Original subtitles

Here are your morning announcements.

I'd like to remind my student council that we have a meeting after school.

We'd also like to congratulate the girls' softball team, who took down St.

2 -0.

Next Wednesday, the chess club will be meeting in Miss Amar's class, as the

cafeteria will be closed after school.

So how did it go?

Good.

And bad.

I want details.

Oh, God.

Hey, Stephen, give me your seat.

Why? Don't ask why. Just do as you're told.

Thank you. Bye -bye.

Here, Stephen.

You're not looking too good, Mr. James. Not now, Jimmy. Oh, hey, that's a nice

shiner, man.

We should see the other guys.

There's like six of them.

Okay? Oh, I bet. So one guy got a shot at it.

Right? Yeah.

You're lucky you weren't there. Grass cutter.

Okay, what happened after I left?

I'm awesome.

No, you're not, dude. Don't lie.

I'm awesome. I'm driving around in my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my

life gone by.

I'm awesome.

Everyone,

I'd like to raise a glass to you all in recognition of all your hard work.

School can be like a rudderless ship without the efforts and dedication of a

hardworking crew.

Here's to all of you.

Thank you.

Cheers, everyone.

And?

You know, when I think of our little ragtag gang, which I often do, I like to

think of it as a family. And much like a family, you don't have to like the

members of your family, but you do have to love them. Robert.

If I'm being honest. Robert, sit down.

Sir, is this open bar for us? No.

You know what we should do?

Let's play the compliment game.

I gotta go? No, no, no, it's fine.

Okay. I don't have anything nice to say about you anyway.

Here's how it works.

We'll go counterclockwise. I'll start with you. I'll pay a compliment, and

you can pay it forward or pay it backward, whatever you like.

The word father in the dictionary... Be back. Okay, I'll get him later.

Um... Lisa.

You're in my compliment scope.

You are easily the most consistently organized...

And I continue to be amazed.

And you're clean.

Aww. Cheers. Thank you, Robert.

So, um, your turn.

Huh? Go.

Simon, you probably have something nice to say to Robert, hey?

Don't overthink it. Just say something.

Aww.

Yeah.

That's the teacher party.

Late.

I have to stay, though, because Callahan arranged it. Once he leaves, I leave.

Give a couple hours, man.

Alcohol plus time. It's an equation that always equals fun.

There's no fun to be had tonight with them.

Can't all be wild like you.

True. Is that kiwi watermelon?

Want me to get you another one? Why? It's half full.

Trying to get me wasted?

Wow. Sir, I did not realize your life outside of work was so interesting.

You know, just because you work here now, Jimmy, doesn't mean you can talk to

when I'm here. So just stay away from me.

I got to clean this section, sir.

Jimmy, it's incredibly thorough.

Thank you. You know, you travel with a pretty crazy crowd.

What's the after party?

Busting out the back end of the table?

Okay, I'm only here because I have to be. That is my crowd.

Look at that.

Right there.

In a normal situation, I'd be sitting with them.

Because beautiful people hang out with beautiful people.

That girl. See that girl with the short hair?

That's my girl. And at the end of the night, you know what happened? I'd go

with that group of people. We'd party some more.

Probably skinny dip with some cops, some watermelons.

That's what's going to happen.

That girl.

Yeah, right. She would never talk to me. She would never talk to her.

I mean, if she were your therapist, then she'd have to talk to you by the law.

But besides that, no.

I don't see it happening. Suddenly you're a funny guy. Can't spell cat and

you're 21.

I'll show you both how I can talk to that girl.

You can learn something, little boy.

Another one of these. I've got to get a little tipsy before I go.

No, I get it. That's good.

I really like your dress, Mom. What?

Oh, this is just so fun. What I meant was you clean it real nicely.

Oh, that's who you are. You're clean.

You're nice. You're a clean guy.

Ow!

Sorry. Did it kick you?

Yeah. It was just like a playful tap, like a tap.

Oh, I know what you're going to say. Do you?

Because I'm speechless.

He's just so pretty, you know? It makes me nervous.

Well, I heard that his marriage is over.

Hello. So, keep kicking.

Cheers.

Yoga instructor.

Excuse me? You teach yoga.

Not exactly.

Really? I'm usually bang on with that.

It's a useful skill to have.

It's a skill, all right. That guy there?

Wow.

You are funny.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, uh... I got that.

Seriously? It looked like I'm joking.

It's very generous of you.

You can be generous when you make $51 ,000 a year.

Sorry? 51 G's come into my house.

I have a roommate.

Is that net?

Net.

Right. Thank you for that. You're welcome. I will be getting back to my

Whoa!

You sneaky devil.

I'm not getting the whole table.

$245.

Brain egg.

I'll give you $42 for your portion.

No, that's fine.

Good to meet you. Smooth.

Thank you.

Where's lover man?

Flyer? No, he said he was tired. He was going to go home.

Well, then why aren't you going with him? Come on, get in there. I tried.

just not picking up what I'm throwing down.

May I join you fine ladies?

No. Cheers.

I should do that with you.

Oh, Jimmy, the chick magnet. I get it. Tight sleeves, good hair,

dreamy eyes.

Sink into those eyes.

Oh, to be Jimmy for a day. First of all.

It wouldn't have even mattered if it wasn't for me.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I softened her up. Now you're cutting my grass.

Your heat melted the icy exterior, and now Jimmy's enjoying the chewy center.

What are you talking about?

He's never going to get her.

She's a woman. He's a boy.

Still, poor form, Jimmy.

Poor form.

No.

I'm going to get her back.

You know what?

The Jerry I know would never take things lying down.

Thanks, bud.

Jerry Smithers. I went to sleepaway camp with him. He was a bulldog. Used to get

in arguments every day with the stuff. I kicked out on the second day of camp.

Great story, Simon.

You could really take a page out of that Jerry's book.

I won't. Because the other Jerry I know has a heart of gold once you get to know

him. Stop it.

Jerry White.

High school friend.

He's a deaf mute, but if you read some of the things he wrote, oh my goodness.

He was a poet. Can I just be alone right now for a second?

Stay strong.

You know, there's a third Jerry I know. Oh, wouldn't there be a third Jerry? And

that Jerry never gives up. Right.

What's that Jerry's last name?

D.

That's not a last name.

That's you.

I'm not, my last name's not D, it's Duncan.

What? The kids call me Mr. D, but it stands for Duncan. Jerry Duncan's my

Since when?

What are you, are you kidding me? Lord.

What do you think, I'm D period?

Duncan. Holy mackerel. You're not helping.

Duncan.

No, I don't like that. All right.

I've got to reassess things.

Okay, what are you doing? Get away. Why did you come here?

I don't even remember.

Thanks again, Ms. Mason, for letting me shadow you for the next few weeks. I

also volunteered at a school when I started studying education.

Well, here's the teaching.

Gin and tonic?

Oh, no, thank you. I'm going to stick with my soda water tonight.

That's no fun.

You know, he's, uh...

Bus boy, right?

Excuse me?

Probably makes about $20 ,000 a year.

Or maybe tops.

We were actually in the middle of having a conversation.

Yeah, come on, Mr. D.

Don't call me that here.

Okay, you know what? Why don't you go hang out with, I don't know, Mr. Cheely

over there? He seems like your speed.

Yeah, no, I think I'll hang out here because... Simon! Come here!

Quick, quick, quick!

Hold the chair. Hold the chair. I'm going to go up on the bar. Hold the

You hold this chair.

Okay, now you stay there. No, no, no, stay there. No, don't come up. I need

to stay there and do the back up, okay?

So many times before now, baby.

That's why.

No, you were mad. That's what did it. Don't push me, Bill.

Damn it.

Scooch in. No, no, no, no. No, Scooch in. I'm going to get going.

No, I think you might want to hang around a little bit. I have had enough,

want to go home.

The night is young, Bobby, and I took care of it.

What?

I laid the groundwork.

Okay, what kind of groundwork?

He's ripe for the picking.

English. I don't know what you're saying.

I gave him a little something, and he won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

My God, you drugged him?

No, I did not. Okay. I just gave him a few Jaeger bombs.

Hi!

You're welcome.

Well, Maya, this is a work event, and you'll learn when you become a teacher

that you can go out with colleagues so long as you keep it professional.

What's the worst that could happen?

Sometimes when people drink, they say and do things they regret.

Come on, let your hair down. Don't be so boring. Do you think I'm boring? Is

that what the students are saying? Do you know how exhausting it can be to

always be the responsible one every single day? Do you know how tiring that

All right, ladies, I'm out of here. Have fun.

Not too much fun.

What am I saying? You?

I'll see you tomorrow.

Don't feel bad, buddy. We all lose it eventually.

I haven't lost it. That's a good point. You can't really lose something you

never had. Oh, God.

Is this seat taken?

No, it's all yours.

Emma. Oh, Jerry. Hi.

Well, that was a great performance earlier, Jerry.

I love that song.

Oh, me too. Thank you, Emma.

You know, my friend and I were saying you've got some great moves, too.

Oh, so someone did notice. Thank you.

You got that.

Really open hips.

Yeah.

Do you ever train in ballet?

No. I stretch.

A lot.

Well, it shows.

Do you want a drink, Emma?

Cooler? Two banana raspberries. Me and my friend were just leaving.

Ah, too bad for me.

But see, why don't you join us?

You know, see where the night takes us.

You mean...

Be fun, right?

Yes. Are you listening to this? Oh, yeah.

Woo!

Is that what you're saying?

Oh, man.

No drinks, because I'm leaving with Emma and her friend.

So you can handle that?

Can I handle it? You think I can handle it? Yeah.

Apparently, Emma and her friend think I can handle it.

He's into it.

I am, duh.

Terry, this is my husband, Ted.

Blue.

You already said yes.

Who refers to their husband as their friend in a... Well, of course he's my

friend. He's my best friend. Why wouldn't I got married otherwise?

Is there a problem?

There's a problem. Because you tricked me. You tricked me.

And I don't have to follow through because I said yes. All right? But no

uses the word friend in that way and then substitutes a

burly -looking husband.

Sorry. So are you coming?

No, I'm not coming.

All right, let's go.

Well, it was very nice to meet you anyway.

Yeah, nice to meet you too.

Weirdo. I think you ruined their night.

Oh, here he comes.

Don't come over here.

Please, Paul.

Don't come near me. Don't come near me. Don't come near me.

Oh, gosh, Paul.

Please stop.

Get your hands off me.

Stop.

Can you stop?

Did you just see what happened?

Jimmy leaving with your chewy core.

Yeah. He's unstoppable.

No. I just got propositioned by a woman.

No. For a threesome. No way. Yes way.

Oh. Two guys, one girl. I'm just saying.

For a threesome. What's going on? Why are you still here?

I'm not going to go home with a girl and a guy.

It sends quite a message to Jimmy. You make sure you tell him I got to tell

Yeah, I'll let him know.

Absolutely.

Which message?

That I'm a man, he's a boy, and I'm not past my prime. He knows that. I don't

think he's going to get that.

Who would he think he is with a young buck attitude and a strong physique?

I'm strong.

Very strong.

Jimmy's probably a bit stronger, but you're a strong man, for sure. I'm

than Jimmy. I'm stronger than you, and I'm stronger than you. All right, see

strong you are, Jimmy.

No, put your arm just like this. Okay.

Up. Like that? I'm going to pull your fist down.

You're going to what? I'm going to pull your fist down. Really?

I'm going to lend this some thought. Bill, shut up. Bill, shut your mouth,

please. Show them how strong I am. You're not going to pull my fist down

those weak arms.

Oh, okay.

Let's go. Come on. Do it, Jerry. Pull really hard. What a man you are. I know

what to do.

Pull hard.

Pull hard. Be a man.

Jerry! Bye -bye!

Come on, Jerry. That's a stupid game. Why would you do that? I can't believe

didn't know that.

Leapstompers? Yep.

Let's not talk about this ever again, K. Robert.

On the DL?

Yeah. Gotcha.

Who's gonna walk this off?

Thank you, Benjamin. Thank you, Natalie.

Before we wrap up today's assembly, I just want to take this opportunity to

introduce you to Xavier Academy's new librarian.

Please join me in giving a warm welcome to Ms.

Turdy. Turdy. Ms. Turdy. I beg your pardon. Please join me in welcoming Mr.

Hi, Mr. D.

Are you kidding me?

Can you believe that? Another Mr.

D. It's not Mr. D. She's Miss Turdy. Miss Turdy. Miss Turdy. Miss Turdy. Miss

Turdy. Thank you.

I'm very excited to be joining the staff at Xavier Academy, and I'm looking

forward to seeing you all between the covers of the book at the library.

She seems nice.

Okay.

Thank you, Mr. D.

All right, let's get out there.

Study hard.

Dismissed.

I like your hammock, Mason. It's so fun.

Oh, thank you.

Just trying something different.

Oh, my God.

Oh, look at this. This is a little, yeah, well, got in a fight.

Anyway, I'm sure this is a bit uncomfortable for you more, but I just

to know that I'm not going to bring up what you said to me last night.

What did I say to you last night?

Tried to get me to come home with you and your husband at the bar. What do you

mean? What did you say?

I have no idea what you're talking about. Hey, secrets.

I'm fine with that.

Speaking of secrets, you should know that I am Mr. Duncan, but the kids call

Mr. D, so maybe they could just call you Emma because you're not really a

teacher anyway.

Well, my name is Mr. D.

We both can't be Mr.

D. My name is Mr.

D. It's not shortened. There is no short form.

It's the whole thing. I'll go with Miss Turd. My name is Mr. D. I'm Mr. D. I'm

Mr. D, the boss of the library, okay? Miss Turd.

I'm excited to work with you.

Work period, everyone.

Work period.

Work period.

Yeah.

Why are you what, sir?

All right, we're not going to do work today.

We are going to play a little game called Heads Up, Seven Up.

So shut your eyes, put your heads on your

desk, and let's play.

Sir, aren't you supposed to pick seven people?

Yeah, we're not doing that part today, okay?

Too many fruity flavor.

jerryd .com