Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first proper to. Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's one rider now.

That's right, Walter Findlay.

Oh, he hasn't checked into the hotel yet. Oh, well, I wonder, would you

the moment he arrives, give him a message? It's urgent.

Yes, tell him that his wife called and said, would he please hurry home?

Someone is going to kill her.

Thank you.

Who is it?

Police department.

May I please see your identification?

Oh, thank God you are the police.

Will

you

please take your hand out of my door? You're making me nervous.

Mrs. Findlay?

I'm Detective Bronson. This is Detective Kennedy. How do you do? Come in, come

in. I'm sorry about the hand and about asking you for identification, but,

you don't look like the Fuzz.

You're a plain clothesman, then.

Mrs. Findlay, the report says that you believe a man is out to kill you. Is

right? That is right. He's called three times today with threats.

He keeps saying, tonight is the night. Do you have any idea who it is? Yes.

He's a painter.

Painter. Yes.

I hired him last Tuesday to paint the bedroom and the den. Can you give us a

description? Well, the bedroom is a chocolate brown.

And I was going to do the den in a suspect.

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, he's a man in his early 30s.

About six feet tall.

Around 180 pounds.

180 pounds.

Swarthy complexion, black hair, fiery brown eyes.

No, make that piercing brown.

And when he takes off his tank top, which is often, he has something sexy

Greek tattooed across his chest.

Did he tell you what it meant?

Constantly.

What is the suspect's name?

Oh, Zorba Apadopoulos.

Oh, he's Greek.

Yes, and very, very hot -tempered.

Oh, I know this sounds crazy. I mean, a man comes into my house to paint, and

it's so overcome with emotion that he says, if he can't have me, nobody will.

Now, I sit here terrified.

Like, I feel like Helen Hayes in a movie of the week.

Make that Elizabeth Montgomery.

You know, sometimes these things get somewhat exaggerated.

We've found that women very often imagine that workmen in the house are

advances. I assure you, this was not my imagination.

At first, I was willing to chalk it up to the fact that possibly he was high

from the paint fume.

Or the wine.

He brought wine to her?

Oh, no, I gave it to him.

Gave him wine.

You can't serve a man feta cheese and Greek olives without red wine.

Do you always do this for workmen in the house?

Only painters.

You see, you've got to keep painters happy.

Especially if you change the color on the wall three times in one day.

I kept him happy, but I did not show him a good time.

Mrs. Findlay, are you certain that you didn't do anything to encourage him? Oh,

absolutely not.

If he mistook my kindness for willingness, it's only because he thinks

totally irresistible.

On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't have danced with him.

You danced with him.

Well, yes, I told you that I changed the color on the wall three times. So when

he finally hit just the right shade of beige, well, we were both so overjoyed

that we... Well,

I thought it was completely innocent.

But that's when he started making advances.

Yes. Now, what happened?

Well, I laughed.

And he didn't like that.

Apparently, you're not supposed to laugh at a Greek in a bedroom.

Mrs. Finley, what time does your husband get home from work?

You see, officer, that's the problem. He's in New York on business. But I did

leave a message at the hotel. Well, I'm sure he'll come home as soon as he gets

the message. Oh, of course, of course. And until then, I think we can handle

this with two policemen at the front door, two at the back door, and inside

here, maybe just a little SWAT team.

Finley, I'm, um... I'm afraid that all we can do is have a patrol car drive by

every once in a while. A patrol car? Don't you understand?

A man is going to kill me. He called not 20 minutes ago and said tonight is the

night. I'm sorry, but a patrol car is the best we can do. Mr. Spindley, if

you're this frightened, why don't you ask someone to sleep over tonight?

Oh, well, someone is sleeping over. My neighbor, Vivian Harmon. You see, her

husband is a doctor, and he's on emergency duty tonight, and she's afraid

alone. Why don't you gentlemen join us?

You're not in any danger. I can only remember one case where a man actually

carried out his threat. Oh, yeah, about three years ago. That guy who murdered

the waitress when she turned him down. The guy that was never caught.

I mean, he strangled her right there in that little restaurant.

What was the name of that restaurant?

The Acropolis Cafe.

Mrs. Findlay, we're going to have a patrol car make periodic checks.

Now just bolt the doors, lock the windows, and pull down the shades.

And have a nice evening.

A front desk, please.

Oh, hello, front desk. Has Mr. Finley checked in yet? This is his wife.

Oh, he hasn't.

No, I already left a message.

Yeah, the one where I'm going to be killed.

You must have it.

Well, I just left it three minutes ago.

Oh, you just got back from your dinner break.

I see. Well, would you please take the message now?

Yeah. His wife.

Killed.

5 -5 -5 -9 -9 -6.

And do see that he gets it the moment he arrives.

Thank you.

Who is it? It's me, Vivian.

Hi, Bud.

Maude, I tell you, I am so glad Arthur's at the hospital tonight. I'm really

looking forward to this.

Maude, look what I brought.

Marshmallows!

You know, just like we used to toast at those plumber parties we had in college.

That's nice, Viv. Yeah. And look what else.

Your favorite Italian wine. Dai!

The girls I really ended were those in Kappa Kappa Gamma. They were forever

having panty raids. I just kept wishing our house would get a panty raid.

This could be your lucky night.

Listen, Vivian, I've really had a very rough day. Would you mind if I just went

up and had a shower?

Oh, no. I want to look at your kitchen anyway and see how the new paint turned

out. Oh, no. We painted the den and the bedroom, not the kitchen.

Oh. Oh, I guess I got you mixed up with Sheila Hackett's kitchen. Maude, that

same Greek man painted Sheila's house, and she said he made rude advances to

her. No.

Yes.

Well, what did she do?

She refused him, of course.

Has he bothered her since then?

I don't know. I haven't seen Sheila in weeks. I keep phoning and going by.

She's just never around. It's like she just disappeared off the face of the

earth.

Vivian, would you give me a hand with this chair, please?

Sure. What do you want to do with it? Let's just move it over near the door.

Okay.

Thanks, Viv.

Why do you want it there?

Well, I've been thinking of rearranging it.

I'd rather like it there. What about the front door?

I haven't decided where I'll put that.

I'll think about that after my shower.

Shower? That reminds me. I don't want to miss my favorite movie on TV tonight.

What's that?

Psycho.

I don't want to miss that shower scene where Janet Leigh gets stabbed.

I don't think we should watch it, Vivian. No, I want to watch it. Vivian,

no! Vivian!

Will you leave that on?

Oh, Viv.

I didn't want to have to tell you this, but I had the same experience with Dorba

that Sheila did.

You mean he made rude advances to you? Yes.

And when I refused, he became enraged.

Vivian, he threatened to kill me.

He's called me three times today. He keeps saying, tonight is the night.

Oh, Vivian, any minute now, that mad, crazy Greek might come through that door

and try to kill me.

That was Janet.

Dr. Harmon call his wife at Mrs.

Finley's.

Arthur can't come to the phone. He's in the operating room.

Oh, Maude, listen. Let's go over to my house. Oh, no, we can't, Viv.

What if Zorba's out there lurking in the bushes?

Oh, that's right. Grief love to lurk.

That's him. That's him. That's Zorba. No, no, no, no, no. It's probably Walter

calling from New York. On the other hand, it might be Zorba trying to find

if I'm at home. Don't answer it, Maude. Don't answer it. But what if it's

Walter? Vivian, you answer the phone. Why, Miss? Well, if he hears your voice,

then he'll know I'm not alone.

Yes, but if he hears your voice, he'll think there's a man here.

Vivian, I don't need that.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, we hung up.

Oh, it must be Zorba.

Oh, Vivian, what a...

Curse it is to be the kind of woman who inflames men to this degree of passion.

Maude, listen.

I know you're inflaming and all that stuff, but maybe it was just a crush and

he's over you by now.

Dreamer.

That's him. He's him. He's going to kill us all.

What?

What? What? That's just a couple of alley cats, Vivian.

Now, the one thing we cannot afford to do is to lose control. We must remain

calm, Viv. And that applies to both of us. I want you to feel free to slap my

face, too. Right.

After I get hysterical!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mott.

It's all right, Viv.

Oh,

those darn cats again. Why do they keep screeching like that? Vivian, Vivian,

that's the way cats make love.

Well, if they don't like it, why do they do it?

Pour the wine, Viv.

Animals!

Come on, Viv, let's have some wine. Maybe it'll calm our nerves. Oh, good

You know, wine always calms my nerves. Remember when we were in college, how

drink wine when I was nervous about an exam?

Yeah, and sometimes your nerves got so calm, they passed out.

Oh, college.

Those were the days.

Oh,

Viv.

Viv, whatever happened to those two young, carefree, pretty girls that

everyone was in love with?

Well, Linda Weaver lives in Westport.

I think Didi Karsh moved to Cleveland.

Vivian, I was talking about us.

Oh!

Well, you're married to Walter, and I got married to Arthur.

You

know

something, Viv?

I liked you the first minute I met you. Did I ever tell you that?

No, you never did.

What was it you liked about me? My sense of humor?

Nope. My personality?

Nope. My smile.

Nope. Well, mine, what was it? I've no idea.

No, wait, wait, wait. I had it just a second ago.

Oh, yeah, I remember, I remember.

Vivian, you were so gentle.

So gentle. I mean, you had something nice to say about everybody.

And you liked that.

And I still do, Viv. I think it's what I like most about you.

Viv, when we first met, what was it you liked about me?

I didn't like anything about you.

Vivian, I distinctly remember that after we met, you went around telling

everyone what a wonderful person I was.

I always had something nice to say about everybody.

Oh, but I got to like you, Maude, and I still do.

Why, Viv? Why not?

Vivian, I'd like to propose a toast.

Oh, goody.

What is it?

Vivian, you're supposed to... You're supposed

to drink the wine after the toast.

Oh, right.

To our friendship.

Oh.

And, Maude, you've always been a loyal friend to me.

Have I, Viv? You certainly have.

Listen, Vivian.

Just in case, just in case something happens to either one of us, and I know,

Viv, there's something that...

I've kept hidden from you for years, Vivian. Something I have wanted to

for a long time.

What is it?

Sit down, Vivian.

Vivian, do you remember when we were in college and you were dating Steve

Dinsmore?

Do I remember Steve Dinsmore?

Maude, Steve was in love with me.

Not after 11 o 'clock.

What?

I was late dating him, Viv.

Oh, Vivian. Oh, Vivian, I know it just must be terrible for you to hear this

from your best friend, but under the circumstances, I just had to tell you.

no, no, that's all right. I understand.

Oh, it must have been awful for you, carrying around that guilt all these

But at least it's comforting for you to know that Steve is carrying the same

guilt. And a lot of great memories.

Vivian.

Listen, Vivian, isn't there something that you've always wanted to confess to

me? No.

Nothing? Promise me you won't get mad.

Oh, I promise, Viv.

Oh. Now, what is it?

You remember that Fourth of July barbecue we had the summer Debbie

dating Eddie Fisher?

You remember those shish kebab skewers I borrowed from you?

Yes.

I never returned them.

That's it?

That's it. That's what you had to tell me. What the hell kind of confession is

that? I knew you'd get mad. I spare my soul to you, and the best you can come

with is shish kebab skewers. I'm sorry, Ma.

I've just never been very good at being wrong.

Listen, Ma.

Look, that's just a shutter banging in the wind.

Listen, Vivian, I do think we should make sure that all the windows in the

are locked. You take the upstairs, I'll take the downstairs.

I'm going to take Walter's butter with me.

Oh, I just hope I don't have to use this.

Well, I'll start with the den.

Come on, Vivian.

Let's go.

I think there's someone on the front porch.

Oh.

I think it was just our imagination.

Look. Look at the door now.

He's trying to get in.

Oh.

Stop.

What are you doing?

He may be trying to get around to the back. Listen. Take this into the den.

call the police. I'll stall him.

Backdoor, oh, Vivian, oh, my God, I forgot to lock the backdoor.

What are you doing?

Take this lamp, stand up on this stool here, and when he comes in, hit him over

the head with it hard. I'll attract his attention.

Where is Vivian?

Oh, Arthur, thank God you're here.

Arthur, we are in... A terrible danger.

A man has threatened to kill me, Arthur. A man has threatened to kill you?

Oh, Marty, that's terrible.

I know who it is.

You do?

It's that bald guy down at the supermarket that okays the checks.

No, Arthur.

Then it's that little red -headed guy that delivers for the dry cleaners. No,

Arthur.

Then it has to be the cashier at the Kentucky Fried Chicken. Arthur, no.

Are you sure? None of those guys can stand you, Maude.

Arthur, it's the painter that I hired last week to paint the den and the

bedroom. A painter?

Is he by any chance a Greek?

Yes. His name is Zorba Apodopoulos.

Vivian?

I'm behind the door, Arthur.

What are you doing behind the door, Vivian?

I'm holding the lamp.

Making love and all.

Wait a second.

Zorba.

Everybody relax. Just let's have a little drink.

What are you saying?

I just performed an emergency operation on this Apodopolis guy.

Apparently he got himself shot by a jealous husband.

Of course, we're tremendously relieved, but we shouldn't be happy when a man has

been shot. I mean, the poor thing may be dying.

Oh, no, no, no. He'll be out of bed in a couple of days. Arthur, why didn't you

kill him?

I didn't mean that.

Well, we don't have to worry about that anymore.

See, the bullet didn't do much damage, but the damage that it did do was...

Let's just say... that

Zorbo won't be painting any bedrooms for a long, long time.

Vivian?