Original subtitles

When Mr. Duncan was discussing the Republic, he cited John Grisham as the

author, which is obviously wrong. Can anyone tell me who actually wrote the

Republic? Plato?

Correct. You want to quickly go over the Aristotle stuff he screwed up?

Definitely.

What's going on here?

You're not as late as usual, sir.

Looks like you're teaching the class.

Why am I back?

Sorry, Father. No, no, no. This is great. You think this is easy? Good

ahead. Tell them who Aristotle is.

Aristotle was a Greek philosopher and scientist. He's quoted as saying, we are

what we repeatedly do. So, excellent.

Okay, no one knows what that means.

What was her last name?

He had no known last name. Sit down. Sit down.

Stupid little idea.

Everybody has a last name.

Aristotle. Own that.

Maybe I need to bring her in here as a guest speaker one day.

Please leave the teaching to the professionals.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my

life gone by.

I'm awesome.

My contract got renewed for this year.

Me too. And I got all the same classes.

What a relief.

To know that there is a permanent position here waiting for me.

Contracts were handed out for next year?

I'm sorry, Jerry. I forgot you were long -term occasional.

Yeah, for now.

Maybe that'll, you know, I don't know.

Maybe you haven't spoke to Lisa yet.

Yes. Just talk to her for like ten minutes.

Hey, I know what it could be. Somebody who does have one of these contracts

like sick.

I'm talking real sick.

goes on long -term disability, then you got the LTO on the LTD, maybe they get

an STD, and you're coming back in as an LTO!

Yeah, that didn't help, but you guys... Cool!

I am so happy, though, really.

Hey,

guys, can I at least get out? Can I at least leave before I do that in front of

me?

I'm sorry, too.

Sorry.

I knew you were coming back. Oh, my gosh. I thought, oh, I'm going to get a

apartment. Maybe I can get around the corner. Maybe that would help. If I get

around the corner, it's not like you're whispering.

No, it's... I can even hear your feet jumping in celebration.

Sorry.

Three,

four, five, six, seven, eight.

How big do you think the school is?

Mr. Cheely, this is Duncan Mason.

You gave everyone a contract today but me.

Jerry, you're an LTO.

Exactly, and I did you both a huge favor taking that LTO because you had nobody

else. Pretty sure we did you the favor letting you back into school.

I want a full -time contract.

I want a pillow made of cotton nail kittens. Just if we're saying out loud

the things we want. It's funny. I think what Robert's trying to say is that we

don't have any full -time positions right now, Jerry.

Let me make this even more clear. I need a full -time contract by end of today

or I'm going to another school.

You said end of the day. Do you mean like end of the school day or like end

the calendar day? The school day is almost over.

End of the day day, like midnight. I'm going to be sleeping at midnight. You

want to set an alarm and call you at midnight? That's ridiculous.

I just wanted to be absolutely certain how much time we had to not give him a

contract.

As you can probably tell, our head of phys ed will be taking maternity leave

give birth to our child.

You don't need to tell anybody that.

National volleyball team and a triathlete. Wow.

Bobby here can barely even swim.

No, I can swim.

You should swim more because it would be good for your arthritis. I don't have

arthritis. Speaking of swimming.

I mean, you guys are out. I can't. We're just so

thrilled that you'd consider us for this position.

You know, we have over 25 years of teaching fitness, and we were

The Amazing Race, so we think we have a lot to offer the school.

Understatement of the millennium. I mean, have you ever done The Amazing

Well, no, but that's... Right. You should try it. It is amazing.

And it's a race. What's going on here? In the circle of honesty, there is one

thing I feel a tiny bit weird about. It's the idea of you two sharing a

Are you... Sure, you're okay with that? This isn't about money for us at all.

I have to say, I think you're a very worthy candidate.

These guys don't even have their education degree.

Is that what it is? Have a degree, but you don't have the passion to help kids

get active? Are you looking for somebody that doesn't want to really make it

their passion, their life?

Why is he yelling at me? You've got to move. We have done stuff on the job. We

have been in the trenches. We know what these kids need. Strapping on a helmet

and storming the beaches of physical fitness is what it's about.

not important as i always say those who can't teach do you just have to keep it

and have fun body break oh god hi everyone can i have your attention

okay it seems as though i've come in under budget this year yay me so i just

wanted to spend all of that money on the staff So I'm planning a little foray at

Maison Delisa. I hope you can all attend. Just to thank you for all of

work this year. Is there going to be entertainment?

Oh, I'm sure I can arrange something.

You know what I love is a magician.

You've got music, right? You should get a mariachi band.

Or do you know what else is a huge party pleaser?

Condoms and lube.

No, well, I was going to say chocolate fountain.

You guys really know how to throw a soiree.

All right, tell everyone that you know it's going to be at 7 .30 tomorrow

Don't be late.

Hey.

Maybe I bring wifey? Oh, Mr. Malik, I'm so sorry.

It's actually kind of more of an admin faculty thing.

Plus, I need you to walk up. I hope you understand.

I like when they're joking. Good one.

How could they not offer me a position after everything I've done for that

school? I think what you've done to that school, not so much what you've done

for it. They wouldn't have talent if it slapped him in the face. Yeah.

Besides, you put Lisa and Robert in charge anyway.

Absolutely. I mean, the board, technically, but I know it.

I know what you mean. If I was in charge, things would be pretty

Probably a lot of kids who won't go to college.

I also value teachers who realize it's not just about teaching when you're a

teacher. No. No, not with you. It's about connecting with the students,

Connecting with the students.

It's not about education and learning.

It's about connecting, and I'm the best at that. I think you're a visionary, and

I've said it before, and I still believe it, and it's too bad you're not in

charge.

Too bad I'm not in charge.

I don't know what the hell he's talking about most of the time. Okay.

We had a couple of days of interviews with Robert, so... How's that going?

Well, I'll tell you how it's not going.

Terrible. Because it's not going terrible. It's going so well.

Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say something's wrong.

What could be wrong? I'm just interviewing one overqualified candidate

another to take my job, and that's cool, right? It's fun for me.

Good time.

Hey, hello.

Do you think...

but people will miss me when I'm gone. With Hal and Joanne Body Break running

the show?

Bad chance.

What? Have you met them?

Yeah. They are kind and fit and oozing charisma. You really shot yourself in

foot bringing them in, Bobby.

Okay, well, thanks. I feel way better.

So, by now, you've all heard that I did not...

Get a contract for next year, as shocking as that seems. So I'm starting

private school.

And like a charter school? I don't know. A private school, charter school,

whatever. Who's coming? It's my own school I'm starting, and who wants to

Let's go. Who's in?

No, not you. Someone else.

Private school, I'm your boss. Think of that for a second. Who's coming?

Dwyer, come on.

I think I'll pass, Jerry. Yeah, well, I was just being polite.

Because there's only one Mr. D at this school, and you're looking at him. So

you're out.

Who's in?

Misha?

Do this.

Yeah, Jerry, I would come.

There you go.

But I don't want to at all, so I can't.

Come on, Simon, let's go.

Yeah.

Jerry, I... Simon. This is the hardest decision I've ever made, but I don't

think I can come with you.

Okay. I believe in you.

I just think you won't succeed.

Even you?

Well, it's embarrassing now.

It's embarrassing now.

Okay. I will join you. Thank you, Mr. Malick. Not my first choice, but we need

caretaker. Let's start.

We're going to have a clean school.

Bring those replies.

I have nothing right now.

Peace out, Xavier Academy.

Peace out.

this fixed.

See what I'm doing when I fix this.

Where exactly is this new school?

Oh, the school is still looking, but I have a building that I saw and I'm

thinking of real fixer -upper, so you'll...

I fix it. That's why we're a team.

Oh, speaking of team, I also need your cut of the deposit.

My cut?

We all have to contribute money to this.

But you are the owner. You must have money.

I'm the idea guy.

You are the money guy.

That's what I forgot to tell you. I clean waste for a living.

Obviously, I have no money. I just assumed you had money back overseas,

hidden in... So what are you bringing to this partnership?

I bring...

The mop.

First of all, we have no floors right now to clean, so a mop is useless.

Ah, the chicken and the egg.

Forget it. I'll figure this out.

This isn't going well.

Hey. Just looking at Hal and Joanne's website, but I can take a Bobby break.

Yeah, that's actually what I want to talk to you about. Why would they be

down here to slum it with the rest of us? It's a publicity stunt, Robert.

but for who? For us.

We get Hal and Joanne on staff, suddenly it's raining students.

don't fuck them they smile too much and they look too clean all right and it

stresses me out and when i get stressed out the baby gets stressed out is that

what you want do you want a stressed out baby oh of course not just calm down

hush little fetus a stressed out baby is the leading cause of adult delinquency

if you want to have a baby that's a delinquent then you should hire hal and

joanne i don't know what to do robbie

I think we have to have a fresh new round of interviews, you know, for the

Okay.

Starting to look like his old man.

I'm wondering how well you sanitize your chocolate fountains between parties.

I'm just concerned that... Jerry.

I'm important.

You may have heard.

Good news, I'm starting a charter school.

What? And as my wife, I would like to offer you a chance to be a major

shareholder. No, thank you.

Would you mind lending me some money? Please get out of my office.

Fine. I'm going to be principal of this school.

I will make you vice principal if you lend me some money.

Okay. I'll tell you what, Jerry.

You get one kid to sign up for your stupid idea, and I'll give you every

I have.

Well, I will take it all if you are serious.

If it gets you out of my office?

Yes. It will. Challenge accepted.

This has been such a treat.

You are exactly what Xavier needs.

Isn't that right, Robert?

Yes.

We'll definitely have to consider it. And by consider, he means you're

definitely going to get a phone call.

Aren't you both sweet?

It's a real pleasure. And us too.

Thank you. Thank you.

Well, he's pretty great, huh?

And so wise and experienced. I was thinking maybe he could teach the War of

because he was there.

Robert, that is very ageist. I'm really excited about this.

Oh, my goodness.

What? The baby just kicked, Robert.

This is what the baby wants, too.

Are you sure that's what the baby wants?

Well, if that's what you want, little guy.

That's what you're going to get. Thank you, Daddy.

Hello. I'm here for the interview.

Bit of a red flag.

Aren't you both sweet?

It's been a real pleasure. Okay.

Thank you. Bye -bye.

Hi. Grab a flyer. Any questions? Come on back. Let us know. Email us.

Hi. Good evening. Hi. Welcome. I don't understand why you're having the open

house here.

Is the school going to be part of Xavier?

Well, we're showing you a replica of our school, so we like to show you this is

what it'll look like, but better, with, you know, lockers, gym, halls,

everything the same, but better. And cleaner.

Malik being Mop.

That's Malik. Mr. Malik.

So, hi, welcome. Hello there.

So what sort of wheelchair sports will you be offering? Oh, we got a little

athlete here.

Rugby, yeah, that's a big one right now. And you will be my hooker. It's an

important role.

Basketball, we'll do some of that.

Swimming? No, no swimming.

No, we're not getting a pool.

What sort of assistance will you have for autistic children?

Hello. Hi.

Autistic, autistic.

We will hire an autistic teacher to teach all of our autistic

students. Yeah. So they can relate. We'll have an autistic teacher to relate

the kids.

Hi. My daughter's deaf. How would the school accommodate her? We will hire a

deaf teacher.

Thank you. Thank you. I know some sign.

Thank you.

That is John.

Chocolate bar, right?

That's how you say chocolate bar?

Would you like a chocolate bar?

We don't have any. Anyway, grab some flyers. If you need to copy anything for

your own stuff at home.

Questions, email us.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, no, I know why they were all special. Because my picture's not on the

No, look at the slogan.

What are we, idiots?

We?

All right, all right.

We'll do a school for special needs kids.

That's what we'll market it. You teach the deaf kids. I will teach the deaf

kids. Just do that a lot. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

Want a chocolate bar? One more won't hurt.

Lisa's paying.

Has anybody seen Lisa?

Yeah, kind of rude to miss your own chimney.

I'll give her a break. She's had a rough year.

Don't you rob me.

Lisa's a great person. She is, yeah. To Lisa.

Oh. To Lisa.

Water's strong.

Man's fault for trusting a gang of idiots.

You want to make out?

Everybody get out!

Okay, but we're agreed, right, Robert?

No, we're not agreed. I would rather stick a shard of glass in my nipple.

Yeah, but I just think it's the best compromise. I mean, we both think so,

right? Right, Daddy?

I want to grab a couple more things here. Hey, Jerry, how's your little

school going?

It's going really well, Frank. We had an open house last night. It was packed.

Very successful. So when the school takes off, don't come running to...

come walking to the best of your ability to me.

Don't hold your breath, Jerry.

I'm pretty happy right where I am. You have a library at your little school,

Jerry? No, our library is called Google.

Google is our library.

I just said that, Mr. Malick. Well, look who it is.

My esteemed friends and colleagues.

So nice of you all to show up to this dump.

Where the hell were you guys last night?

We were at Maison Delisa.

Best, best, boof, booyah, uh... It's hard to say.

Poor young young I've ever had. Really?

I didn't care for it. You didn't like the buff? I liked it. Buff wasn't for

I can't believe you didn't show up. Why were you there? Okay, stop.

Do not mock me. How dare you?

You're all nothing but a bunch of ungrateful, worthless, soul -sucking

Which is why we're not hiring you at our new school.

We have to make it.

I am done with all of you.

And, Jerry, that's it. Stupid charter school thing. You can count me in.

Because I quit!

That's going to help us financially a lot, but that's getting more people.

Jerry? Yeah?

How would you like to teach phys ed full -time next year? Yes!

Oh, my God.

Jerry? Shh.

I'm out. Story.

Oh, man.

And Lisa's leaving. She's starting a charter school.

Guess who's going to be principal?

Me. Your wish, too.

I'm pretty excited.

I would like a hug from my boss.

It's a great day for all of us, two of us.

Oh, Lisa.

Shh. Oh, tears in your eyes.

Lisa.

Leave me alone, Jerry.

Are you supposed to be in class?

You don't even work here, so mind your own business.

I can't believe you did that to me. I can't believe you just threw me under

bus like that.

I got offered to do that.

I'm sorry, but you know how badly I want phys ed. It's my dream job.

What am I supposed to do now? I don't know. You'll figure it out. You always

You'll land on your feet. Lisa Mason, you're a strong, independent woman.

You're right.

I am strong.

And I can be on the back of anything.

Thank you.

You know, the moments are few and far between.

But every once in a blue moon, you can be a pretty half -decent husband.

Oh, almost forgot. That's why I came after you.

Gotta get an omen.

Gotta get out of this. What?

Come on.

I'm on the upswing. You're on a downward spiral to a nervous breakdown. I can't

be married to that, right?

You get it.

I'm done with this.

I have class right now. I left just to... Okay.

You know what? I'm gonna grab a quick burger and cat food stocks.

sitting beside you you said you didn't give a fuck about hockey and i never saw

someone say that