Original subtitles

Okay, uh, Mr. Cherniak is away today, so I am subbing for him.

I know you're working on your project. He has asked me to go through the saw

safety rules.

We've already covered that, sir.

Well, we're going to cover it again because you can't be too safe when

using a saw like that.

Okay? So I said I would do that. So gather around to make sure we're all on

same page here.

All right.

David, would you stop talking, please?

Because this is important and dangerous.

Thank you. This is not a time to be fooling around.

It's time to pay attention.

Put your goggles on.

You press the top button, and it stops when you let it go for safety.

You ready?

Okay, here we go.

That's kind of overkill, sir.

Oh, it's not overkill.

I'm making a point.

This is what can happen if you fool around.

All right? Thank you, drama department.

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my

life gone by.

I'm awesome.

What about the muffin?

Peter Kim brought them in to celebrate. He just won $200 ,000 in the lottery.

And that's all he brought?

What, did he come back to rub it in our face before his early retirement? No,

no. No, he still worked here. Why did he still work here if he just won the

lottery, Trudy? Because he won $200 ,000.

Exactly. Why is he not off on his yacht somewhere or building a mansion with a

golf course and a train track going through it? Because that's what I would

And I would take a chunk of it and I would invest that to make another $200

,000.

Trudy.

Beep, beep.

Problem? It seems I've been moved to 207A, and I can't seem to find it.

It's actually in the basement.

I didn't know there was a basement!

A lot of the newbies start there, but I'm sure you'll work your way up. Oh,

fine with the basement.

Well, maybe you won't, you know? Maybe you'll work for decades as hard as you

can and watch while people with less ability bunny -hop right over you on the

ladder to success, and all you can do is stand by and wonder why Lady Fate would

donkey -fist you in such a way.

At the basement? Yep.

She seems great.

Come on, the rest of you. We're missing recess. It's half over by now.

Can you tie my shoes?

Tie your own shoes. You're seven years old. I don't know how to, obviously.

It's not rocket science. Just copy one of those kids and do what they do. Just

do your job and tie my shoes.

Okay, but don't talk to teachers like that, okay?

So, I'm going to tie it this time. You tell your parents that you're going to

have slip -ons next time, right? Because I've got better things to do.

I have a Bachelor of Education, and this is not how I plan on using it. A double

knot of those.

Go. Hurry up. The rest of you, can we hurry up, please?

What's the delay here?

Sir, Sonia won't let me use the blue marker.

For what? We're not using the blue marker, okay? It's recess. We're going

outside. I want to draw outside.

Draw what? We're not drawing outside.

We're running around, and we're getting exercise, and we're giving me a little

break, okay? He says you have to share the blue marker.

I didn't...

Oh, my gosh.

Okay, back.

We're back.

We haven't left. Hurry up, everybody.

Hurry up.

What? I need to switch back to my indoor shoes. Can you untie these, please? You

don't know how to untie your shoes, either? You were the one who put the

knots in them, genius, not me.

Just wear your outdoor shoes.

So lazy.

Why am I here?

Why am I being punished?

You know, ever since my wife took the house, life's been kind of dark.

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Lisa!

Uh, no, you stay there. I'll come to you.

Going on, Frank?

Listen, I'm going to need some more money to guidance and counsel with. The

year's just started. You already blew through your budget?

Keeping these kids sane is not cheap.

Hey, um, Frank has a budget because I could actually use a little extra money

because the mats are all worn out and these soccer balls are falling apart,

so... Listen, Fizzhead.

The big kids are talking.

Okay, you try teaching Fizet without balls, okay?

Let's not make this a gender thing, Bobby.

Okay, I will look into it. I mean, I know that Fizet is fine, but I'll get

to you, all right?

Happy to talk now. I'll walk with you.

Or you can just let me look into it and get back to you.

Okay, just let me know what Robert says.

I'm not going to ask Robert because I'm the principal.

Yeah, but come on. Yeah.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

You know what? I will never get used to Lisa being the principal, ever.

Shut up, honey.

I can't believe he signed it. A little boy talk, probably.

Kind of. One Direction's in town this week.

The boy bands are still around.

We went last night. So amazing.

Well, you should know that I was in a boy band in high school.

You were in a boy band?

Yeah. There was five of us. Room Temperature, that was the name of our

I know, good name. We were pretty good, a lot of people thought.

Girls would have crushes on me your age. We had this dance, right? Now, keep in

mind, there was five of us doing it, so it looked better because we were in

unison. We would start every song like this, and the music would go, and then

we'd go, five times, one, and four, girls, girls, girls, five.

Showing you the routine. Not done, okay? There it went.

Yeah.

It was fun. I'm not going to lie.

What are those?

They're One Direction bracelets.

Come on.

They're $18.

$18 for this garbage? Those cost 10 cents to make. So you might want to take

little economics class because you got ripped off, suckers. Well, everyone last

night was buying them, so I guess that's 20 ,000 suckers, sir.

Oh, my God, that's a lot of money.

So, the first Communist Party was established in China in 1949.

Now, can anyone tell me who this is?

Why is it so hot in here?

Oh, yeah. No, I guess it is a little hot. Why don't I just go and get a

breathe going? That's nice.

Do you guys feel that? Feels good.

Hang on to your hat.

Whoa. What's that sound?

That sound? Sounds like the furnace.

But you know what?

Guys, if we just think really hard, we can imagine, using our imaginations,

that it's an air conditioner.

God, it is so hot in here.

Keep it together, Nisha.

So, where were we? We were in hell.

You are playful, Sheila. Are we going to be here all year?

Okay, are you going to ask super fun questions all year?

Why, it's great. I... Let's just stay... positive.

Okay.

One Direction is in town for three concerts.

Did you give us backstage passes?

No, stop trying to be funny. Just listen.

We are going to make a fortune.

I don't think you understand how the music industry works, because we pay

What do 12 -year -old girls do? Let me finish.

All right.

Last night, some kids from my school went to the concert. These girls bought

Direction bracelets.

For $18. A little piece of crap bracelet.

It was probably worth two bucks.

Look at that markup.

We're going to go to the concert.

We're going to sell bracelets outside for $17.

And we're going to put the names of the band members on them.

Niall, Harry, whatever.

Harry's the cute one. Okay, we're going to put them on and sell them for $17.

Isn't there some sort of copyright issue with that? I already thought of that.

So to avoid that, we're going to sell name bracelets. We'll throw some

some Liza's, some Paul's. We're just selling name bracelets.

Just so happens that we're selling the band members' names of One Direction.

Just a coincidence.

Just a coincidence.

And there's going to be thousands of kids there, right?

Thousands of kids means thousands of dollars. This is probably the first good

idea you've ever had, Jerry. Think about others.

Bill and Jerry's bracelets.

Why is Bill first?

Alphabetical. Yep.

Yeah. You got it.

This is a good idea. I think so.

Bill, what are you doing? We have a ton of these to make.

Yeah, I'm out.

You can't be out. I can't do this myself.

You're wasting your time. We're never going to make enough to make any actual

money.

Yeah, you're right.

Oh, we had a...

Better way to increase our productivity.

If only you had access to a whole bunch of people with tiny little hands and low

expectations and were subject to your every whim.

Yes.

Think it through.

You'll get there.

I got it.

There it is.

Hey, what's this?

Oh, hey, Bobby.

That's my stuff. What are you doing? Misha's going to be using this classroom

for a while. You're going down to 207A. No.

No, no, no, no, no, because I have paid my dues, Robert.

Hands are tied.

Doctor's orders.

Got a bad case of the SAD.

Oh, you're sad?

Seasonal Affective Disorder, Bobby.

It's a real thing. Show some sensitivity.

No, Robert, it is okay.

Just something people need to be educated on. Mental illness.

World's not an easy place for us whack jobs.

No, sir. This is completely unfair.

You're a phys -ed teacher.

You use your classroom for about an hour a week. Be a sport.

I get it. You're clever.

What's that now? Oh, that's super funny.

Where's my uterus model?

Okay,

let's stop what we're doing for a second here.

I have a special project for all of us who likes bracelets.

That's what I thought.

Sir, my sister has 12 bracelets and she won't even give me one.

Nobody cares.

Danica? Charlie, do you care? No.

And Charlie usually cares about everything.

It's true. Moving on. We are going to make lots and lots of bracelets today.

I thought we were doing geography today.

Let me finish. The bracelets are for poor kids overseas.

Yeah, overseas, right? So the bracelets we're going to make, this is where they

are. And we're going to make the braces for the people over the sea. That's how

we get that. Okay? So there's your geography lesson.

All right?

Sir, my friend's from abroad, and she has a pool in her backyard.

Another good story from Danica. But Danica, first of all, the word broad, we

don't say that anymore. That's very ignorant. Secondly, if you were

you would have heard that we're not making these for your rich neighbors

the pool.

These are for poor children, to give them something to smile about, to give

hope, to give them a life. Is that good?

I'm going to make the bracelets now.

That's all we're doing for them? Let me see you try to live off of chopsticks

and noodles, okay? It's not easy, Amanda Susan. See how your face brightens up

with joy when you were handed a bracelet.

All right.

So, we're going to make, let's say, 500 bracelets that say, I love Niall. We'll

make 500 that say, I love Harry.

And we'll throw in a couple of, I love Louis, because no one really cares about

him, right?

Sir, aren't those the names of the One Direction band members?

They are the names that children have overseas.

You've just never heard of them.

All right, come on up and get some bracelet stuff. Let's make some

today.

How's the light?

A little too bright? I can make it darker.

Better? It's fine, sir.

A little tiny bit brighter?

Perfect.

So, what brings you in today?

Well, I was thinking of... Hang on. Sorry.

Go on.

I was thinking of applying to law school, and I was just wondering if you

any pointers.

Frank talk?

No. But you know who might have some advice for you? The inimitable Sir Tom

Cruise. Here, put this on.

What is this?

The Firm. Great movie.

Tom does some top -notch lawyering in this one.

Good news about the budget, Frank.

What is on your face?

Oh, it's the future of guidance counseling.

Got a popcorn machine in your office?

Silly me.

Laura, do you want some popcorn?

Yes, please.

Help yourself.

Oh, my gosh.

Hypovitaminosis D.

Yeah. I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

Yeah, I've got it pretty bad, too. I mean, as it says there on the official

doctor's note.

Well, now it feels like a big D.

No, no, don't beat yourself up. I don't talk about my skin elasticity much.

God, no. Why would you? It's gross.

Anyway, that's why I need a lot of sunlight. Like, a lot of it.

Well, no. The first thing we have to do is get you looking like your age again.

Well... I can see it. I'm not a doctor, but your skin is gray and your hair is

dull and lifeless. And it looks like you've aged about 20 years in a day.

You need to get out a 207A stat.

Quick like a pale, gray, sickly -looking bunny. And maybe hold back a little bit

more.

What was that?

What's this, Charlie?

It's too hard to see in here.

You think this is hard to see?

You know what's hard to see? The future.

For an orphan.

Why are we in here?

No questions. Back to work.

I'm so thirsty, sir.

You will drink when you have made 200 bracelets.

This is crap. I'm not doing this.

You know what? The quota is now 400 bracelets, thanks to Amanda Susan.

Thanks, Amanda Susan.

Back to work.

I'm scared.

You're scared?

You're... You know what?

Try being a father with all these children and no money, saying, I have no

food.

Empty hand, no more food.

You know why he has no more food for all his kids? Because he has no money.

So he has to work all day trying to put food on the floor. Yes, the floor,

because he can't afford a table. So they certainly don't have bracelets.

We're going to put a smile on their faces.

So get to work and start thinking about that poor father and his poor children.

Niall has two L's. I told you this. Okay, you know what?

We're not having any more bathroom breaks. There's no recess.

I'm sorry. Business is business.

There. There. That's somebody that's working hard. That's the kind of work

I want.

Oh.

Whew.

I can't believe this is working at all.

Well, it's working. It's working. One sec, guys. There you go. Okay, one sec.

There you go. There's a Nile bracelet. Nile. Gentlemen.

Officers, don't... Can you see one of those, please?

Yeah.

But, uh, you know you're not allowed to sell unlicensed merchandise, right? No,

no. We know all the rules. These are just name bracelets.

And it just so happens there's a lot of kids come to the One Direction concert.

Coincidentally, there's a couple names from the band, but they're just names.

Yeah, that's pretty well thought out, actually. You totally outsmarted us.

it was mostly my idea, but... Listen, though, if you could do me a favor and

move along, because as you can see, you've kind of crushed our business.

These guys are good.

Yeah, you're good.

You're the real heroes, not us.

What's that other thing they need?

Yeah.

Permit. Because otherwise, it's a $300 fine, and I'm going to take your pouch.

There it is.

No, no, no, don't give... No, okay, okay.

Officers, first of all, I know the law.

This is a public sidewalk.

We are selling name braces.

Look, Lewis.

Coincidentally, okay, Lewis is also in One Direction, but it's just a boy's

name. Okay, so we're just going to need to see your ID and take your pouch.

I'm not giving you my pouch. I don't have to give you my ID. I know my

know my rights. Too bad, sir, because now I'm going to have to ask you to turn

around. No, I'm not. And don't, Bill, don't.

Okay. Bill. I need you to turn around, sir.

Bill, where's Bill?

What? Bill!

Bill!

I've never told this to anyone before, but I'm just tired of living a lie.

I think I might be gay, you know?

No. No, I don't know.

But you know who might?

Tootsie. But unfortunately, that film and everything else I could use to guide

you with has been snatched away from me. I'd love to shed some light on the

situation.

Can't. Just can't. Please, sir. I'm lost.

You and me both, Bruce.

You and me both.

Colonels?

Jerry, I've been getting calls from concerned parents all day.

About you being principal?

You're doing fine. I wouldn't... No!

Jerry, about you running something that resembles a sweatshop?

What? Please tell me that's not true.

No, of course not. We're making bracelets for underprivileged kids.

Apparently they weren't allowed bathroom breaks.

Because we have a deadline to get the bracelets to them. Two children fainted.

What a lie.

One child fainted two times.

That doesn't make it better, Jerry.

Fine, it's a bit sweaty.

Is that my problem, that you gave me a room in a dungeon of hell to teach the

children? It's like a hell room in the basement.

You're in room 207A now?

Yeah. You try taking your office down there, see if you can work in that hot,

isolated... Isolated?

Yeah, isolated.

What are you guys talking about?

Room 207A. Nobody wants to teach down there, but we don't have any more

classrooms. So you're saying it's empty.

Is it warm?

Very warm.

Electricity? Yeah, obviously.

Nobody wants it.

No. I'll take it.

Least I can do.

Really? Yeah.

Great. Thanks, Paul. That really helps me out.

Thank you, Mr. Martyr.

Great. Problem solved. So we're good?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Oh, you know what?

Actually, I'm going to have the students make you a bracelet for the great job

you're doing.

Me?

I love Liza.

Yeah, grade twos don't always spell very well, but hey.

Who had the make -up for you? I did. Ah, sweet. Thank you.

Good morning, world.

It'll be beautiful there.