Original subtitles

Pull the call.

Nobody here but us.

Red hot reporters.

I had a marvelous time at the flower show, Tim.

You have some highly interesting plant life progressing here on Earth.

I remember the first time I was down here. How disappointed I was in your

of hibiscus luster.

Yeah, well, I'll be with you in just a second, Uncle Martin, as soon as I

this page.

Mind reading.

Instant typing.

Simple.

How do you like our new plant life?

Oh, well, it's great. It sort of dresses up the room, but listen, I can't get

over what you just did.

Child's play.

A Martian child, that is.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you see, I'm doing these articles on a study of ESP out at

university, and, well, you could be sort of a big help to me.

I mean, besides being long and involved articles, it's, well, it's an area that

I'm not... Sure, I fully understand.

Dig for it, Tim.

I enjoy helping you when it's an aid to your education.

But to shortcut, to circumvent, oh, dig for it. Well, yeah, but look, you

mind read, and this is ESP, and, well, I'm not trying to duck out or anything.

It's just that, well, I thought maybe you could give me a special slant.

Yes. Yes, I could.

Now, Uncle Martin, I'm serious.

I'm Uncle Martin.

You just said to me that you're involved in an area you're not sure you

understand. I agree.

Especially when you lump ESP and mind reading together.

They are not one and the same.

Must I stay in this position?

Yes.

Perhaps my wisdoms will reach further into you if I keep you on the bias.

Uncle Martin, will you please just let me go? Look, if you do, I will admit

I'm cutting corners and I should work harder if you'll just let me go.

Oh, fine.

Thanks. Now, now tell me, where did I make my mistake? I mean, why is an ESP

mind reading? ESP stands for extrasensory perception.

But it is only a perception.

It is not a reading.

Well, do you have ESP? Me? Don't be silly.

Only Earth people have extrasensory perception.

I have sensory perception.

In a Martian, it's part of the package.

And if you bring that Professor Hammerschlag home tomorrow, I'm going to

lot of trouble. How did you know Professor Hammerschlag was coming here?

Mind reading.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you see, it's my day off and it's the end of these articles. And, well,

it's Sunday. He's doing me a favor. Do me a favor and yourself.

Don't bring him here. Don't dare bring him here.

If his ESP clashes with my plain old SP, you're going to hear the wildest sounds

of a big wind racing through a junkyard.

Do you think that plant's big enough?

Yeah, I don't know.

It could be a little bigger.

Instant growth.

I wish I could do that with you, Tim. Oh, thanks.

Hey!

Instant growth.

Tricky finger.

I'm not sure that this is really the place for an interview, Professor. I

thought maybe a coffee shop would... Nonsense, Stephen, nonsense.

Your original idea of doing the last part of the interview right here in the

apartment is the best one.

You know, for us to establish a rapport is the most important thing to be in

comfortable surroundings.

And since you're comfortable here, you make me comfortable here.

Yes, and this way, I assure you, this way I can give you five last interviews.

Have you any cottage cheese? Cottage cheese, of course. Well, that's why I

thought it might be much better in a coffee shop. Perhaps a restaurant. No,

Tim, Tim, it is not that important.

Cottage cheese is not important.

It's a fetish of mine.

But I have a feeling, I have a feeling you have it in the icebox on

the second shelf.

Yeah,

in the icebox.

The second shelf.

Well, yeah, I'll take a look.

I'll go with you. I don't really need any help. I can do it by myself.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

This is your apartment, yet I have a strange feeling.

I have a strange feeling of discomfort.

Oh? Discomfort. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, just think of the cottage cheese.

Cottage cheese. The second shelf behind the bucket shelf.

Uh -huh. Cottage cheese.

Yeah, just as I think. Right on the second shelf. Yes, just behind the

Yeah, right behind the butter. And the spoons are right here.

See? Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, Professor, listen, I've got to be honest with you. Well, I'm not really

prepared for this session. You see, I've sort of fallen behind in my writing of

the articles. So that's why you're so uncomfortable?

Yes, you see, I feel that I should polish up on our last meeting before we

on this one. What an interesting plan.

What is it?

Well, I'm not quite sure. It's new. My uncle... It's funny.

It happened again.

What happened again? Your uncle.

Whenever you mention your uncle, my psyche goes...

Oh. Oh, what was that?

Well, I don't know. I'm not sure. He looked familiar. Was your uncle?

Yes, I told you he looked familiar.

That's funny.

I didn't feel what I should have felt.

Oh, Professor, look. Why don't you just sit down and eat your cottage cheese?

Now, I'll just go and make sure he's all right.

Timkin, please.

Tell him I want to meet him.

You know, he might be a potential ESP.

This used to belong to an old lady who has two cats.

I told you not to bring him home.

I know, but I told you I couldn't help it. Why don't you just tell me what to

do? Well, you go inside and keep him busy.

I'm going to have to levitate some foodstuffs from the kitchen behind his

What?

Professor Hammerschlag's extrasensory perception and my sensory perception

cannot meet. Remember?

I told you that. You know, I'm sort of getting sick and tired that I ever

started writing these articles on ESB.

Why don't you just disappear?

Because his perception would still perceive me.

Now, just make sure you keep him busy.

I have to make a whole kind of Martian mix in here to get rid of my sensory

perception. You can get rid of it? For a while.

The trick is to hide it in a safe place.

Now, make sure you keep him busy and keep his back to the bedroom doorway.

I'm thinking. I found these cards on your desk. I hope you wouldn't mind. No.

How's your uncle? Is he going to join us soon? Oh, yes. He's taking a bath.

How? Always when company comes. He's a very clean man.

Oh, Timkin, have you ever seen card perception?

Oh, listen, this will be wonderful for your article.

Oh, well, how does it work?

Well, sit down, please.

All right.

Would you mind sitting over here, please?

No, please.

Yes. Why?

Well, it's just a habit I got into a long time ago playing cards. I like to

with my back against the wall.

Oh, Timkin, this is very good for your perception.

You'll have to wonder what's going on behind your back.

You'll know.

You do?

Timkin, take three cards.

Ace of spades.

Nine of diamonds.

Jack of clubs.

That's great.

Take another three cards.

Oh, Timkin, this cottage cheese, if you are going to mention that in one of your

articles... Please make sure that everybody understands I am not endorsing

Obviously, this is some kind of fetish on my part. But I have a feeling that

high protein contents in this heightens my perception.

This is four of hearts, nine of clubs, and the king of spades.

I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?

Well, yes, Mrs. Brown. I was working with Professor Hummerschlag.

Professor Hummerschlag? Yes. The man in the articles you've been writing? Oh,

Professor... Sir, I am so excited to meet you. You know, I've been reading

of Tim's articles, and you know what?

I have ESP.

You do?

Yes. Oh, I'm so excited. What were you doing? Playing cards?

Oh, do it with me.

Pardon me, Tim.

I'm sure whatever it is I have to do, I can do it because I have it.

I'm Laura Lee Brown, Tim's landlady. Laura Lee Brown, Tim's landlady, yes.

I'm so excited. Come on, deal the card.

Mr. Brown.

We don't deal the cards.

I give three cards, and you tell me what they are.

Oh. And how do I do that?

How you... Put this down.

You, you, you, you feel it.

Feel it. Oh, all righty. Oh, come on. Give me the cards.

I'm feeling it.

Oh, I'm feeling it.

You can't just go floating things around the room like that. What are you doing?

I'm unloading my sensory perception in there. Watch.

What's it doing?

Perceiving. It has my perception, and it's perceiving.

Now, wait.

You're keeping your perception in there? Yes.

The soil has been treated by this hastily brewed Martian mix.

I whipped it up with your foodstuffs from the kitchen.

You forget that Professor Hammerschlag admired the plan. Now, he's going to get

suspicious if we don't return it. Let's not worry about it.

Now, now, we go inside and act as calm as possible. We do.

Now, now, now, now. Let's have none of that.

But I was sure I had it.

Mrs. Brown, lots of people think they have it, but they don't have it now.

Don't feel bad about it.

But I think, I think he has it.

Who? This boy's uncle.

You know, that's why I'm here.

I mean, besides the articles, you know.

I have a strange feeling about him.

Strange feeling about Uncle Martin? Oh, why, he's the unoddest person I've ever

met. Why, he's as plain as apple pie.

Apple pie?

Is that really me, Mrs. Brown?

Uncle Martin, this is Professor Hammerslog. He's been wanting to meet

How do you do?

Tim has told me so much about you, plus what I've read in his articles.

Thank you. You know, I have these odd impulses about you.

Actually, they're not your fault, you know. This is the first time I meet you.

But whenever your nephew, Tinkin, mentions your name or talks about you,

ping.

Well, I don't know anything about ESP, isn't it?

But if these strange impulses that are coming from my nephew's conversation...

What is it, Tim? Is my jacket crooked?

I think your plant needs water. Oh.

Oh, I am so disappointed, Professor. I really thought I had ESP.

Why, every time it rains, I can feel it in my joints.

That's physical and not sensory.

Oh. Well, isn't it possible to have sensory joints?

Here, try me once more, please.

Nine of diamonds, ace of clubs.

Who was that?

Nine of diamonds, ace of clubs.

Yes, yes, yes.

Four of hearts. Yes.

A six of spades. Yes, yes, yes. A three of hearts. Yes, yes, yes.

All of it? Sure. Listen.

Nine of clubs, eight of hearts, three of clubs.

Now what? I don't know.

Mrs. Brown's in a lot of trouble.

Well, now why? What do you mean? What happens?

I mean, if she's got it, he's going to think that she's sending.

That's not it at all.

Martian sensory perception in an Earth woman causes regression.

In what?

After this display of perception, Mrs. Brown is going to start to regress.

Oh.

Backwards?

Remember the search for Bridie Murphy? Uh -huh.

You and I are going to have to go and find Mrs. Brown.

Now you start.

sent me.

How do you feel, Mrs. Brown? Are you having a good time? Oh, I'm having a

marvelous time. I knew I had ESP.

Greenwood Valley has ESP. The Yacht Club boys have ESP.

The Yacht Club boys?

What's that?

Performers in her day.

It is the most amazing case of regression I have ever seen.

She seemingly grasped on suit to some perception ways all at once.

You know, she did a perfect card reading, then... Apparently, it was so

it kicked her right over into an aggressive state.

Oh? I'm still not through with you. Me? Him?

Don't go in the lion's cage tonight. Al Capone, Woodrow Wilson is ferocious as

can be.

My instinct was about you.

You may not be a sender as I thought. You may not be a receiver as I am.

But Mr. Uncle Martin, Mr.

Uncle Martin, you could be a carrier.

Carriage.

Did you hear what he said? You are a carrier. Now, what are you going to do?

Make coffee.

Yeah, but how far is she going to regress?

All the way.

All the way? Back to babyhood. She what?

I would have done my homework, but all the kids went off to the dance and left

me. It's amazing, right? No, she's already in high school.

Glink oil.

Glink oil.

Glink oil. I need some glink. Did you take my glink oil? Of course I didn't.

I put some glink oil in here, it's going to make her feel better. But you took

my glink oil. I did not. Well, I had the glink oil right here. Somebody took it.

Well, I didn't take it. Well, all right. I'll make it anyway. As long as I make

some strong coffee.

Snap her out.

Look, I just got a question in mind here.

If she's going to regress all the way back to babyhood, after that, then what?

Do you mean that she... Oh, do something!

Sneeze. Sneeze?

No, no, no, no, not you.

Mrs. Brown.

She inhaled my perception.

We've got to reverse it. We've got to get her to sneeze it out.

Well, how are you going to do that?

I'll take the red pepper, and you take the black.

Death, Teddy, take it, and two more.

And death, Teddy. the piggy stayed home.

And this little piggy had roast beef. Now, little girl, what are you doing

Go away.

I want to draw a horse.

Go away, be at me.

What's that?

Pepper. Pepper?

Sometimes pepper makes paper easier to draw on. You know, like a crayon on a

pencil. You know, you just do it, that's all.

Uncle Martin, bad Uncle Martin. No pepper, paper, paper, not for pepper,

for horsey.

There's something strange about you. I can't get rid of the feeling there's

something strange. Excuse me, please, but if Mrs. Brown is going to line the

floor, we should clean it up.

Now, you know, my first impulses are always my right impulses, and whenever I

ignore them, I only have to come back to them. Now, Mr., tell me, please, where

were you born?

In a hospital.

Now, excuse me, I hear my coffee.

What are you doing now, little...

We've

got to make her sneeze.

Isn't it hot in here? Why don't we open the front door?

What are you two talking about?

I've already opened the back door.

Oh, yes.

Well, I'll open up the windows. Boy, it should be much colder in here. Really

sort of chilly.

Boy, it's hot in here.

It isn't hot in here.

What are you two up to? Why, we are up to nothing. Why don't you have some

coffee? Now, look, look. I don't want any coffee.

Listen, will you please stop fanning her?

Well, all the windows are open. One draft coming out. Front door, get the

door. What are you two up to?

Sneeze, sneeze, child. Will you please sneeze?

That's it now.

Now, sneeze.

Sneeze, baby, sneeze.

I mean that woman. And close those doors. You're giving her a chill.

This woman is experiencing a total regression.

Will you please? I'm very much concerned about both you and the woman.

Let's start from the beginning.

The beginning.

She sniffled that flower.

The what?

The flower.

The flower. The flower. Oh, flower. Flower.

Mrs. Brown is allergic to her own roses.

Martin, you can't do that.

Tim, I'm going to have to take a chance and reveal myself.

All right, Professor?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. I'm all right. I'm now... Oh, it's getting late. I must be

going. Well, you just got here. I just got here.

Goodbye, Timkin. Goodbye.

Oh, I'll walk you to the car. Thank you. Thank you. Yes.

Oh, Uncle Martin, I presume.

My name is Professor Hummerslag.

How do you do, Professor Hummerslag?

What...

What

happened?

Mrs. Brown's retrogression was painful, Tim.

Ungrowing pains are worse than growing pains.

And that big win going through the junkyard, Professor Hammerschlag's head,

hurts too.

But they just walked out.

Not remembering anything. The actual exposure to me and my Martian powers?

Well, it's more than they could absorb.

It's more than they want to know.

It was too painful.

You know, sometimes, Tim, I wonder...

how you earth people manage.