Original subtitles

Really, Connie?

You think I'm blind and stupid?

No. Staring right at it. Right out in the open. Not... What is going on here?

do not cheat in this class.

Wow! You people have a lot of courage to just cheat right out in the open like

that. Not even trying to hide it. Who else has one of these? Hold it up.

Oh, great.

The group cheat.

Blatant. Blatant disrespect.

What have I said about cheating?

Cheaters never profit. You heard that saying before?

One honest person right here. Thank you, Jordan. The only person not cheating.

I will trust you forever.

Do you understand how that works?

This is where I think the cheater's right here. There's a cheater. There's

another cheater. Cheater, cheater, cheater.

All of you.

Sir, you said we could have a cheat sheet.

Let me just double check that. Did I say you could have it?

I can't say.

Okay, okay, all right.

Sometimes.

Well, you're not a good listener, Jordan.

That's what I got out of this conversation.

Jordan doesn't listen. So I guess when I'm up here talking every day, you're

just like, oh, wow, look at me, nothing.

Have fun writing that.

Sorry, can I have my cheat sheet back? Yeah, sorry about that. There you go. I

just sort of divided it up into sections.

Yeah, go get those. Go ahead.

Yeah.

Great. Grab your cheat sheets.

Good. You're allowed those.

Let's go. Hurry up, people.

Don't have all day here.

Back to cheating. Keep your eyes on your own cheat sheet, please.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie. I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's

ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by.

I'm awesome.

Hey, Mr. Duncan.

Guess what? Love to guess Hayden, but, uh... My baseball team's playing

and I would love it if you came. I can save you a seat in the bleachers.

Aw.

And what have I said about this before?

That if you go to my after -school events, you have to go to every other

after -school event.

That's what I keep saying, and I don't want to do that. I don't want to go to

your events, any of them, ever. Don't want to do stuff after school with you.

don't know how to make that sink in. So please stop asking me to do stuff with

you. Please, for me.

Thank you. Bye.

Oh, my God. That kid does not get it.

You know, normally I love watching you crush their little spirits, but you

should go easier on Hayden right now. His dad's on his deathbed.

His dad's on his... Why didn't you say that?

I didn't want to cut in. Anyway, yeah, it's supposed to be happening soon, like

a matter of days.

A minute.

Could be happening now.

Or now. That's awful.

Yeah. But I'm sorry. He's annoying. He's always asking me to do stuff. I want to

play catch.

I don't want to play catch with you after school. That sounds sweet.

That's sweet.

It's needy, and it's annoying, and it's every day. Well, more money for the rest

of us, I guess.

What do you mean by that?

Rumor has it that Hayden's favorite faculty members are going to get a

something -something when his dad dies. Oh, my gosh. They're loaded.

His dad's loaded.

I thought you said you've been blowing him off for years.

No, but for some reason, he keeps boomeranging back.

Well, money changes a lot of things. He's not a bad kid, either. Like, if

That was a bad example, but if you really, like...

Get a chance to know him like I have a little bit. I gotta go to a game. I

should go to a game. I love going to Little League games. Wear a hat, some

sunglasses, slap on a mustache.

It's like going undercover.

I don't think you should do that.

Yeah, I've been escorted off a couple of fields in my day.

Yeah, I gotta go find Hayden. Okay.

Yep. I'm gonna... stand.

So, I have a little news update.

What's going on? As of today, Robert and I...

Our co -principals.

Yeah, right.

Pandora's box. She's open.

Seriously. It's for the best, you know, with the school expansion. The board

probably thought it was too big a job, even for me.

Or perhaps they lost confidence in you after you almost burned down the school,

got involved in a racially charged mishap with the chairman, and then

one of your staff.

I guess we'll never know.

How, God help us, is Robert taking this? Oh, you know Robert.

You left without telling me what time your game starts tonight.

Uh, but you said never to ask you again.

That's so us.

That's what we do. You ask me to do something, I usually say no, get lost, I

don't want to, get out of my face, and that's the Duncan Hayden banter. That's

how it works. We have Duncan Hayden banter? That's us.

Well, the game starts at six, but if you're early, we can have a catch.

Won't be early. Won't be playing catch.

But I'll be there. Okay.

I'll see you tonight.

Tell your dad I'm gonna be there. See ya.

Okay. All right, thanks.

Hey!

What position are you?

No, I don't play. I'm just there in case someone doesn't show up. Okay, you

still want me to come?

Yeah. Okay, I'll come watch you sit on the bench. All right, deal. Okay.

Life is like double dutch.

Problem's just looking to hit you in the ankles. You don't take it. You just bob

and weave. That's it.

Good. Good, good, good.

Good job.

Oh, my God. I love double dutch.

Well, get in there, you saucy elf. Okay.

Okay. There you go.

Look at this.

How?

Whoa. Are you okay?

Oh, totally.

NBD, let's keep going. I think your head is bleeding. No, it's just a scratch.

Okay. So let's get these fun ropes swinging.

What a champ. Go, Nisha. Thanks.

Holy mother of Pete.

Again.

Miss, maybe you should... Damn it.

Miss Galka told me to go to the principal's office.

Again. You know where it is.

Trudy, so just to be clear... When a student is sent to the principal's

you send half of them to me. They're not playing favorites, Robert. They can't

stand either one of you. They're just used to turning left to go into the

principal's office.

Of course, we're all very sorry to hear about the passing of Hayden's dad.

He was a wonderful and giving man, and a real looker, if I may say so.

Oh, shut up. Seriously?

Mr. Gilmore's estate lawyer is here, and he has some information he'd like to

share with us. Thank you.

Since the death of Hayden's mother, Mr. Gilmore has been very grateful to all of

you, Hayden's favorite staff members, for the support system that you

and he just wanted to give you a little something to show his appreciation.

Trudy Walsh. Hello.

For your kindness and support, Mr. Gilmore bequeathed you $5 ,000.

He what now?

What? As? He didn't even know he knew you. $5 ,000.

May you take the adult cruise you always talked about.

Oh, I will.

The hedonism? The one with all the single people? Just stay away from it.

all I ask.

Sorry. Bobby Goka.

Yeah. For encouraging Hayden to keep fit while having fun.

He's a good kid.

$5 ,000.

That's very generous.

I accept.

Being a bad role model.

May you buy that Harley and ride into the sunset with your Dykes on Bikes club

that I understand you so revere.

I don't understand.

I don't care.

Mr. Hunt, for turning Hayden onto science?

Literally my job.

$10 ,000.

$10 ,000.

It's going up. It's going up.

Might join that club.

And lastly, something that's going up.

Oh, my God, 50.

Jerry Duncan.

Just say 50.

Just say it. Every day, Hayden would come home and rave about the amazing Mr.

Duncan. Every day. Didn't do that for these three. A man who is so committed

educating his students that he didn't have time to attend Hayden's events.

Praised, committed. Those are some expensive words.

And that is why, Mr. Duncan.

Thanks, buddy.

That Mr. Gilmore bequeathed you his most valued possession.

Lamborghini. Your dad had a Lamborghini. Legal guardianship of Hayden.

A path.

It's a hard path.

Out. I'm out. To ensure that Hayden's needs will be met, you'll be given a

monthly allowance of $5 ,000.

Gotcha. Gotcha.

Didn't I? You... Shut up. You all...

Thought I was serious.

The classic Duncan Hayden banter.

The $5 ,000 a month classic Hayden Duncan banter. Welcome to my family.

It's a happy ending, just like you might find on The Oprah Show. Can you send me

the payment in cash? Because my bank puts a hold on all my checks.

Gotta be cash.

Get in here!

Good morning, Co -Principal Mason.

What did you do with all my stuff?

Oh, I made the co -executive decision to just swap offices.

Well, why?

You know what?

I don't even care.

Do you want to know why I did it? The kids were getting confused about which

office was the principal's office, so I thought I'd do this to help them wrap

their zombie little brains around it.

That's great.

Whatever you say.

Great.

I was told to see the principal.

Go on in.

Hi. Have a seat.

That leaves Jerry $49

.05 a month to babysit.

Hi, Mr.

Duncan. Hey, Tiger. How are you? I just wanted to thank you for looking after

me. I bet it's tough, and it's my pleasure.

Anything else?

Well, it's Tuesday.

My dad always took me to the movies on Tuesday. Do you think you and I could

Your dad took you every Tuesday?

It's got to come off my side, I guess.

All right.

Four times 20.

Okay.

Thanks. Could I also get some money for my eye exam?

An eye exam? Your eyes look great.

I've just been getting these blinding headaches whenever I look at the board.

I'm pretty sure I need glasses.

Stop looking at the board, then.

Okay.

It's a one -time thing, though. One time. Look, I'm running out of money

One time. Look after them.

I think it'll cost more than that. No, they haven't at the gas station. There's

different colors and sizes.

Get a strong prescription so you can grow into it. What time are we going to

movie? We?

I'm not going.

You think I'm made of money? I can't.

You go.

You be a movie critic.

Okay. All right, pal.

Let me know how the movie is, all right?

Oh, my gosh. Mr.

Siskel and Ebert has to go to the movies every week?

Excuse me. You know the rules?

Cell phones away, please.

Why no double -dusting? Because they banned it after you lost two pints of

blood. Really?

Oh, well, I'm very sorry.

But, hey, there's lots of other great games you guys can play. There's, um,

Freestag, or, um, Popscot, um, there's Red Rover.

All banned for teachers for being too dangerous or violent.

Really?

Huh. Skipping was the only thing we had left, and you ruined it.

And... You suck.

Let's go, lady.

That's your language.

Hey, don't...

Listen, you better be taking care of that kid. He's been through enough

I am treating him well, very well. Tonight I'm treating him to a movie,

actually, to celebrate.

What, his father's death?

No, our new relationship, our new situation.

Well, I've got you here.

Next year's tuition is due really soon.

How much is it? Thirteen and a half thousand.

Thirteen and a half thousand dollars.

What about a discount for teachers?

That is with a discount.

Oh, come on. He shouldn't be at a private school anyway with all these

divas that run around this place.

Public school is fine for him. Look at her.

Snob. Wow.

Lucky kid.

Thank you. You're an idiot.

Just a friendly reminder that Vice Principal Cheely will be collecting

permission slips.

So if you would please stop by the office.

Hello, Xavier.

Just wanted to clarify a tiny error. I believe Ms. Walsh meant to say Co

-Principal Cheely will be collecting the slips because Co -Principal Mason now

shares the title. We're equals.

Although technically she was demoted and I was... And my office is now on the

left and the door is always open to people.

Night, little buddy. Mr. D, do you think I'll ever get my own bedroom or

blanket? You're in a fort.

How much better is that? And I got a towel for you, a thick towel.

Don't be a complainer.

It just really hurts my back.

Wow, those are growing pains.

Besides, out here you're going to have a ton of fun with Mr. Hunt. I'm having a

great time so far.

This guy's killing me at flashlight tag.

Have a good sleep. I gotta go.

I usually have a bath before bed.

What are you, three months old?

You can't have a bath every night?

Bath before bed.

It's wasteful. One bath, once a week, clean yourself really well.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Gotta clean it well.

I also have a hole in my pants.

Can't fall in the playground.

I got a lot to learn.

I gotta get some sleep.

See ya, buddy.

See ya, Mr. Hunt. Yeah, you gotta pick and choose where you run.

You're it.

Can you please not do that, Mr. Hunt?

Oh, if I have the nightmare tonight, wake me up, okay? You'll know I'm having

if I'm, like, really screaming the word mother. If I'm saying mother no really,

really loud, I'm going mother no.

But if I'm having the good dream where I'm like, thanks, mother, do not wake

Don't wake me there.

Girl,

amazing news.

I found a game that no one can get her playing. It is fun and a classic.

Drum roll.

Cool. Okay.

It's Stella Ella Ola. Do you guys know it?

Yes.

Okay, we'll get in a circle.

Okay, let's play.

So, do the hands.

You guys know it. And it goes.

in Amanda's News.

Hey, Robert.

Do you have a minute?

Not really, no.

Look, I heard that you're having a hard time getting people to take you

seriously.

Lisa, to you this might be small potatoes, but I've waited my entire life

for this.

You might have to get a gag order.

But I am not going to stop spreading the word until every single one of those

zombie -brained kids gets it through their thick skulls that I am one of the

principals, and along with that comes the responsibility of that title. Okay.

Uh, I was just coming in to see if you wanted to help me with some principal

work, but you're clearly going through something, so... What do I want?

Really? It has to be done by tomorrow, though. I do tonight. Are you sure?

Gimme. Come on. You can have it.

Here you go.

Also, there's a couple of students waiting outside to see the principal.

I want those kids so bad.

Okay, I will send them in to see co -principal Cheely.

Co -principal Mason?

Mm -hmm.

Thank you.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you, Hayden.

How's the music getting?

They're not even connected.

How is... There's nothing connecting my phone.

Hey, buddy.

No, Hayden, you can't come in here, buddy. It's the staff room.

I finished my pack of ramen and I'm still starving.

I gave you the large pack.

Did you put the powder on top? That's for all the nutrients.

Gives you the energy.

Please, sir. Can I have some more?

More?

That's from, uh... Um...

You can finish my lunch.

I will do without.

Was ham on it, but... Now get out of here. You can't be in the staff room.

There he is.

Yeah, and there's Jerry.

Hayden, I'm from child services.

I hear you've had quite a week.

Would you like to come with me and we'll find a more suitable home?

Goodbye, Mr. Duncan.

It's really, really thought the two of them can make it. Look at him. He

even care.

I hope he never procreates. Stop the image.

Jerry, I heard child services took Hayden.

When did that happen?

Seriously? Just now.

No one tells me anything.

You know what? It's probably for the best. That kid was costing me a fortune.

Now I can focus on my finances.

You don't get to keep the money because that's child support.

No Hayden, no cash.

Stupid law that is. Any other kids in the school that are orphans? I need an

orphan. I can't afford this lifestyle without an orphan.

Find me any orphan in the school, and I will take them.

Great parenting, Jerry. Great job.

Oh, and there goes absentee mom of the year. It's amazing.

Nice.

I remember the day Malik was stripped from parents.

Screams. Gunshots.

How does this always come back to be about you?

Man.

He makes a fair point.

Malik can digress.