Original subtitles

Crossover, crossover.

See that extension?

Come on, come on, come on. Hurry up, hurry up.

Nothing but net. Come on, come on. Can you get it to me faster?

We've been watching you miss for half an hour.

Okay.

See that?

Good. Are we done yet? This is so boring. Sometimes learning is boring.

Okay, and right now you're learning how to shoot a basketball.

When do we get a turn?

You want a turn? Sure, right? You have a turn? Let's see you make a free throw.

There we go.

Okay?

You need to watch how it's done properly.

Sorry, Phillip. Where was I?

I'm tired.

Okay, sit down. All right, your turn's up. Come on up. You get a turn to get

ball for me.

Go get that.

Okay. All right. Come on. Bring it to me. Good girl. Right here. Right here.

Right here. Right here. Okay. There we go. Go get the ball.

Don't talk back.

All right.

Come on.

Hurry up.

Perfect. Here we go. And whoops. Okay.

See? That's for talking back.

All right.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie. I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's

ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by.

Okay, everyone, have a seat.

I am very excited to announce the inaugural Teacher of the Month Award.

Teacher? Yeah, teacher.

There you are. We have no urinal pucks on the third floor. None.

So, this is my life.

Yeah.

Come here so early. If you got here on time, Jerry, you would know that I was

actually here to announce the Teacher of the Month Award.

That was my idea.

Who is it going to be? Who is it? Okay.

I'm very pleased to announce our first teacher of the month is Mr.

Paul Dwyer.

Come on over here and get your award.

Well deserved.

So sick of him.

For your dedication to our school, I'd like to present to you this plaque.

Wow. Plaque.

Yippee. I'd also like to give you $50 to Cal's Tavern.

$50?

You know, as long as the kids are learning something every day, that's an

in itself. It's greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I was also really touched by this video one of our students made for Paul. You

know, this is a pity vote for him because his dog ran away and he got

That's why he's winning this. And his wife was murdered. So what? People are

murdered all the time. Let's get awards.

Tell you about Mr. Dwyer. Now he's my hero.

Ever since my mom got into her accident, he's helped me with my homework every

day. We all do that. We're teachers. We help kids with homework.

You got it, right? Yeah. Maybe not after school.

It was easier when you're helping me.

Mr. Dwyer's my hero.

This is staged.

Shut up, Jerry. And he's building her a wheelchair ramp so she can go up and

down easier.

That took no sweating that day, bro.

Oh, great.

Well, if she's not paralyzed now, she's going to be when she collapses off that

ramp. And Mr. Dwyer even changes my mom's colostomy bag.

Oh, right.

Aw.

That's inappropriate touching.

Thank you, thank you. I got to go help a student before class starts, but thanks

a lot. Good work never ends.

Okay, I'm going to go try to melt those urinal boxes. You want to come?

Yes, I do.

Hi. That is a nice little collage.

Not a collage, Bobby.

It's a photo installation entitled, Ooh, Xavier, Ain't She a Beaut?

Well, it is very impressive.

I don't seem to see my picture anywhere in there.

Really? Yeah.

Trust me. My face really pops out at me, so I definitely would see it if it was

there. You're right. You're not in there. Yeah.

Get some glue. What?

Well, I'm sure it's just an oversight, hey, Robert?

You'll think of something?

Four pictures at the library plant.

Oh, here. No, that's a plant again. That was me.

I'm not mad at you.

Okay. Great chat, Jerry. I get why you did not give me teacher of the month. I

do. Because Dwyer deserved it more?

I understand that if you gave it to me, your husband, it would be nepotism.

Nepotism. I know how to say it.

Now, I understand I didn't get it first month. Fine.

But I assume I'm getting it next month. That's got to be happening.

The crazy thing about teacher of the month award, Jerry, is that you have to

earn it.

Well, you might want to talk to my students, because they may have a

story. What story? A story about a teacher who is their friend.

Maybe they'll say that you are easily distracted, and you never listen, and

you're always late. Oh, my God, Jerry.

I didn't do it.

See the trick? You grab an elastic, and you do that, and the person, and you go,

look, there's nothing. You're not even listening now.

I'm listening. I listen for jits.

What? That's what I do. I get the gist of something, and then my mind starts

thinking of other things. It's called multitasking. I'm a professional

multitasker. How did you make it through school, Jerry?

Hey, Dwyer, how's it going? Every day's a holiday.

Every day's a holiday. Fun thing to say. Obviously false, technically, but I

suppose it reflects the rise of pseudo -religions and their imprint on our

social calendar.

You crack me up. Do I?

Hi, guys. How's it going?

Every day's a holiday.

Hey, Dwyer, quick question. Every day's a holiday, brah.

Uh -uh.

Is that right?

She's really wearing out that phrase.

Well, when you look like that, hardly matters what you say.

Agreed.

How's everyone's going morning?

Well, every day's a holiday.

Let me ask you something, little guy.

Yeah. How's it going?

Oh, great. Well, because every day's a holiday, so it's great.

Yeah. Good. So you're feeling okay?

Yeah, because...

Holiday? That's not cool.

What's she on, I wonder?

Oh, my stickers arrived.

No.

God damn it, I ordered the frogs.

Sir, I need a drink.

Just finish your drawing.

But I'm thirsty.

Just finish your drawing.

Mr. Duncan, what is it?

Oh, Mrs. Mason Duncan, everybody.

To visit. Thank you.

You said this was an emergency. Are the kids okay?

Are the kids okay? They're better than okay because they are actually drawing a

picture of their hero right now. Why are they drawing in gym class?

Would you just focus and let us see who they drew?

Danica, why don't you come on up and show Miss Mason Duncan who you drew?

Yes, sir.

He is your hero, Danica.

Why aren't you giving me the little smile on the hands but still flattering

nonetheless? You do have small hands.

Thank you, Danica. Did anyone else draw me?

Oh, my Lord. Come on, the whole class drew me as their hero.

We all drew you. The instructions were to draw you. Thank you, Danica.

Sit down.

All right, what, what?

I drew you sleeping in class, sir. See the drool right there?

I don't have green pants, so that can't be me. It's pretty bang on. Yeah, I

don't have blonde hair. Okay, you know what? I do not have the time for this

right now, okay? I'm dealing with a really serious situation.

No. Thought I had to guess. Anyway, there's a lurker that's been spotted in

area. What?

Yes. Yeah, and I don't have all the information yet, but apparently he's

reported to be lurking around several schools in the area.

Okay? He's wearing red shoes and a trench coat.

A lurker?

Yes. So keep an eye out. If I see him, I want to kill him.

No. Don't kill him.

Just call the police.

One punch.

If you're telling me there's a lurker in our mid? Yep, I'm around here.

If I get my hands on that guy, the things I would do, let me tell you. What

you going to do, Simon?

I'll tell you what I wouldn't do.

Violence. No, violence is not the answer. But I'd give him a stern talking

and a cold look.

Well, you don't have to worry, because I'm going to catch him, and I'm going to

eat a cow for one year for free. You know how to stretch 50 bucks.

Oh, what faith.

My mom said to give you the snow.

Great, thank you. You said to make sure you read it. Yeah, I'll read it, okay?

Can you run off? Thank you. Oh, I'm tired of micromanaging these little

How are you going to catch this worker?

Oh, well, how do you catch fish? Same way.

Wallet full of cash down at the pet store.

What? No, bait.

Wild fish.

Wild fish.

Uh, Tiffany, can you come here for a sec, please?

Listen, can you do Mr. D a favor? I want you to go stand at the very end of the

school property there.

Okay. I want you to look approachable. Look pretty, okay? Just right there.

Okay, here we go.

Want to catch a lurker?

Think like a lurker.

Babe.

Smile, Trudy. You can do it. I know.

Save, save your spirit. But like with your eyes, not your mouth.

Aw, that is positively adorbs. Alex, get in there big time.

Reppin' for the dudes, huh?

Candid. Hey, what's this little collage up?

Don't mind if I do.

Selfie. Here we go. You guys are going to love that. It's going to look great

the wall.

That's it, guys.

Got everything we need. We have time for a couple more, though. Hey, here we go.

Selfie. Uh, Grandma, it's not a selfie if someone else takes the picture.

Memory card's full of baubles. I'm sure we'll have another Bob -ertunity.

I don't get it.

Why does he want to take my picture? Probably because you can't stand the

of your face.

Oh, yeah, that's it. I broke his heart.

Yeah, that's what I meant. I never even considered how hard it must be to see me

day in, day out, you know.

Well, I mean, looking so great.

But it really must take a toll on the man. Poor guy.

Thank you.

Somebody's full of themselves.

Full of something.

Tiffany! Yes?

Twirl your hair a little bit. Look more vulnerable.

Can you look like you have no parents?

Where's my mommy?

I like puppies.

Hang on a second. What are we doing?

Jerry, I'm ashamed. We're using a cute little brunette girl as bait.

So? So, it's 2016, Jerry. We're projecting our narrow -minded ideas of

lurkers find appealing onto this guy.

Oh, my God. I am so embarrassed.

You're embarrassed?

I'm on the diversity committee.

Painting every lurker with the same brush.

I'm not alone.

This is a nightmare.

No.

To be clear, lurking is still definitely wrong. Oh, terrible.

That's why we want to catch him, put him in prison. Two wrongs don't make a

right. Lurking is wrong.

Stereotyping is wrong. Poor guy. We have offended him.

I bet he's sitting in a van right now, watching us through a tinted window,

shaking his head, wondering where we went wrong, wondering if we know that

90s ended.

Or she.

Or she.

Oh, my gosh.

Could be. Did it again. Oh, that's a game changer. Did it again. Wow.

Tiffany, you're gone. You're done. You're cut, sweetheart.

Sorry. Go on in. You're fired.

You know, I'm up for chair of the diversity committee, but this is the

black mark that can ruin a career.

The veritable United Nations of lurker bait.

Now we've given them choices.

Because we are the world and they are the children.

If he doesn't go for these, then he's got some real issues.

That is a pervert's buffet right there. I don't want to go.

Vamos. I don't want to go.

Vamos. I don't want to go. We don't have all the information yet, but he's

reported to be... I didn't bring a lunch today.

Forgot my lunch.

Coat? Now you gotta buy it.

Got it.

Shoes? Coat and shoes.

Hey, tenemos que ir. Vámonos. That guy has a coat and shoes.

That's him. That's the lurker. Hey! Hey, you!

Police! Hey!

Go, Faith! Hey, what?

The police?

Oh, yeah, you know what? I don't care what you say. I got you. I got you.

Hey! You get out of here. Don't come back.

Simon, I did it. I got him. I'm a hero.

Did you get his plate?

No, I... I got him.

Don't worry, Jerry. I got him. Faster.

I think I see an H.

Go get him. I see an H.

Jerry, right down H.

Yeah, so eventually the whole thing just scabbed over and fell off. It still

worked. Every day's a ho...

Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt. Look, it says every year is a holiday thing.

Oh, yeah. You mean my new mantra?

No, no, no, no, no, no. My new mantra. I've been going through a lot of rough

patches, and that's been helping me cope with my life. Well, that, that is

amazing, Dwyer. And it has really helped me, too. My therapist gave it to me to

make the darkness go away. Hey, maybe you don't understand, okay? I'm going

through a tough time right now. I'm struggling.

Right. My dog ran away.

Your wife was murdered.

I keep forgetting about that one, but... But you understand what I mean, though,

right? Do I ever?

I don't usually like to talk about this, but I was once locked in a basement for

a month and a half.

Locked in a basement by old Uncle Tommy.

But ever since this whole new every day's a holiday thing, I'm sleeping

the night, living my dreams, not waking up to my own screams.

So you're going to stop saying every day's a holiday, though, right?

No, I am years of therapy away from that.

Hey, guys, how are you doing? Every day's a holiday.

Turns out that lurker had pretty traditional tastes after all.

Stop.

I'm not a hero.

Can't just throw the word hero around like that, but thank you.

I just reacted. I shut my brain off and did my thing. And that's different for

you. How?

Shut up, Judy. I'm a hero right now. Jerry, I just heard what happened.

You're welcome. Lurker news travels fast. Sure does.

Hero. Well, I guess I do listen sometimes, Miss Mason.

Teacher of the month.

Well, I can say that you surprised me by doing something so uncharacteristically

impressive. That's a very nice compliment that I will accept.

I'm sorry for doubting you.

What was that?

What was that? Your what?

Are you sorry for doubting me?

Miss Mason, can you repeat that, Miss Mason? We turn up the word. In front of

everybody. We turn up the word. Sorry for doubting you. I didn't hear you say

you were sorry, and I think everybody should hear you apologize.

Oh, sorry.

Wow.

You have a lot of courage coming back here. Jerry, that's your lurker?

That's him. It is nice to see you've got a more age -appropriate date.

Get him, Jerry.

Jerry, that's not the lurker.

Yes, it is the lurker. That's the guy.

That's him.

Hey, idiota.

Trudy, stay out of this. No, I'll play Iglesias.

My hair's always like this.

Okay, give this to me one more time, please, because I'm not following.

Miguel is Faith's nanny. He picks her up three times a week.

A male, a male nanny, is that allowed?

A manny. A manny.

There's such a thing?

Si, soy atin.

Yeah, soy atin. All right, then why was Faith pulling away and screaming, I

don't want to go? To the dentist.

I hate the dentist.

Oh, and I'm supposed to know all this? Okay. Okay. Wow. To be fair to Mr.

Duncan, this was during lunch hour, and school policy is to have a note to

excuse the child. She's right.

I wrote a note. Faith, did you forget to give Mr. Duncan your note?

I gave him the note.

Oh, you little liar.

I'm not lying. He stuffed it in his pocket. Well, there's an easy way to

that out, because I have four pockets.

All right, there's a piece of paper. Let's see what that says.

We have all said things that we wish we could take back. Come on, Mr. Duncan.

Okay, hold on. How come when I said police... Well, policia?

Let's just say Miguel's papers aren't technically in order.

I assure you, Mrs. Thomas, I will handle this.

And, Miguel, I apologize.

Lo siento. I'm so sorry. Next time we even know. And maybe this won't happen

again.

Good point. It's true.

Coat, shoes, there's got to be more.

A trench coat. Yep. With red shoes, Jerry. What is wrong with you?

Yeah,

sometimes my gist system fails.

I guarantee he's not filing taxes.

Robert, we need to talk.

Excuse me? I think I know why I'm not in your little collage thingy. It's a

photo installation. Let me talk.

Okay, we had our fight, but it's over. And we're professionals.

And I think it's time that you get over it.

What? Stop punishing me for not having the same feelings for you that you have

for me and put my picture up with everyone else's.

Wow.

That was something.

Thank you. I'm glad you see it my way. I had no idea.

You're so vain.

What? We think this photo installation's about you, don't you?

Don't you?

Don't you? For what it's worth?

I did put a picture of you in the photo installation.

Did you?

Well, it's kind of funny. I was going to put a bigger one to match the size of

your ego.

But then I remembered. Oh, yeah.

This isn't the Bobby Galka photo installation.

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.

Don't say anything.

Apology not accepted.

Newsflash, not everything's about you.

Okay, I'm sorry, Robert.

Oh, here I am.

Super, super duper small, but...

It's tiny, but I look pretty great.

Does it really pop?

You know, you just eat right away. Here I am.

Nisha, how you doing?

Well, as a matter of fact, and I don't want this to be like a thing between us,

but every day's a holiday.

Here, I said it, okay?

Actually, I've been thinking about it, and I want you to have it.

You earned it.

Oh, thank you, Paul.

Oh, thank you. You have no idea what a relief that is to me. Thank you.

Hey, guys.

And how are we today?

Well, every day's a holiday.

Still? Yes, sir.

Yep, yes.

Mr. Dwyer?

Well, never been locked in a basement.

Right, Nisha?

Okay.

It's cool.

Everything's working out.

Today's a holiday in my book, buckaroo.

Hey, my little worker and his head.

Not a word, kid. About the British bulldog. He was plowing over everybody.

It was really good to see.

But I hope we don't get the weather you're expecting, Dad.

But I love the shoes.

I really dig.

The shoes.

Where'd you get those? Can I?

Got the shoes at the mall. I'm going to look for them. So if we both end up here

one day when you're picking them up, I might have them on.

I got to go. I got to go back in. The day never ends. You guys get to go home.

I got to go do some work. The life of a teacher. Let's go, Jerome. All right.

See you later.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute.

What mall?

The one in the West End.

Okay, you didn't say that.

So guess where I'm going Saturday to get me those red shoes? The West End Mall.

What?

Sir, get your hands up and step away from the child.

Oh, you got the lurker.

For my help.

Good job, officers.

I stalled him for you. I know.