All language subtitles for maude_s04e23_carol_s_promotion

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maude. And then there's
Maude. And then there's Maude. And then

there's Maude. And then there's Maude.
And then there's Maude. That'll

compromise and enterprise and anything
but tranquilize. Right on, Maude.

Mr. Lambert's office.

One moment.

Your wife's on line one.

Lorraine, are you sure he remembers I'm
here?

Relax, Carol. Now, you know Mr.

Lampert, he's a busy guy.

He'll see you when he can.

I know I promised to come home early
today, dear, but I've got a corporation

run.

Yes, dear, of course I love you. And you
know there's nothing in the world I'd

like better than to be on my way home
right this minute.

But in addition to everything else, I've
got to make out an annual report.

I've got the budget to go over for next
year. I have 101 things.

I'm swamped.

Yes, and I love you, too.

Okay,

fellas, enough work for one day. Let's
go out and have a drink. Good idea.

I'll get cleaned up.

Uh -oh.

Carol Trainor's still waiting outside. I
completely forgot.

Carol Trainor? Ernie, how can anybody
forget about her?

It's about that job she's up for.

Department head in customer relations?

Oh, yeah. You said you'd let her know
today.

That's right.

Uh -oh.

Miss Peterson, would you, uh, uh, just a
minute, please.

Would you ask Carol to come in now,
please?

You want a copy of her employment
record, Chief? No, Ernie, I know hers by

heart.

Carol! Carol!

Oh, after three hours in this room with
Andrews and Bell, I can't tell you how

nice it is to see a pretty face.

Thank you, Mr. Lambert.

Oh, come on now. I told you a hundred
times, her name is Bob.

Oh, well, according to your wife, it's
Mr.

Lambert.

That's what she calls me. You call me
Bob.

I just want you to know, Carol, that we
value your work in customer

relations very highly. Right, fellas?

Right. Very highly, indeed.

Well, thank you.

I don't know what to say.

Uh, that idea of yours for that
troubleshooter 24 -hour phone service,

like that have bought the company
thousands of dollars worth of goodwill.

Oh, this sounds like it's going to be
good news.

Oh, yes, yes. It's going to be very good
news.

Uh, because as of next week... Yes?

I'm going to raise your salary by $100 a
month. Oh, that's wonderful.

I mean, I take it this means I get the
job.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no. I'm sorry. No, Carol.

No, we think you are too valuable right
now as the best damn department

assistant in the whole company.

Right, fellas? Right, R .W. I mean,
you're going to be a tremendous help to

new department head as soon as we find
the right man.

The right man?

I am more than qualified for this job.
You've said so yourself.

Why shouldn't I have this job? Because
I'm a woman?

Carol, believe me, this company is
behind equal opportunity for women.

Yeah, 20 years behind.

Carol, how can you say that? This is the
company that put my doll in the ladies'

lounge.

We've come a long way, baby.

Mr. Lambert, I don't think this is a
joking matter. No, no, Carol.

Carol, this job is just not the right
job for a woman. It's important, you

What did you say?

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, I didn't mean it
that way.

Carol, this job, you've got to meet
customers after hours. You've got to

them and dine them and entertain them.

They see a pretty girl like you, they're
going to think you're the

entertainment.

What you're telling me is that you're
buying me off with a raise because you

think I'm too attractive.

It's a rotten deal, Carol, okay?

And I just want you to know,
unofficially, I hate it.

I don't believe this.

Mr. Lambert, you'd better get rid of
your old -fashioned attitudes and you'd

better get rid of your notions about
women.

And while you're at it, you should get
rid of that sissy cologne.

Well,

that's the real problem with women in
business. They're too emotional.

That's a disgraceful outburst.

Silly emotional display. No self
-control at all.

She sure is a nice little hunk, though.

Isn't she?

Right on.

Hey. I hate games about high finance.

I'll pass Chase Manhattan and declare
bankruptcy.

Oh, I wouldn't do that.

Why don't you take over Lockheed and let
the government bail you out?

Mrs. Naugatuck, don't you think the
stuffed mushrooms are about ready?

Oh, I think it's a bit early yet.

But just to be on the safe side, why
don't you go and give them a look?

Well, if you put it that way.

Now, let's see. What is left on the
board?

Mrs. Naugatuck, if I'm not mistaken,
that's the telephone.

You're not mistaken.

That's what it is, all right.

I would fire her in a minute if she
weren't so gorgeous.

Hello?

Andy! How are you?

No, Carol isn't home.

The big meeting down at the office?
Yeah, I'm dying to find out what

too. Okay, Andy, I'll have her call you.
Bye -bye.

Is that somebody brand new? Well, he's
been married once, so I guess he's

slightly used.

But Carol's been seeing him for a couple
of weeks now. Really seems to like him.

What's he look like?

Well, I haven't actually met him. I've
just spoken to him on the phone a few

times. But he sounds very tall.

Well, how come we haven't met the guy?

Is Carol ashamed of him or something?

Maybe she's ashamed of us.

Why would she be ashamed of us?

We're two warm, wonderful human beings.
You said so yourself.

Once I said that.

In the privacy of our bedroom.

And then I said I was wonderful and you
were warm.

Are we going to sit around listening to
Walter's personality profile or can we

get on with this game?

Oh, Arthur, don't be such a twit. It was
just getting juicy.

That's exactly why I don't like to play
games with women. They just don't have

the powers of concentration we men do.

Especially for a game about big business
like success.

It's a man's game.

Arthur, I have just won your shipyard,
your Toyota factory, and your Chilean

copper mine.

All you have left is 80 % ownership of
Howard Cosell, which means that you're

bankrupt.

Carol! Oh, hi, Carol. Well, well, well,
well, Carol, tell me, did they give it

to you? Did they give it to you?

Boy, did they give it to me.

Honey, what happened?

I got a $25 a week raise.

Hey, that's terrific.

This calls for a celebration.

Oh, let's open a bottle of sangria and
just toast ourselves silly.

Vivian, Arthur, wait. This raise is not
good news.

Oh, I get it.

Tax problems, huh?

Well, don't worry, Carol. I'll set you
up with my accountant.

He's brilliant. The man's an absolute
thief.

Arthur, instead of a promotion, they
gave me a raise to buy me off.

I was in line to be head of the customer
relations department. It's so unfair,

Mother, it's a case of outright
prejudice.

Carol, I know you're disappointed, but
don't lose your perspective.

Bob Lambert is a top executive who
thinks only of his company. He's a fair

decent man.

That's right, Carol.

You've got to keep the old perspective.

Look, when I was a little boy, I used to
go to a Catholic camp in the summer,

and all the kids picked on me.

I thought it was because I was
Episcopalian.

And then one summer I went to an
Episcopalian camp and those kids picked

too.

All I'm saying is that when things go
wrong, you have to take a good look at

yourself.

I finally figured it out.

The reason those kids picked on me is
because they knew I was better than they

were.

Which also explains why now nobody picks
on you.

Carol, honey, what did they say? I mean,
what reason did they give?

You would never guess it in a million
years. Oh, come on, Carol. You're much

pretty to be a department head anyway.

He guessed it.

Do you mean that they turned you down
because you're an attractive woman?

Well, that's what they told me.

Oh, well, that's not fair.

Mrs. Paul is an attractive woman, and
she runs an entire Mrs. Paul's frozen

sticks dinner company.

Vivian. And fish cakes. Vivian! Chips.

They implied I was too sexy for the job.
Oh, Carol, I mean, that's so silly.

You're always the perfect lady.

I mean, you don't go bouncing around the
office all day.

I mean, not any more than you can help.

That's right, and that is exactly the
reason I didn't get the job. What do you

mean, Carol? Bob Lambert is always
coming on to me. You know, taking my

asking me out for drinks.

I never give him any encouragement. I
always act very cool and professional.

Listen, I'm sure if I were a little
friendlier, I could get that job.

Now, look, Carol, using sex to win over
the boss is no way to get ahead.

I mean, it is, but not for any daughter
of mine.

Mother, it's so frustrating.

I mean, it would be so easy to play Bob
Lambert's game.

You know, I could wear sexy dresses and
brush up against him and fall into his

arms laughing when he tells one of his
dumb jokes, and then...

You know.

What? What then?

Vivian!

Oh, come on, Marty. Be realistic.

What's the matter with a woman being a
little sexy?

Now, look, Arthur, you stop right there.
No, I mean it.

Now, all the nurses over at the hospital
that act that way really advance their

careers.

They're the first ones to get out of
bedpan duty.

That's because you men are all alike
since the beginning of time.

I mean, even in the Garden of Eden, Adam
had only one thing on his mind, and it

wasn't a piece of fruit.

I tell you, it's all your fault.

Our fault?

Oh, don't put the blame on men, Marty.
Women ask for it. Do you see the way

women dress at work these days?

You should see my receptionist, Miss
Spivey, in her short skirts.

And my file clerk, Audrey, in her tight
hip -hugger slacks.

And that heavy perfume.

And the bending over.

And the sweaters with no bra. Oh, the
sweater with no bra.

Down, boys!

Why don't you two go out and hose each
other off?

Typical men.

Typical. And right.

I've been with that company for six
years, and I'm still emptying bedpans.

What kind of company is this?

Mother, when I started with Lambert, I
believed all of that jazz about ability

and hard work getting you to the top. I
have seen people get promoted who don't

have half the ability I do.

No, the hell with it. Maybe I'll just
play Bob Lambert's game.

Carol, Carol. Carol, you're not going to
do anything foolish. Oh, no. On the

contrary. I'm going to do something very
smart for a change.

Listen, by next week, I'll be head of
customer relations.

You know what?

Maybe I'll go all the way. Become
executive vice president.

Now, Carol, listen. You listen to me.

Carol, I'm not... Cap... Walter.

Maude, don't worry about Carol. She's
just talking. She won't do anything.

Walter, do you really think so? Of
course, sweetheart. I know Carol. She's

like you.

Oh, my God!

Vivian's gravel pit. You could really
clean up now. Will you two just leave

alone? Can't you see she has more
important things on her mind than this

old game?

Don't you know she's just worried sick
about Carol?

Maude, listen, if you don't want to play
this stupid old game, you don't have

to. Oh, Vivian, thank you. I really
don't want to. Oh, goody, I get my

pit back.

That is not fair!

Now look what she did, Maude!

poor sport who has no regard for other
people's Japanese assembly plants.

I want to play some more.

We'll play a game at home.

Cowboy in school, Marm?

Vivian!

I've often wondered why Vivian keeps
that bolt of calico around.

Look what you did, Maud. You ruined our
evening. This is all Bob Lambert's

fault. I should get all my friends to
boycott his products.

Except very few of my friends buy grain
elevators.

Well, will you stop worrying about
Carol?

If all it takes for her to get ahead in
her company is a harmless flirtation

with her boss, so what?

I will tell you so what, Walter. It is
immoral to use sex instead of ability to

get ahead.

You're exaggerating.

Exaggerating? Walter, take my real
estate job.

You know that parcel of land down on the
corner of Carver and Cliffwood? I could

get rid of that property like that.

Only the buyer doesn't want to close the
deal at the office. He wants me to meet

him over cocktails.

Now, how would you like it, Walter, if
your wife went out with another man just

to close the deal? I mean, what would
you say to that?

Well, sure, when I mean business is
business.

Walter, you would approve of that? You
would stand still for that?

Of course. It's just a real estate deal,
right?

Right. A typical real estate deal. He
wants to sign the papers in a cocktail

and then go back to his apartment for
the title search.

Oh, Walter, what am I going to do about
Carol?

Maud, if you're so upset about this, why
don't you go up and talk to her? I

can't. She'll say I'm interfering.

And why would she say that? Because of
those damn grape snips.

Grape snips?

Walter, 13 years ago, when Carol was on
her honeymoon, a package arrived in the

mail for her, and I opened it by
mistake, thinking it was for me. It was

wedding present from her father, a
little pair of silver scissors, you

snipping grapes. Well, Carol was
furious.

She accused me of invading her privacy,
and she's never forgiven me.

Maude, that was 13 years ago.

Carol doesn't carry a grudge. She's a
loving, kind -hearted person.

She is, isn't she, Walter?

And she needs me now to help her with
this problem.

Well, I'm older and wiser, so I guess
it's up to me to make the first move.

That's the adult way to handle it.

Thank you, darling.

What if Carol gets defensive?

You know, she can be very, very
stubborn. I mean, what if I walk into

and she accuses me of butting in, trying
to run her life? Oh, Carol. You're

always taking up for her. I'm the one
who's being attacked.

And, of course, she'll bring up that
darn business about the grape snips

I tell you something, Walter, I've had
it up to here with her attitude.

Carol, you can take those grape snips
and stick them in your ear.

And where do you think you're going in
that dress?

Well, if you must know, I'm having
cocktails with Bob Lambert.

What do you mean you're having cocktails
with Bob Lambert?

I called him and told him I wanted to
discuss my future with the company, so

we're going to do it over drinks.

What grape snip?

Don't change the subject.

It's just a business meeting, Maude.
That's right.

Mother, which one of these coats do you
think I should wear with this dress?

With that dress, wear them both.

Mother, how can you go out and meet your
boss in a dress like that?

I mean, what would your new boyfriend
Andy say if he saw you in that dress?

I wore this dress on the third date I
had with Andy. I can tell you exactly

he said.

He said, ooh, I can't wait till we get
married. I don't want to hear it!

What about the dignity of women? What
about all those principles you fought so

hard for? Mother, I am doing what's
right for me.

Now, look, if I can get this job by
playing footsie with Bob Lambert, I'll

a position to help other women get
ahead.

Trust me, Mother, I'm your daughter.

I can't quarrel with you on that.

I'm your mother.

Walter, you're a stranger. You argue
with me.

Maude, I'm no stranger.

I'm an important member of this family,
which is why I'm going to take out the

garbage.

Mother, I don't like this any more than
you do, but it's something I have to do.

Carol, I'm warning you.

You will be going against everything I
have ever tried to teach you. You will

slapping me in the face.

Carol, our relationship can never be the
same again.

So before you walk out that door, you
just...

Think about that, young lady.

Don't wait up for me.

Can't you take a joke?

It's 6 a .m.

W .H .Y .M. begins its broadcast day by
wishing you a very cheery and pleasant

good night. Carol, are you home? In the
news, Suckerhole sanitation workers

walked off the job today in support of
striking police. No, no, Robert.

Oh,

Mr. Redford, you bastard.

Mrs. Naugatuck, wake up. I think Robert
Redford is having a nightmare.

Mrs. Naugatuck?

Mrs. Naugatuck?

Mrs. Naugatuck, are you all right?

Well, I was until you woke me up.

Mrs. Naugatuck, what are you doing down
here at this hour of the morning? Well,

there was a movie I wanted to see on the
Late Late Show.

I must have dozed off.

It was bedtime for... starring Ronald
Reagan and Bonzo the Chimpanzee.

Isn't he running for president?

No, Mr. Reagan is.

Natural mistake.

I haven't slept a wink all night.

Carol hasn't come home yet.

Oh, Mrs. Finlay, perhaps it's not as
bad... Oh, how could it be worse? My

daughter's spending the night with her
boss just to advance her career.

Oh, nothing has changed.

We're still trapped in a system that
victimizes good -looking women. I tell

Mrs. Naugatuck, beauty is a curse.

How will I know?

Now, I've faced the same problem many
times in my career, that I can

honestly say that I have never...
cheapen myself for the sake of

Good for you, Mrs. Noggeton. I always
did it for fun.

What is everybody doing up?

Oh, oh, goodness.

It's 6 a .m. I must get some sleep. I've
got to be up at half past five.

What are you doing up at this hour
anyway?

Oh, it's Carol, isn't it? No, I just had
a few chores.

At six o 'clock in the morning, what
chores? How should I know? What, am I a

farmer?

Lord, will you stop torturing yourself?

Carol's a big girl.

You're foolish to get this upset.

Walter, I am a mother, and mothers get
upset.

Haven't you two been to bed yet?

I might ask you the same question.

Mother, I'm not going to argue with you.

Don't worry.

I'm not going to make a scene.

Good. I'm not going to scream. I'm not
going to lecture.

Good. I'm just going to shut up. When?

Don't you get sarcastic with me, young
lady.

I wasn't the one who stayed out all
night.

My conscience is clear. I have done
nothing to be ashamed of. Good for you,

Mother. Now, listen to me, Carol.

I'm not going to say a word.

Carol, I want you to know that...

Our relationship can never, ever be the
same again because I think what you did

was shameful and unethical and immoral.

So I'm not even going to ask you what
you did.

Okay. Good night.

Uh,

would you mind waking me up at 11?

At 11?

Did Mr. Lambert give you the morning off
for being such a good sport?

No.

As a matter of fact, I'm not going into
work today.

I quit.

You quit?

Mother, five minutes after I met
Lambert, I realized I wasn't going to

So we had this huge argument, and I told
him what he could do with his grain

elevators.

And then I was so upset, I went over to
see Andy.

That's where I've been.

Now I'm not upset anymore.

Oh.

Carol. Oh, Carol, then you didn't. I
mean, you did, but...

Why

didn't you tell me?

Because you said you didn't want to
know.

Carol, God bless you. You're a good
girl.

Oh, Walter.

Oh, Walter, I have such a good daughter.
She never mixes business with pleasure.

That reminds me, Maud. Yes, Walter?

Would some guy really buy that property
from you if you had a few drinks with

him? It's silly, isn't it?

What the hell goes on down at that real
estate office?

You're not supposed to be selling real
estate.

What was paint in Hollywood before a
live audience?