Original subtitles

And in reassembling your gravitator, note that the buoyancy wheel must engage

the astral dial.

If this isn't the astral dial, oh boy, when I get back to Mars, will I give

factory a piece of my mind.

Could you get that, Uncle Martin? It's probably Mrs. Brown.

Sonny, how do you do? Is this the residence of Timothy O 'Hara?

Well, uh, he's occupied at the moment. May I help you? I happen to be his Uncle

Martin. Oh, he's, uh, his Uncle Martin, you say, huh? His uncle is what I said,

and his uncle is what I am. Now, if there is something I can do for you,

Yes, well, you can begin by inviting me in. That's what you can do for me. Six

thousand long miles I've come, all the way from County Mayo in Ireland. Now,

do me the honor of admitting Timothy's Grand Uncle Seamus, and not for any

moment, either.

I don't recall any Uncle Martin.

Uncle Seamus, what a surprise.

Timothee, let's have a look at you. I tell you, you're a sight for sore eyes.

Look at the muscles on him, will you?

You're a fine stopping lad altogether.

Oh, I tell you, I'd know an O 'Hara anyplace.

I mean, that leprechaun's smiling, you lad. Look, I tell you, it was well worth

me trip to America. Although it wasn't tax deductible, it was well worth it.

Look upon the smiling face of me grand -nephew. Oh, now, come on, Uncle Seamus.

You didn't travel all that distance just to tell me that.

Well, I... Well, yes, the truth of the matter. There was something else, but we

won't go into it now.

But I couldn't go back, you know. I couldn't go back without visiting

now, could I? Well, I... Look, have you had dinner? No, I haven't. But I

couldn't be put into that much trouble now, could I? It's no trouble at all.

Oh, have you met my... Your uncle?

Oh, yes, indeed, I have.

Well, I'll see what we have for dinner. Maybe I can work up an Irish stew.

He's one of the richest men in Ireland. You'd think he'd stay in a hotel.

How do you think he became one of the richest men in Ireland?

Well, there's one thing for sure.

He has great doubts about you being in O 'Hara. That's where you're wrong.

There isn't a doubt in his mind. He's positive I'm not in O 'Hara.

Well,

maybe he won't stay too long.

Maybe there won't be a problem. There's already a problem. My gravitator must be

repaired within the next few hours or your Earth's atmosphere will corrode the

delicate mechanism, remember? Holy smoke, you can't do that with him

I'll wait till he falls asleep.

Who? Who said that? Who?

A fucking waste of electricity altogether.

Uncle Seamus.

Get this Gaelic octopus to let go of me. Uncle Seamus, please.

Let go of him. I'm not going to hurt him, but I do have to hold on to him,

know. I told you there was something strange about this fellow, Tim. What do

mean? Him and his tricks, making things float through the air.

Don't you know what you've been living in the presence of, huh?

Suppose you tell us.

What Tim has been living in the presence of.

Oh, now, now, now. Who else could do the things you've been doing but a

leprechaun, huh?

A leprechaun?

A leprechaun?

Certainly.

I even saw his failures.

Oh, well, uh, uh... A faith and vigor, I guess you're going to be seated.

All right, I'll admit, you caught me with me broke down.

Oh, well, in that case, I think I can let go of you.

And, you know, to think I was almost going to stop believing in such things

you, huh? Do you mean you've been passing yourself off as my uncle and all

time you've been one of those little people?

Certainly, yes, certainly.

Well, come to think of it, you know, he's not so little at that, is he?

Oh, well.

Oh, well.

You see, Uncle Seamus, it's the climate. Yes, California. Everything grows

bigger here.

Exactly.

Uncle Seamus, sure, and even though you've guessed who I am, you must tell

one. It could lead to certain difficulties.

Why wouldn't you do a thing like that? That is against the rules. No, no, no.

You see, if an outsider finds out that I've caught him, he loses power and I

lose me big chance.

Chance for what? Chim.

Chim.

Timmy boy, you don't know your leprechaunology. The chance for me wish.

I've had this wish aching in me heart for this one... Wait a minute. I'll go

get her picture for you. You're talking about Eileen McGinty. He knows, Tim.

Tim, he knows. I'll get it for you.

Did you see that, Tim?

Did you?

She's a doll.

Yes, a doll she was indeed.

I was a... I was a proud man. Of course, she was proud, too.

We had fallen out, and she upped and left me and went off to America.

I searched high and low for her, but in vain.

I knew that only a miracle could find her again.

But I'm beginning to believe that miracle has happened now.

Meaning me?

Yes.

Could you?

Would you, Mr. Leprechaun?

Well, faith now, I'm not sure that... Oh, please.

Please, you... You don't know how empty my life has been.

I was a foolish man, and it's taken me 25 years to get over that foolish pride.

Oh, sure, I'm rich, but I'm still a poor man without Eileen by my side.

Well, Uncle Seamus, don't count on it. I mean, there's only so much a leprechaun

can do. Is what I'm asking, then, that impossible?

Well, of course it is.

For anyone but.

A leprechaun.

Would you, will you, please? That is, if you could provide me with some kind of

a clue, preferably something that belonged to Eileen. She never answered

letters.

All I have is a letter from Los Angeles she sent to her sister.

That might do.

I'll go fetch it. I will, right now.

Are you sure you can pull off this leprechaun bit?

I mean, isn't that sticking your neck out?

Tim, there are times when if you stick your neck out for someone who needs it,

you find you can hold your head a little higher.

Well, let's hope it doesn't get chopped off.

Well,

here we are, 2299 Cloverdale.

But I still don't know how you know she's here.

I ran the letter Seamus gave me through the electronic geographical locator on

my ship.

She's here all right, Tim.

Well, if you say so. Now what?

You take the car down the street and wait while I find out if our quarry also

believes in leprechauns.

Tis I, having a little joke.

Who's there?

Saints preserve us.

What's that we name?

I did.

Who's I did?

A leprechaun. Oh, a leprechaun.

Get along with you, there's no such things.

Ah, no such thing, eh?

you be wanting with me?

It is a very special mission that I've come on for one Seamus O 'Hara.

Seamus O 'Hara?

Mm -hmm.

It is the wish of Seamus O 'Hara that I find you. Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Isn't it your wish to be found?

Oh, well, uh... No.

No!

I've got to get on with my work. The Mr. and Mrs. will be coming back tonight.

Ah!

But wait.

That's easily taken care of.

There now.

All done.

Or was that just an excuse?

No, see here.

About that Seamus O 'Hara of yours.

I loved him with all me heart, but he broke it, and I'll not let him do it

again. Leprechaun or no.

So good day to you, and thank you for cleaning up me room.

Do I sense that you had a rival for Seamus' love?

The truth be known.

Well now, it is understandable that you don't want to be hurt again.

So suppose we give you a fighting chance against any other rival.

Hold still.

Into me. Here now.

What's happening to me?

I'm sure she wouldn't mind.

What's going on?

I'm sure she wouldn't object.

Oh, what's going on?

Oh, what are you doing to me? Oh, my gracious.

Oh, for goodness sakes.

What are you doing to me?

Now, if Seamus doesn't choose you over any other woman, I'll marry you myself.

What other woman?

Your rival, whoever she is.

Me rival never was a she.

It was an it.

An it? It was money.

Money.

Money.

I loved him and I was willing to put up with a lot.

But when a girl buys her dress and her trousseau and she's all set for a June

wedding and her groom comes to her and says he's putting off the wedding till

the following January so they can get full bank interest on her dowry.

Well, that ended it right there.

But, Eileen, the man is not the same now.

At least talk to him.

Have you been marching in here seeing what I am?

Him and his fancy spats and his diamonds and his shiny shoes flaunting his

riches in me face and calling me a spendthrift and saying, I told you so.

Well, much as I love him, I couldn't bear that.

But he wouldn't say that.

He needs you.

He needs his money. And I hope the two of them will be very happy.

So now if you'll come.

Oh!

Where did you go?

Where did you go?

I heard the

whole thing, Uncle Morton. Well, I don't care what you heard. That woman's

lonely and she needs him.

But she won't see them. Well, she won't see the rich Seamus O 'Hara, but suppose

we send her one, she will see.

Uncle Martin, I don't understand.

Why did you give Uncle Seamus Eileen's address?

One look at him dressed like that, diamond stick pin and all, bragging

riches, she'll throw him right out.

I'm fully aware of that, Tim.

Have a little patience and watch.

Don't worry, they made me the best Sunday suit.

I hate to be obvious.

Be obvious.

Ice cream on me hat.

Oh, God.

This is no way to be calling on a lady.

Oh,

he's about to leave.

I'd better throw up a force field.

Yes, what is it, me poor man?

Eileen.

Eileen McGinty?

One and the same.

Oh, what a fine, handsome woman you are, Eileen.

Don't you know me?

Well, no. How would I be?

Oh, saints preserve us. Oh, no, it can't be.

Seamus? Seamus O 'Hara?

Yes, yes, to be sure. Well,

aren't you going to invite me in?

Yes.

Yes, of course. Come in.

Come in.

But how could you be Seamus O 'Hara?

That's easy, woman.

I was born that way.

Send me in your letters. You was rich as crazy.

What? You mean to say that... Oh, Seamus, did you have to be so proud

to be... Oh, you must be hungry, you poor, foolish man.

I'll go get you a cup of tea and some cakes. No, no, no, Eileen. I think you

misunderstand. You see, I... Tea and cakes, did you say, huh? Oh, I'd love

I would. Why don't you sit down and I'll be right back.

Thank you. Thank you, love.

You know, this isn't what I expected at all, Eileen.

I had no idea you were such a fine lady.

How about that?

He thinks she's rich.

Well, they can't do any harm. I'm not so sure.

This may be getting out of hand.

Eileen, I must say you've done yourself proud.

Well,

perhaps I should explain.

No, no, love, I'm...

I'm afraid to say that there was two little explanations here.

You see, I didn't mean to... Oh, I know. Look at your poor coat.

The sleeves won't mend and you just take it off and it'll only take me two

shakes to mend it.

All right.

You know, Eileen, seeing you again like this makes me sure I was so right in

waiting and searching for you all these long years.

Oh, I missed you, Eileen.

I've missed you so much.

And I've been missing you too, Seamus.

Did you, love? Did you? And you're so different from what you used to be. Then

you'll accept me and come back to Ireland as my wife, will you? Oh, I know

don't look like... Oh, it's all right. I can take it. It's all right. Of course

I accept you.

But first, now, I've got to explain to you... Oh.

I dropped your notebook.

Oh, no, there... Oh.

Bank books.

That's what I was trying to tell you, love. You see, I do have a little money

saved and... A little money?

A hundred thousand pounds.

And eighty thousand pounds.

And three hundred thousand pounds.

That's me business, love. Monkey business is what it is. Well, you

changed a bit.

Oh, look at you.

A rich man.

And you're too cheap to buy a decent suit of gold. Oh, no, no, you don't

understand. Oh, me like that.

Playing on me sympathies with your pockets full of gold.

Oh, you haven't changed.

Well, it was your mistake. I came here to throw me riches at your feet and to

take you away from this life of poverty.

Poverty, is it?

Well, do I look like I'm living in poverty?

I've got all I want. Yes, well, I can see that now, yes.

You're a lady of quality, yes.

There's a lighter on the table.

Your darling Tootin, I'm a lady of quality.

What's this?

What's this?

To my darling George on our 15th wedding anniversary.

Who's George? George?

G -O -R -G.

Are you married?

No. Well, here it comes. I should say, there it goes.

And who are these people, huh?

Oh. A lady of quality doesn't have to be a property owner.

What I'm trying to tell you is... This isn't my house.

This isn't your house? Then in the name of all this wonderful... What are you

doing in it? Well, well... I'm a lady of quality.

Who's the maid?

The maid?

I knew what I was thinking.

All along, you was thinking, Arlene McGinty, you're nothing but a

And a spendthrift always ends up like this, with nothing.

I wasn't thinking that at all. I was merely trying to get over that maid

business. But if you are a spendthrift, Mike, that's what I said, spendthrift.

Oh, now, how would a tightwad know a spendthrift?

Oh, a tightwad, is it? Just because I don't go be throwing my money away like

the likes of you, you know. The only way you'd be throwing your money away is if

it was attached to a rubber band.

You haven't changed one single solitary iota. Well, maybe I haven't, but I think

you've gotten worse.

Where's me hat?

Oh, I'll get it for you fast.

I know you wouldn't leave without it.

Stop! Just himself!

Be still, the both of you.

Did you hear what he said? Oh, you haven't heard half what he said to me.

Ah, my assignment was to bring you two together.

For preventing a leprechaun from fulfilling his mission and violating the

minimum basic contract between your people and the little people, you two

never be permitted to speak or see each other again.

But, sir, we only had a friendly little spat.

Never to see each other again?

Since it was your wish, Seamus O 'Hara, the only way you can change that ruling,

according to Article 7, Section B...

is to give up something you love equally. Your farms, your factories,

assortment of diamond stick pens, and all your money.

Is that agreeable to you?

Yes. Yes, it is.

But could I... Could we just keep this one tiny little diamond stick pen so

we'll have something to live on, huh?

We'll have to check with headquarters.

Oh, James.

Give me... you'd give up all that for the likes of me.

You have changed.

Oh, well, sure, sure. I only did it for you, love.

Yes, sir.

Uh, headquarters says if the wishy is now willing to go with the wisher, there

is no penalty at all and he may keep all his riches.

Oh, that's grand. That's lovely.

Now Eileen and me can get married and she can teach me how to spend it, huh?

Will you, Eileen? Will you, huh?

Of course I will, Seamus.

Eileen, I always knew that you were an elegant lady.

Ah, me love, me love.

I've got to hand it to you, Uncle Martin. If you'd been a leprechaun, you

have been great.

Not great, Tim.

Magnificent.

Did you ever say goodbye to two such happy people? Never.

Right now, the young lovers should be winging their way over Labrador.

Yeah.

Imagine in this day and age, two grown -up people actually believing that you

were a leprechaun.

I wouldn't laugh, Tim.

You believe I'm a Martian.