All language subtitles for maude_s05e09_arthur_s_worry

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider, she
didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her,
she was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first proper to, and
you're glad she showed up.

Oh yeah!

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And the dance floor!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Did you call me, Walter?

No, Maude.

It's four minutes to five. Honey, what
time do you have to get up for your

fishing trip?

Five o 'clock.

Oh.

It's four minutes.

What can I do in four minutes?

I could go out and break the four
-minute mile.

I could sing the minute waltz four
times.

Or we could...

No, what would I do with the

other two minutes?

I think I'll just go back to sleep.

Hey, something wrong?

Nothing, just a dream.

Oh.

Was it the one where you run out of the
house without your pants and you cry?

No.

Was it the one where you run out of the
house without your pants and everybody

laughs?

No, I don't want to talk about it.

This one is silly.

Oh, and I suppose the pants dream is a
great moment of drama.

What I don't want to tell you, you'll
laugh.

No, I won't.

I know you, Maud. You'll laugh. Walter,
I swear I won't laugh. Now, please,

dear, tell me what your dream was about.

I dreamt I kissed somebody, okay?

Is that all?

You see, I'm not laughing. Okay.

Who'd you kiss? Sophia Loren?

Lee Remick? Anne Margaret?

Arthur Harmon.

Honey, I'm sorry. I'll stop laughing.

Honey,

just as a matter of interest, where did
you kiss him? On the couch.

years old. I never had a dream like that
before.

Why should I dream that I kissed Arthur?

It's crazy.

Honey, it's so easy to figure out.

Look, Arthur's your best friend.

Today you're going on your annual
fishing trip with him and he's on your

Sweetie, he pulled you through some
rough times this year.

In your dream, you kissed him to show
him your gratitude.

Then why do I feel so silly?

American men are not supposed to openly
express a healthy affection for each

other.

So it came out in a dream. I mean, it's
as simple as that, honey. You kissed

Arthur because you love Arthur.

I guess you're right. I do love Arthur.

You know how long I know Arthur?

Since 1944.

32 years.

But at the third of the century.

And all that time, I'd never let him
know how important he is to me.

Oh, Walter, that's sad.

It is.

But from now on, I'm going to show him.
I'm going to make a point of it.

I mean, listen, who knows how much time
we have left in life.

Walter, that would be wonderful.

You know how I met Arthur?

It was in a serviceman's bar when we
were both in the army.

All the sailors started fighting all the
soldiers.

Bloody noses, black eyes, a couple of
broken arms.

Oh, boy, was that fun.

You two were right there in the thick of
it. No, we were both hiding in the same

stall in the men's room.

Funny, isn't it?

Oh, no, honey, I wasn't laughing at
that.

I was just thinking what a waste to
dream you're kissing Arthur Harmon when

could have been kissing Paul Newman.

But more, I kissed Arthur out of
gratitude.

Why should I kiss Paul Newman? He's
never done anything for me. It's too

He's done a lot for me.

Walter dreamed he kissed Arthur?

Yes. And you know he was embarrassed
about it at first.

Oh, I... I think it's sweet.

I've never dreamed I kissed Arthur.

Why would he be embarrassed? They've
been best friends all these years.

Oh, Vivian, you know men.

They're so inhibited about this kind of
thing. I mean, they feel they have to be

big, strong, macho types or else there's
something wrong with them.

Thank God we women are raised
differently.

That's right. Remember our school
dances? Girls dance with girls and

thought a thing about it.

That's right. Do you know that I was 15
years old before I danced with a partner

who shaved?

Edith Shimley.

Edith Shimley. How did you know?

I cut in.

Good morning, Marty.

Oh, hi. Is water ready? It'll be down in
a minute.

Well, I got my new CB radio installed in
the wagon, and I'm ready to go.

You have a CB radio?

Oh, yes. And his code name is Silver
Scalpel.

Isn't that cute?

I'd have preferred Dr.

Jekyll.

Now, I think CB radios are silly.

Ah, that's because you're a woman.

And you don't understand the thrill of
trucking down the old super slab on your

four -wheeler with your hammer down.

You got your ears on and you're riding
the rocking chair so your good buddies

can tell you when Smokey makes a flip
-flop.

That's a big 10 -4, Marty.

10 -4, rusty scalpel.

Silver scalpel.

I was just kidding. Arthur, would you
like a cup of coffee? Yeah, thanks.

Hey, Vivian, while I'm having coffee,
would you load that into the wagon?

Oh, 10 -4, silver scalpel.

That stuff goes, too.

Oh, yeah, right. I got it.

I got it. Hey, hey, don't break. No, I'm
careful.

Easy. Okay.

Oh, and take the hat.

Watch the hook. Yeah. Got it. Atta girl.

Arthur, I don't want you to worry about
Viv while you're gone. She's going to

have a wonderful time.

She'll be able to relax, watch a little
TV, take the bindings off her feet.

Marty, it's too early in the morning for
that woman's right junk.

All I want to think about is fish.

Arthur, what is it you love so much
about fishing?

Cooking.

What? Yeah.

I look forward to getting up to the lake
and cooking the catch.

I just love it.

I have my own special recipe.

Trout Arturo.

Sounds good.

You'd be interested in this, Monty.

You see, you dip the fish briefly in
some water with pickling spices.

Then you slice it lengthways, put in a
few sprigs of tarragon, three or four,

depending on the size of the fish. You
preheat your frying pan and put in your

butter.

This is critical. Just when that butter
starts to bubble, but before it turns

brown. Who cares, Arthur?

Marty, I'm surprised at you.

Down at the hospital, the doctors and
the nurses are fighting for my recipes.

Well, the patients are fighting for
their lives.

I'll go get Walter.

Well, Arthur, I think I've loaded
everything you're going to need. Did you

in my pickling spices?

Yes, I put them right next to your
galloping gourmet barbecue shoes.

Oh, good.

Arthur, it's the sweetest thing.

Last night, Walter dreamed that... Oh,
maybe I better not tell you.

Why not?

Well, you might not take it in the right
way.

Why wouldn't I take it in the right way?

Because you're a man and you never had
to dance with Edith Shemley.

Vivian, what are you talking about?

Oh, all right.

Well, Walter dreamed that...

He was sitting with you on a couch and
he kissed you.

Is that all?

I think that's all. Maude didn't mention
anything else.

Vivian, what made you think that might
bother me?

Because Maude was talking about the need
to be big and strong and macho.

Why does Maude feel she has to be big
and strong and macho?

Not Maude.

You men.

Oh, some men, Vivian. But not me.

Fortunately, I studied enough psychology
to understand these things.

You see, a lot of guys would get very
disturbed if another man had a dream

that about them.

They would start to doubt their own
masculinity.

Oh, really?

Oh, sure.

They get very nervous.

I mean, even if a guy just brushed up
against them, they'd get uptight.

Psychiatrists call that masculinity
panic.

Fortunately, I've never had the problem.

And I never will.

Listen, while you're up there fishing...
Oh, fishing is a very good example,

Vivian. You see, supposing one of these
guys goes fishing.

He would think he had to catch the
biggest fish to prove his manhood.

He'd think that was important.

That's silly.

Of course.

The size of the fish doesn't matter.

It's how you cook it.

Well, we know you don't have to worry
about your manhood.

You proved that last night.

I sure did.

I got those presto logs started with one
match, didn't I?

Arthur! Annie, good morning, Walter.

Arthur, old buddy, here we go again on
another great fishing trip.

Boy, are we going to have fun, or are we
going to have fun, huh?

We always have fun when we go fishing,
Walter.

Have a wonderful time.

Come on, silver scalpel, let's move.

Because you leave the cavern just as
neat as a pin.

Well, we like to help out. What do you
mean, we?

You're a slob, Walter. I'm the guy that
keeps things tidy.

Good for you, Dr.

Harmon. You're not like other men.

You're a good housekeeper. Thank you.

That guy at the bait shack

was right.

Boy, those night crawlers are really
something.

Those fish couldn't wait to get on our
hook.

Actually, I'm not a housekeeper.

In the army, we called it policing the
area.

I was in the army, Walter.

I was with you.

Oh, right.

Will you look at those guys? We got
ourselves a couple of beauties, buddy

I'll take.

Why don't we have mine for lunch?

Just a second, Walter.

That one's not yours.

That's mine.

Oh, gee, I'm pretty sure it's mine,
Arthur. I put it on the left side of the

creel. Well, you must have turned the
creel around.

That's mine.

How can you tell?

Well, not that it makes any difference,
Walter, but I just happened to notice

that the fish I caught was bigger than
the fish you caught.

Okay, what difference does it make?
Here, you take the bigger fish if it's

important to you.

Important? No, it's not important,
Walter.

I'm the last guy in the world who has to
catch the biggest fish.

Good. Here, you take this fish. Thanks.

And I'll cook the little one that you
caught.

Fine.

Arthur. Hmm?

You know, this is our 19th year in a row
at the lake, and we always have a great

time.

You're one of the best buddies a guy
could have. I just want you to know

Why? Thank you, Walter.

I'm going to turn on the radio and see
if I can get the weather for tomorrow.

You know, Walter, I'm glad you feel that
way.

Because, well, I never told you this
before, but you're the best friend I

had. In a lot of ways, I'm closer to you
than I am to Vivian.

where I wanted to hear the weather.

What if it's going to rain this
afternoon?

Who cares?

I came up here to fish. I'm going to be
out there come rain or shine, catching

the big ones.

Okay, fine.

Hey, Arthur, why don't you make trout
arturo? I love that.

Just what I had in mind.

Great.

Arthur, you know, you are one terrific
cook.

Yeah. I mean, most guys won't go near a
kitchen.

I tell people when I go up to the lake
with Arthur, it's like spending a

with Julia Child.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Why should I do all the cooking?

Arthur, you love to cook. You even told
me you used to help your mother bake

cookies.

That was after I came in from playing
football.

Tackle on a cement driveway.

Now, hold it, Arthur.

Something's bothering you. What is it?

It's nothing.

I'm just a little overtired. Huh?

I got up very early. I did all the
driving.

It was very hard landing that big fish
that I caught.

Maybe I'll just have a nap.

That's a good idea. We can eat later.

I think I'll move that bunk bed closer
to the window so I can get some fresh

air. I'll give you a hand. Uh, no, never
mind.

I can do it alone. Are you sure?

It's pretty heavy.

Walter.

I can move a bunk bed.

Arthur, you can't move that bed. Yes, I
can.

Arthur, believe me, you're never going
to move that bed.

All right, Walter, let's get this thing
out in the open.

Why don't you think I can move that bed?

What's the reason? Why?

Why?

It's bolted to the floor.

You do that all the time.

Why didn't you tell me?

You let me make a damn fool of myself.

Come on now, what's wrong with you?
You're acting like an hysterical woman.

suppose you think it's funny to break
your back. A hysterical woman?

A hysterical woman?

I can jog three miles.

I can do 52 push -ups.

I can touch my toes without bending my
knees. You call that a woman?

Arthur. I can... I can... Here.

Yeah.

Does that look like a woman?

Yeah.

Can't look at that, boy.

Here, write that off.

Oh, wait a second.

Oh, Arthur, listen.

By any chance, did some... Did someone
tell you about my dream?

What dream? The one where you run out of
the house without your pants?

Come on, let's talk about this, Arthur.
Stand on your feet. Why don't you stand

on your head, Dizzy?

Come on, Arthur!

Now, who told you about the dream? Was
it Mort?

No.

Vivian told me because she's my wife and
she loves me and I love her because

she's a woman.

I love my first wife and she's a woman,
too.

Well, then you better stop having those
kinky dreams and straighten out.

Wait a minute. Arthur, do you think... I
mean, because of my dream, you have to

worry about me? Is that what you think?

No. I'm not worried about you. What the
hell? You caught the biggest fish.

And why are you so upset?

It's just a dumb dream.

Yeah, but why do you have to have your
dumb dreams about me? You know plenty of

other men.

What is it about me?

Arthur.

I'll tell you what it is.

My long eyelashes?

Or my face?

I know, my face is too sensitive.

No, Arthur, it's... Is it?

I know.

The little dimple in my chin.

No, it's not the dimple in your chin,
and it's not your sensitive face, and

not your long eyelashes.

But those are my best features.

Arthur, will you let me explain?

Look, this has been a tough year for me,
and I've had one crisis after another.

And whenever I was down and really in
trouble... My legs?

No!

Arthur, when I was in trouble, you
pulled me through all those bad times.

I mean, you were a real friend, not just
my doctor.

And in my dream, I kissed you to show my
gratitude.

That was all.

That's all?

Of course, that's all.

What a fool.

Oh.

You know, Arthur, there's not a man in
America who hasn't had doubts about his

manhood at one time or another.

It's no big deal.

But we don't have to worry.

I mean, believe me, we're the same two
guys who met 32 years ago in the same

stall in a men's room.

Could you put that another way?

Look, Arthur, Mort said something this
morning that really makes sense.

Men think it's unmanly to show affection
to each other.

I mean, you see it everywhere.

Even some fathers are embarrassed to
kiss their sons.

That's true.

My father never did kiss me.

Come to think of it, I don't even
remember him kissing my mother.

Men should be able to show how they feel
about each other. Oh, I couldn't agree

with you more. As long as it doesn't get
too mushy.

I don't think it's too mushy to tell
someone you love them. No, no, no,

not mushy.

Good, because there's something I want
to tell you.

What's that?

I love you, Arthur.

I beg your pardon?

I don't mean the same way I love Mort. I
love you as a friend.

Oh. And that's no reason for me to be
ashamed.

If I want to say I love you, Arthur, I
can say it.

Good for you, Walter.

And you can say it, Arthur.

Say what?

you, Walter?

Say it, Arthur.

Come on, say it.

I like you a lot.

There's nothing wrong with your saying
you love me.

Well, I'm not sure I like you that much.

Don't be afraid to say what you feel.

It's me, Walter. I mean, we've been like
brothers for 30 years.

That's nice, Arthur.

We don't have to have any hang -ups
about saying that anymore.

Right.

And we shouldn't have any hang -ups
about showing each other affection.

Right. We want a hug. We should hug.
Right. Let's shake on it.

Come on, Arthur.

Walter.

Listen, old buddy, I want to tell you
something.

You're right.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I should have knocked.