Original subtitles

Tim, your life hasn't come to an end just because some new girl at the

won't go out with you.

Uncle Martin, this isn't just some girl.

This is Cynthia Parker.

Why, she is... She is the most wonderful, the most marvelous, the most

gorgeous... And the most unattainable.

You earthlings confound me.

The minute you can't have something, that's the very thing you must have.

We have a saying on Mars.

The forbidden fruit is the sweetest.

We have the same saying here.

Well, I'm sure we had it first.

Well, I don't understand it. I tried everything.

Charm, wit, romantic looks.

No, as a matter of fact, I was completely irresistible all day.

I think I know what the problem is.

What? You have an inferiority complex.

Well, if I could just get a date with you.

Tim, you mustn't let this become an obsession.

After all, Cynthia Parker is not the only girl in the world. You've got to

remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

I suppose you're right.

I guess I'll just have to brainwash myself.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

There are plenty of other fish in... Oh.

Oh.

Oh. What is it?

While I was down at the sea, I just saw Cynthia Parker.

She's in a bathing suit.

You dropped that dish.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I wish you'd stop that Martian levitation bit.

Makes me nervous.

I make you nervous. With the state you're in, I'm afraid to let you cross

street alone.

Oh, Uncle Martin, I'm sorry, but I just can't get Cynthia Parker off my mind.

Look, what did you do when you had a situation like this? No, on Mars.

Huh? Well, you know, I mean, if you found a girl that you were interested in

taking out, she turned you down.

I don't believe I've ever been in that situation.

You mean you've never been turned down by a girl? No. How come?

Oh, of course. That Martian mind -reading ability of yours.

All you had to do was read their minds, and then you knew exactly what to say.

Ah. Ah, but what about the girls?

Huh? I mean, when you read their mind, didn't they object?

Ah,

they loved it.

They could think lots of things. They were too shy to say.

That's it.

Uncle Martin, that's how I'm going to get a date with Cynthia Parker.

How? You're going to read her mind for me. I'm going to do what? Now, look, all

you have to find out is what she likes and what she doesn't like. I'll take

from there.

But it doesn't seem fair, Tim, using my Martian powers to win a girlfriend for

you. Uncle Martin, now, look, why don't you just sort of consider this a

problem? Yes, a problem in market research. As a matter of fact, that's

department she's in at the paper, market research. I'm sorry, Tim, but it just

doesn't seem ethical somehow.

Uncle Martin, I'm not asking you to use your powers to do anything wrong.

No!

No, all I want you to do is to find out how she thinks so that I can please her.

Well... Uncle Martin, you've got to do it. It's a matter of life and death.

Of course, it would save the wear and tear on the dishes.

It's against my better judgment, but, um... I'll read her mind for you.

Uncle Martin, you'll never regret it.

Oh, I feel like... a new man.

Tim.

There she is.

Incredible.

That's real Martian beauty.

Yeah. I told you she was out of this world.

Somehow I can't see you two together.

Well, you just read her mind for me. You'll never see us apart.

Are you sure you want to go through with it? Yeah, I'm positive. Come on.

Miss Parker.

Mr. O 'Hara, isn't it? Yes, that's right. I would like to introduce my

Martin O 'Hara. Uncle Martin, may I introduce Miss Cynthia Parker.

How do you do? Very glad to meet you.

Uncle Martin is very interested in consumer research, so when he found out

we had a new person in this department, he wanted to come right up and meet you.

Oh, are you in market research?

Only as a hobby.

He's a professor of anthropology, and he's fascinated by the science of

into the consumer mind.

I'm still fascinated by that myself.

Trying to figure out what people are thinking is a real challenge.

Unless, of course, you could read minds.

Well, that would certainly solve all my problems.

Yes, mine too.

Um, Uncle Martin, why don't you show Miss Parker your questionnaire that you

invented?

Questionnaire? Oh, yes.

Yes, yes.

It's just a sample form that I made up to explore a person's personality.

I thought perhaps you could use it in one of your surveys.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

The Martin O 'Hara personality questionnaire.

Get ready.

Please state your preference in the following categories.

Literature, art, hobbies, sports.

I'm sorry, Mr. O 'Hara, but... This wouldn't meet our needs.

It wouldn't? No.

To be perfectly frank, it's a little too superficial.

You'd never get the real information you were after with such simple, direct

questions. I wouldn't?

No. But thank you, anyhow.

Thank you, Miss Parker.

Goodbye.

Did you get what you wanted?

Everything.

Kafka's The Trial, Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, Gibbon's The

Decline, and Fall of the Roman Empire.

In poetry, her taste runs to Byron, Shelley, and Keats, and in music, she's

especially fond of the three Bs.

Bach, Beethoven, and... Benny Goodman?

Wrong.

Oh.

Yes, of course.

Uncle Martin, you are a real pal.

I'm telling you that this is going to be the romance of the century. Now, if

it's an egghead that she wants, it's an egghead she's going to get.

Hail to thee, blithe spirit, bird thou never was, that from heaven or near it

pourest thy full heart in profuse strains of unpremeditated love.

May I borrow your eraser? I'd like to make a change in the story.

Of course.

Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, Mr. O 'Hara.

Wasn't that Beethoven's first you were singing?

His ninth. The first goes... That's so

stupid of me.

Oh, no, not really. It's just that I have a passion for music.

So do I.

You're kidding.

Oh, no, this is amazing. I would never have thought that... Yes?

Nothing.

Say, you know, there's a concert tonight at the Hollywood Bowl.

Oh, there is? Yes, and I... Oh, that's right.

You said you were busy tonight, didn't you?

I did?

Yes.

Well, there's been a change of plan.

Well, then you can go.

I'd love to. Oh, that's wonderful.

Well, then I'll pick you up at 8 then, Cynthia.

That'll be fine, Tim.

Wasn't that concert marvelous?

Marvelous. Oh, the violin concerto. Wasn't it beautiful?

Beautiful. The scherzo was exquisite.

Scared, sir.

Exquisite.

But when it comes to music, I'm definitely partial to Bach.

I get goose pimples whenever I hear his Goldberg Variations.

How about you?

Hmm? His Goldberg Variations.

Oh, nobody writes variations like Goldberg. He's my favorite variation

Goldberg didn't write the Goldberg Variations.

Bach did.

Goldberg was his pupil.

Yes, of course. How silly of me. I guess when you know as much about music as I

do, you just have a tendency to forget some things.

How do you feel about Dostoevsky?

You like Dostoevsky?

Almost as much as I like Kafka.

Amazing.

Hi, stranger.

Hi, Sylvia. What do you mean, stranger?

I haven't seen you since 11 .30 last night. Yeah, you're right. I guess we'll

have to get our offices moved closer together.

Tim, did you see this? The Salzburg String Quartet is coming to town for one

night. Well, hocus pocus.

Two in the orchestra.

Tim, you're wonderful.

Well, who am I to contradict a lady?

It's amazing how we agree on things.

I never thought I'd meet a man who likes exactly what I like.

Well... No, Tim.

You're really exceptional.

I don't claim that an appreciation of music or art or literature is the whole

world.

But it is a large part of my world.

And to be able to share it with someone like you is... just

plain wonderful.

But, Cynthia...

Call it off?

Yes. Well, I spent the whole morning scouring bookstores for more of her

favorite books. I can't help that, Uncle Martin. I can't go on deceiving her any

longer. Then you're going to tell her the truth about yourself?

No, I can't do that.

Well, if you're not going to deceive her, and you're not going to tell her

truth... I can't tell her what a dirty, low -down, conniving rat I really am.

I'm going to destroy her faith in men forever.

I'll never let you talk me into it.

Me?

You're the one who begged me to read her mind.

Well, you're the margin. You're supposed to be smarter than I am.

I know.

It's this living here on Earth.

It begins to rub off on one.

What am I going to do?

You could start an argument.

You could tell her that you don't like Toulouse -Lautrec.

She's very fond of Toulouse -Lautrec.

That would destroy her relationship with you.

What is your feelings about me right now to destroy a relationship with Toulouse

-Lautrec?

Well, she really must have fallen for you.

Well, that's what makes me feel so bad. She thinks I'm her dream man.

Wait a minute.

That's it.

Uncle Martin, look, all we have to do is find her dream man.

What? The fellow she thought I was, but I'm not. Look, for every girl, there's

the right guy. All we have to do is find hers.

And how do we do that?

Your brain.

All you have to do is run around reading men's minds so you find the one that

corresponds with hers. Then, bingo.

That may take weeks.

All right, we better get started.

When I get back to Mars, they're never going to believe me.

They're never going to believe me.

How about Harry Jordan and distribution?

Well, Cynthia likes some studios, you know. Now look at the way Harry's

concentrating on that paper.

He's concentrating on that paper all right.

Flim Flam and the Fourth at Hollywood Park could do it.

But maybe Hot Flash might pass him in the stretch.

Forget Harry Jordan.

How about Ed Ferguson?

Well?

Bubbles LaRue sure has a great act, but I'll bet she has lots of problems. I

wonder how often stripteases catch a cold.

Oh, forget it. I don't think we're getting anywhere.

Your colleagues are decidedly lowbrow.

Yeah, I know.

Hey, what about the public library?

An excellent suggestion.

Wait a minute.

Chopin. Where?

There. Shh, shh, shh.

She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies.

Byron. Byron who?

Oh, Byron.

Yes.

Byron. Where?

That man over there.

Bingo! You know him? Sure, that's Bill Fisher, the new assistant personnel.

I didn't know he was so cultured.

Come in.

Hi, Bill. You got a second?

Sure.

Tim O 'Hara, isn't it? Yes, that's right.

I'd like to introduce my uncle, Martin O 'Hara, Bill Fisher.

Pleased to meet you, sir.

How do you do?

Bill, look, there's a little favor I'd like to ask of you. I know how much you

like music.

Oh, wait a minute.

How did you know that I like music?

Oh, well, we heard you humming that Chopin thing out there.

Really? Well, I had no idea I was humming out loud.

It's the acoustics.

Yes, yes.

They're very good in these old buildings.

Gee, I guess I'll have to watch that.

What is it that I can do for you, Bill?

Oh, well, you see, there's this concert tonight, the Salzburg String Quartet.

Well, you see, I have two tickets to it. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to

go. Now, there is this lovely girl that you just... Hold it.

I also have two tickets to tonight's concert. And I wouldn't want Angel Face

miss it for the world.

Angel Face?

Peggy Collins.

The sweetest little girl you've ever met.

Oh.

Well, um, thanks.

Sorry to bother you. Oh, not at all.

Thanks for thinking of me.

It was nice to have met you, Mr. Martin.

Didn't you know we'd already have a girl? It's a shame. He and Cynthia would

have been so right for each other. Yeah, we're trying to tell that to Angel

Face. I'm going to check and see if I have any phone calls.

Hmm.

What's better?

What some people have going on in their heads.

Scoopy doopy, doopy, re -bop, re -bop.

Well, you know, that sounds like the trumpet solo from Dizzy Gordon's Honky

Blues. It's a gas.

Well, I knew it wasn't music.

Young lady, must you?

Angel face.

Hi.

Angel face.

Oh, so this is your new office. Yes, you like it? Oh, I dig it. It's real kooky.

Oh, Peggy, you shouldn't say things like that. It's so beneath you.

I'm sorry.

I forgot.

It's really, uh, quite exquisite.

Now, have I got a surprise for you.

Guess where we're going tonight.

The stock car races. Oh, Bill, you finally broke down and decided to take

Oh, you'll love it.

No,

precious. Not the stock car races.

A concert.

A concert?

The Salzburg String Quartet.

Oh.

Saddle Martin, I was just... Shh.

What's the matter?

I think we found our man.

Bill Fisher?

What about Angel Face?

You know your problem with Cynthia?

Yeah. Well, Bill's got the same problem with Angel Face.

And that may solve all our problems.

How? Just leave everything to me.

At the concert tonight, the quartet will be playing a composition for the

strings.

I will be playing an exercise for the levitation finger.

Looks like a marvelous program.

I just know this is going to be a night to remember.

Yeah, so do I.

Oh, right in there, Angel, please.

Thank you.

Cynthia, I'm sorry. I have the wrong seat. I'm afraid I'll have to move down.

You stay here and I'll find my other seat.

Bill, how are you? It's good to see you.

See you after the show, right?

Could you move down one, please?

What

an

insane mix -up, Sam.

I can't understand it.

I'd go straight to the manager, only I don't want to miss any of the concert.

Same here.

Haven't I seen you someplace before?

The Los Angeles Sun.

Bill Fisher, personnel.

Cynthia Parker, market research.

Well, it certainly is a small world. Yes.

Do you come to the concerts often?

Constantly. I'm really looking forward to the Salzburg String Quartet.

I was supposed to see them in Europe on a student tour in 1958.

Only I literally missed the boat.

You were the one.

You mean you were on that tour? Yes.

Salzburg, Vienna, Paris.

Oh, this is wonderful.

Listen, you've got to tell me all about it. What was it like?

Oh, it was marvelous.

To begin with, in Salzburg, we stayed at the funniest little chalet. You would

have loved it.

Hey, Uncle Martin.

You remember about a month ago when you pulled that little trick at the concert

to get Cynthia and Bill together?

Yeah. Listen to this.

After the wedding, the bride and groom will leave for a two -week honeymoon in

Bermuda.

Gee, it's too bad I had to work today. I was supposed to be best man.

Did Peggy go to the wedding?

Mm -hmm.

She's one of the bridesmaids.

Well, I hope she hasn't been too shaken up by all this.

Are you kidding? We've been having a ball together.

Stock car races, surfboarding, nightclubs, jazz joints.

That's the Tim O 'Hara I know.

Well, after all that Kafka, Brahms, and Beethoven, you know, a guy needs a

little fun.

That must be Peggy. We have a date.

I'll just make myself scared.

Hi, kitten.

Hi, Russell.

How was the wedding?

Oh, the greatest.

You never saw anything so beautiful.

Everybody cried.

Oh, and guess what?

What's that?

I caught the bridal bouquet.

Oh, isn't that marvelous? That means something, doesn't it?

Well, of course.

It means I'm going to be the next one to be married.

Oh, Martin.

Uncle Martin.