All language subtitles for maude_s05e21_arthur_s_new_best_friend

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. She
didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud. And then there's
mud.

And then there's mud.

That'll compromise and enterprise and
anything but tranquilize. Right on,

Then add one half cup melted butter and
the yolks of two eggs. Stir well and

spread generously across the breasts and
legs.

What do you think, Maude?

Oh, it sounds fabulous.

A little kinky, but fabulous.

Here's another one. Goose. Vivian,
Vivian, if it's all right with you.

I really don't want to hear any more
recipes from the joy of chicken.

What's the matter with you today, Ma?

Vivian, I'm worried about Walter.

Why? I think he and Arthur have had a
falling out.

Oh, I don't think so. Aren't they
playing golf together?

No. Walter is playing with UB Binder.

The foot doctor?

The one who does Elizabeth Taylor's
toes?

She owes him a lot. He stayed with her
through ten toes and six husbands.

Well... If Walter's playing with Hubie
Binder, then Arthur must be playing with

somebody else.

That's exactly my point, Vivian. It has
been two weeks now since Arthur and

Walter have done any of their dumb buddy
stuff together.

They haven't gone bowling. They haven't
been fishing. They haven't even watched

Charlie's Angels together.

You know how they both rave about Farrah
Fawcett Major's acting ability?

Oh, I love her.

QB. Hi, Mrs. Finley. Oh, hello, Mrs.
Harmon. Dr. Binder.

Tell me, how was the game? Oh, great.
Thanks to Walter's tips, I shot my

score ever. Yeah, 168.

First time I shattered the 200 mark.

You also got a birdie. A birdie?

Oh.

Well, that's good, isn't it?

He was looking for a lost ball in the
woods and he stepped on a sparrow.

I think it's going to be all right. I'm
taking it to the vet.

I have it outside in my glove
compartment.

Well, I'd better go on home, Molly.

Hey, the joy of chicken. Is that any
good?

It's pretty good. It doesn't have
everything you'd want.

Yeah, there aren't any sparrow recipes.

Bye, Molly.

I'll see you later, Ben. Say, Walter,
I'm awful sorry about that sparrow.

and about the Ovaltine you spilled on me
in the clubhouse. Well, that was an

accident. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Why are you so upset? It's only a game.

Listen, have you guys eaten? I'm going
to fix some lunch.

Oh, great. I'm starving.

Then go eat out.

Walter. Stop being so rude. I'm not
being rude. It's more important for you

get to the vet to save the sparrow.
Right. So get out.

Thanks.

Walter, there is absolutely no excuse
for being rude to Hubie just because you

had a fight with Arthur.

How could I have a fight with Arthur? I
haven't even seen him in two weeks.

He's too busy running around with
Wendell Glendale.

Wendell Glendale? That pompous bore!

Arthur's been out with him every night
this week.

I'll bet he's playing golf with him
right now.

All Arthur can think of lately is
Wendell, Wendell, Wendell.

What the hell is he seeing, that guy?

Oh, come on now, honey. Don't you think
you're overreacting? Why shouldn't I

overreact? Arthur and I have been best
friends for 33 years. All of a sudden,

it's over.

How could he duck me for a guy like
that?

Well, honey, be thankful for one thing.

What? At least there aren't any children
involved.

That's probably Hubie. I'll bet he's
lost a sparrow.

Hi, Marty. Hello, Walter. You're my good
friend Wendell Glendale, don't you? Of

course. Hello, Walter.

Look who's here. Arthur Harmon and his
good friend Wendell Glendale. Hello,

Walter. Hello, Wendell. Hello, Walt.

How's the suds business?

What? What?

That's what I call appliances art.

Suds business. You know.

Washers, dryers, suds.

Isn't this some kind of a guy, huh?

You see, Walt, when I ask, how's the
suds business, you should say, bubbling

along.

It's bubbling along.

No, not now. The next time I ask.

Walter, I'll go write that down for you.
It's okay, Maude. I got it. Sit down,

Wendell. Sit down. Hey, Walter.

We just stopped by to return your
favorite putter. Thanks.

Wendell says he thinks it isn't right
for me.

Boy, I don't think I've seen you since I
borrowed that thing, Walter. It must be

two weeks.

Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.

I've been very busy.

For instance, I was out today with Yubi
Binder.

How is he? He'll be a golfer?

Some people say he's a golfer. Some
people say he's a hunter.

What did you guys play today? I didn't
see you at the club.

Oh, no, no. We played at Wendell's club.
It is fabulous. I thought Arthur would

prefer it.

You meet a better class of people than
at your club. That's right.

You see, it's restricted.

Restricted? Oh, don't get me wrong.

No, we accept all races, colors, and
creeds.

When I say restricted, I mean we only
try to keep out the riffraff.

Tell me, how many black members do you
have?

Oh, none.

So far, all that have asked to join have
been riffraffs. Good luck in the draw.

Oh, that is the point, Art.

If you gentlemen will excuse me, I have
work in the kitchen. Oh, wait a minute,

Marty. We want you and Walter to see
these pictures at Wendell's Club.

Get a load of this.

That is the first tee.

Wendell, I am sorry I misjudged you.

Why, this isn't a restricted club after
all.

What do you mean?

You see, there are three riffraffs there
mowing the fairway.

Come on, you're pulling my leg.

Well, here we go, Walt.

Now, there's our tennis court. Huh? Huh?
And, uh... That's the snack bar, right?

Oh, and this is kind of special.

The Calvin Coolidge Memorial Jacuzzi.

Very impressive.

Oh, no, no, you keep it. That one's for
you, boy.

And, Walter, you should see Wendell's
boat.

It's a North Sea trawler. It is
enormous. Wendell, you have your own

-going fishing boat?

Well, it belongs to me in the bank.

Of course, I own the bank.

Yeah, Wendell's taking me out fishing
this Saturday. Oh, wow, that sounds

Say, Walt, you sound like you've never
even seen a North Sea trawler.

I haven't. Well, that's not right.

Say, Art, don't you think it's about
time Walt here saw a North Sea trawler?

most certainly do.

Listen, Walt, I'm picking Art up at
about... 10 o 'clock, next Saturday

Next Saturday morning?

I'm free Saturday.

Well, why don't the two of us drop on
over here around 10 .05?

Great. Terrific. Good.

Let's make it happen, huh?

Come on, Artie, let's go. Okay. See you,
Wally. See you, Wally. Goodbye, Artie.

Goodbye, Wendy.

That's Wendell.

Oh, thank heaven you got rid of him.
Boy, I think Wendell and I are going to

friends. He's taking me out on his boat.

Walter, how can you possibly be friends
with a man who's insensitive,

prejudiced, pompous, and boring?

You've got to take the good with the
bad.

Okay, Arthur, I'll tell him.

Honey, Arthur just called. He and
Wendell are on their way over.

What?

Get a load of this.

What do you think, Maud?

I think you look like a big banana.

Don't laugh, Maud. Out there on the high
seas, it's important to have the right

equipment.

Now I understand.

You tricked the fish into thinking
you're a school crossing guard.

After all, Mort, fish do travel in
schools.

Hey, do you think Wendell will like that
joke?

I'm sure he'll adore it.

That's your problem. Listen, honey, I
made you a little snack. I do think you

should eat something before you leave.
Ship, ahoy!

Bye, guys!

How's the suds business?

Bubbling along.

Bubbling along.

Well, Walter, are you ready for that
look at a North Sea trawler? I can

wait. Good, because here it is.

Isn't that a beauty mod?

I don't understand. What is this?

It's my boat, Walt.

I promised you I'd show it to you this
morning, and I'm a man of my word. I

got these photos back last night, and
that copy is just for you.

You can keep it.

Suitable for framing.

Isn't he some kind of guy?

Generous to a fault.

Hey, Walt, what's with the outfit?

Did you hear a weather report we ought
to know about?

No, no, uh... No, of course not.

He was getting ready to go to a Save the
Porpoise rally.

Well, I'm all for saving porpoises.

Up to a point.

Well, we better get going, Art. Those
fish aren't going to wait for us.

I'll bring you back some fish.

And hey, we'll have lunch sometime,
right?

Honey, I'm sorry.

I don't guess you'll be interested in
the snack I made you.

Tuna salad.

Well, there's no sense in wasting this
outfit.

I think I'll go upstairs and take a
shower.

Oh, honey, what a crushing blow.

I mean, your best friend for 33 years
doing this to you.

Oh, honey, I want you to know that I
share your pain.

I want you to just feel free to let all
the hurt out because I'm right here

beside you.

And Walter, I think... Walter?

Walter? Yeah, Walter!

Walter, what are you doing there?

I was going to watch Mr. Rogers'
Neighborhood.

Mr. Rogers?

You mean that show on public TV with a
man in a sweater who puts on his tennis

shoes and sings It's a Beautiful Day in
the Neighborhood?

Look at us, a children's show.

I know.

Oh, honey, I understand.

Mr. Rogers is a very gentle, comforting
person. He looks you straight in the eye

and says, I like you just the way you
are.

You need something like that right now.
That's not why I want to watch it. He's

got this young chick on his show, Lady
Abilene.

Walter, it's indecent to watch Mr.

Rogers' Neighborhood just to look at
girls.

What? She happens to be a very fine
actress.

I'll bet she's not as good as Farrah
Fawcett Majors.

More, this is a kiddie's program.

They don't let her show as much... Uh...
As much... As much

what? Emotion.

Or hair.

Walter, honey, don't you realize what
you're doing?

Walter, you're repressing your hurt
feelings. Now, that isn't good for you.

doesn't bother me, Maude, not a bit.

Now, look, I know how to roll with the
punches, Maude. I'm an adult. I'm not a

little kid. Now, leave me alone. I want
to watch Mr. Rogers.

Mr. Rogers' neighborhood, usually seen
at this time, will not be seen today

because of the following public
television special presentation.

The international oil companies are
friendly giants.

What do you mean Mr. Rogers isn't on?
It's got to be on.

Please, please, maybe you can watch
somebody else like Captain Kangaroo.

Captain Kangaroo is a jerk.

You've got to pull yourself together.
You're just falling apart.

Now listen, I want you to stand up like
a man and face the facts.

Mr. Rogers is not on today.

Darling, you're taking this all too
seriously.

Ah, Mr. Rogers doesn't care. Nobody
cares.

I care.

But Arthur doesn't care.

Oh, my God.

Walter, what is it? Do you know what I
just realized?

Arthur is the only friend I've got.

I mean, I've got acquaintances.

I mean, guys to have a laugh with.

But friendship?

I'm losing the only friend I got in the
whole world.

Walter, you've got me.

You don't count.

Wife is different.

I mean, you're a friend, but you're not
a friend. I mean, somebody will punch

you in the stomach just out of love for
you. You've never done that, Mort. I

could practice, Walter.

You know, Arthur was the only close
friend I ever had.

I mean, ever since I was a pudgy little
kid in the Army, you know, away from

home for the first time.

He was always there when you needed him.
Oh, I'll say.

You know, when I first went into the
Army, I never got any letters from home.

And after a while, I started getting a
couple of letters a week from Mom and

Dad. And Arthur was responsible for
that.

Oh, you mean he wrote and told your
folks to write, too? Well, that's what I

thought. But after a while, I found out
that he wrote those letters himself.

And he signed Mom and Dad.

Sweet.

But how did you find out?

Well, eventually I put two and two
together.

How? He wrote them on Army stationery.

That's love, Maud. And I love Arthur.
And he used to love me. Oh, come on.

honey, he still loves you.

And that's why you're just going to wait
this out, Walter, because you love

Arthur, too. You're going to be patient
and understanding and just wait until

Arthur comes to his senses. That might
be good, but actually what I had in mind

was writing all over his windshield with
a bar of soap.

Walter, Arthur is the only close friend
you ever had. You just said so yourself.

He used to be the only close friend they
ever had. Now I have a new close

friend. Who?

Hubie Binder.

Hubie Binder, the bird man of Tuckahoe?

Hubie is a great guy, Mort, and after a
few golf lessons, he'll be a great

friend.

He's also a terrific doctor, better than
Arthur.

Do you know that in 25 years of
practicing medicine, he has only lost

patient on the operating table?

Walter, Hubie Binder is a foot doctor.

It's still impressive.

I'm going to call Hubie right now. Come
on, Walter. Please don't call Hubie.

Listen, Walter, Walter. Tomorrow night,
Viv and Arthur are coming over here to

play bridge.

Sweetheart, why don't you talk it all
out with Arthur and resolve the whole

thing? What time are they coming over?

About eight.

Hello, Hubie, Walter.

Say, I was wondering whether you're free
for bridge tomorrow night around eight

o 'clock.

That's all right. We can teach you.

Is that parked out in your driveway?

Oh, that's Hubie Binders.

There's a very unpleasant odor coming
from his glove compartment.

I know.

Walter asked him over to play bridge
with us.

Oh, is Hubie a bridge player?

Some people say he's a bridge player.
Some people say he's a hunter.

Walter, I want to get this absolutely
right.

You say that the partners sit opposite
each other?

Walter, maybe tonight we should just let
Hubie watch.

Don't worry about my pal Hubie Moore.
He'll do just fine.

Hi, Viv. Hi, Walter.

Hello, Dr. Binder. Hi, Mrs. Harmon.

Where's Arthur?

Oh, he called and said he'd be a little
late.

Oh, who needs him? I got my buddy Hubie.
He's the best there is.

Hey, Walter, which one's on a spades and
which one's on a club?

Try to work it out yourself, Hubie.

Hello, everybody.

Oh, hi. You made it after all. Now we
can start the game.

By the way, Arthur, Hubie's my partner.

You can watch.

Walter, can I talk to you?

Sure, go ahead.

No. I mean alone.

Arthur, anything you have to say to me,
you can say in front of my good pal,

Hubie. Ow.

Uh, Hubie.

Hubie, why don't you come into the
kitchen with me, huh? And Vivian, you

You can help me with the tip.

Maude, that's no way to talk about
Hubie.

Listen, Walter.

I need somebody to talk to.

Where were you tonight?

I was held up.

Don't hand me that. I know where you
are. You were out with Wendell Glendale.

What if I was?

Wendell and I are just acquaintances. He
doesn't mean a thing to me.

You'd expect me to believe that.

What about you and Hubie Binder?

You two have become very chummy lately,
haven't you?

Sure, but that's your fault. You drove
me to him.

supposed to do? Sit home and wait for
the phone to ring?

All right, Walter.

Since you insist, I'll tell you
everything.

I am Wendell's doctor.

He's a very sick man.

That's why I've been spending time with
him.

He may only have a few months.

Oh, Arthur, is that true?

No.

You lied to me. You never used to lie to
me. All right.

What was I supposed to tell you?

That Wendell has a radiology company
that I only went out with him so I could

get an x -ray machine wholesale?

There, I've said it.

running around with Wendell Glendale
just to get an x -ray machine wholesale?

Arthur, there's a word for men like you.

Don't do this to me, Walter.

I feel bad enough as it is.

I come to you for support.

What do I get?

I'll tell you what I get.

Criticism. That's what I get.

Arthur, what is it?

It's Wendell.

What happened?

Well, tonight seemed like a good time to
ask him about the x -ray machine.

So, over cocktails, I asked him

where we stood.

He said, no, Walter.

No wholesale price. No discount price.

That guy was leading me on, Walter.

I feel so cheap.

I'm hurt, Arthur.

Do you want to know why I'm hurt?

I'll tell you why I'm hurt.

I'm hurt because you turned to a
stranger instead of coming to me. That

hurts.

Coming to you?

I'm in the appliance business.

I got a lot of connections.

I could get you a discount on an x -ray
machine.

You can?

Of course I can!

Oh, Walter.

I've been such a fool.

I'm sorry.

You know what friendship means, Arthur?

I'll tell you what friendship means.

Friendship means never having to say
you're sorry.

That's what friendship means.

Hey.

You're quite a guy, Walter.

Hey.

Hey, stop them. They're fighting.

Now, don't worry about it, Hubie. That's
the way friends behave.

Really? Walter's never punched me.

He's come very close.

Well, now that that's settled, let's
play bridge.

Oh, I don't want to play bridge tonight.
Come on.

I like policewoman.

Hubie.

Hubie, you mean you don't know anything
at all about cards?

No, not really.

Oh, Hubie.

Hubie, don't worry.

We'll teach you. Come on, sit down.

We're going to play a little game called
Spit in the Ocean. Ten cents.