Original subtitles

Come on, they're killing us.

I'm not surprised.

What was that?

You said he's not surprised, sir. What's that mean? They've been double -teaming

Hudson, and I've been open the whole time. I'm the best player on this team.

know what I'm doing, okay? Just give me the damn ball, Jerry.

Just get open.

Okay, here we go. Ready. Hut!

No. No, come on!

No.

No. No.

Sorry.

Hut!

No, you're not open. I'm going long!

Move, move.

Oh, Frank.

You're down.

Game over. Back to class.

We lost.

You couldn't get open? We lost, Frank, because you couldn't stretch two more

feet. Put them down.

I don't need your help.

Sure, I don't mind. Put the crutches down.

Let's put them close.

Go to class.

I'm awesome. No, you're not. Dude, don't lie. I'm awesome. I'm driving around in

my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by.

I'm awesome.

So just a friendly reminder that the big day is this Saturday, and you're still

good to do the music. Okay.

Can you please all be there at 1 .30 at the very latest?

Wow.

Waiting in a cafeteria, Bobby. Way to pull out all the stops.

Bobby, you're so lucky. Getting to be with your soulmate for all eternity,

that's all I want.

Right? Yeah, I mean, living together, working together, driving to work

together, raising a child together, day after day.

I'm so jealous. It makes me sick.

We're not going to spend all our time together, of course.

Yeah, you are. Yep. All Robert, all the time. Uh -huh.

There he is.

Dang, you look good.

And she is my fiancée. Hard to believe it's just a few days till I get to marry

the woman I love in the place that I love.

I'm just getting to clap. I'll walk you. Perfect.

There we go.

Okay.

You're so close, it's hard to get through the door. Tight doorway.

Oh, I want that.

No, you don't. I do.

I'm just so sick of waiting for Simon to propose.

Honestly, last Valentine's, I got him a single knee pad. And then I said, hint,

hint, and I went like this.

What did you do?

Zip. Knee pad, that was my nickname in high school.

Bobby didn't wait for Robert to propose to her. Why don't you just ask Simon to

marry you? Hey, you're right.

I'm going to do it.

Hey, my Bill, are you going to Bobby and Robert's wedding?

Hey, my Jerry, don't know Bobby.

Robert and I have a bit of a weird history.

Didn't get an invite.

Well, I got an invite, and it said plus one.

You will be my plus one. And you know what we'll do?

We would pick up women.

I'm real busy, man. I got this going on. I got to take a meeting. Just ask

somebody else.

What meeting?

Smoothie meetings? Business meetings. Doesn't matter. Take someone else.

You think I have a Rolodex of people I just go to to take to weddings? I don't.

I have you. Not an easy time to meet women. You can't just walk across the

floor and grab someone, swing them around, and have a great time. This

The easiest time in history to meet women. Okay, history, Bob.

Explain what that means.

Jerry, we have databases of single women available.

You just, their likes, their dislikes. You like it, you swipe right. You

it, you swipe left.

We have a database at the school.

Trudy? I need a list of all the single, hot moms.

But I don't want the moms that have young kids, because then I've got to

with them.

And I don't want the moms that are too old. I want something right in that

middle sweet spot.

You are gross.

I'm trying to find love, Trudy.

And I'm also trying to find a date for the wedding. Your best bet for a date

would probably be found in your spam folder.

I've never looked. I've never looked in that folder. I see it, and I... This

spam folder's a goldmine of women.

They're fake, Jerry.

They're not fake? How could they be fake? Oh, bless.

They are not real, Jerry. They're sending me pictures and saying, hello,

Yeah, fake people don't know my name.

Do you know what? Never mind.

How are they not real?

Claudia, 86.

I think you have good face.

I want to meet you.

English is a bit off, but I will write her back.

I think you have good face. I will meet you.

Sounds real to me.

So, I came here to ask you, because you and Simon are so

close, for your blessing, to ask Simon to marry me.

I'm crying.

You simple child.

Of course you have my blessing. Of course.

Oh, I was so nervous.

So, when are you going to pop the question?

I was going to do it tomorrow.

Students at school. Oh, that's so rude.

Great. Why wait? That's what I was thinking.

Having fun, I think.

Claudia 86.

Spam girl.

Excuse me?

Let me guess, she sent you a Facebook message, said hello, you have a nice

that kind of thing?

Yeah. See, suckers like you every day.

Judy was right.

Judy?

Claudia? Claudia.

Yes, Claudia.

Claudia. Thank you.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. You have nice face. Good face.

Way nice.

Wow.

Wow,

you're real. You're here for me.

Judy.

I'd like you to meet Claudia, my girlfriend, who is real.

Hello. Hello.

Wow, you're very beautiful.

Is she a robot?

No, she's real.

Don't speak English.

We're getting along great.

Frank?

You speak the language that she speaks?

I do.

Polish. I taught there for a little while when I was younger.

Oh, wow, that is so impressive.

She

speaks

so fast, it's so exciting.

Wow, you guys are talking a lot. What is she saying?

How the hell would I know? It's Polish.

You just better pray that she never learns to understand a word you say.

Then you might have a shot.

Bad. Bad.

Bad. Bye.

Polish,

not Spanish, idiot.

Excusez -moi.

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't you join us on our dinner date tonight, and you can translate...

So we can get to know each other.

Sure. If that would be helpful.

And so long as it's okay with Claudia.

Then a settled dinner date.

Marry me.

It's perfect.

Okay? Just lift it so it's all in one line. We want him to be able to read it,

not look at your face. Okay?

It's unprofessional when teachers do this.

Shouldn't you propose on your own time? Go to the end. I don't want to hear it.

Go to the end. And I want smiling!

Come on.

Okay, this is good. And we're smiling. It's a proposal, okay? Really feeling.

Is this going to take long? We have a test today.

Lucas, you'll do your test, okay? Somebody's about to be a bride.

So the test, less important. This is the moment.

So I picked this dress.

Where is Mr. Hunt? He's going to be here any minute. I'm just as excited as you.

What are you doing here? Mr. Hunt's not coming in. I'm summer for him.

Well, why isn't he coming in?

I don't ask questions. I just say thank you.

Finally, someone loves me. Yes.

Hey.

Paul, can you give Robert and I a moment, please? Oh, it's okay, Bob.

sharing an office for months.

Anything you have to say to me, you might as well say in front of him. Every

single minute, every single work day, looking at this guy.

You get to go home at night, though. Oh, Vern.

What's going on?

It's a lot, you know, with Craig and work and then meals, nighttime, daytime,

you know, hallway, bathroom sometimes. It's a lot.

I didn't know you felt this way.

You know, it's funny. Donna and I have the total opposite situation.

We don't spend enough time with each other. You guys are lucky.

Paul, say bye.

I'll quit my job. You can't quit. I mean, you love Xavier.

I love you more.

I'm going to go get the paperwork rolling right now.

Yeah? I guess.

Nisha, it's the middle of the night and mom says we're going away on our

surprise vacation.

Exciting. Anyway, she said no cell phones like the ancient mariners used to

it. So I only have time to write you this quick note. I'll see you soon.

Maybe. LOL. Mom says we'll be gone indefinitely.

I told her I could lose my job, but she does not care.

She's actually being quite stubborn about it.

Anyway, talk to you soon, I hope.

Love, Simon.

P .S. Mom says you lose.

I don't know. I just love that you guys have your little inside joke.

Food here is good.

This is great. I'm glad you came. It helps.

I feel like we're talking. We're connecting.

She is amazing.

Hey, tell her that I think you're incredible.

I'm so glad you're here. Listen to him.

Hey,

sorry. Could I sit there?

I feel like I'm not talking to her. I'm getting a side profile here. Right, and

you want to sit here. Yeah, she can't see me. We're just going to switch.

We're going to switch. I'll go there. I'll go around. I'll go here.

Yeah. Trust me. This will work.

Way better.

There.

That's way better.

She said that was lovely.

Oh, from what I said before.

Oh, boy, you're beautiful.

She's beautiful.

Doc.

You're lovely.

I can't see, but she is.

Frank,

I think she wants me there. I think she wants to look that way.

I'm getting this again, this side. I'm getting that.

So if I go there, then we can be closer. If I go there, then we can look.

Okay. There

we go.

See?

Okay,

way better, way better.

What's she saying?

She really likes your jacket.

Oh, my coat.

A bit light.

Oh, cheers.

Hey, thank you guys so much for doing this. Especially you, Mr. Malick. It is

honor, Mr. Sheely. I mean, after Simon bolted, I was stuck for any old warm

body, so.

I am Sheely Grimsman. Thought you were going to wear a suit.

Look how fresh this guy looks.

Oh, come on now. This is a throwdown.

A showdown.

How's it a showdown?

How's it a throwdown?

Trudels, I just want to thank you for being my best ma 'am.

Good A &M, Renee.

You know this is a pity move.

Besides, look around.

I'm clearly the best man here.

Always.

Showtime.

What the hell?

Get over there.

Ben, come.

Frank, why are you talking so much? You're only supposed to talk to her when

translate for me.

Yeah, right.

Sorry.

It's your cue. Okay, I got it.

I just want it thick.

This is it.

Sorry,

everybody. It's just my phone.

It's a...

Video call. Unknown number.

I'm just going to answer it super quick, and then I'm going to hang right up.

You don't have to answer that. I'll leave them. No!

Misha! Simon! It's Simon!

It's Simon!

Hi, everyone!

Simon, where are you?

I'm on a cruise ship somewhere in the Pacific, I think. I lost track of the

exact coordinates quite some time ago, but I wanted to make the wedding, so I

borrowed a phone from a very nice man in return for listening to him talk about

the war.

Misha, can you hang up the iPad?

Please, literally one second.

Listen to me. Your mother kidnapped you. I was going to come over and propose,

and then she kidnapped you onto some ship.

Oh, Nisha, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to do this.

Really? So... Yes.

So you would have said yes?

Of course.

I love you, Nisha.

Simon, I love you.

Is that a minister behind you? Yes.

Why? You thinking what I'm thinking, Nisha? Oh, I'm thinking it, baby.

Let's get it done.

Oh, my God! I'm a bride!

Bobby, do you guys mind?

Is that cool?

Of course. Take over your day.

Look what love built.

Oh, yeah, no, that's fine, Nisha. Go right ahead.

It's just my wedding. Most important day of my life.

Thank you, Bobby.

He's right here. It's like... Can you just move down? Everybody move down.

This is very heavy.

And so, do you, Bobby... Nisha.

My name's Nisha.

Do you take Simon to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

And do you, Simon, take Nisha... Simon! Who are you talking to? Minister,

if you could speed this up at all, that would be really great.

Do you take Nisha to be your lawfully wedded... Mother, I'm allowed to marry

anyone I want!

Please.

Please!

Do you, Simon, take Nisha to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Oh.

He didn't. He definitely did.

You all heard him say it.

We're married.

Can we get going or what?

Yeah.

Are you sure you want to go through with this, Robert?

The most romantic day in Xavier history?

Uh, yeah.

I mean, it's a school, Robert. Why do you care so much about it? It's more

a school, Bobby. It's a magical place filled with love and friendship.

Should I continue?

I don't want you to quit. What about the being too much of each other all the

time? I can spend all day every day with a man that would give all this up for

me. What are you doing?

What are you doing? Don't cry. It's not time for crying yet. It's not time for

tears. I'm not sure what to do here. I do.

Look, I've been watching this all happen.

All right? Sitting here.

But I have something better than all of you. Claudia, please.

Frank, would you mind?

She doesn't speak English, so Frank has been so kind to translate for me.

Sometimes you know when you know.

And I know I've only spent a few days with you to know that I want to spend

rest of my life with you.

Look,

I don't have a ring. I don't have a ring.

I got one, actually.

Frank.

Frank has a ring.

But I want you.

Claudia, will you marry me?

She said

yes. She said yes.

Oh,

bye, buddy Jerry.

Okay, well, let's continue.

Let's just get to the end here.

And so by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Nick is the bride.

Frank?

Stole my RV.

And my girl.

What's going on? What's with all the bags?

Oh, hey.

I know you were in.

Where's your RV?

Frank stole it. Where's Claudia?

Frank stole her.

What's going on?

Well, you know those business meetings I was having?

I'm franchising Bill's Smoothie Bar at private schools across the country.

That's great news!

What's my take?

Zero. Zero?

We've had this conversation.

You have no stake. Technically, you set up your business in my school first, and

the blender is our blender, so we kind of share that. So shouldn't we just...

was the house blender.

All right.

Tie me home.

Well, that's the thing.

Uh... Come here.

Oh, this is new.

I like this.

Okay, that's weird.

That's gonna be our new thing when you go out at night.

Yeah. You started it, though. And I'm glad to see that you're opening up a

All right.

I'll see you around, pal.

Good luck at your meeting, whatever it is.

I got a good movie for us to watch later.

Text me when you're close, because I got to download it. It's illegal, buddy.

A lot of luggage for a meeting.

Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome. For more Mr. D, please check out the

website.

JerryD .com