Original subtitles

Sir, it's hard to concentrate.

Sorry, I'll just put it there so it's not a... Not

really.

So I take it.

How am I supposed to write my test?

It's your problem, not mine.

Sheila.

What? I'm gonna blow her a pat.

No, you might need... Can you

see that?

I'm awesome. No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my

life gone by.

I'm awesome.

Oh, God, this is awesome.

You watching Trudy's band perform?

That's good.

How about I shove my band down your throat?

First of all, that doesn't even make sense.

How's a whole band supposed to fit down someone's throat?

Although I heard you tried to swallow your whole band.

What do you mean, tried?

What are you watching?

Poor bus monitor, being bullied by a bunch of horrid kids.

Look at that woman's hair.

Big Bird called, wanting her hairstyle back.

You're worse than the kids, you know that?

Okay, I'm kidding. That is terrible, but let's be honest.

Her hair is low -hanging fruit.

Boom. See what I said?

The kid's got it.

Congratulations. You have the wit of a seventh -grade moron.

Well, at least it paid off for her.

How? The Internet people felt sorry for her, so they made a Kickstarter to raise

money to send her on a trip.

There you go. Happy ending for Big Bird.

It's already up to $150 ,000.

$150 ,000?

That lady's going to be rich from a few little insults? You should be a

billionaire. Except her comments weren't deserved.

You like threesomes, so you shouldn't say anything.

Yeah, that is correct.

You're on fire, Jerry. Heard you tried to swallow your band.

Uh, again, not a rumor.

Sounds like one of your band members is stuck down there.

This is it, Bobby. You can do this.

Moment of truth.

Here we go.

No!

Okay.

Margin of error. Over 99 % accurate.

One more time. Let's go again.

Time's a charm.

Let me go.

No, not yet.

Oh, my gosh. Wow, this is something.

Malik, have you seen this? I do not trust the liberal media.

Yeah, okay.

Um, but the police have released a sketch of the person who murdered

wife. How did you do it?

I can't imagine what he's going through.

I can imagine.

And do something similar?

No, no, this very unique situation.

I was just saying, I can imagine.

Oh.

Poor Dwyer.

Poor Dwyer.

He's very, very pretty, though.

Hey, hi. Yeah.

Are you still a bus monitor? Seven years running. Best part of my day, ensuring

the to and fro safety of those little ducklings. I want to do it with you.

That's amazing.

I'll finally have someone to sit next to. I'm going to make a fortune.

Ah, no, it's a volunteer position.

I learned that the hard way.

Did you see the video of the woman on the bus with the monitor being picked

bullied by the kids? Tragic. It was such a tragic tale. Had that uplifting

ending, though, where she got that trip, but then I heard she got food poisoning

at the end of that trip, so real emotional rollercoaster. I'm going to go

bus, get picked on, make hundreds of thousands of dollars like she did.

Not the most ethical plan.

It's not about the money, Simon.

It's about shining a light on...

Bus monitor bullying.

That's what I want us to do. You're using the buzzwords I love to hear.

it's about raising awareness, I am all in. Hook, line, and sinker. I love it.

Make sure you bring your phone.

Make sure it's charged.

I'll just have to close some games. They tend to eat up my battery. I got a

class right now. I'm in the middle of class.

Closing these games.

Little Thief, Babies First, Bratware, Tinder, Mama's Boy.

What the hell is this game?

Horny Milkman.

I eat lunch off this desk.

Babies are making babies.

That's a lot of positive tests.

I find these in garbage cans. What are you doing sifting through the garbage,

Malik? Sometimes I get lucky.

I bet this is one of those pregnancy packs that the kids are doing. Saw it on

Dateline. We need to find these girls and we need to help them. Somewhere

are 12 scared pregnant little teens.

Or maybe there are just 12 pregnant teenagers that are just processing this

whole thing, and they didn't realize Malik was going to be rifling through

garbage and need to be left alone just to figure things out on their own.

Probably that.

Well, that's ridiculous.

Bobby, as a health teacher, I need you on the front lines with me. But I'm very

busy, Robert. This is a crisis. We need to sniff out these pregnant little

women. Let's roll.

I bet Nick Davis is the baby daddy to all of them. That boy could get me

pregnant.

Hi, Paul.

I just wanted to see how you're holding up.

I've never been locked in a basement.

Couldn't be better.

Yeah, well, that's great.

Still, it must be tough seeing the face of your wife's murderer on the news.

No doubt, but I met a special lady. Life's good.

Nice. You know what they say. God takes one lady away from you and brings you

another. Is that what God's doing?

There she is right there.

Hi, honey.

Hi.

She's real cool, too.

What's happening? Good? Good.

Who's this?

I'm a colleague.

I'm just a friend.

It's a platonic colleague.

Nisha, Donna, Donna, Nisha.

Nisha.

It's so nice to meet you, Nisha. Thank you. What part of the city do you live

in? Oh, I moved.

Wait a minute. You're on Carlisle Street. No, I moved.

When did you move?

Tomorrow.

We'll talk.

Bye, Nisha.

If this is the last time we see each other, I want you to know.

I'm taking your parking space.

New bus monitor. New bus monitor.

And assistant.

All right.

Okay, let's go.

Oh, bus monitors usually sit at the front.

All the bad kids walk in at the back. Better chance.

Nice. Nice.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Okay, good. Put a little scare in them. Egg them on a little bit.

I'm going to make fun of them.

They're going to say something mean back.

We're going to focus on that. Okay. The response.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Got the camera ready? Here we go.

Hey,

Laura. Nice pigtails. You're five years old. The queen of mean. The king of

sting. Oh, yeah.

Laura.

Hey, Lucas. Jordan Knight called. He wants his haircut back.

I don't know who that is, but I'm picking up from your tone that it's

to be hurtful.

Congratulations. You succeeded.

Forget this. I'm going to walk home. You ripped him.

Run away, Jordan Knight.

That was even working.

These private school kids are too soft.

We are?

Yes, Charlie, you are. Too soft.

Oh, great. Not you, too. You are killing these kids.

Do you understand how this is supposed to work?

No, actually. Okay, well then, stop videoing right now, because it's not

working.

Look at this photo of Donna from Dwyer's Facebook page.

How can he not see it?

They are identical.

Of course.

All white people look the same to Malik, so hard to say. You too might be a

murderer. Boy, they do not teach you how to handle this in teacher's college.

If I tell him, I could be ruining his one shot at his second shot at love.

If you don't tell him, he might wake up in pool of his own blood.

It's a tough call.

Not really, but it's okay.

Are you sure this is going to work?

Stick with the plan. This school doesn't use bus monitors. They let the drivers

do it.

Here, throw these on.

All right. Cool as a cucumber.

Here we go. Here we go.

All right.

Act like we own this. We own this school.

We got this. We got this. We got this. We got this. Let's lock and load.

Just try to... What the hell is that?

Oh, so we don't get recognized. We're not robbing a bank. What do you think's

going on here?

Honestly, Jerry, I'm a little bit confused.

I told you to follow my lead. Take the mask off.

Okay, I'll do the talking. Yeah.

I'll be George.

What? I'll be George. Call me George.

If they don't know who I am, I'll be George. You'll be Jerry and George.

Oh, Seinfeld.

You'll be like, we're not robbing the bus.

Hello? Patty?

Patty. This is Jerry. I'm George.

Oh.

Patty's a beautiful name. We are your bus monitors. Today they had signed us.

When did that start?

Uh, they didn't tell you. Today. Today.

Today you should have got a memo in the bus mailbox. Sounds great to me.

Hop on board. All right. Shut up, George.

Finally, there you are. We can get started.

What are you doing?

Pregnant people are in this group behind me, okay? These are the loosiest of the

goofiest. Are you social profiling right now? Uh, yes, I am. If somebody's

pregnant, they're in this group. Follow my lead. Now.

So, morning, ladies. Before we get started, does anyone have anything

like to confess?

Feeling sick this morning, or hot flashes, cold feet?

Craving pickles or ice cream? Show of hands if you're gashing. Okay, that's

enough, Robert.

This is not going nearly as I'd hoped. You don't say.

Beep.

Hey, any of you gals pregnant?

Is that why we're here?

Okay. Me think the lady doth protest a little too much.

You can tell me. I'm here to help.

Excuse me? If you tell us what's going on, if you're brave enough to share your

news, then you'll pave the way for others to be as brave as you are. It

better. Look, sir, I'm a virgin.

You're a turtle.

I'm a virgin.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you, Robert. That was a curveball.

You know what? That's enough, ladies. Go back to class.

That's on me. Yeah. I just thought Francine was, like, a layup. Stop

Open like a 7 -Eleven. Enough. Well, not like you to misread a woman, Robert.

Exactly. This is a sensitive time in these girls' developments, okay? We have

be delicate with how we broach this subject.

We can't just judge a book by its cover, Robert.

You're absolutely right. Thank you.

We've been going about this the wrong way. We've been superficial.

We have to treat the whole student population like they're floozies. No. No

matter what they look like. No. That is good work. Nope, that's not. Let's roll.

That's not what I meant.

That's not what I meant. Yeah, I know, but good luck getting that train back to

the station.

Okay, speeding.

Here they come. Okay.

Look at this guy. Look at this guy. Look at this guy. Easy, easy prey.

Nice sweater, Sally. Your grandma make that for you?

She did knit it for me.

What's going on? I think this guy's trying to say something mean about my

sweater. So why don't you give it back? Go ahead.

That sweater?

The one your Nana made you before she died? I didn't know she died.

Are you making fun of Nana's sweater?

Can we stop talking about Nana? How about we focus on me? Look at this

vest I have to wear. Hold on. Hold on.

Dude says he's glad Nana's dead.

I never said that. That's a lie. I never said that.

That's too much. Let's get him, guys.

How you doing, Paul?

Um, I'm gonna ask you a question.

What's up?

Who's that?

Yeah, that's the woman who murdered my wife.

Yeah, it's your wife's murderer.

Now, who's that?

That's Donna.

That's right.

Love her.

Hate her, but love her. Can you hold that up a little higher for me? There

are. Just hold it nice and close to Donna.

What do you see?

Want you to look at the murderer?

I want you to look at your girlfriend.

Murderer, girlfriend.

Murderer, girlfriend. Follow me.

Okay.

Do you see any similarity?

Yeah, I see a similarity.

Yeah, they look exactly the same.

Well,

okay. So what are you trying to say?

Cool, I'll say it. It's like they're the same person, Paul.

Okay? Yeah, it's like maybe you're dating your wife's murderer.

You guys are killing me. You too?

He thinks that, too.

This is a good one. I'm going to call her. She'll appreciate this.

There we go.

Hey, babe.

I got a good one for you.

Yeah, my co -workers think you murdered my wife.

What?

Yeah. Oh, snap.

I got to go.

I'm sorry.

Life.

You know what?

At least she's an honest person.

What? He took the scenic route, but he got there eventually.

Sure. These kids really beat the crap out of you.

I let them, right? Because physical abuse is worth more than verbal. I'm

to make a fortune here. We're going to raise so much awareness for school bus

monitor bullying.

Yeah, that too.

But this beating just goes on and on.

It kind of escalates, too. It gets even more ferocious. You'd think they'd tire

themselves out, but they just kept going. Yeah, it was quite a performance

on. There's so much panic in your voice.

Get that online as quickly as possible, okay?

Eat your heart out, Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Well, it's happened again.

Another case of school bus violence. A third grade student... Viciously attack

bus monitor.

My word travels fast. Sure does. The whole thing was caught on tape.

A warning to our viewers. The footage can be difficult to watch. Unbelievable.

And is quite pathetic.

Never make fun of my dinner! Oh my God, this worked.

Wow. They are really going to town on you.

It's all part of the show, Bill. The public reaction has been similar to

previous incidents, with the Kickstarter campaign having already raised over $60

,000 of the show's support.

Oh, my gosh.

$60 ,000 already.

This time, however, the funds are being raised to help the children.

Calling them victims of circumstance. The kids?

The kids? What are the systemic failures leading such young children to turn to

violence? What services can be created?

What the hell's that right there? No justice in the world, Jerry. Do you even

get a swing in?

Shut up, Bill.

Well, you brought some of that anger to the fight. You're taking one of these

kids out.

Nicole, I'm really sorry about Donna.

What are the odds, right?

One in a million.

Exactly.

My girl is one in a million.

What? Mr. Dwyer, you have a collect call from Northgate Detention Center on line

three.

How you doing?

Yeah, I miss you too. What are you doing? You just turned her in.

Listen, every relationship got ups and downs, okay? Just like any other couple.

No, no. Call me back.

She said the food sucks in there. Poor thing.

Poor thing.

Ladies, we wanted to rap with you about a

big teenage preganante elephant in the room. Yes. Thank you, Mr.

Cheely.

You know, an unplanned pregnancy can happen to just about anybody.

Excuse me. Oh, dear. No, I'm okay. I'm so sorry.

Come in.

You know, we've all made mistakes, right? And some of them are huge,

mistakes. Easy. I mean, if you should find yourself,

it's not the end of the world.

Because we are here as your... Did you have salmon?

No. He's basically saying it's a shared responsibility, all right, ladies? A

team effort.

Support from both people. You know, the good news is because you're young, once

you do ptings and everything will just back up to its firm, high place because

your body is essentially elasticized.

Oh, excuse me.

Okay.

Come on, Bobby, you're a disaster.

Trent, sounds like we might have a hot mic. Can you kill the mic, please?

Oh, dick.

This took a bit of a strange turn, so maybe we should call it. My door is

open. Call me, tech.

Why would I have tequila with Robert?

I can't believe that idiot's the father.

I'm going to have a little chili baby.

I come across on the Internet this video of a bus

monitor getting beaten up.

Like destroyed.

What kind of video? It's that one where a bunch of children jump a 40 -something

-year -old person about your bill. Poor guy.

Cut the crap, Jerry. I know it was you.

Me what? Me? Why would you think that was me? What are you doing, Jerry? Why

you on another school bus?

Okay, fine.

Sue me.

But I wanted to experience what it was like to be a bus monitor.

Because that's every teacher's dream, to be a bus monitor. Sorry, backfired a

little bit. Well, I am so sorry. I had no idea that it was your lifetime goal

be a bus monitor. I will do the best that I can to correct this oversight

I've made. Don't worry about it. No, it's clearly a dream. No, it's too late.

Because as much as those kids smashed my face in over and over again, you have

smashed my feelings.

Careful what you wish for.

Let's get going here.

Oh, gosh.

Oh, boy.

Move your foot.

Seat's taken, so get out of here. You think I want to sit here? It's the last

seat on the bus. I don't like it any more than you do.

Fine, but no talking.

You might want to put some steak on that.

I said no talking.

Sure, no talking.

Hey, bus driver, speed up a little bit. Speed up a little bit. Speed up a little

bit. Everybody!

Hey, bus driver, speed up a little bit. You're going way too slow.

I just said no talking.

I wasn't talking. I was singing.

I like doing this the whole way.