Original subtitles

You're taking forever.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a second. One sec.

This is an emergency.

I've got to take the biggest... Shit.

What? My cupper's blown. Bethany just caught me checking her out.

It blows my mind that you're into Bethany Fowler. You guys are so

I don't know what it is. She just... Makes me want to put a Make America

Again hat on and have loud, sweaty, fiscally responsible sex with her.

Anyway, how about you? How's your budding YA romance novel going?

Um, yet to be published.

I don't know what's going on.

Hey, Charlie. Morning, Lizbeth.

Liz won't give me the time of day. Like, literally. Yesterday I asked him what

time it was and he just ignored me.

Ouch. Well, maybe he's a seniorist.

Konnichiwa, Johnny.

Konnichiwa, Chiro.

Um, what's a senior?

Somebody who's racist towards people who aren't seniors.

Not a thing.

Good morning, Lizbeth.

So when do you know sign language?

Um, a couple weeks now. Just thought I'd make Dylan feel more included.

You know how many kids sign here? None.

It'd be hard for us.

I'm sorry, Charles, but this is an intervention.

You're addicted to getting people to like you.

It's not an addiction. There are plenty of kids who don't need to like me.

Hi, Charlie.

Ren.

Case in point.

Ben, what are you doing? It's not your locker. Oh, it is now.

I bribed Wallace the janitor to let me have it so we can be closer together.

And what did he do with the other person's stuff?

I don't know.

Probably moved it to my locker.

Listen, Charlie, there's something I wanted to ask you.

We've known each other for a while now, and I feel like we have this connection,

you know? Like we're meant to be together, cosmically. Right. I guess

asking is, what are you doing?

Oh, well, I keep track of how many times you've asked me out, so it looks like

we're up to 56.

Oh, 56 times. Wow.

I'm not great at math, but if you've asked me out 56 times, and I've said no

times, then...

That would mean that I rejected you, yeah, 56 times.

Actually, it would be only 55 times because you haven't said no to me yet.

I'm sorry, did you just say only 55 times?

Sure. I'll ask Charlie out 156 times if there's a slight chance that she might

say yes to me.

Jesus, man.

What is wrong with you?

She's not interested.

When are you going to let that sink in? I mean, she's never, ever, ever going to

say yes. Yeah.

Huh? Ben has a good point. Hmm?

Yeah, I'll go out with you, but it's one time, and it's just for coffee.

Coffee, okay.

Cool,

cool, yeah. The most important part, Ben, is that you have to promise me that

you're never going to ask me out again. No, totally. Say it. Say it. I will

never ask you out again. I will never ask you out again because I won't need

Okay. All right. Awesome. I will pick you up at 5.

5, yeah, works for me. Hey, I'll be there.

What the hell are you doing? What else am I going to do? You're not going to

stop otherwise.

Uh -huh.

You know when you're wearing a pair of really nice shoes and you accidentally

step into a pile of dog shit, and no matter what you do, no matter how hard

clean them, there's still that lingering smell of dog shit?

Well, you stepped in a big pile of them, and that smell's never coming off.

And not be seen in public, too.

Yeah, very cool, Ben.

Ah, Miss Albright.

Welcome. You look ravishing, as always.

Ben, what the hell is this?

It was just supposed to be coffee.

Oh, no, there's coffee, too.

Look, I really just wanted to impress you.

Hey, you're already here. There's delicious food. The weather's perfect.

Please, stay.

Let me impress you.

These are for you.

I couldn't afford a real violinist to ask my neighbor to help.

Thanks, Dr. Metzenbaum.

Go ahead.

Grilled cheese?

Yep. It's gruyere with caramelized onions and artisan bread that I cooked

rosemary butter.

You made this yourself?

I did.

Dig in before it gets cold.

Stop judging me, Ben.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're silently judging me with your little silent judge. You

judge your eyes. Stop.

No, no, it's just... You'd rather get the perfect photo than enjoy the food

way it's supposed to be enjoyed?

I don't get it.

Of course you don't.

Okay, so say it's a sandwich.

Best sandwich I've ever had. Hot, delicious, it's amazing.

How long does that enjoyment last?

Okay, now say I take a photo of it.

and I share it on Instagram, then everybody can enjoy its beauty forever.

Oh, my God.

Can't share that on Instagram?

Wait, Ben, this is incredible.

I thought it'd be nice to review a gourmet version of something we used to

when we were kids.

Speaking of, check it out.

You still have yours?

Yeah, somewhere in my room, in a box, maybe.

I wear mine every day to remind me of what I once had.

Okay, look, Ben, I'm really flattered that you like me as much as you do.

But fourth grade was, like, a really long time ago, and I just, I don't feel,

don't feel that way anymore.

Because you're into Luke now.

Um, how, what, how did you know that?

I see the way you look at him.

I just don't get it.

Why Luke? He's so obvious.

No, he's not. He's not obvious.

I don't know. Whenever I think about him, I just get... I don't know. You

wouldn't understand, bud.

Whenever you think about him, you get this nervous, jittery feeling, like

five years old and it's the night before your birthday.

There's this electricity posting to your body. It makes simple tasks impossible.

You can't walk in a straight line, you can't form complete sentences, but it

doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters is holding on to that feeling as long as possible,

because that nervous, jittery feeling, it's what reminds her alive.

Yeah. Something like that.

Um, you know what would be really good with these?

Tomato soup. Remember we ate it when we were younger? So good.

I actually was waiting for you to say that, because I prepare tomato soup. I'm

just forgetting one crucial ingredient.

Don't say magic.

Don't say magic.

Magic.

Hold this, please.

Hmm? Yep.

All right.

Alakazam.

Alakazoop. Please give my girl some tomatoes.

Ooh.

Uh... Okay, I don't know what's going on. I practiced that all day, and it was

working, I promise.

Just one second.

To living?

I'm done with real life.

Mmm.

That was good.

It's like the chocolate sauce, the potato chips, and the ice cream are all

having a threesome in my mouth, except without all the awkwardness that usually

comes with a threesome.

Everyone's getting the right amount of attention.

Damn. You're really killing it with the metaphors today.

Told you.

Dog shit on a shoe.

What do you want, Ben?

You did what?

I just set up a social media account. I'm about to post my first picture. It's

going to be epic.

Ben, what's that noise? Where are you?

I don't want to say too much. It'll spoil the surprise.

Look, Charlie, I got to go. I'll talk to you later, okay? No, Ben, Ben, just...

So apparently Ben

has set up a social media account.

And just four years after my grandma.

Hmm, good for him.

What's wrong? I don't know. Nothing. Like, Ben has a social media account.

no big deal.

Like, what's the worst that could happen?

A local boy died tonight uploading his first social media post.

17 -year -old Reseda Hills resident Benjamin Bloom was trying to take a

himself posing with some graffiti he spray -painted onto the billboard behind

when he lost his balance and plunged 100 feet to the concrete below.

A tragedy police are referring to as...

Death by selfie.

Wow.

Beautiful.

Not half as beautiful as you.

You're such a dipshit, Ben.

I know.

And look, I have one for me, too.

Got them from some old lady downtown.

She was weird. Smelled like cheese.

Said I got some kind of magic spell on them or something.

If you put them on, you'll be in love forever.

I love it, Ben.

I love you, Charlie Albright.

Forever.

Okay, Cookie, I'm heading out now.

Won't be back for dinner. Got to work late.

Okay. Sounds good, Mom.

Hey, I'm sorry about your friend, Charlotte. He was always such a sweet

Mom, you said he gave you the creeps.

Yeah, but in a sweet way.

Hey, I thought you got a bump in Instagram followers this month.

Because I read that 35 % of college admissions offices are now looking at

media to learn about applicants.

Personal branding and so on.

Thanks, Mom.

Charlie,

dear. Oh, it is so good to see you.

We haven't seen you in ages.

I just, I wanted to say I'm really sorry for your loss.

Ben was, um, just one of a kind.

He really was, wasn't he?

You should eat, Charlie. Um, how about potato salad? Do you like potato salad?

We have mountains of it.

So please feel free to take some home with you, too. And there's pies and

cookies and...

I have the boxes still in the kitchen, so make sure you grab some, okay?

Oh, but before you do that, maybe you'd say a few words.

If you would do that, Charlie, it would mean a lot.

Yeah? Sure?

Oh, thank you so much.

Everyone, quiet down.

Benji's ex -girlfriend, Charlie, has agreed to say a few words.

I'm sorry. I agreed to do what?

Oh, it's okay, dear. Just say whatever your heart tells you to say.

Um,

uh, I am, I'm Charlotte Albright.

I, uh, I am, I'm Charlotte Albright. And, um,

you know, I think it had been in fourth grade. So it was a long time ago. I

would hardly consider me as like ex -girlfriend.

Um, is that, is that, is that a painting of me riding a unicorn?

Benji did that a couple of years ago. I liked it so much I had it framed.

I think Ben had a skewed perception of me. You know, the Charlie in his

head wasn't really an honest reflection of who I really am.

But that's what made him so great. He had this just hopeful naivete to him.

And he could be, like, a little annoying.

Very, very annoying.

Um, but also he was weirdly poetic.

You know, he just, he saw the world a bit different than the rest of us.

And he was really kind and smart.

Tenacious.

But yeah, I'm, um, I'm really gonna miss having him around to annoy me.

Hey, Charlie.

Hey. Hi.

What's up?

That was a great speech.

Thanks.

Um, what are you doing here?

Whoa. No, I didn't mean to come off accusatory. I'm just... Yeah, seriously,

what are you doing here?

Came to pay my respects to Ben's family.

Is that okay?

Yeah, no, of course. I just, I didn't know you knew Ben. Yeah, yeah, through

after -school tutoring program.

Free calculus.

Right.

He was your tutor.

I was his tutor, actually.

Oh, geez.

Wow, then.

You just think I'm some big, dumb, oblivious jock, don't you?

Sorry.

No.

Believe me.

I'm used to it.

He talks about you all the time, you know.

Like, with you? Really?

I just didn't know you knew who I was.

I did.

I mean, I do.

I mean, I wanted to talk to you, but out of respect for Ben, I didn't want him

to think I was flirting with you or something.

That's why you ignored me. Got it.

My friend just thought you were a racist towards non -seniors.

Your friend thought I was racist?

No. No.

No, no, no. She said nothing.

You could have just talked to me. It wouldn't have been flirting.

Yeah, well, I'm not sure I could have helped myself.

Uh, look,

I, um, you know, I know this might not be the most tactful thing to ask,

considering where we are, uh, but.

He said, he was like, oh, can I, like, can I maybe, like, possibly, I don't

know, like, maybe have your number? It was very, it was very cute. It was very

cute. Well, did you give it to him? Yeah, of course. Oh, my God. You picked

boy at a wake.

You bitch.

I love it.

Today has been such a rollercoaster of emotions. It's, like, obviously very sad

because Ben died, but also really great because Luke was there. But, you know,

really, really sad because Ben died. But, like, amazing because Luke was

We were really connected. But sad because Ben died. So, God, it's so

having something so tragic and something, like, so amazing happening

simultaneously.

That's my life story.

I was born on September 11th, remember?

What was that?

Wait, did you hear that too?

Yeah, it sounded like glass breaking.

Is it your mom?

No, that's impossible.

She zonked out on Ambie and like nothing is waking that woman up.

I'm going to check it out.

Are you insane, Charles? Stay where you are. No, I can't. What if something's

wrong? I can't just like hide out in my room.

Okay.

Hey, Charlie.

I'm back.

How did you... What?

How?

How, Ben? How?

I don't know, okay? One moment I'm plummeting 100 feet to my death, and the

I'm crawling through six feet of dirt.

Why did you come here? Why not go to your own house?

I don't know. As soon as I crawled out of my grave, I felt this intense pain.

My whole body was on fire.

The closer I got to your house, the better I felt.

It was like I was being guided by some unknown force.

Oh, that's probably the police. Ron said she called them. No, no. What are you

doing? What do you mean? This is a great thing. Maybe they can help us figure

out what is going on.

No, they're not going to help us.

They're going to call the government.

And then a bunch of white vans are going to pull up and guys in big yellow

plastic suits are going to jump out and take me to some secret underground lab

run by a brooding scientist who's going to perform sinister experiments on my

person. Have you ever seen any movie that came out in the 80s?

Fine.

Good evening, officer.

Ma 'am, I'm responding to a wait.

Charlie.

Charlie Albright.

It's me, Mitch.

Mitch Maloof. Remember?

I used to work at the frozen yogurt place you'd go to. I used to give you

employee discount even though you didn't work there. Right.

See, you're not flinging fro you anymore, Mitch? Nah, I got fired.

They told me I lacked the mental capacity to handle the toppings bar,

that means.

Anyway, I'm a cop now, which is way easier. Plus, I get a gun.

Awesome. I know.

So the reason I'm here, evidently we received a 911 call, and the caller

said, and I quote,

Oh, God. Oh, God. You got to help. There's a crazy man inside my friend's

Oh, God. I told her she was going to be okay, but it was all a lie. She's

probably already dead, chopped up into little tiny pieces. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Unquote. Yeah, you know, I called my friend Ren. Just a misunderstanding. I'm

okay.

Okay, so there's no crazy man inside your house?

What was that?

Mitch, I'm going to need to wrap this up.

If you're in danger and you need help and you can't say anything, blink twice

and I will help you.

Okay. You have yourself a nice night. And please, tell your friend, only call

911 in case of an emergency.

I will. Okay, have a good night.

What are you doing? You just ruined the whole thing.

I don't know what happened. I walked over there to pick up that candlestick

I felt that intense pain.

Oh, my God.

Do you think now that I'm dead I'm allergic to candlesticks?

What? No.

Oh, yeah.

No, you're right.

Wait.

How long have you been wearing that necklace?

I don't know. Since sometime this afternoon.

Oh, my God.

It's it. Okay, the necklace.

Do you remember when I bought these from that weird old woman downtown?

The one that smelled like brie?

Or was it... Or was it camembert?

I don't know. My palate wasn't as refined.

It was a soft cheese.

Ben, Ben, just please get to the point. Please. Sorry.

That old woman, she said something about these necklaces being enchanted with a

love spell.

Charlie, these necklaces are the reason I'm back.

Magical necklaces.

The dumbest thing I've ever heard. I know, but if you have a better reason

why you're talking to a dead kid in your kitchen, then I'm all ears.

So what's with the intense pain and moaning?

I don't know. Maybe they have to be close enough to each other to work.

How close?

Okay, just tell me when you start to feel anything.

Okay. Okay, how far is that?

Um, 30 feet.

Okay, and you're sure you can't go... Stop!

What are you doing? Are you crazy? All right, all right. 30 feet it is. Okay.

It's like those old walkie -talkies we used to play with when we were kids. You

know, they get a certain distance apart and they stop working.

So what happens if we're more than 30 feet apart for an extended period of

I don't know, and I don't want to find out.

Well, if they only work when they're together, why don't you just wear them

both?

I can help.

Here, let me, let me, I got you. Just go from the back.

All right, I'm... Ben, Ben, stop, stop, stop.

Sorry, I'm just trying to help.

Maybe it's a part of the spell, you know? They're fused together, you can't

it off.

Oh, my...

just keeps getting dumber and dumber.

So what does that mean?

Two things, really.

Number one, we're going to have to find that woman and figure out what's going

on. And two, we can't be more than 30 feet apart.

I can't believe that this is happening right now. It's like something out of a

fairy tale, you know? Like two young lovers separated by death only to be

brought back by magical amulets?

The single greatest day of my life. Honestly.

Mother.

Get around, put your money down.

We get what we pay for.

We got a way full name.

We got a way full name.

And it don't come free.