Original subtitles

This woman is my destiny.

She took my...

That's my cardio.

That's my towel.

Sorry.

It was fun.

So those were quite the dance moves. Let's do it again for real sometime.

What?

Pam. That's me.

Wow, your number.

Jerry. Nice to meet you. That was quick and easy. It was really easy. Well, I

don't have to. No, no.

I like easy.

All right, then.

All right. Save that. Nice to meet you, Jerry.

Well, thank you, Pam.

I'll call you.

Shut up and dance.

Doesn't make sense.

Excited, though. Excited.

I'm awesome. No, you're not, dude. Don't lie. I'm awesome. I'm driving around in

my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by.

I'm awesome.

This changes everything.

You are still my son.

Game changer.

Simon.

What's going on? You're all a tizzy.

Ain't nothing going on except I'm Jewish now. No way.

Turns out my dad was Jewish and my mom converted before she had me, so you're

looking at the newest Jew.

So jelly.

You know, Madonna didn't find out she was Jewish until she was in her 40s, and

that worked out awesome.

That's a good point. And I finally know how Moses felt, so check that off the

old bucket list. I see this as a win.

Oh, goodbye bacon, shrimp, and cheese omelets every Sunday and Monday and

Tuesday. Hello.

What do Jewish people eat? Bagel.

Bagel. Want to hear a joke?

Yeah. Why are seagulls called seagulls? Why?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

That's offensive.

Jerry, just what I was looking for. I can't believe I'm asking you this,

especially after last year with what happened to Coach Keenan.

That was so sad.

Yeah, it was sad.

Anyway, Mr. McKay is off sick for the week, and I need you to take two of his

wrestlers to a really important meet.

Sure. I can do that. I asked Bobby.

She's super busy.

I asked a lot of people.

Nobody could do it.

Well, you got me now, so I will do it. It's easy. Even thought about asking

Malik? Can you believe that that's not legal?

Okay. Bring the two kids back.

Not only will I bring back two children, I will bring back two trophies, because

that's our role when I coach. It doesn't matter the sport.

Great. It's about time.

All right, guys.

I understand we're going to regionals. I will be taking you there.

If I win, I go to nationals, sir.

Let's get you to nationals. Not if you win, when you win, Lucas, because that's

how I coach.

If I win, it'll be my third win in a row at regionals.

Well, okay, that's not going to lie. That's hard to believe that you've won

anything. There's no one else in his weight class.

He's been cruising through every tournament.

Okay, well, it doesn't count if you're not really fighting anyone.

Tell that to the six trophies sitting on my mantle. Yeah, but those trophies

mean nothing. They're just tokens of nothing. You haven't done anything.

Try me.

Yeah, I'm game.

Try what?

Chicken.

You want me to wrestle you?

I'm not down here to smell the mats.

Sure. Let's see the point of this.

Okay. All right.

Hello there.

You know what? I'll come back to you. You wait there. You wait right there.

wait right there. And this thing I think I've got.

Six trophies.

There we go.

That's a reverse pin.

How's that mad smell?

Okay, you happy?

Three out of five.

Okay. Oh, wow.

Four out of seven.

we was wrestling my grandpa.

Okay, all right, here we go.

All right, there we go.

Damn it, I thought I had you this time.

Oh, boy.

So then I say to her, well, that's not yeast, but it is definitely infected.

Oh, yeast, like baking.

Frank? Oh, hey, Lisa, what's up? I'm going to need to see you in my office.

She needs to see me in her office.

You know what that means?

No, what?

Vag city.

Population, this guy.

Oh, I can do this.

I need your permission forms. Let's go.

What's on your neck?

That looks like a hickey. Why would I have a hickey? I'm not 14, okay? It's

probably a bug bite or something. He's right. What woman would stoop that low?

Uh, for information, I've had three women give me hickeys three times in...

are you doing?

Yeah, that's ringworm. What?

What the hell is ringworm? It's a fungal infection on the skin. It runs rampant

in wrestling circles.

Why the hell would I have it? I'm not a wrestler.

I don't know. Maybe you're disgusting.

Or maybe I got it from two wrestlers that I've been hanging around with

That's impossible.

Neither of us have it yet. If I get ringworm, I'll be disqualified.

You're not going to get ringworm. It's pretty contagious.

Look, you don't have it right now, so I'll make sure you don't get it. I'll

some cream on it. Now suck it up and toughen up. It's a little itchy bug

I can't even see anything.

Where? There's nothing there.

Oh, give me a break, you guys. Are you serious?

Way to spread your filth around, sir.

Oh, no, you guys got it too?

Well, it's not my filth. You're patient zero. This is definitely your fault. And

plus, you were supposed to spray the mask before practice. All right, how am

supposed to know you're supposed to spray the mask? Coaching 101.

They're going to be college scouts with me. This will cost me a scholarship.

It's not going to cost you a scholarship.

All I had to do was show up and collect another trophy.

That's why they call me Golden Boy.

Okay, no one calls you that, Alex.

Well, they certainly won't now.

Take it easy.

You really crapped down the chimney on this one, sir. I told Miss Mason we'd

come back with two trophies, and we will come back with two trophies. Leave it

with me. I'm in charge, and I'll get out of here.

Find me some cream or something for this.

Here is my attendance, Trudy.

Thank you.

Oh, Robert, quick question.

I was wondering if we could do something about the lack of kosher options in the

cafeteria. Certainly look into it, Simon. Don't see why not. God bless you.

Also, I'm going to have to start leaving early on Fridays for Shabbat. Doesn't

start till sundown. Yeah, but I'm going to need prep time, get my Sabbath on. I

don't see letting you go before the end of the school day.

I see what's going on here.

You're an anti -Semite.

I can see that.

Can't believe I missed it.

Blonde hair, nice jaw, blue eyes.

You're beautiful.

Well, thank you. You're an Aryan miracle.

You look like the man who bought my sister.

No way.

Hitler's wet dream.

Hey, Shlomo.

You know you're not really Jewish, right?

Not unless you've had a bris.

A what?

Circumcision. You know, snip -snap.

I get the snip -snap.

You're Jewish?

Manscaping accident.

So the guy who bought your sister handsome?

What'd your sister go for?

He's by the pond.

Oh, dear God. Okay.

Cool, be cool.

Okay, here we go, here we go.

Hola, como esta?

Muy bien, gracias.

Terrible.

But it's not shit. Anyway, fresh from our training camp in Mexico, Xavier

Academy, here for inspection.

You know the drill coach?

You're not aware of any infections or diseases in your wrestlers? Please note

that withholding of information can lead to team suspensions or bans. We have

nothing like you said.

Maybe a little Montezumas, right?

Lower your finger, please.

Unburned. Told you to put sunscreen on.

You ought to look good to feel good.

Step forward. It's got a point.

29 .5. That puts you at 31 and under.

Anyone else in that weight class?

Doesn't look like it. Golden boy wins again.

Woo! Come on up, Jose.

That's what I call him.

I gained five pounds?

Yeah, you're at the buffet every day, El Jefe. Maybe you needed to get

Montezumas. You should have drank the water.

Way to go, Nacho Grande.

Here I am. The whole package.

Have a seat, Frank.

I called you in to talk about your inappropriate behavior with Nisha.

Okay. I understand.

You do?

Yes, of course. You're jealous.

Excuse me?

As flattered as I may be.

This has to stop. You're the principal now. You wouldn't be right.

What in God's name are you talking about, Frank?

Does the raw chemistry between us still burn a white hot?

No. Like the power of a thousand suns, yes.

There are no suns, Frank.

And are we meant to be together?

Obviously. Okay, I think you really misinterpreted why I called you in here.

Don't make this any harder than it has to be.

I'm an incredibly virile man standing in front of an impossibly lonely woman,

asking her to let go.

Goodbye, Lisa.

Sorry.

Goodbye, Principal Mason.

What just happened?

All right, let's go. Let's go. Take that trophy home.

See what's going on here.

Obviously, you've got it and we've got it. Keep this between us. It's our

secret. By the way, spray tans and genius.

Thank you.

Makeup, not so bad either.

May the best man win.

Pace yourself, Lucas. Pace yourself.

Let's get that trophy.

Here we go.

Hello, Trudy.

Behold, I am now officially Jewish from crown to urethra.

Mazel tov. My foreskin is now a threeskin.

No more dipping the old dangle.

Oh, my God, are you all right? It's the most pain I've ever experienced in my

life. I've got to wear a sock on it to try and cushion the blood.

It sort of plaps up against the inside of my leg when I walk. Yeah, I don't

the detail.

Plop, plop.

It is no picnic.

But Moyle says that old Simon will be okay so long as Simon Jr. doesn't wake

from his nap to catch my drift.

Malik Jr. still bleeds when I sneeze.

Yeah, that's quite a turn on, Malik. Hey, Simon.

Hi. I'm Trudy. I've got those entries for the morning bulletin that you asked

for. Oh.

Oh, no.

Did you do something different?

Haircut? I don't know.

Oh, okay.

There we go.

Hey, Trudy. You know that kid that

was supposed to be not here today?

He is here. So is that... Hey, Sam.

Hi, Bobby.

Hi. Oh.

You're a sight for sore eyes. Gosh, thank you.

Just keep doing what you're doing. You're welcome.

Oh, Simon.

Oh, wait, Bobby, don't... I got it.

Stuck to the floor a bit, but I got it.

Bobby. Look at me. I'm Simon. I take the spare sock to school just in case.

That's what I do.

Bobby, give me the sock, please.

Oh, look at me. I'm Simon, and I have a spare sock that I'll... Bobby, please

give me the sock. Okay.

That's fun.

What's with him? He had a little work done. I don't think it would have

off if he'd put it over his balls.

Now, the red on the sock, don't worry about that. That was probably just a

little blood because a couple of stitches must have let go. No biggie.

And then I... Seriously?

Don't sit there.

Why would you sit there?

This is where winners sit. This is where winners sit.

Okay?

Man.

No, no.

This whole section is for winners, okay?

Okay? Thank you.

No, no, no. No, no. Winners who did something.

Got everyone out there today, kid.

But you can't win them all. I can.

Not now, Alex. No one cares.

Good game to you, too, coach.

Yeah.

Yeah. Good game.

Good match.

Good fight.

Better luck next time. Yeah, better luck next time. Why don't you come rub it

in?

Hey, uh, Dr. Oz.

Uh, that young man over there has some ringworm on his neck covered up by

makeup. Are you serious?

Yeah, I'm serious.

I wouldn't joke about that for the safety of the kids.

Okay. Guys, let's go. We gotta go. Hurry up. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry,

hurry. Let's go.

Hurry up.

Grab your participation medal there.

Let's go.

Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up, hurry up.

This ought to put a little sunshine in your face.

Two trophies I said I would bring back. What?

Well, those are your first two trophies. I thought Lucas lost.

Yeah, I did lose.

No, the other guy was disqualified.

That's incredible.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow. So, first two trophies ever as principal brought to you by

Jerry Duncan.

So I won? Fair and square.

I won.

Yeah? You're welcome.

Thank you, Lucas.

And make sure that you thank Mr. McKay when he gets back. The work that man has

put into this. It's so nice to see it pay off. The guy who called in sick for

the big meet.

Yeah, let's thank him. Let's thank him. No, make sure you thank him. Because he

did a lot of work in bed.

Cafeteria ladies.

How about thanking them?

Wouldn't want to thank me who brought them in.

Cafeteria ladies, without those lunches, without those hash browns and french

fries every day, chocolate milk, that's healthy.

They call it penile gigantism. That's the medical term anyway.

You don't say.

Yeah, small curse, huge blessing.

No kidding.

Sounds good and bad.

Nisha, I'm sorry. Could you excuse us for a minute? Oh, yeah.

Here we go again.

Frank.

Your behavior lately has been completely... Shh.

I know, Lisa.

I know.

But I'm trying to say you're being inappropriate.

I know.

I always know. What do you know? We are sexual beings. We just can't go there.

Will we be living a lie? For sure.

But it's a lie this school needs right now. I will always remember you.

I'll never forget you.

But I will move on.

If you're not interested, no big deal. I don't know.

I'm not interested. Of course I'm interested.

It's embarrassing, but I had a rash.

It was all over my body. It was ringworm or something. I wanted that rash to

clear up before I wanted to take you out for a drink.

Are you kidding?

That's nothing to be embarrassed about. I get it all the time.

Sorry? Oh, yeah. I've had it on and off for months now. I can't seem to shake

it, but whatever, right?

Look, I got this couple there on my chest.

Oh, and these ones on my arm here.

I have some great ones on my back, a nice big group of them. I've got one on

thigh. I think you'd really like it.

It's pretty special.

That's my towel. My towel. Can you see it? Yeah. And this one up here on my

neck. Big one.

Yeah. So why don't we just, I'll grab my stuff and we can go get that drink

tonight. Tonight is not good, but I have your number.

And you'll go. I'll call you.

Why don't you get rid of the...

Boy, I'm blotting.

That's hitting all the right notes.

Really infusing my body with all the... Oh, my God.

Oh, why is that happening?

Oh, why is that... Oh, gosh. Oh, why is that happening?

Bobby, could you get in here for a second, please? What is it?

What's wrong?

You okay?

Oh, yeah.

What's happening?

Would you mind just sitting there while I finish my soup?

lunch time together i'd love that we haven't had lunch together for ages you

don't have to say anything you could just sit there okay you get my lunch and

then we can actually eat something on my top