Original subtitles

Next, please.

Hey, Emma.

Emma. Okay.

Hello.

Is that what you're going to wear for your photo? Uh, Jerry, your books are

forever. I am making a statement about who I am and the type of teacher I was.

First of all, you're not a teacher. Next, please. You're a librarian. Let's

remember that. And nobody cares about what statements you have. You know what,

Jerry? You wear whatever stupid purple shirt.

You what, Bernie?

Turn around and look.

I'm going to stand out.

Good? Yeah, that's great.

Wow. Thank you. That's a keeper.

Okay. Oh, go, sister.

All right. That's great.

Good.

Yeah. Wait a second. Can I put on a cardigan or something?

Hold it there.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

Mr. Duncan?

Hi, Candace Wilk. Sorry to drop in unannounced. I just wondered if we could

a chat about the 57 % you gave Zach in phys ed.

Oh, uh, yeah.

Yeah, uh, Zachary got a 57 because that's what he deserved.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not understanding you. He, uh, he's late for

all the time. He doesn't always pay attention, doesn't always have his

shoes, but more importantly, very aggressive with a lot of the other

the class.

Zachary? Is anything that Mr. Duncan's saying even remotely true?

No, Mommy.

Oh, no.

He's just a big misunderstanding.

Of course he's going to deny it. That's probably what I would do if I was a kid.

Are you calling my Zachary a liar?

Well, I'm calling him disruptive, and if he's denying that, then I guess we can

also say he's a liar.

There's definitely a liar in the room, but it's not my Zachary. Oh, then are

the liar?

I'm not a liar. I'm calling you a liar.

Oh, I'm the liar. My Zachary's an angel, and I don't appreciate this slander.

Why don't we just agree on a more suitable mark and not let this be a

stain on Zach's report card?

Well, how about we just agree that the mark's going to stay the same for now,

and if he improves his attitude and his listening skills and remembers to bring

his uniform, we can probably raise the mark. Okay?

Mommy? Let's go, Zachary.

Don't forget your running shoes for class today, Zachary. That'd be a good

start.

Nice try.

Nice try.

Hey, everyone. I made pecan cookies.

Oh, sweet, merciful pecans. Nobody likes pecans, Bobby. Oh, come on, Emma. Oh,

pecans. I'd rather drink pee from the can.

I had no idea. I mean, I kind of like pecans. You would.

Well, that's not great.

Almond cake, anyone?

Trust me, Nish, it's a tough crowd around here.

Oh, mother may I.

Almond? Now that's a nut you want tickling the back of your gullet.

Yeah, but these are homemade.

Wow,

even a shutter, huh?

I'm a happy little one.

Lucky you, you get to have all of them.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Have a nice day, Mr. Duncan.

Yeah, you too.

What's she doing here?

Is she gone? For now.

That woman gives me night terrors.

You know her too? Everybody knows her, Jerry.

I had her son Wyatt last year. Big cheater. Awful kid. I take that.

He's not the best kid either. So what did you do?

Well, after the first wrath of Candace, I just gave him an A.

Much easier.

You can't do that. Are you serious?

I still got a lot of work to do on myself to undo that damage.

You guys are worried about a little soccer mom?

She's not a soccer mom, Jerry.

She's a helicopter mom.

She's an overprotective, overinvolved parent who hovers over every little

her child does. This is what I have to put up with at 8 .15 every morning on

dot.

Good morning, Trudy. I suspect Zachary might be developing an allergy to

bananas, so could you please make sure that no students near him have bananas

with them? Okay? Thank you.

She leaves you a message every day. 8 .15 sharp. That voice makes me wish I

back in Desert Storm.

You know her, too. She complained harsh chemicals were poisoning her spawn.

Now I must use green products.

School is chemical free.

But filthier than taco bar toilet.

You guys are soft, if you ask me. It's just a mom.

What was she doing here? She booked an appointment with Lisa to complain about

Jerry. What'd you do?

Complain about me? I just gave her kid a low mark in phys ed because he deserved

it. Kids take phys ed to pad their averages.

Better have an airtight reason or she will eat you alive.

You guys are being ridiculous.

I'm not afraid of her.

Then I'm afraid for your life.

Toughen up, will you?

Pencils for sale!

Just don't call here.

I've got your standard, mechanical, and your lovely pencil crayon.

Can I call you back?

Great.

What can I do for you, Ricky?

Oh my God, is this thing on?

I just told you I'm selling pencils.

For my life skills class.

You know, politeness is also a life skill. Just saying. Great.

Politely buy a pencil.

All right. How much are they?

Seventy -five cents each.

Kind of steep.

All right. I will take one.

Big spender.

You know what? You go back and you say to Zach, do that again and you're dead.

Do that for me, okay? Go ahead.

Do that again and you're dead.

That'll work.

Good job, buddy.

Hey, Trudy, can I talk to you about something?

Oh, here we go.

Okay, that response.

I need to be responsible. and now it feels like I'm the butt of everyone's

Yeah, you are. You've become the staff punching bag. What? It's the loser that

everyone mocks to blow off steam. Every group has one. Now it's you.

That's just cruel. And isn't it Lisa? It used to be Lisa. But now she has firing

power. She's a dangerous bag to punch.

Well, how is that my problem?

There was a void, Bobby. A vacuum. It needed filling and you got sucked in.

about you?

Oh, Bobby.

Come on.

The only way to fix this is by pushing someone else into the void.

Or we don't have a void. What happens if we're just nice to each other? Bobby,

nature abhors an unfilled void.

Amen, sister.

Okay, what about Robert? He's pathetic.

Yeah, but he's too pathetic.

Nobody's laughing anymore.

Yeah, I get that.

But Robert, right? Oh, Robert.

Right? Nice try.

Not working, huh?

Would you scoot?

I don't want anyone to see me talking to you.

And not only did Mr. Duncan refuse to change the mark, he also insinuated some

things about Zavri being aggressive that I find extremely offensive.

Well, I'm sure he didn't mean... Mr. Duncan, you have to knock.

I'll knock later. Hey, Ms. Wilkes. I have a video that I would like to show

everyone here.

You should have probably found it first.

Where is this going, Mr. Duncan?

Videos. That's me diving.

My friend's pool.

See, this is what I'm talking about. He insults my child. He waits time looking

for a video. There it is. There.

Who's that?

Who's that? Is that Zachary?

Pushing another littler guy, huh? Zach, right? Let me rewind that for Miss

Mason. Look at that. There's Zachary. See him? I see it, Mr. Duncan.

You know what? The only thing I see is that the teacher invaded my son's

by recording him without his knowledge or consent.

It's kind of thick.

I didn't record it. Someone else did. That's not your phone? It's my phone,

they sent me the link.

I find that hard to believe.

Are you calling me a liar?

No, I'm calling you a voyeur.

Okay, let's just settle down.

Mr. Duncan, did you take that video?

No. No?

No.

If my teacher says he didn't do it, then he didn't do it.

But he just showed you. Ms. Wilkes?

It seems pretty clear.

that Zach has the problem with conduct and not Mr. Duncan.

Now, it is my hope that you deal with this at home. It's my hope, too.

it's both of our hopes, I think.

All right, you take care.

Do not video the children, Jerry.

I know, I know, that's not... Ever. Just don't do it.

But, in this case, I'm... No but.

But it's good that I... No, it's not.

You want to see my dad?

No. Okay.

Morning, Mr. Duncan.

I love the chat, but I'm actually a little... You're late.

Yeah, I know that you're supposed to be in Zachary's class. Instead, you left a

room full of eight -year -olds unattended. God knows what they're up to

there. Wow. That video really got to you. Good.

But it's only been a couple minutes. I'm sure they're fine.

You know what?

It takes less than 30 seconds for a child to drown.

Well, hopefully no one's running the bathtub in the gym right now.

When children sense a lack of supervision, they start acting out. Next

know, they're swinging off the basketball net. Good old monkey time,

Net snaps.

Guess what? Now Timmy's sucking sandwiches through a straw, and that's

Well, while you were saying that, two more kids could have drowned.

Maybe Zachary. And that's on you.

I win, and that kills you. Deal with it.

Good one, Malik.

You get the guy one job to do, and he blew it. Huh, Mr.

Clotso here?

Can't take this guy anywhere, am I right?

I have long held your opinion in the highest esteem, and I'm

devastated to embarrass myself in front of you.

Okay, Malik, I was just fine. This is terrible shame for me.

Don't listen to her.

Everybody knows Bobby is the worst.

Thank you, Miss Emma.

I now hold your opinion in the highest esteem.

I had a void in my heart shaped like a booby.

You have just filled said void.

That's powerful stuff.

The booby is still here.

You have got to be kidding me.

With a clipboard.

Don't go near it, Jerry. Don't poke the bear.

Uh, hello. What are you doing here?

Just crunching some numbers.

I don't know what that means, but can you crunch them somewhere else? Because

you're distracting the kids.

Actually, you're the one who's distracted from the kids.

Come again?

You see, the student -teacher ratio is already alarmingly low here.

So I don't appreciate you and Mr. Hunt yammering. Hey, Mr.

Hunt. Oh, you're most welcome.

See me back here, huh? Yep.

I've already counted.

Six indiscretions in the past ten minutes alone.

But look here. Got some horseplay at 10 .16.

Then a child gagged on some chewy candy.

Then at 10 .20, two children were kissing behind that tree for upwards of

minutes. It's probably Marge and George.

Hey, all of this is nothing. This means nothing.

I'm not doing anything wrong here. Kissing is a gateway to teen pregnancy.

Oh, I'd say that's something.

So maybe you want to watch your kids.

Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Hunt? Oh, yeah, 100%. Gateway.

Can you shut up? Stop, stop, stop. I think this proves how unfit you are to

teaching, Mr. Duncan.

Got it all here.

I got a list.

You know what happens to kids like Zachary when they have a parent like

Doesn't he good? They go away to university as far away as possible just

away from you. Then, then, then they tell their friends, you're dead.

They just love to hear the sound of their voice saying that.

Oh, yeah, then they go away for a long time till you're at the end of your

That's when they'll pop back into your world just to make sure you're in a

nursing home so you're not burning through their inheritance.

So you might want to watch your kids while I go watch my kids.

Judith. Judith.

So how is Wyatt, by the way? Yep.

Good kid.

Pencils for sale.

Oh, thank you.

Are you there?

Yes, I'm positive.

You know why? Because I actually bought this box of pencils for $1 .99. There

are 12 of them, which means the price per pencil is under 20 cents compared to

your astronomical 75 cents. For God's sake, just buy a pencil.

Miss Walsh, please.

Ricky and I are just talking about business, right?

Talking about the concept of supply and demand, which means your pencils are

only worth what people are willing to pay for them.

Stop haggling. Ah, that brings us to the next lesson.

You have to listen to your customers, Ricky, and adapt to their needs. You

my advice, you want your pencil business to grow, you're going to have to slash

your prices.

Your mama slashed her prices.

Did you put her up to that?

No, I'm just a fan.

Nisha, Nisha, Nisha, come here for a second.

Yeah. Hi.

Hi. How is your day?

So great. Oh, my God.

So amazing.

Isn't life just fantastic, you guys?

Okay, give it a rest, princess.

You know, Miss Polly Positivity over here, am I right? I mean, welcome to the

new void filler.

What, what?

What? Yeah, it can't all be sunshine and rainbows, Misha.

Welcome to... Reality.

Good stuff, Bobby. I guess ever since my dad left my mom for my aunt's stepmom,

I've been trying to keep the darkness at bay.

Oh, I am so, I'm so sorry.

Thank you, Bobby.

You have opened my eyes to how irritating this silly optimism can be.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

The only irritating thing here is Bobby's grating voice.

Oh, do you mean that?

Yeah, she's like a duck in labor.

Oh, come on, how would you even know?

I don't sound like that.

Oh, uh, Miss Wilkes.

Look, I just want to apologize for the things I said. I definitely crossed the

line. That's an understatement.

Well, you just got under my skin by showing up at the school like that.

uh, I just want to call truce, okay? I want to just put the past behind us,

okay? Do what's best for little Zach right here.

Get your hand off my child.

What? Inappropriate touching is forbidden.

Lucky, baby, does it hurt?

Oh, yeah. It hurts so much, Mommy.

You've got to be kidding me right now.

You used excessive force with a student. Once that accusation reaches your

record, you'll never find another job teaching again.

I'm going to go have a little chat with Principal Mason right now.

Well, she left for the day already, so there's no point, so...

That's fine, because she'll be hearing about this first thing tomorrow morning.

She's not going to believe you. No?

Well, two against one.

Whoa.

Looks like you really angered the beast.

She's going to tell Miss Mason I assaulted her kid.

Oh, my Lord.

That's bad, Jerry.

Molesting a kid, that'll go on your permanent record forever.

Assaulting, not molesting. Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, regular assault. Sorry, my mind is distracted. Sexual

assault for some reason. I'm going to fix this.

There's no way I'm going to get one of those.

Okay.

Where's my box of pencils?

I don't know where your pencils are. You don't know?

Pencils for sale.

Ah, impeccable timing.

Another valuable life skill.

Turns out I am going to have to buy a pencil after all.

Very funny.

Give me the pencils back.

How much are they worth to you?

They're worth what I paid for them before they mysteriously vanished from

desk.

Robert, are you accusing Ricky of something?

Hmm.

Fine. How much are they, 75 cents?

Five dollars each.

Five bucks? The entire box costs $1 .99. And you can have them back for seven

dollars each.

Seven bucks? You just said five. And now it's eight.

Hey, Trudy. Keep talking, Blondie. Mom wants a PS4.

Just talk it through.

Stay cool. Don't get angry.

It's woke!

Zach, let's get in the house.

Mr. Duncan?

Are you waiting for me outside my house? Look, I'm sorry to bother you. I really

think we should just talk this through. First, I'm going to tell you why this is

completely unexpected. Mr. Duncan!

Oh, my...

Oh, you know, another day, another dollar.

You're so quippy.

Looking tight, Bobby.

Looks like someone's out of the void.

Is that right?

Yeah, I don't know how I did it, but honestly, I don't care as long as people

are not making fun of me anymore. Yeah, they're still making fun of you.

What? Now they're just doing it behind your back.

Why? Well, before it was just playful jokes, but now it's much, much worse.

Awful stuff. Stuff they don't even want to see to your face.

Your social status has gone.

What's worse than being the staff punching bag?

Colostomy bag.

And there's no coming back from that, Bobby.

Hey, Miss Galka, nice tracksuit.

Thank you, girls.

Why is that funny?

Those children are like little demons.

Dark days ahead, Bobby.

Dark days ahead.

Hey, how'd it go with you at work last night? Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

I went to her house last night to talk to her.

Right? To clear this air.

And out of nowhere, as she sees me, a van comes and smacks her. A van?

Yeah.

I think she's dead. You killed her.

What are you talking about?

How many enemies does this woman have?

We can do it. You can do it. Keep it up. We don't want to be late.

The hell is she walking?

She's bionic. Keep going. Mommy's right behind you.

I'm going to have to dip her in lava to kill her.

Okay. Ah, Miss Wilkes.

Run, Zachary.

Run.

Mr. Duncan, I'd like to apologize to you for Zachary's behavior as well as my

own. What? Your message was received loud and clear.

I will not be covering for Zachary any longer.

My message?

He has his weaknesses and I have mine.

But we won't be burdening you with them any longer.

Just happy to be alive.

Oh, just please call off your henchmen.

I don't want any trouble.

It's good, right, if she thinks?

I think so.

Parents will talk. We won't have any more parents giving up on our time.

Nothing wrong with that kind of reputation.

We were in this school. We were in this school.

I can't believe they even let these helicopter parents on the school ground

during the day when we're trying to work.

Disgusting. I mean, my mom was a tad overprotective, but there's a line. My

was the best. Look at me, I turned out fine, well -balanced.

Yeah, yeah, you turned out great.

Yeah, smell that?

What's that? Smell that? Fire?

Maybe the school's on fire. We'll get off early today.

Oh, that'd be cool.

You know what it is? It's probably some overprotective parent calling the

National Guard because their kid touched them.

That would not surprise me. Gluten these days.

Watch out for gluten.

Gluten, gluten, gluten.

Guys. Hey, what are you doing here?

When you're on duty, you have to watch the kids.

We are watching the kids.

Kids got a helmet on.