they
said they had down in Richmond?

Oh, that's only a beginning.

There, we go back a few more years to
the colonies and old King George's tax

collectors. Yes, yes.

And then, then there's that Midas fella.

And, and, and Solomon.

Solomon. Oh, Solomon. They said he
married rich. Yes.

But how is it possible?

It's possible, Mrs. Brown.

It's possible.

They've got Mrs. Brown.

And her car.

And my time machine.

And they're about to lay their hands on
a cool fortune if we don't get out of

here and stop them. How much time have
we got?

That depends.

One can never quite figure on women
drivers.

And undoubtedly, Laura Lee's behind the
wheel.

As neither Frank nor Jesse can handle
that horseless buggy.

Good luck, Uncle Martin.

I've got the tip of my levitating finger
to where I can move it just a little.

Here, stand up behind me. I'll see what
I can do. Okay.

But what?

Rotten shot.

Now, Tim, turn around so I can get at
the mats on your hands.

Hurry up, Tim. All history's at stake.

All right, now what do we do?

Well, you can begin by untying me.

How are we ever going to find them?
They've got an hour head start on us.

Tim, I can possibly locate them with my
orbital sonoscope.

It's on the spaceship.

It sends out a pulsating signal which
rebounds off the object it's set for and

tells me how close I am. Oh, yes.

Well, how can you set it specifically
for Mrs. Brown's car?

It depends on certain chemical elements
being present.

Oh. Well, let's see. Her car is made of
steel, glass, aluminum, rubber, chrome.

So is every other car on the road.

Now, what I need is something unique in
her particular car.

Tim, you were helping Laura Lee unload
some groceries from the trunk yesterday.

What does she have in there?

Well, there was a jack.

Everybody has one. What else?

Well, let's see.

There was an umbrella.

One driving glove.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, she had her nephew's
skateboard.

Oh, also an album of old Rudy Vallee
records.

Tim, that's it.

You mean your orbital sonar scope can
get a fix on Rudy?

No, no, no, the skateboard.

The ball barons and skate wheels contain
vanadium. But you will zero in on a

half a million skateboards.

But how many skateboards are locked in a
steel receptacle like a car trunk?

That closed airspace will alter the
vanadium signal just enough to make it

distinctive. Well, let's hurry or that
train's going to be in for one big

And that's not all. If they get loose in
history with that time machine, Mrs.

Brown's picture will be in every post
office from the Confederacy to the Roman

Empire.

Tim O 'Hara. Tim O 'Hara. Will you read
me? Will you read me? Mr. Martin, where

are you? In the spaceship.

I'm transmitting on mental telepathy
audio.

Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, I have the map. Any
luck so far?

Yes, I have a fix on the car.

It's exactly 57 miles southwest of where
you are.

Are you sure that's southwest?

Right. Oh.

Well, then it must have been an awfully
wet trip.

Because that's 25 miles out in the
Pacific, on Catalina Island.

Sorry, Tim. The cloud cover confused me
momentarily.

However, there can't be too many
skateboards locked in auto trunks.

I'll try again and contact you.

Tim! Tim! Oh, Tim! Oh, Tim!

Yes, Uncle Martin? I've just found them.
Just 11 miles due east of where you

are.

Well, let's see, uh...

That'll be the town of Silversburg.

Oh, incidentally, that's right on the
Santa Fe.

Good. I'll be right down.

Well, you better hurry, because there's
a train due through that area in exactly

one hour.

You know, I don't know what we're going
to do when we get there, but we better

get there. We haven't got much time to
waste.

Can you hear me?

Loud and clear, Tim. Well, then get
to... Uncle Martin, where did you come

For heaven's sake, Tim, let's not go
into all that again.

Well, we off to Silversburg?

Wait a minute.

Do you hear that?

What?

Oh, I forgot.

Let me amplify it for you.

Well, I like the melody.

How do the lyrics go?

Tim, those sounds mean there's a
railroad signal control unit in this

Maybe we can stop that train. Come on,
Tim, let's go.

Well, there's no one here.

I don't mind that, but they've been
inconsiderate enough to lock the door.

You know what I want in your hand here
to have around in a bobby pin? Never

the compliments. We have work to do.

All right, you two.

Stand right where you are. I think he's
talking to you.

Who are you?

Railroad Security Patrol, that's who.

Oh, well, you're just the man we're
looking for. Two men are going to hold

the train.

We're going to hold up the train. Oh,
they still are. You see, it's the James

boys. There's Jesse and there's... No,
no, no.

No, no, no.

Oh, so you're the James boys.

Well, this is a pleasure. Oh, let me
introduce myself.

I'm Marshal Dillon.

Well, there you are, gentlemen. I'll
just go get my coat and we'll be on our

way.

You know, techniques for tying people
haven't changed much in 90 years. He

trussed us up the same way the James
boys did.

Except for one thing.

My levitating finger is free.

Oh, well, I'm tiny.

No time for that. Hang on.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, you crooks, come back here!

I realize that we've spent so much time
tied up today, I don't know how to act

when I'm loose.

Well, you better figure it out.

We have less than ten minutes to get
back Mrs. Brown and the time machine and

send those James boys packing off to
Missouri.

I'm afraid it'll be easy for the boys to
lose themselves in a western town like

this. They'll look like all the rest of
the inhabitants.

Except for one thing. There are no other
inhabitants.

This is a ghost town.

A ghost town?

Well, then the train won't be stopping
here.

Oh, when Jesse held up a train, it
rarely had a scheduled stop.

What do you mean? You mean they held up
a moving train?

No, it was just that Jesse and his gang
were so busy setting up the roadblock or

dynamiting the track that they didn't
have time to inform the railroad so that

they could print a new schedule.

Well, there's smoke on the mud, and
we've got to... Hey, look.

Well, we know they're here.

Mrs. Brown is still with them. I'd
recognize her driving anywhere.

Hey.

Look.

She managed to leave a note.

Help. Jail.

Hmm. Tim, they're holding her there.

Well, let's go.

I don't see her here.

Hey, look.

That looks like Frank's hat.

I don't like this, Tim.

Look, at least we have the dynamite. Now
all we have to do is hide it.

What an idiot. Go ahead, Tim. Kick the
box.

It'll be empty.

Jor is.

I'm on my way out to set the charge
right now. You know, them trains don't

on their own.

Thanks. I've already had all that
explained.

Thank you. Keep an eye on it.

What about Mrs. Brown?

Thinking about that note?

We made her write it.

You haven't done anything, Jor, have
you?

Well, mercy no. We're going to take her
with us. Got to have something to show

for this trip besides money.

You two just make yourselves comfortable
there.

You've got to get out of here now.

Why don't you just disappear?

I've been trying.

But being tied up cut off my circulation
and the lift valves in my antenna

elevators are stuck.

This is a great time for you to need a
valve job.

Is there something you can do?

There is a way. I can get the lubricant
circulating and free the valves, but

Frank out there might think it was a
little peculiar.

You just go ahead and do it.

I'll take care of Frank.

What's he doing that for?

Frank, didn't you ever get so mad that
you had to go stand in a corner?

Yeah, but I stood on my feet.

Well, that's the problem, you see. He is
so mad that he doesn't know which end

is up.

You know what Jesse used to do when he
had to stand in the corner?

Uh -uh.

He'd beat his head on the wall.

Like this.

Do you know that hurt like thunder?

I recall the time... Hey!

Where did he go?

Hey, you get back here!

and we have to find Mrs. Brown.

Hey, I thought you levitated Frank's
gun.

That's Jesse.

Jesse? But I thought Jesse was...

Oh,

I wish you Martins carried guns. Even by
himself, Jesse has the advantage.

Yes, and he won't be by himself long.

No doubt Frank has already let himself
out of that jail.

We'll just have to use their guns.

Tim, try to draw their fire.

Are you crazy?

Excellent. All I needed was something to
record.

All right, come and get us.

Right.

I hope you can keep playing those shots
over and over. Yes, but we need

something more lethal.

Duck into that saloon over there and see
if you can find anything that can

possibly be of help.

Okay. Cover me.

We got to do something, Jesse.

Them shots is getting mighty close. That
last one creased my hat.

Frank, you don't even have a hat on.

Oh, that's even closer.

Nothing at all?

I'm not much of a bunch of busted -up
old furniture and a lot of old cowboy

hats.

The hat.

Get them, and hurry. That dynamite could
go off at any minute.

Frank, I'll tell you what.

You sneak over to the bank, get behind
him. That way we can catch him in a

crossfire. I got you.

Jesse, look!

All right, so there's three of them.
We've taken on more than that.

There is more than that. Look.

Kim, do you notice anything peculiar?

Yeah. Yeah, they stopped shooting.

All right, Martin, they let me go.

They said you'll never catch them.
They're going back to Missouri.

Well, thank goodness they didn't take
you.

Oh, it was close.

But then Jesse reminded Frank that he
was a married man.

Martin, I don't understand.

Am I dreaming or something?

Unfortunately, you're wide awake, but
there's no time to explain now.

You just stay here.

Tim, let's get the time machine.

They're gone, all right.

The time machine looks undamaged.

Don't touch that or you won't be
undamaged long.

I am up, Frank.

Oh, not again.

Yep. That dynamite we fixed over there
is about to go off any minute. And we

us some train holding up to do.

Oh, Jesse.

Why did you do it?

What?

Oh. Oh.

Oh, Jesse.

I didn't do it.

There must be somebody else shooting.

Martin, the dynamite. Quick, we've got
to find it.

There's no time. Look.

Well, that was quick thinking, but I
don't understand.

Why did the dynamite go off?

Very simple. For those few moments, I
turned the train back to the year 1866.

Oh, what difference does that make?

Tim, my boy, if you had studied your
history, you'd know that Alfred Nobel

did not invent dynamite until the year
1867.

Martin, those steaks were magnificent.

Simply gorgeous.

Five seconds of motion.

Yes, sir, you really put your brain on
them steaks, partner.

Please, Tim, let's let the sleeping
doggies lie.

I'm going to get a little more of that
good coffee of yours, Tim.

Boy, that mind -clearing device really
worked on Mrs. Brown.

She doesn't remember a thing.

With women, I find it a little easier to
clear the mind.

Messier, but easier.

Oh, my.

Dinner by candlelight always reminds me
of Jessie.

Jessie? Jessie.

My cousin Jessie.

Oh, she just loved dinner by
candlelight.

There you are.

More?

Well, now I'm going to get my
contribution.

The dessert.

Oh, may I help you? Oh, no, thank you. I
can manage.

Wow.

She had me scared there for a minute.

I'm sorry, Tim.

That hiccup triggered my playback
mechanism.

I've got to remember to erase those
pistol shots.

That's good thinking.

Well, you could put on some waltzes, and
Mrs. Brown and I could dance.