All language subtitles for my_favorite_martian_s02e35_the_green_eyed_martian

All that, uh, bubble -bubble for that
one little plink?

That plink, Tim, is 800 -proof alcohol.

Crazy. Do you take onions or olives?

I'll take a return trip to Mars.

By tomorrow night, that beaker will
contain 50 centiliters of hyper

enough to boost my spaceship into the
proper flight pattern while Mars is

in a contiguous orbit.

That will do that?

Only if the process continues
uninterrupted. And I must have it by

night.

I wish you luck, but Brennan is still
snooping around.

I thought I sensed a hostile presence.

Whenever Detective Brennan's around, my
antenna quivers. And I hate that. It

tickles. There he is. The human
bloodhound.

Boy, you know, that brew is pretty
potent. Sooner or later, he's bound to

up here. All he has to do is follow his
nose.

Ah, don't worry, Tim.

I've put together a little something
that will deal with Detective Brennan

and for all.

Oh.

You mean a few drops of the coffee cup,
Senor Bonjour?

Pardon me.

This is A Formula A -6735 -K squared, as
found on page 64 in the

Martian Compendium of Home Remedies.

Or what to do till the Ziggablat comes.

Do tell.

It's an irresistible spray.

You see, Brennan is here primarily
because of Mrs. Brown.

But what if Mrs. Brown became interested
in another man?

Oh. You mean, uh, no more brownies for
Lieutenant Brennan?

Precisely, Dr. Watson.

My plan is to spray this on a suitable
candidate, introduce him to Mrs. Brown,

and, uh, Brennan will then, as you say
here on Earth, stop.

bugging us. You mean that one little
spray?

It's not to be used lightly, Tim.

One spray of this will render a person
completely irresistible to the opposite

sex. Oh, well, it can't be all that bad.

How long does it last?

Forever.

Unless you have the antidote.

Now, Tim, are you going on that
interview now?

Mm -hmm. Good. Then you can drop me at
the drugstore.

Just one little... Why, Tim, you don't
need that.

Only this morning you were telling me
that no girl can resist your charm.

Uncle Martin, you know what a liar I am.

Hmm. Ooh, that's really different.

Good morning, Martin.

I was just on my way to the butcher
shop.

Can I get you anything?

Oh, no, thank you, Laura Lee. I don't
need... Martin, what is it?

Darling, I love you.

Thank you.

What are we watching?

Mrs. Brown's house.

The butcher's inside.

The butcher?

So what? That heavy -thumbed, pig
-knuckle purveyor knows very well that

Lee's the only woman in the galaxy for
me.

I must be hearing things.

When did this happen? Who can explain
when two star -crossed lovers realize

their destinies are mingled?

Unless a certain snake slithers in,
trying to tempt her innocent soul with a

juicy pot roast.

If I didn't know you better...

I didn't think you were jealous.

Jealous?

Who's jealous?

I'm just going down there and tear him
sirloin from Sperry, if that's all.

You can't do that, because you're not
thinking like a Martian. And unless you

think like a Martian, people are going
to know you're a Martian.

You're right, Tim.

Then you're not going to go.

You're going.

Really, Mr. Sanders, I should put this
meat in the refrigerator.

How can you talk about refrigeration
when my heart is being charcoal broiled?

Mr. Sanders, what's come over you?

I can tell you, Laura Lee.

He'd go to any lengths to get customers
for his inferior meat.

Oh, Martin, I didn't hear you come in.

I'm here to protect you from this
philandering filet merchant.

What philandering?

This morning, when you asked me for
farmer -style spare ribs with a fat

cracked at the top, I suddenly knew you
were the only woman in the world for me.

Balderdash.

Oh, excuse me. I'll be right back.

Hold my place. I don't want to miss any
of this.

Hello, Lorelei.

Hello. Come on in.

What's all this?

Praying for rain?

Strangest thing, Bill. Mr. Sanders was
just saying that he loves me.

Brennan, why don't you go and protect
the populace?

Someone may be putting slugs in the
penny gum machine at this very minute.

Martin loves me too.

Why, they can't love you.

I'm the one who loves you. Why don't the
both of you go now so I can be alone

with my sweetbread?

She's not your sweetbread. She's my
sugarplum. What sugarplum? You're

of the pussycat I love.

What is it, Loralee? Ask anything of me.
For you, I'd climb the highest

mountain. And I would personally jump
off that mountain.

While that one's climbing and the other
one's jumping, how about you and me

going out for the evening?

Oh, really?

All I want to do is put my spare ribs in
the refrigerator.

Oh, I think this solid silver tie clip
goes rather well with my solid silver

buttons, don't you?

I think the whole thing goes very well
with your solid silver head.

Uncle Martin, you just are not thinking.

Now, how many times have you told me it
would be absolutely fatal for you to

fall in love with an Earth woman? I
realize that, Tim, but I just can't seem

help myself. To paraphrase one of your
better Earth poets, I've got her under

skin. I've got her deep in the heart of
me. You're going to have Brennan all

over you because if he is as jealous of
Mrs. Brown as you are, he's going to

come up here and tear this place apart
until he finds something to get on you.

And with that 800 -proof martini in the
kitchen, he won't have to look very far.

You're right, Tim.

It is a danger.

Oh, do you think these couplings are a
little too much?

I think the whole thing is too much.

You seem to think that Mrs.

Brown... Hey, wait a minute.

That's it.

She must have gotten some of that stuff
all over.

Of course, Tim. She must have.

It's the only explanation.

I'll go down and tell her. No, no, no,
Tim, don't.

If you get near Laura Lee, you'll fall
in love with her, too. And you know what

will happen then?

What? You'll try to take her away from
me and I'll despise you.

You've been seeing Laura Lee behind my
back, haven't you? You've been seeing

behind my back, I know that. Admit it!
Admit it!

Of course it isn't, Tim. I made that
irresistible spray so strong that it

overcomes even my superior intellect.

Up here I know this will undoubtedly
expose me as a Martian and ruin

But down here I say, come live with me
and be my love.

And we will all the pleasures prove that
valleys, groves, hills and fields,

woods or steepy mountains yields.

Oh, brother.

Here comes Brennan, and he's going to
show you what the inside of a creepy

cell yields.

Brennan, you'll have to get rid of him,
Tim. I don't dare let him see what I'm

doing. Now you're talking sense.

Of course I'm talking sense, because
he'll try to steal the sonnet that I'm

writing for Laura Lee.

Now I know what non -compass menace
means.

Shall I compare thee to a Martian moon?

Would you mind just making your poetry a
little quieter?

Well, Detective Brennan, isn't it a nice
day?

It will be once I get my hands on
Loverboy. Loverboy? Oh, you mean Uncle

He thinks he can take Laura Lee away
from me, but he won't be around long

enough.

I've been smelling something peculiar,
and I finally traced it up here.

to that little old brewmaster.

Oh, no, no, I'm sure that you're
mistaken, Detective Brennan.

I think really what you're smelling is
the... the fragrance of, uh... of Mrs.

Brown's garden. Yes, the roses, the
azaleas, the petunias.

If those are petunias, they'd better
join Flowers Anonymous.

Will you get out of my way? I know the
evidence is right inside there. I am

sorry, Detective Brennan, but I can't
let you in there.

Why do you hate me?

Well, it isn't that exactly.

I know.

You're trying to take Laura Lee away
from me, too.

Me? Never.

You owe Hara the two of a kind. But I'll
settle both your hashes.

I'm going to get a search warrant.

Well, it gives me a little more time.

But how does a mere human protect a
lovesick Martian?

Oh,

come on, Uncle Martin. You've got to
dismantle this stuff and get out of

If Brendan finds it, we're in big
trouble. I appreciate your concern, Tim.

this equipment must distill enough
spaceship fuel so I can use it tomorrow

night. Look, you cannot go back to Mars
in this condition.

Who wants to go to Mars?

Oh, good.

Tomorrow night, I'm taking Laura Lee
away from all this. Oh?

Mm -hmm. We're going to elope and
honeymoon on Venus.

Two handkerchiefs?

Check. How can you sit there so calmly
and tell me that you and Mrs. Brown are

going to fly away? Excuse me, Tim. I'm
not just sitting here. I'm checking out

the necessary items to take on my little
jaunt. You might call it my trousseau.

You haven't told Mrs. Brown that you're
a Martian. Oh, Laura Lee doesn't know

anything about this. I thought it would
be more romantic to surprise her once

we're on our way. This is not eloping.
This is kidnapping.

And there are laws in this state that
say that...

It's my sugarplum. She can't see this.
It would spoil the surprise.

Tim!

Tim!

Yoo -hoo!

Oh, there you are. You know, I've been
wanting to talk to you, and you've been

avoiding me all day.

There, you see, you're doing it again.
Doing what?

Acting so strangely.

Everybody else likes me. There you are,
Laura Lee.

I see I've arrived in the nick of time.
What's that fiend doing to you? Doing?

He won't even come near me.

A likely story.

You, stay away from her.

Believe me, I'll do it the best I can.

I wish you boys had learned to get
along.

Maybe you just don't know each other
well enough.

Oh, I know how his mind works.

Well, that's a step in the right
direction.

Now, I'm going to go downstairs and make
a batch of fudge brownies, and we'll

all get together later and talk about
it. Bye.

There goes nature's loveliest creation.

Now, where's nature's ghastliest
mistake?

He in there?

No, no, he... For you, my dear.

Thanks, O 'Hara.

Shut up, my light of love.

Where is she? She's gone.

So you are a bootlegger.

I'll just keep this as evidence.

Now, where's the still? Just a minute,
Detective Brennan.

What about your search warrant?

I haven't had time to get one.

I've been too busy making plans
concerning a certain lady.

Mrs. Brown.

Tim, I can understand you're being
attracted to her.

But stop sneaking around behind my back.
You're trying to take her away from me,

aren't you? Believe me, Detective
Brennan, she doesn't mean a thing to me.

Don't you say a word against her.

What happens when he gets in the
kitchen?

Kitchen? I'm glad you reminded me, Tim.
We'll need lots of food.

The restaurants on Venus are terrible.

Oh, just one second, Detective Brennan.
Detective Brennan, you don't want to go

in there.

Why not?

We're fumigating.

Too bad it didn't work.

Come inside.

Detective Brennan, I can explain.

Explain what? Explain that.

This kitchen is such a mess.

You see, dirty dishes.

Very unneat.

Well, Hawkshaw, satisfied?

I won't be satisfied until I find that
still.

Believe me, I will find it.

They don't call me Bulldog Brennan for
nothing.

Where is the still?

I've dismantled it. Good. Then you won't
be able to make enough fuel to take

Mrs. Brown to Venus.

Perhaps. We'd simply use whatever I've
prepared.

It should be enough to land on a lonely
asteroid and make a romantic life far

from the maddening crowd.

Then I'll really have her to myself.

If I don't find that book,

or that antidote, and counterbalance
Mrs. Brown's spray, Uncle Martin's

Where could he have hidden that book?

for the Crafty Martians, but this is
ridiculous.

Washing the pendulum of home remedies or
what to do until the Ziggurat comes

home?

Why,

that crafty... Page 64.

Page 64, 64, 64.

It's in Martian.

I can translate it. If I can just find
this English Martian dictionary.

That's beautiful.

That means I have to look for another
book.

Think like a Martian.

Maybe a sandwich will give me strength.

For a love -sick Martian, where would I
hide a dictionary?

Martians ain't...

Oh, boy, is that Martian lovesick.

Let's see. A wiggly line.

It's an A.

Line that looks like an S.

What do you know?

It's an S.

Well, Tim, all is in readiness.

What are you doing?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Uncle Martin, you just can't go like
this.

Well, there's nothing else I can do,
Tim.

Your friendship has been a great deal to
me, and I hate long farewells, so... So

I'll say only... Well,

it loses in the translation, Tim, but
roughly it means... Goodbye.

No! No, no, no.

The bird is on the wing, Tim. The bird
is on the wing. It's time to sweep Sugar

Plum off her feet and on to Venus.
Goodbye.

Let's see.

Start with a dot over it. Start with a
dot over it.

T.

S -P -I -R -N. A -S -P -I -R -I -N.

Aspirin.

Aspirin.

Aspirin!

You mean that is the antidote for all
that?

Brown!

Mrs. Brown!

Oh, my gosh.

I've always said you make the greatest
fudge brownies in the world.

As Wordsworth said, if music be the food
of love, play on.

I believe you'll find that William
Shakespeare said that.

Your ignorance is showing, O 'Hara.

I'll prove I'm right. Oh, I think the
book I want is over there.

Oh, yes, quotations, quotations,
quotations. Music, music, music, music,

If music, if music, if music.

I don't understand it.

This book does credit Shakespeare.

Perhaps the book is wrong.

Why don't you try another?

Don't be sarcastic, O 'Hara.

You know, sometimes I think... There it
is again.

There what is again?

That same odor.

It's coming from your kitchen, Laura
Lee.

Well, now, that's funny. I don't have
anything cooking.

Of course not, my dear.

This cut -rate Capone knew I was closing
in, so he's planted a still in your

window box.

Oh, but that's impossible, Bill. The
window box is full of geranium.

Be calm, Laura Lee.

It must be a fuse.

I'll take care of it.

Mrs. Brown.

Mrs. Brown, where are you?

What are you doing here?

Nor snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom
at night stays this courier from his

loved one's sight.

Oh, Postman, does Mrs. Brown know you're
here?

You're trying to take her away from me,
too.

Uncle Martin, I know you're in a hurry.

But aren't you making a little mistake?

Oh, good grief.

What were you doing in the kitchen?

My love is like a choice filet.

So tender and so sweet.

I adore Mrs.

Brown, if I may say.

It's her I'd love to eat.

Oh, no.

Oh, yeah.

Mrs. Brown!

I fixed it, Laura Lee.

I have something for you.

Mrs. Brown, have an aspirin.

But I don't have a headache.

You will.

Tim, I don't understand you today.

Mrs. Brown, have you ever tried a fudge
brownie sandwich?

No, I... Well, it's a new taste
sensation.

Oh, really?

Oh, here, Mrs. Brown. And while you're
having your... fudge brownie sandwich,

I'll just step in your closet and light
a sweater.

What are you doing here?

I was driving down the street in my
truck, ringing the little bells, when I

couldn't help myself.

Welcome to the club.

Please, don't breathe so heavily. You're
melting my ice cream bar.

Oh, now, now, now, my little sugarplum.
The next time your twinkle toes touch

the earth, it won't be the earth.

You don't have to worry about those
boors any longer, Laura Lee.

It'll be you and I among the stars.

Oh, Martin, you're so romantic.

Uncle Martin, will you wait? You can't.
I'm sorry, Tim, but que sera, sera.

Tim! Well, then you take one, will you,
please?

Oh,

Tim, that hurt.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Brown, I... It hurt? Of
course it hurt. You're going to have a

headache, Mrs. Brown, a terrible
headache, and I just happen to have some

aspirin. Here, take one, take two.

All right, Sugar Plum, it's time that
we... Tim.

What am I doing?

Pussycat!

Pussycat, you'll catch your death.

What's going on here, Laura Lee?

Sweet bread. I don't think... Say, do
you realize you haven't paid me for them

spare ribs?

Told him, as Virgil said, love conquers
all.

Most.

Yeah, before Mrs. Brown.

You know, I think she's going to miss
that excitement, all that attention.

I think I have the solution to that
problem, too.

That's the spritz.

Just enough left.

A drop.

Just enough for her to...

Taper off.