Original subtitles

Okay, so right now we have left a $2 tip. Good.

No, not awesome. I know none of you have worked in the restaurant industry like

I have, but we have to leave at least 15%. So we're going to have to do this

again. We're going to pass it around. Please put in what you owe, add 15%, and

add tax.

Look, I just had a small salad with easy dressing.

Easy dressing has nothing to do with how much the salad costs.

Simon, I didn't even see you put money in. I just had the water.

Easy ice.

No, you ate half a plate of nachos. Emma ordered those. I got those to share.

I thought you were buying them. I was buying half of them.

And who had four margaritas?

That'd be me.

Did you put in for four margaritas?

No, I did not.

I paid for two margaritas because Bobby ordered me the other two.

No, no, no. I ordered two, but I didn't pay for two. What the hell is that?

At no time did I say, I'm going to buy you a drink.

I ordered you a drink. I did not pay for it. That's pathetic.

Hey, Trudy, because I saw you put in $15, and then you took out a $20.

$5 tip? You're welcome.

Okay. Waitress?

Sorry, could we get separate checks, please, instead of one bill? Thank you.

I'm awesome. No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my

life gone by.

Duncan, Ms. Garland will be shadowing you this week. Ms. Garland?

Uh, why?

As I've already explained to the entire staff, she's taking concurrent education

at university.

This is part of the program.

You want to be a teacher. Well, she's already seen me teach for three years,

sir, so why my class? She's rotating classes.

You're up.

Enjoy, Maya. Thanks, Mike.

Call him Mike, first of all. He told me to. Well, he told me not to.

So what's the plan?

You sit at the back where I can't see you or feel you. You observe.

That means you don't talk, you don't ask questions, and you don't bug me like

you did every day for the past three years. Got it. And I won't correct you

like I did every day for the past three years.

No, don't do that either.

Maya! Hey, Laura. Come sit beside me. Yeah.

Ignore her, everybody.

Hide your wallet.

That's Graham.

He's a new student.

Student here?

Yep. Kind of rough around the edges, don't you think?

You look so poor.

That's a point, Robert. This is Callahan's new initiative.

He's giving underprivileged kids the opportunity to get a private education.

The man's a saint.

Graham, I'm Vice Principal Robert Cheely.

It's nice to meet you.

Eh? Allow me to be the first to welcome you aboard the Xavier train.

I'm going to punch your ticket. What?

To a first -class education.

Robert. Uh -huh?

Get him a uniform, will you?

Gran, right this way.

I think you just have to be really upfront with men. There's nothing wrong

knowing what you want and going after it.

Give me a break.

Jerry, do you have something to add to our conversation?

Yeah, well, you're getting dating advice from a child?

I'm 19.

You know what the word teen stands for?

Teenager. You know, out of the three of us, she's the only one in a

relationship.

I'm 19. I'm in a relationship. We go to the movies.

Teenagers aren't in relationships.

I'm not dating a teenager.

I'm actually dating someone a lot older.

Really? How old is a lot older for you?

Why do you care?

Because if there's a possible child predator lurking, I tend to care, Maya.

Jerry, leave her alone.

He's 33.

How old?

Wow, that is older.

Leave some for the rest of us.

Totally your prerogative. Do you know what a 33 -year -old wants from you,

Do you know? And I have a pretty good idea what I'll be like when I'm 33, so I

know what that guy's thinking.

Does he go to Thailand?

Does he hang out in Thailand?

Does he do that?

You might want to check on that. Have you told your parents?

I'm an adult now.

I don't have to tell my parents everything.

You're an adult.

That's true.

You know, I dated an older guy once.

No, Lisa, you've dated once an older guy.

Big difference.

Thanks, Dad.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Did you guys get rid of the lice? Yes, Bobby.

What a horrible experience.

Oh, thank God for Mr. Malick. His olive oil treatment saved my hair.

He is the lice whisperer. Oh, it just creeps me out.

Oh, I'm just glad I didn't get it. It's still floating around the school,

though. Okay, what?

What are you doing, boobie? I just don't want to get lice, and you have a lot.

You know, I've got hair.

You've been exposed to it. I understand the lice, boobie. My kids had lice. You

know why you don't have them?

Probably because I'm very clean.

I condition daily.

Not saying that you are not clean.

I'm just more clean.

I'm not saying that you're dirty, okay? I think you just do.

You did not get the lice because you are like a man.

Excuse me?

Light is not attracted to testosterone, so, like me, you must have high levels

in your body.

You will probably never get it because... you are like this.

What's so funny?

Nothing, sir. Sorry.

Maya, can I speak to you, please?

Just one second, Jerry.

I'll see you at lunch.

All right, first of all, in front of the students, you call me Mr. Duncan, not

Jerry. Then I'm Miss Garland. Oh, yeah, I forgot you're all grown up now.

Well, welcome to adult world. Guess what? Those aren't your friends anymore.

They're your enemies.

My enemies?

Why? Because there's a line between student and teacher that we can't cross.

So I can't talk to my friends.

You're not listening. You have no more friends here anymore. Do you understand

that? That is gone for you, and you have to establish that early in your

teaching career.

They are not your friends.

You are their boss.

Now, to test that, go into my class, find a student, and rip a strip off

For what? No reason.

Make up a reason. I don't care.

But show them you're a teacher. I can't do that. You see, that's the difference

between kids and adults.

Adults do their job.

Fine.

Good luck.

Are you chewing gum?

Yes. Are you supposed to be chewing gum? No.

What's so interesting about the floor?

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

I was just... You are just screwing up.

I better not have this conversation with you again.

Understood?

Yes, miss.

Good. Gum.

Happy? Welcome to teaching.

She hates you.

And that's gross.

Looks as though Graham is fitting in.

Not fitting into his pants, apparently.

Don't worry, El Capitan.

I'll handle it. No, no, no. Cut him some slack. This is a big change for Graham.

Doesn't mean the rules don't apply.

No, but we can give him a couple of days to settle in. Okay?

Okay.

The tie, Graham.

It's kind of the centerpiece of the entire Xavier uniform.

Some would say it even kind of ties the whole thing together. Who might say

that? I just did. Yes, you did.

So, tie. It's the centerpiece.

I got it.

Cool.

Oh, God, Bill, please go upstairs. We've talked about this.

What are you doing home so early? I thought you had practice.

It got canceled. Can you take your date upstairs so I can watch TV?

Can you pass me the remote, please?

Come on, Bill.

Bill!

Hi, Jerry.

Okay, I'm gonna throw up here, guys.

See you tomorrow, Jerry.

Unbelievable. What?

You mean what? You can't date one of my students.

Was one of your students. Doesn't matter. Once a student, always a

She's off limits, Bill.

Yeah, I mean, if you date her, it'd be weird.

Roommates, too. You can't date any of my former students.

They're off limits. See, this is why I didn't tell you about this, because I

knew you'd make a whole big deal of it. Big deal of it? She's a child, Bill.

She's 19.

Exactly. I dated 19 -year -olds before, and you thought it was great.

I never taught them. I didn't teach Maya.

You gotta end it, so that's it. You gotta end it right now.

I'm sorry, but I really like this one. I thought you really liked this one.

Okay, this conversation's taking a weird turn. Either she goes or I go.

End of story.

See ya.

You're choosing her over me.

Yeah, I am.

Guys, fix the ties.

Graham, walk with me. I need a word.

What now?

What now?

Look, I know what it's like to be the new guy. There's a lot of pressure to

in. Well, you want my advice?

You want to fit in, just follow the rules.

It's so much easier that way.

You know what would make my life easier? For you to get out of my face.

I'm just trying to give you a bit of leeway because I know it's important to

Callahan. So help me help you.

You want to help me?

Let me do my thing. You do yours.

You are my thing, and I'm doing you right now.

What? What? Yo, trust me. You don't get me.

You and your rich lifestyle with your suits and your money.

You ain't got no idea what my life is like.

That's it.

Get your blazer, get it together, and meet me in my office next period.

Capisce?

Hey, Jerry.

Oh, come on. The silent treatment?

Would you grow up?

Actually, Maya, I think the problem here is that you need to grow up before you

start dating someone in their mid -30s. When are you going to accept the fact

that I'm a grown woman?

Because I've taught you. Do you see how that works?

I taught you when you were 15.

So to me, you're always my student. That'll never change.

When I'm 80 and you're 70, you're still my student. Doesn't matter. That's how

it works. Maybe you'll understand that as a teacher.

That's why I care about you. That's why I'm so invested in this and trying to

help you. And that's why right now you just got to me.

Well, I'm sorry, but who I date is not up to you. Well, plant this in your

little head. Well, you should know you're going to be planning Bill's 40th

soon. Isn't that just a few years after you plan yours?

Maybe I can set you up with one of the boys in this class. It's the same thing,

right? No, it's worse, actually, because Bill dating you is like you dating a

five -year -old. It is not the same, and you know it.

Hey, Maya.

Miss Garland to you, Alex.

Hey, maybe, uh, maybe Alex can be your new man.

Really? Sit down, Alex.

You see how ridiculous that sounds?

All right, open your book.

Let's go.

Open up your books.

It's pretty.

A little warm for a winter hat, don't you think?

They have lice. Oh, okay.

They're just heading home.

You don't have to worry, though. You're safe.

Am I?

You know what? You don't have to look so glum.

You know, I like your hat, but I like it better when it's on me.

Zoop.

You know what? Let's really put our heads together on this girl, shall we?

Just put our heads together.

Yeah.

Oh, we'll see.

So let me

get this straight, G.

You think I don't get you?

Nope. Well, this might come as a bit of a surprise to you, but this homie over

here used to be a... Pretty bad apple.

What are you telling me? What am I telling you, dawg?

What you hearing, bruh.

You know what I mean?

But now I'm like, if I want to beat the man, I better dress like that hustler,

G. You know what I'm saying? That's what's real.

You better start dressing like a baller.

Boom.

So you're a baller. That's right, you man.

You know what I mean?

I used to dress like you, you know what I'm saying? Like a little bitch.

Then I was like, hang on a second, dawg.

Problem with the threads that you sport?

When people see you, they like, who that light, weak -ass, white boy?

When people see me, they like, dang, that's some type of shit.

That makes sense. That's right. So why you all up on my grill for then? You

what I mean? You best back up.

So you dress the way you do to hide what you're really doing.

What you think I'm doing, thug?

What are you really doing?

Exactly, because it's working. I threw you off the scissor vent.

Drugs? You looking?

What can you get?

What you want, dog.

Beeps, tranks, bikes, age.

Meep. Anything you can dream of. Ethic.

Robert, you're bringing the cupcakes to the potluck, right?

Sure am, Truders.

What do you think shorty means by cupcakes?

It's code for candy.

Rhymes with rugs.

Feel me?

I feel you.

I feel you.

Hey, ho. Ho.

Dang right, biatch.

Why don't you back your badonkadonk up out my office right nizzle? Beep, beep,

beep. Do you have a death wish?

And do not forget those cupcakes.

Know what I'm saying?

Yes, I'm... Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Oh, is this the little girl talk?

Sorry, woman talk?

Maya was just telling me how great things are going. We were checking out

new burger place tonight.

So you're okay with this, Lisa? Of course I am.

You know, Maya's right. You need to let this go.

You have no problem at all with this scenario?

No. There is nothing wrong with a woman dating an older man.

Just checking.

Because... she's dating Bill.

Your Bill? I would say in this situation, if we're talking about your

probably a little more applicable. But, none of my business.

I'm getting out of here. Sorry to interrupt.

As you were.

Did you two ever...

Quite a bit.

Well, it has been so nice chatting. I'm just going to...

Feel

the pride.

No more.

There they are.

I thought you said he wasn't going to be here.

Relax.

What are the odds? of this.

Hey, guys.

What the hell are you doing here? Better question.

What the hell are you doing here?

Yeah. What, I'm not allowed to take a student out for a burger after school?

Are you allowed to take a student out for a burger after school? Yeah. If you

tell their parents they need extra help.

And I don't have to be home till nine. So let's get this party started.

Hey, Maya.

Miss Garland to you, Alec.

That's how you want to play.

What are you doing? This isn't funny.

It's not meant to be funny. I want to show you that the age difference between

them is actually very similar to this. And that's... Them dating is like you

dating. Not the same thing, Jerry.

It's not the same at all. He could be our son.

Look at us, Jerry. We're a happy little family.

What?

No, I'm just... I'm making a point.

I see what you're doing. And it's not going to work because we are two

consenting adults. And you've got to get it into your head. It's not up to you

if we're dating or if we move in together.

You two are moving in together? What are you talking about?

It's just like a hypothetical.

I'll see you at home.

Hi, Dad.

Thank you, Alex.

I don't have any money.

Then why'd you say I got this?

I got caught up in the movie.

Put the bill back on the table.

Okay. Walk away.

Changed his mind.

My date changed his mind.

Boobie? Yeah?

What are you wearing?

Oh, this.

Nothing. It's just, it's what I always wear when I go out.

I think it's pretty obvious that the lights were wrong.

Don't blame the lights, Boobie.

Lights do not judge.

Okay, all I'm saying... All I'm saying is that

I'm not going to let a bunch of lights tell me that I'm not a woman.

Got it?

I got this.

You say so.

Hi. Hi, sir.

Good night, Robert. Peace out, bitch.

Idiot. I have to let you in on a little secret about Graham.

Uh -oh.

He's actually an undercover police officer.

Shut up.

I knew there was something shifty about that kid.

You didn't tell Robert, did you? Of course not. You know Robert. Blow his

somehow. I know.

He cannot keep a secret.

Or a woman.

Manages to hang on to this job, though, doesn't he?

So why do we need a narc here?

It's not a big deal, but somebody's selling marijuana on the school

Do they know who she is?

What makes you think it's a woman?

What makes you think it's a man?

What? What?

Where's Maya?

It's just me. Good. I'd like to have a night without Maya for once.

She broke up with me.

Oh, man.

I'm real sorry to hear that, Bill.

Nice try.

You're actually really upset about this?

No. It's no big deal.

Beat me to it.

It just doesn't feel good to get dumped, right?

Well, with any consolation, Bill, as they say, there's a lot of other high

schools out there filled with girls like Maya just waiting for their adult man

to come whisk them away.

I don't need this from you, Jerry.

Well, come on, we'll go for a burger.

Teen burger, huh?

Comes with a little airplane.

Want to do that?

I wouldn't mind being alone, if you don't mind.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, uh, well, I'll be upstairs if you need me. Okay. Okay.

Okay.

You're not staring out the window with a slow song playing in your head right

now, are you?

No.

All right. I thought that's what you were doing.

Look at the parking guy.

So you're saying you never dealt around the school?

No, of course not. And you don't know anything about cupcakes?

Just the...

ones that harden your arteries.

Do you think this is a joke, funny man? No, I don't think it's a joke. I'm

sorry.

It's just my head's a little itchy.

What did you say?

Sorry. I think I have lice.

Whoa. Aren't lice repelled by testosterone?

Yeah, I think that's true.

Little lady got a scratchy head.

Princess need a new hair treatment?

Maybe she could get her nails done at the spa at the same time.

Hang on.

I know what you guys are doing. I've seen it on cop shows.

Good cop.

Cop a feel.

No?

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