Original subtitles

Uncle Martin.

Hmm?

Uh, could I see your antennas?

No, no, wait a minute. Now, don't disappear. Uncle Martin, come on back.

Well, that's what they bought him.

On Mars, it's considered an insult to ask a Martian to let you see his

It's another way of saying, uh, get lost.

Oh, well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. But, well, I just wanted to show you

something. I mean, ask you something.

No, wait.

Don't lower him.

Now, that's good.

Now, look.

You see?

What is it you want me to see?

Well, don't you see it?

You know, it's funny that I never noticed that before.

But that television set, with its rabbit ears extended, looks just like you with

your antennas up.

Rabbit ears? Yeah.

Well, that's what they call them.

Rabbit ears.

Did it ever occur to you, Tim, that you were oftentimes in very bad taste?

Now, how would you feel if you had antennas and I went around saying you

rabbit ears?

I'm not trying to get personal, you know. I...

I was just curious.

Well, come on now, Uncle Martin. I think they're cute.

Can you get TV?

Huh? You know, television reception. Now, you've got the antennas. Can you

the picture?

That is the most naive, unsophisticated question of all time.

Well, I'm sorry, Uncle Martin. I just thought... Don't apologize to him.

You didn't know. Of course I can get television and AM radio, FM program,

stereo, ship -to -shore telephones, and private police calls.

the most amazing... Of course television is a bit more complicated.

I have to do it in a darkened room.

I project the picture on the wall through my eyeballs.

But I need a converter and a roof aerial for you to see me. I'm on Martian

wavelength and I have to get unscrambled.

Well, do another. Do another radio.

All right.

This is how I turn me off.

Uncle Martin, wake up.

Wake up. You were snoring.

What? Wake up. You're snoring.

Oh, I am? Yeah, well, you're not now because I woke you up. But before, when

were asleep, you were snoring.

Oh.

Oh, well, it must be your Earth's atmosphere.

A Martian never snores on Mars.

It has something to do with your oxygen syndrome.

I'm sorry.

Uncle Martin, look.

Why don't you just raise your antennas?

What? Well, remember last summer when you had a cold?

Well, you used to sleep with your antennas extended because, well, you

balanced your sinuses.

What's that got to do with now?

Well, you told me it was good for snoring. Now, if you could get your

balanced, you wouldn't snore.

Are we really going to sit up?

Are we re... Did you really wake me up to discuss the passage of your Earth's

oxygen through my Martian membrane?

Look, if you just sleep... With your antennas extended, you won't snore, and

then we can both get some sleep. I mean, if I had antennas, I'd do the same

thing for you.

All right. But please don't wake me again.

I'm going to have to sleep very hard to make up for this interruption.

Tim, what happened? Did you turn me on? No, no.

Well, did you turn on my me radio?

Yes, yes, that was it. You see, I heard it, and I thought I'd come in and turn

it off. Oh, well, I must have scratched my ear and tuned in on a wavelength.

A Martian has to be careful when he sleeps with his antennas out.

You know, I remember one night I accidentally picked up Lawrence Welk,

instead of sleeping, I spent the whole night in bed dancing.

Uh, police station?

Oh, look, I'd like some information on the robbery that you had last night.

The one at, uh, 299 South Madison.

Hmm? Oh, yeah, all right, I'll hold on.

Hello there.

Is your mommy home?

Oh, really?

Well, um, uh, no, honey. No, your mommy.

Hello. Oh, hello.

Hello.

Oh, yes, yes.

Who's this?

Oh, Detective Sergeant Seeley. Well, look, you're in charge of this case.

Well, good, good. What I'd like is some information on the two men that got away

last night.

Well, about how much do you think they got away with? And, you know, do you

any clues as to the whereabouts of the suspicious red station wagon?

Hmm?

Well, this is Tim O 'Hara. I am a reporter with the Los Angeles Sun.

Hey, that's right.

Now I'm a reporter.

Really?

Sure. I'm sitting here right behind my desk right now.

And that was the last thing I said.

The next thing I knew, this cop was walking up to my desk and telling me he

going to take me down to police headquarters for questioning.

You took advantage of me. You took advantage of me while I was asleep.

You tuned me in and used me as insensitively as you would a cheap

radio.

Uncle Martin, I never thought of you as a cheap... Well, I mean, I know you're

from Mars, but... Well, I never considered you cheap.

Look, I was trying to surprise you.

You surprised me all right.

I was taking a bath when they knocked on the door.

How would you like to be standing in the middle of your living room, in your

soap suds, while two policemen smiled and said you're wanted downtown for

questioning?

Hi.

Talking it over?

I'm Detective Sergeant Sealy.

And you're Tim O 'Hara and his uncle Martin J. O 'Hara. Sergeant, you're

a mistake.

Well, it won't be the first time.

I took your telephone call, young man.

I sent my boys out to pick you both up.

You see, you have some information about a robbery that occurred last night that

was broadcast only on our new private two -way transmitters.

Now, the only one that could know about these crimes are we, the police, and

you, the guilty.

Oh, come on, Sergeant. Now, you don't think.

That's right, I don't think. I'm a policeman.

I merely find a fact and track it down.

Now, all you have to tell me is how you know what you know and how much you

know.

I'm afraid we can't tell you that, Sergeant.

That is, uh, nothing that you would accept.

Now, look.

If I were guilty, do you think that I would be stupid enough to call you and

implicate myself?

Why not? I don't know how stupid you are.

I do.

Where were you last night at the time of the robbery?

Uh, at home. With him?

Yes.

If I were looking for two perfect suspects.

Look, I am a reporter. Now, I have certain sources of information. Which

Uh, well, I'm not at liberty to reveal them at this time. Then you're going to

stay not at liberty until you do.

Uh, how long can you hold us on simple suspicion?

48 hours.

Why don't you just call Mr. Burns? Now, he's my editor, and he... Already called

us. He's shocked.

He tells me he doesn't understand any of this. As far as he knew, you were

assigned to the ladies' garden and variety column. He has no idea what

doing playing police reporter.

He does say he's willing to vouch for your character.

Oh. You know, I had a case like you once a long time ago.

An honest newspaper man turned criminal to commit his own crimes and make his

own scoops.

That's ridiculous.

Is it?

How does that saying go?

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts and minds of men?

Well, bail!

Now, Ghetto, can't we get bail?

After we arraign you before the judge.

That means fingerprinting and booking.

But why don't I just leave you two in here?

Talk it over. Take your time.

That's one thing I have plenty of, time.

Tim, I can't be fingerprinted. I have no fingerprints.

I can't be mugged.

I have a face that has no prior record on Earth.

Unless, of course, they want to go back to the Civil War.

Matthew Brady did take a picture of me then.

What are you doing? Even

Martians don't come easily equipped for jailbreak.

Jailbreak?

Tim, I can't stay with you.

I cannot be exposed.

On the other hand, I cannot run away, but I must.

What are you talking about? I am about to become a fugitive.

The next time you see me, Tim, may be on your post office wall.

Wanted. Look, I don't understand.

What are we doing? Not we, Tim.

Me. You may never see me again.

I may never what?

Let's hope that they don't discover me until I've got a good head start.

Why are you being so dramatic?

You can come back as soon as they find the real criminals.

And suppose they don't. There is such a thing as an unsolved crime.

I didn't mean for it to end this way Tim.

A little thirsty. I'd like to get a drink of water. Sure, Sonny. Right down

hall. Fountain's on the right.

Well.

I was just coming to see you. You are?

Oh, well, I went to get some water.

Thirsty.

Well, sure. Fountain's right there.

Here, I was bringing this to you. It's from a Mrs. Brown. Do you know her?

I'm sure she's my landlady. That's right.

If you'd only answer my other questions as directly.

Those are delicious -looking brownies. We opened them to see if there were any

files.

Maybe I should take the package to your uncle myself.

Maybe if I'm nice to him, he'll be nice to me and tell me... No, no, no.

They're mine.

Anyway, he doesn't like brownies. I'm not so nervous. I was just trying to

you how nice I can be.

Now, you go get your drink of water.

When you give your uncle the brownies, tell him how nice I am.

And any time you're ready to talk to me, I'll be ready to listen.

Nicely.

I was clutching that package like a security blanket. Three trips to that

fountain and that kid will tell us anything.

Just leave him alone and we got it made.

Thank you.

Seawater. Waterfront. A bar.

A waterfront bar.

Greasy kid stuff.

Too tall, man.

Touch of gin at your hoover?

spot of Sherlock Holmes and a dash of Martian know -how.

Who's there?

Anybody in there?

One more trip and that kid talks.

How about if I go in and talk to him? New face.

I told you, one more trip to the fountain.

He's getting scareder and scareder, thirstier and thirstier.

Just leave him alone and we got it made.

It's called the cracking point.

Could be.

Maybe.

Good evening, gentlemen. I represent the Happy Time Shoe Company. This is our

happy time, based on the wonderful story of Cinderella.

As you remember, Cinderella went to the ball and met Prince Charming. She danced

with Prince Charming. Then she had to go home because it was 12 o 'clock and she

was about to turn into a pumpkin. As she left, she dropped her slipper.

Prince Charming picked it up and the next day he went throughout the city

to find Cinderella. Now just think of me as Prince Charming and if you have the

magic foot that matches our imprint, we will keep you in shoes for the next 20

years.

Doesn't fit?

Get out of here, buddy. We don't want any.

You don't want to get hurt and I'll get lost.

either. Look, you want a fat lip or a busted head?

Do I have a choice?

Cool it, Harry.

Remember he said to be positive and not to get into any trouble.

That's it.

A third person.

But who?

Who doesn't want to get you into trouble?

Beat it.

Seeley?

Detective Sergeant?

Now, if you want to confess, please go right ahead.

Well, I did it.

Oh, yes.

He's doing it for me.

He's confessing to protect me.

A beautiful gesture, but a total lie.

No, no, that's not true. No, I did it. I did it.

I'm ready to confess.

First, neither one of you wanted to talk. Now you both want to talk.

Okay. Two confessions for the price of one. I'll take them both.

Get it all down.

Uncle Martin.

Hold it, kid. Let me hear what your uncle has to say.

Age before beauty.

I

committed

the robbery at 299 South Madison.

My accomplices were two waterfront bums.

Jim and Harry.

You see, there were three of us, not two of us.

We broke in the back door.

We didn't have to.

I had a key, but I wanted to make it look real.

I tripped as we went in. I was scared.

I'd never done anything like this before.

I was nervous.

What are you talking about?

I did it.

I did it because I got tired of sitting behind my desk.

Nobody paying me any more attention.

I was a hot shot cop.

Worked my way up.

Then I became a sergeant. Then a desk sergeant.

Then nothing.

The last ten years, nothing.

Like I stopped nobody.

That was me.

A nobody.

With nobody paying me any more attention.

They forgot all about me.

Shut up.

Shut him up.

Stop him.

I wanted recognition.

They were taking me for granted.

Shut him up. I told you to shut him up.

I don't want to hear him.

I want to hear the kid talk. I want to hear him confess.

You're tired, Sergeant, you know.

You're tired.

Out! Out already! Get out of here!

Get out!

Charlie.

Charlie, come help me.

I am tired.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hang you guys through this.

It's just that I got so involved.

Come on, Bill. You know what it is, Kelly? I did it to myself.

When are you humans going to learn to have a sense of values?

An appreciation of the good things you have?

Oh, quick, quick, guard the door.

are you doing?

I have to tell them to pick up Jim and Harry at the waterfront.

I forgot.

Proceed immediately. South Madison Waterfront Saloon.

You can't do that.

Why not?

I'm more than just a simple receiver.

I'm also a sender.

Two men answering to the names Jim and Harry.

They're liable to come in here. You got your antennas up.

There are times when you must be bold.

There are times when you must be brave. Do you know who said that?

Fred Allen?

No, I didn't.

Car 5, proceed immediately south Madison Water.

Martin, wake up. You're snoring.

You actually snored. Come on. Now wake up. Balance your sinuses.

Rock -a -bye, baby, on the...

The broadcaster stopped.

Will you please go to sleep? I put a lock on my transmitter. Your radio

Uncle Martin, is off the air for the night.