Original subtitles

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Connor, Connor, Connor!

Oh!

Pass, buddy.

Lucy, get off the court.

Time to switch it up, sir.

First of all, I say when we switch it up. Fine. Time to switch it up. Let's

change it up. Can I have that stick?

No, you can't, because I curved it perfectly for me, and I put my own grip

it. You can't have it, sorry.

I'll give it back to you. I don't want it back with your brick hands all over

it. Lucy, let's be honest.

You haven't touched the ball in like eight classes. Does it really matter

stick you have?

Because I don't have a good stick.

The stick doesn't make the player. The player makes the stick.

Then why are you holding on to that stick?

Okay, I'm not arguing with you. And now we have no time. We have no time now

because of the loose two. We've got to get changed.

Next class, I'm getting that stick.

No, you're not.

Because I hide it.

All right, hurry up.

Grab it if you don't know where it is.

Get to class.

Just get changed.

Bye.

Now she knows my spot.

Find a new spot.

I'll take it home with me.

I'll take it home every night.

Sleep with it.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

Nice of you to show up, sir.

Actually, Amanda Susan, I took my time on purpose because I was hoping if I was

late, you might not be here.

Well, I'm here.

Are we getting our test back today?

No, you're not.

Shocker. You know what? I'm not in the mood for your whining today, Amanda

Susan. And marking takes time, everybody. Thank you. Yeah, you're

only had two months.

Thank goodness you don't have a wife and kids or we'd never get them back.

Okay.

What does that even mean?

It means I don't understand.

What's taking you so long? Because I have other things. Get married now, kid.

For your information, I have been married twice.

And secondly, you now have a detention after school.

For what? All I'm saying is I don't get it. Look at you. You're kind of good

looking. You're in decent shape. And you have a good job.

All right.

Then I apologize. I read that wrong.

Thank you for the kind words.

So it must be your incompetence holding you back.

You know what? Go to the office.

Don't encourage her. Now open your book.

Good for you. Thanks, everybody. Have a good afternoon.

Bethany?

Really?

Hey, Bethany.

Can't help but notice there's a bit of a pattern developing here.

Sorry, Miss Galka. I promise it won't happen again.

Okay.

Bethany! Sorry. I just haven't been getting much sleep that night. Oh,

what are you having? Bad dreams or something?

No, it's the noise coming from my parents' bedroom.

Well, what kind of noise?

It's like crying.

Oh. But happy crying.

Oh, boy.

Starts with a quiet. Yeah. And then a banging begins. Oh, dear.

Jump! Jump!

Louder and louder. Yeah. Non -stop. Like this.

Yep.

And then at the end... Really fast! I got it. Yeah, no, that's clear.

Leave it with me, and I'll see what I can do, okay?

Sounds super boring, but every morning, teacher takes attendance, sends it out

to the principal's office, and then I cross -reference this over the term's

attendance. Okay, good. Glad you guys are catching up. Yeah. I just wanted to

give Amanda Susan a few little pointers before she takes over as principal for a

day tomorrow.

You're giving her principal for a day tomorrow? She won at Ferran Square. This

gal raised $12 ,000 in our food bank walk -a -thon.

Come on. How's our most obnoxious student going to be principal for a day?

Hey, you better be careful. That's tomorrow's box you're talking about.

And my memory's long.

Very long.

You know what's good about this?

You're not in my class tomorrow. I love that. Have fun hanging out with her all

day, Robert.

I'm actually looking forward to it. It'd be fun to have a little shadow.

Here's an idea. When you're done being principal for a day, why don't you take

the rest of the year off Amanda Susan? That'd be lovely.

Why don't you?

I'll take care of him tomorrow.

Girl, that's cute.

Hi,

everyone. Hi.

Okay.

The seat is taken.

Oh, come on.

Okay, I get it.

Everybody hates Lisa. I hurt you. I missed my niece's baptism because of

stupid PTA car wash.

You called me a book bitch.

Things were said, sure.

But you guys hurt me too, all right?

Now, I thought maybe I'd come in and maybe give a peace offering.

Maybe we could... What's that, brownies? Yeah, homemade double fudge.

I bet they double suck.

Whoa, these are delicious.

Thank you, Peter.

No, no, these are like double delicious.

Oh, yummy. Good. We may have been a bit too hard on you. Sorry.

I've been turned on by this brownie.

What are you doing?

This is my spot. I always park here.

I can do whatever I'd like.

I'm principal today.

Remember? Then why don't you park in the principal spot, which is two feet from

the main entrance? Why would you park way back here?

I like this spot better. Besides, I need to make my steps.

Steps? There she is, principal for the day.

Robert, I always park here. Can you tell her to move her bike, please?

She's the boss.

It's up to her to tell me where she'd like to park. Okay.

Are we being serious about this? She's a nine -year -old kid.

She's the boss.

My hands are tied.

Get inside, boss.

Now beat it. You're crowding my bike.

You're a bully.

And finally, I'm canceling all meetings and practices after school today so

everyone can go home nice and early to their families. Aw, such a natural

leader.

Nice for you to show up, Jerry.

Someone was in my regular parking spot.

And Mr.

Duncan, thank you. More like Mr. Duncan can't get to work on time.

It's as though whatever Jerry says, she has clever quip ready to go. Shut up.

Anyways, have a great day, everyone.

Oh, well done.

You can't let her talk like that to me. Actually, Jerry, pretty sure she done

can.

By the way, Jerry.

I'd like to see your lesson plans on my desk by noon. And since you have no

family to go home to, maybe you could also catch up on your marking after

today. Can we end this? This is silly. Can you set her straight, please? Like I

said, Jerry, my hands are tied on this one. She's the boss.

This is stupid.

Robert?

Principal Sullivan.

What was that?

That was salt.

Hey, guys. What's going on?

What did you put in those brownies, Lisa?

What are you talking about?

Everybody's been sick since your little brownie sabotage.

Monty, Peter, and Carol couldn't even make it in today.

That's awful, but, I mean, it couldn't be the brownies. It's a really simple

recipe. It's just eggs and cocoa and butter, flour.

What brand of flour?

Papalito's flour.

Jacuzzi! There was a recall on Papalito's flour last week.

E. coli. I didn't hear anything about this.

We thought you'd bake something to be nice.

Like Julia Child, but it turns out you're just a double agent like Julia

I swear, I had no idea.

Everyone!

Peter's dead.

What?

How? The doctor said that it was either the E. coli that did him in or... Or? Or

what? The knife in his back!

How could you, Lisa?

I killed Peter.

I think it's important to be seen in the hallway during class changeover. Excuse

me, Mr. Chile. I need to ask you something, so if you'll excuse us.

anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of our principal.

Okay, fine. I need last period off today.

Why?

This is none of your business, Amanda Susan, so stay out of this, please.

Actually, it's principal today. It's as much her business as it is anyone's.

I have to leave for personal reasons.

How personal?

It's a private matter. If I told you, it wouldn't be personal. So mind your own

beeswax. Robert, can you step in? Principal Sullivan?

Are you kidding me right now?

What do you have last period? I have spare last period, Amanda Susan, which

really means I have nothing, so I can leave.

The thing is, we pay you to be here until the end of the day.

We? You don't pay me anything.

I don't love your tone, so my answer has to be a no.

In fact...

I would like you to cover Mr.

Clark's chemistry class during last period.

He has to leave early.

Why does he get to leave early?

Personal reasons.

Oh, snap.

Okay, I know nothing about chemistry, so I shouldn't cover his class.

You don't know anything about anything.

When's that stopped you?

Still stupid.

Okay, I can hear you.

I wanted you to hear me.

Robert. In your face.

Okay, can you do something about this? Check yourself before you wreck

What? Hands, remember?

Tied.

Honestly, we have no idea why Bethany would be so tired.

Well, it's becoming a bit of a habit. Are you sure you can't think of any

at all? Maybe we should get her iron levels checked?

Her iron's fine, Maureen. She's probably just exhausted from all of her

extracurricular activities.

Right. Or maybe she's exhausted from your extracurricular activities.

See where I went there?

Not in the least. No. What I'm asking you guys is that you try to keep your

noise levels down when you're having your relations.

You son of a bitch.

What's that now?

I know it.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on that.

ganky whore, Linda.

Oh, no, this isn't... Fine.

Guilty as charged.

Like I'm supposed to believe that suddenly you're a book club four nights

week. What the hell's that supposed to mean?

Working your way through the Kama Sutra while you shtook the neighbor? Doesn't

count. It's book club. We have a guidance counselor that I think would be

The neighbor?

Are you out of your mind, you paranoid nitwit? Prove me wrong, Maureen.

Prove me wrong.

Great. Great stuff.

I think we have made some serious progress today.

What's going on here?

Principal Sullivan is conducting interviews.

Okay, for what position?

Yours.

Isn't that rich?

That is silly.

Thanks for coming in, Gary. We'll be in touch.

Okay, he doesn't even look like a phys ed teacher.

So? You were right, Trudy. He's got a lot of potential.

Okay, this is...

Are we being serious here? We got this nine -year -old kid running around

wasting everybody's time. Like, come on, let's get serious. Let's end this

charade. You know what, Jerry?

I was going to let you finish out the year, but I've had enough of your...

was that word you told me?

Insubordination. Insubordination.

Oh, you've had enough of my insubordination, have you? Lucid

means you're fired.

Okay. You heard her.

And that is how you lean in.

All right, let's end this. The thing of it is, Jerry, she actually makes a

pretty good case.

What's the case for me to be fired? I'm not following.

You're always late. You never hand back tests.

I never got those lesson plans, and I'm pretty sure you can't read.

I can read.

Please grab your belongings and exit the school in a prompt and orderly fashion.

Man. Okay, I'm just telling you that if I do leave, I'm not coming back.

So you might want to end the game.

I wish I could help, Jerry. Really, I do, but my hands are...

Starting to sink in, isn't it?

God, I can't figure this out.

I'm starting to feel real.

What was that?

Oh, God, what?

What's going on with this car?

Is there something under my car?

I wonder what's going on here.

Whoops.

Hello. We're here for Peter's memorial.

Yes,

of course.

Right this way. You're the first to arrive.

Oh, my God.

Peter, I'm so sorry.

This doesn't look right. We're here for Peter Davis.

This is he.

No, no.

Peter in the open casket.

Five -nine, bald, bitter rosé?

Yeah.

That's the one.

I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

Maybe we should speak to Steve. He was handling this for us.

Steve had a family emergency and had to step out. What?

Samuel. Yo.

Who is in the urn?

This guy, Peter Davis.

No! No, it's like I keep telling you. Peter Davis wasn't supposed to be

cremated. We ordered... He ordered an open casket. Specifically.

Wow, you guys are really in tune with his wishes.

Huh.

Huh?

Okay, I can see why there's some confusion.

Right. Because that isn't Peter Davis.

No, that's absolutely him. I just, uh, I cremated the wrong Peter.

Not again.

It was supposed to be Peter Aldridge, not Peter Davis.

It's my bad.

Your bad?

Your bad?

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

I can't feel my legs.

Okay, what is happening?

It was a prank.

What? We were just messing with you. Peter was going to pop a couple

and then play dead in the casket. He wasn't supposed to be cremated.

Oh, dear.

Oh, my God.

So it wasn't my brownies that killed Peter? It was a prank?

It was a prank. What the hell is wrong with you people? I'm sorry.

Oh my God!

What is wrong with you?

Don't kick on my shoes! Because you're horrible people!

Murderers!

Murderers!

Definitely feels like wrongful dismissal.

Well, it... sounding like it was performance -based. Did the principal

kind of warning beforehand? But what's the ball? What are you supposed to do

with this?

Mr. Duncan? Yeah, sorry. Did the principal issue any kind of warning

No, she did not. Now, that's a red flag. It was her first day. I'm not surprised

there's red flags all over this. She fired you on her first day? Her first

and her last day, because then she quit. What's her name?

Amanda Susan Sullivan, and her friends call her Aff.

Her friend? Classmates. She doesn't have friends. I'm pretty sure they just

pretend that they're her friends.

Oh, there's my phone. One second.

It's Robert Cheely. I don't know who Robert Cheely is, but go ahead. He's a

regular principal.

I'm going to put him on speaker so you're my witness.

Hello, Robert.

Just to let you know, your phone call and voice are being recorded right now.

No, recorded. What for?

I am in a lawyer's office seeking legal advice for a wrongful dismissal case

from claimant Amanda Susan Sullivan.

What are you talking about?

It was a joke. What? She can't fire you. She's a child.

It was a joke.

Okay, I'll be right there.

I might grab lunch quick, but I'll be there right after.

It was a joke.

If only he hadn't have taken those sedatives to sell the prank.

He was always so committed to everything he did.

And it was that commitment that was ultimately his undoing. Let's think

positively. Maybe he had a heart condition and he was dead before his

the flames?

Fingers crossed.

It wasn't that. He was talking the other day about how healthy his heart was.

Well, at least he didn't have a wife or kids.

In a way, it was a victimless crime.

Except Peter.

Yeah. Well, that's true.

Peter is dead.

Looks like someone got a good night's sleep, huh?

The best.

Thanks, Miss Goldberg.

Good. So no more loud noises, huh?

Oh, yeah. House has never been quieter.

Great. Now that Dad's gone.

What? Gone?

Yeah. I heard Mom say Dad's living with his new slut.

Oh, boy. Well, that is not great, and I am truly, truly sorry to hear that,

Bethany. What's a new slut?

Well, you know, it's someone that's going to live with your dad in a

home. What?

Fun. I don't want my dad to live in a different home.

Who would?

Who gets to have two beds to sleep in and have great sleeps now? Me. Yeah, you

do.

That's fun.

Yeah. Yeah.

I do not know how to do my job.

Who's back?

Mr. D is back. That's who.

Did you go somewhere?

No, I didn't go anywhere.

Amanda Susan here tried to fire me yesterday, but she failed.

You were principal for one day. I'm going to be your teacher for the rest of

your life.

You mean the next eight years?

Yeah, for the next eight years. That's what I meant. Did I hear something bad

happen to your bicycle?

And I heard something happen to your car.

To my... Hey,

hey, hey, hey, stop that truck!

No, no, no, stop it! Don't! Hey, come back!

How did you do that?

My family owns a towing company.

They lost an hour outside the city. You might want to call a cab.

Ass towing, I should have known.

Damn it, again.

I can't believe we pulled that off.

I heard Tony and Samuel gave the performance of a lifetime.

Oh, and you should have seen everyone's faces.

I mean, I almost felt bad for them. Oh, you shouldn't. When I heard what they

were going to do to you, I couldn't go through with it.

Besides, I never liked those jerks. Thanks, Peter.

So what's next?

It's only a good prank if they think I'm really dead.

So I'm moving to New York.

Really? A friend of mine has a lead on a teaching job there.

Everything's set up. That's commitment.

Come with me.

Oh, no, no. I can't do that.

Run away with me.

No.

Sorry. Oh, because I thought we had something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we have something. Just not that something.

I guess I misread the situation.

Yeah.

Well, if you change your mind, I'll be at gate 23, terminal C, 9 p .m. tonight.

Peter, it was really nice pranking with you.

Thanks.

I love you.

Okay.

Awesome.

Thank you.