Original subtitles

Which section would you like? International, national, state, county,

the comic page?

Tim,

listen to this.

Intergalaxy Corporation announced today that an instrument -bearing rocket it

has perfected for the Outer Space Agency is ready for a takeoff to Mars.

Oh, boy, those scientists. You know, I still have trouble changing my

ribbon.

A rocket to Mars.

Don't you realize what this means to me?

A way to get home.

Oh, you're putting me on.

Now, come on, Uncle Martin.

Hitchhike to Mars?

Well, you've got to admit, it beats walking.

As soon as the rocket gets within a thousand miles of home, I can hop out

catch a local space bus.

If my calculations are correct, and the rocket does take off in the next couple

of days, I'll get home just in time for Mother and Dad's golden anniversary.

Hey, 50 years.

Well, that's a long time.

Tim, on Mars, the first 50 years, couples are still opening wedding

The golden anniversary is the 500th.

Well, it must be very touching to hear a man say, Darling, you don't look a

century older than the day we met.

Hey, you didn't read all of this.

However, Intergalaxy Corporation indicated the Mars shot may be bypassed

favor of a Venus probe.

Go to Venus instead of Mars?

Unthinkable. Well, maybe you could just tell them that it's your parents'

anniversary.

Tim, I'm not thinking of myself alone. That would be selfish.

Your government undoubtedly has a great deal of money invested in this venture.

And besides, there is nothing on Venus to justify the effort to explore it.

Is Venus that bad?

There's nothing there but clouds of dust, lots of gases with foul odors, a

little carbon dioxide, and lots of carbon monoxide.

Well, look.

The Intergalaxy Corporation has one of two choices. It can go to Mars or it can

go to Venus. Now you've got a 50 -50 chance.

A 50 -50 chance.

Where are we going?

To see if we can improve those odds in our favor.

Mr. Buckley, a couple of reporters from the Los Angeles Sun are here to see you.

Oh, thank you, Miss Maxwell.

Show them in.

Come in, gentlemen.

Mr. Buckley, I'm O 'Hara of the Los Angeles Sun, and this is my

Mr. Martin.

Sit down, gentlemen.

Always happy to talk to members of the press.

Oh, take as many pictures as you want. Just be sure the name Intergalaxy

Corporation shows up nice and clear in anything you take.

You made the right decision sending the first rocket to Mars.

Well, I must say there are many persuasive reasons for going to Mars.

An excellent decision.

Well, thanks for the interview.

On the other hand, there are just as many reasons for going to Venus.

For almost as many reasons.

I've been reading so many reports lately, my eyes are beginning to play

on me.

Yes, well, I don't know what those reports say, but I have it on good

from those who know their planets that it's Mars 9 to 1. Well, as the insiders

say, why go to Coney Island when you can go to the Riviera?

Well, curiously enough, that's what many of our scientists say, in more

scientific language, of course.

That's an interesting watch you have there, Mr. Buckley.

Oh, thank you. I bought it at... Goodness, I didn't realize it was this

Excuse me, gentlemen. I have to rush off to an 11 .15 meeting. Stay if you like.

11 .15?

I've got a... I wanted a little privacy to check the accommodations for my trip.

Not that I mind putting up with a few inconveniences. Yeah, especially at the

prices you're paying.

I imagine they keep the blueprints and that's safe.

Uncle Martin, you're not thinking of blowing the safe.

With my Martian powers, why go to all that trouble?

Besides, I hate loud noises.

Plenty of room if I don't put on any weight between now and flight time.

I'm surprised they didn't include a magnetic oscilloscope.

Well, as long as it has a radio and heater, who cares?

Your association with me has done absolutely nothing for you. It's a pity.

magnetic oscilloscope would give you people invaluable data on the infrared

density on the Martian surface.

Uncle Martin, I hope you are not building yourself up for a big letdown.

know, Mr. Buckley hasn't made a decision yet.

You forget that one of my minor accomplishments is the ability to read

Believe me, he made up his mind a week ago to send the rocket to Mars. Well,

didn't he say so? Has the cat got his tongue?

No,

the cat does not have his tongue.

But he is afflicted with an occupational disease known as executive jitters.

Well, I don't blame him. You know, there's an old saying which says...

If you cannot make a decision, you cannot make a mistake. And if you don't

mistakes, you don't make progress.

Besides, his decision to send the rocket to Mars is not a mistake.

Yeah, well, I hope he gets off the dime pretty soon, because if he doesn't,

you're not going to be able to go back and celebrate with your folks back on

Mars with their favorite son and my favorite Marshal.

Oh, I'm sorry, gentlemen.

Oh, what's the matter? Is the meeting over already?

No, it hasn't even started yet.

I don't understand my watch being a half hour fast.

Never happened before.

Well, where were we, gentlemen?

Oh, Tim was just about to mention his paper's Executive of the Year Award.

I was?

I'm afraid I'm not acquainted with your Executive Award.

Well, it is an honor bestowed upon the man who typifies the highest ideal

of the American leader of industry.

Oh, yes.

Strong in personality, forceful in character, decisive in action. A man who

make momentous decisions like that.

Unfortunately, the nominations for the award this year are about to close.

Miss Maxwell?

Yes, sir? Get me the Vandenberg Air Base immediately.

Gentlemen, this has nothing whatever to do with any honors that may be conferred

upon me, but I have just made my decision.

About the rocket?

Our first shot will be to Mars.

Gentlemen,

who knows?

Before long, our rockets may be carrying passengers to Mars.

It may be sooner than you think.

Yes, I can just see the headlines now.

Top exec says, Mars or bust.

A decision was made by J .M. Buckley this 13th day of... Is today the 13th?

Yes, it's Friday the 13th.

Friday the 13th. Oh, no wonder my watch went haywire.

I have Vandenberg on the line.

Never mind, never mind. Just cancel the call.

Now, he became a different man the moment he found out what day it is.

I'm not surprised.

You mean he always comes unglued on Friday the 13th?

And when he sees a black cat?

And when he walks under a ladder?

I shudder to think what would happen if he ever broke a mirror.

He's a kook.

Would you believe it? He goes to the same restaurant every day for lunch.

A place where the food is mediocre, prices outrageous, and the waiters push

around. I'll hate myself for asking, but why does he go there?

Because it's called the Lucky Shamrock Cafe.

Why else?

You heard people.

You've come so far from the cave, and yet in many ways you're as superstitious

as primitive aborigines. Oh, well, don't look at me. I haven't got a

superstitious bone in my body.

Bread and butter.

Well, all right, but look, I didn't crack up just because it's Friday the

As a matter of fact, this is my lucky day.

Too bad Mr. Buckley doesn't think it's his. Right now I'd be pasting Mars

stickers on my luggage.

Tim, superstition is all in the mind.

Now, what's to stop him from thinking that Friday the 13th... is his lucky

Hmm. Well, that'll be a nice trek, if you can do it.

How would you care for a spot of lunch?

I know a wonderful place where the food is mediocre, the price is outrageous,

and the waiters push you around.

It was very nice of you to share your table with us, Mr. Buckley. Oh, the

pleasure is mine.

But tell me, how did you happen to find the lucky shamrock?

Well, you see, I... Well, he hates to admit it, you see, but he insisted on

eating here because of the name of the place. He feels it will bring him luck

next time he goes to the track.

Oh, no, Tim, that's not quite true. I, uh...

You see, uh, Martin won't even get out of bed in the morning until he's checked

his horoscope, just to make sure that it's safe.

Well, I don't have to check it this morning. Today is my lucky day.

Did I hear you correctly?

You consider Friday the 13th a lucky day?

Of course.

Now, I know that over the years it has acquired an unsavory connotation, but

ancient civilizations regarded the day as a symbol of good luck.

Really? In fact... The Phoenicians had a saying.

On Friday 13th, fish for flounder, sure to catch plump 50 -pounder.

That must have lost something in the translation.

Scoffer.

He doesn't even believe in the Incan mystique of numbers.

Well, I'm afraid I'm not acquainted with it myself.

Oh, well, then let me explain it to you.

You see, you're supposed to count the number of items on your plate. Now, if

that coincides with the day of the month...

You're very lucky.

Sounds very interesting.

Thirteen.

How did this get here?

Probably dropped off the waiter's tray.

But since fate seems to have meant it for you, well...

This is your lucky day.

Big decisions will turn out well.

Uncanny.

Yes, it's almost as though someone were trying to tell you something.

Gentlemen,

if you'll excuse me, I have to return to the office.

But if you care to drop by about two o 'clock, I may have an interesting

announcement to make.

You can alert Mr. B. We have a two o 'clock appointment.

Well, I'm sorry, but he's canceled it. But he couldn't have. He said he had an

important announcement.

Well, that was before he found out he'd lost his lucky rabbit's foot.

Excuse me.

Well, that tears it.

Where is it?

Where is it?

It can't be lost.

Let's see.

He had the rabbit's foot when he left the house this morning.

He had it at the corner of Wilshire and Westwood when he almost ran into that

bus. He had it when he walked around the desk three times.

Counterclockwise, no doubt.

Still had it at the restaurant.

Didn't have it when he got back here.

Let's go.

Uh, Mr. Buckley was sitting over there, and we think that he might have lost his

good luck charm here.

Oh, good luck charm.

Well, the busboy swept right after lunch. Now, you might find it in the

right through that door.

Any luck?

No.

I'm afraid that idea's shot.

What did you say?

I didn't say anything.

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to him.

Oh, hello, Herbie.

He says his name is Herbie.

He said?

Oh, that's right. Yeah, I keep forgetting you can talk to animals.

Well, it's really just a matter of the ear becoming attuned to their vocal

range. Now, cats talk in delicate shadings of the diatonic scale, very

to Mandarin Chinese.

Well, I knew there was a catch to it.

Now, Herbie, I'd like to ask you a question, if you don't mind.

Have you seen a rabbit's foot around here anywhere?

Well, could you tell us where it is?

Oh,

now, Herbie, that's not fair.

That's taking advantage of the situation.

What did he say?

He won't tell us where it is unless we give him a bribe.

Well, how do you like that? I've heard of blackmail, but catmail? That's

ridiculous.

Tim, he may be on a barrel, but he's got us over one.

Waiter!

Hey, did you find what you were looking for?

I wonder if I could ask you to do me a favor.

All right, what is it?

That's a very charming cat you have there. I love cats.

Now, simply on a whim of mine, instead of feeding the cat raw liver, would you

mind sautéing it?

Sure.

Oh, sure.

with some mushrooms and a dash of burgundy.

Oh, yes, and would you stir in a soussant of sour cream? The cat happens

quite a gourmet.

Figures.

But does the cat know how much it's going to cost?

Well, will this take care of it for a month?

Hey, are you guys in some kind of an expense account?

Because you sure know how to spend it.

Uh,

you're pretty generous with my money, Charlie.

Well, now, isn't it worth $10 to get rid of me?

All right, Herbie. Now, where's the rabbit's foot?

All right, Herbie.

That's dirty pool. Now, why didn't you tell us that you chewed that thing up

before you made the deal?

He says he may be a cat, but he's not a stupid cat.

Tim, did it ever occur to you that one rabbit's foot is very similar to

You know, that's a pretty good paint job.

Yeah, it's a good thing I was able to reconstruct the design from the remains

Excuse me

If that fan hadn't gone berserk, I... Oh, Mr. Maxwell, get Vandenberg Air Base

at once.

Alert them for a launching Sunday morning.

We're shooting to Mars and...

Mission accomplished?

A strange question to ask of a Martian.

Naturally. Oh, that's a relief.

And since Intergalaxy Corporation is nice enough to give me a free ride, I

return the favor. I left a suggestion to add a magnetic oscilloscope to their

equipment.

You sure you can spare this car?

No, but you will be my guest.

Isn't it a little warm, though, this time of year? Well, for California, but

for Mars. By the time I get there, it'll be winter.

I can't wait to see that lovely emerald green snow.

Green snow?

Only in the early part of the winter. Later on, we get the regular snow.

Orange mingled with a beautiful blue.

Well, Uncle Martin, look, I certainly hope you won't be too disappointed if it

doesn't work out. You know, you tried this before, and it didn't work.

Yes, but that's because I was trying to do it solo.

This time, I've got a couple of partners.

A multi -million dollar corporation and the U .S. government.

Now, hold it. Hold it.

I got a little something for you here.

Something you've always wanted to wear, but never had the nerve.

Well, I'll be the sharpest Martian on Galaxy Boulevard.

That's like your Hollywood and Vine, without all the cars running in front of

you.

There's a little something for you. I want you to have it to remember your

Martin by.

I...

Ah.

Vivaldi's Concerti Grosso for strings and clavichord.

You're not going to cry, are you?

No, no.

You're not going to start, are you?

Well, I wouldn't dare.

If a Martian lets go, it's like opening a dam.

And I thought you told me that none of your people were sentimental.

Well, since I'm leaving, I may as well be truthful.

In interplanetary circles, we are known as the Maudlin Martians.

Well, uh, thanks for getting me in here, Mr. Buckley. Oh, my pleasure.

Isn't Mr. Martin covering this story with you?

No, no. Right now, he's practically on his way to visit his folks.

They live out of town?

Well, they're out of this world.

Out of this world?

Yes. Well, if you'd like to watch the launching from the control tower with

I can arrange it with the general.

No, no, no. Launchings always make me emotional.

Well, good luck with your shot.

I'm not worried.

We can't miss.

The terminal countdown will commence in ten seconds.

Goodbye, Uncle Martin.

This is it.

Here we go, Uncle Martin.

Fasten your seatbelt.

Ten, nine...

Eight. Seven.

If your ears start popping, chew gum.

Three. Two.

One. Ignition.

the successful Mars shot.

The rocket is right on course and is now 50 ,000 miles in outer space.

Good old Uncle Martin.

Gone, but not forgotten.

be here.

You're 50 ,000 miles away.

Correction. The rocket is.

But I saw you get on.

Correction again. You saw a panel open.

There wasn't enough room in that rocket to swing a cat. If our friend Herbie

will pardon the expression.

Well, you saw the blueprints. You said there was plenty of space.

Well, there was.

Until some idiot suggested that they include a magnetic oscilloscope.

Well, wait a minute.

You were the idiot.

Well, no, no. I mean... Well, why did you suggest it if you knew it would take

up so much room?

Tim, on Mars, we can put ten magnetic oscilloscopes in a peanut.

I keep forgetting that you Earth people are still in the Stone Age.

Well, Mars loss is my game.

Well, welcome back.

Oh, one thing, though. It's too bad you're going to miss your parents'

wedding anniversary.

Hmm. It is disappointing.

But after all, their diamond anniversary is practically around the corner. Just

250 years away.