All language subtitles for my_favorite_martian_s02e22_crash_diet

Uh, Martin, hold it.

Please, Tim, please, no pictures until I
get my old sylph -like figure back

again. Well, all this just to lose three
pounds? Tim, it's imperative.

This space suit is engineered to the
last ounce. Why, if I were only one

overweight, it would cause the
stabilometer refractioning. Yeah?

What's that mean?

Simply put, I can't make any test hops
until I take off this weight.

It's all this soft Earth living.

Oh, well, why don't you give up all this
soft Earth living?

Stop the strudel. Start the yogurt.

Fortunately, that's not necessary.

The molecular equalizer in my spaceship
will take off the precise amount of

weight in a matter of minutes by
collapsing my fat molecules.

There.

Uncle Martin, how do you know all the
fats in your head?

Damn, please.

Now, this merely acts as a thyroid
depressant.

Now, will you go over there and throw
the green switch on the control panel?

Sure.

I just wanted to make sure you were
still there.

Of course I am.

There seems to be a power drain of some
kind.

Are you sure that you turned the green
switch?

Yeah. The one on the left.

On the left?

Oh, no!

Your Earth's atmosphere must have
oxidized the red switch and turned it

Is that bad?

Let's put it here.

You're going to have to lose more weight
than you thought.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry, Uncle Morton. I
admit it was my fault.

Well, don't worry about it, Tim.

There's no permanent damage.

No, no. If it was any smaller, we could
always play tiddlywinks with it.

When you threw that switch, it reduced
the ship instead of me.

The ship's molecules packed into a much
smaller space.

Now they're under tremendous tension.

The pressure will build up to a critical
point and the ship will expand to its

normal size.

Oh?

Well, uh... When will that happen?

Well... I can't tell without precise
measurements.

Look, will you put this away for me?

And by the way, have you seen my
molecular pressure gauge?

It has a handle with a flat head and a
hole in it.

Oh, is that the thing that looks like a
bottle opener? Mm -hmm. Yeah, it's up in

the kitchen.

Now, that's what stands in the way of
Earth's progress.

Confronted with something strange, you
either make a lamp out of it or you open

a bottle with it.

That's no bone. Out you go.

Aha.

Excuse me.

My father was the finest swordsman in
all of France. On guard.

Thank you very much, monsieur.

And that is how we won the war for the
Queen.

Tim, this is no time to be playing the
man in the iron mask.

Where's my spaceship?

It's right there.

It's gone.

Obviously, but where?

We've got to get it back.

Without these measurements, I have no
idea when it will expand to normal size.

Suppose it happened in a crowded place.

It could be a catastrophe.

Think, Tim, think.

I'm thinking, I'm thinking. But there
was no one here except myself and...

And who?

Uncle Martin, I think your spaceship has
gone to the dogs.

Wow, Clyde boy, what have we here?

Hey, looks kind of like the flying
saucer I'm making.

Now, which one am I, competitors?

Fine, no name, no patent number.

Well, it must be homemade.

You want to play, Clyde?

Come on, here.

Fetch.

Well, how about that?

A flying saucer and...

He's got an idea for a sensational new
toy.

Here, Poochie.

Poochie. Tim, I wouldn't call him that.
Some dogs are very sensitive about it.

Oh, well, I wouldn't want to insult him.

Here.

Here.

What do I call him, Mr. Dog, sir?

It doesn't matter now. He's gone.

Uncle Byron, have you been up all night?

Contact, finally.

Oh, is there a little hairy friend?

Coming up the street right now.

Well, I'll go and grab him. That won't
be necessary. You can let him in.

Spaceship swiper.

Well, yes, I certainly do want to talk
to you. Where were you last night?

Where was he?

Beyond the range of my antenna, staying
with a friend.

He did?

What he did? Do?

He stayed out all night.

The friend?

No, no, no, his master.

Yes.

Scratches constantly, eh? His master?

No, the friend.

Well, I sympathize with your problem.

But an unfortunate environment is no
excuse for taking things that don't

to you.

is my spaceship now?

What?

Oh, no.

What oh, no?

A boomerang?

It's in Australia?

Worse than that. It's in patent pending.

Ah,

Dave. Dave, the mold is perfect.

I want to thank you for doing such a
great job so fast.

We're going to flood this country with a
boomerang. flying saucer before that

happy toy outfit knows what boomerang
down there, huh?

Oh, come in. Come in.

Keep up the good work, Dave. And
remember, this toy business is dog -eat

Fortunately, I happen to have the right
type of dog, huh?

I'll be with you gentlemen in a moment.

After all, I got you into this in the
first place.

Why do you think I'm hesitating?

Joe, I would fire you in a minute if you
weren't my nephew.

Now, what can I do for you, gentlemen?

Mr. Albert, I'm a reporter, and I'm
doing a feature story on the modern and

ingenious toys that are being made these
days.

Now, who's he?

Oh, um, I'm his cameraman.

You've come to the right place. We
really make quality stuff here.

Yes, well, this looks like a very
interesting toy.

No publicity on this one. Not till we
get it on the market.

Well...

Picture of the king of the space toys.
Don't you, Tim? Picture?

Picture, yes.

That's a splendid idea. Now, if you
don't mind standing right over here.

Perhaps if we had him fold his arms.

Oh, yes, yes. I think that would
accomplish our goal.

That's it. Now, fold them and look at
the camera.

That's it. This way. Look this way.

Got it. Good. Superb.

Well, I think we have what we want.
Thanks very much, King. Uh, Mr. Albert?

Not at all.

Not at all, gentlemen.

And keep your eyes open for our latest
space toy. It's going to be really big.

Well, it's amazing how big these things
can become. And who knows when it will

happen.

Go now.

Thank you. No, no.

Just call me Raffles O 'Hara.

If I were you, I wouldn't take up crime
as a full -time career, Tim.

This is not my spaceship.

You sure?

My ship would hardly be stamped
manufactured by Jolly Toys.

Don't blame yourself, Tim.

Who could have known he'd duplicated
already?

Yeah.

Actually, he's sort of cute, you know.

Cute.

Tim, that man stole the aerodynamic
design of my spaceship. How could he do

thing like that?

How do you think he became king of the
space toys?

Speaking of stolen goods, do you know
where we can get a fence to get rid of

this hot spaceship we've absconded with?

That's no problem.

And for our real problem, to find the
men's locker room.

The men's locker room?

Mm -hmm. Ah.

My spaceship is somewhere in this
factory. We'll have to search all of it.

but we're in this. Who's going to stop
us?

Hey, you!

He is.

Look at the way you work here.

You both look pretty puny, but I need
you in shipping. There's a rush order.

I guess we look like we work here. It's
all right, Tim. We have to start

somewhere.

Or did they duplicate your ship?
Remember, imitation is the sincerest

flattery. But in this case, as you Earth
people say, who needs it?

We worked all night making these. Now
all you have to do is put them on a

conveyor belt.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What'd you expect? This ain't a
marshmallow factory, you know.

with these shoddy copies.

Oh, well, this is hopeless, Uncle
Martin. We can't go through all of these

boxes. That's not necessary, Tim. When
something goes wrong, my ship is

programmed to respond to a certain tone
by repeating that tone.

All that's required is to hum in A
-flat.

You're putting me on. No, no, no, no,
I'm not. Like this.

Hum.

Ah.

Not so low.

Hum.

Now, why don't you have perfect pitch
like I have? Now, listen carefully.

people working here to be jolly but you
ain't

gonna be working here if you don't get
them boxes moving sir right away sir

don't fire sir we need this job sir i'll
be down the loading

Keep them moving, Tim, or our oversized
foreman will throw us out before I can

find my ship.

You sure can move.

Well, it's just a question of knowing
how.

What are you saying?

You got those boxes loaded from the
other room?

Other room?

My spaceship.

My spaceship, Tim. There it goes. Where?
On its way to Lacey's department store.

Okay, take her away.

The foreman's coming.

Until you move the rest of the boxes.

Oh, gladly.

Not those.

Those.

May I ask what you're doing?

Oh, I'm just checking on the new stock,
Miss, uh, Turner.

When were you assigned to my department,
Mr., uh... O 'Hara. I just arrived.

And may I say it's a pleasure to be
associated with such a young and

department head.

The last time I heard flattery like that
was the last time we had a new male

clerk.

But I do need a man around here.

Glad to oblige. I'll take care of these.
No, no, that top shelf over there, that

needs straightening.

You'll find a ladder in the corner.

Oh.

Oh,

look at these, dear. Aren't they nice?
May I help you?

Oh, I promised Edgar that if he was very
good for a whole 24 hours, he could

pick out any toy he wanted.

Didn't I, Edgar?

Yeah. And the 24 hours are up.

I'm sure Edgar would enjoy one of our
new flying saucers. Give me it.

I'll just write up the order.

Your name is Mrs... Mrs... Mrs...

I'm sorry. I'll have to get another
pencil. I'll be right back.

May I be of some assistance?

Oh, well, that young lady was taking
care of us. But we are in a hurry. My

little boy wants this toy.

Oh. Are you certain this is the one you
want, young man?

Yeah.

Well, I'm afraid this is the display
model.

Well, that's the one I want. Give it!

Now, Edgar, don't make a scene.

Let the man have his toy.

You'll get a better one. And then I'll
buy you a nice ice cream cone, all

No.

Do you realize how hung up I got that?

Don't be angry, sir. I have the flying
saucer that you reserved. It's right

here. Flying saucer I reserved? There it
is right there. I reserved that saucer?

Give me my saucer, little boy.

I will not. I want this one.

Please, Edgar. Wouldn't you rather have
one of those rocket launchers? They're

twice as big as this.

So what? This one's growing.

I'll take that, sonny.

What's going on here?

I want my flying saucer and he's trying
to take it.

That's my shin.

That's my flying saucer. You shouldn't
have done that, Edgar.

Especially when mother was going to buy
so many nice things.

Well, sir, we have plenty more in stock.

Yes, but how do I know they're as good
as this one? No, miss, I want this one.

I have the solution.

Whoever can pay for it can have it.

$4 .98.

Well, that sounds fair.

Look, that's funny.

I can't find my wallet.

Oh, yes. Well, in that case, I guess
it's mine.

I assume you love my...

Wall of my own brothel.

I didn't have my credit card.

In that case...

Well,

in that case, here's $5.

Keep the change.

Your clerk gave him the money.

Lacey's new policy, anything to keep the
customer happy. I'll give it to me

again. You have to give him something
for it. That's the only way you'll get

to listen.

Maybe with you, madam, but not with me.
If you don't, I yell.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Because you don't care.

On the contrary, I do care. About you
and your mother.

And as for you, madam, as a great poet
once said, less or more care you for the

child, not what the child cares for.

Shall we go?

What great poet wrote that?

Me.

Go ahead and yell.

A few

seconds more and I would have been a bit
crowded in here.

Wouldn't you say that we still have just
a little problem?

How are we going to get this thing home?

People aren't used to seeing spaceships
floating down the street. They're going

to wonder.

You're right, Tim.

All right, it's an advertising gimmick.
So what?

Well, it's a nice day for kite flying.

As I said to Nathaniel Hawthorne when he
was writing the purloined... letter.

Nat, the best place to hide something is
in plain sight.

Uncle Martin, look, I know you have to
take the ship up for some test hops now

that you've got it back, but would you
do me one little favor?

Don't use that crazy reducing machine
anymore. Start using yogurt. Not yogurt,

Tim. A double portion of lobster
thermidor with sour cream on top of the

potato. That is the Martian way to lose
weight? That's anybody's way of putting

on weight.

I want you to take a look at me now.

I have lost five pounds with all this
running around.