All language subtitles for maude_s04e17_maude_s_mood_1

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Jonah barked with the Lord to guide her.

She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah!

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's more to the matter now.

Oh, I think I stuffed 4 ,000 envelopes
this morning. And this is the 63rd box I

filled in the last hour.

Mother's got us worrying like beavers. I
know it. I don't see how she could walk

out on all this work and leave it to
beavers.

Leave it to beavers.

Where's Maude?

I want to see Maude.

She's forced me to close my office down.
She's got my nurse going door to door

soliciting.

Solicited? Yes.

Nurse Pruitt solicited?

It means for campaign funds, Vivian, not
men.

Oh, of course. Pruitt's 35 years of age.
She's way over the hill for anything

but funds.

Oh, hi, Carol.

She's got half a tuck of working on this
silly project of hers. How can you stop

calling it silly?

It certainly is silly. There's a medical
practice going on. People are ill and

they need it. And I never thought...

Anything wrong? What could be wrong?

Doesn't everybody's wife run up a $1
,643 phone bill every month?

Oh, Arthur, what'll I do?

Well, I know what I'd do. What?

You owe me 20 bucks for medical advice.

Isn't it funny?

61 long -distance calls, 28...

206 local message units. Walter, there's
nothing to worry about.

Mother says we'll get it all back as
soon as the campaign contributions start

rolling in.

I've seen Maude get excited over her
wild ideas before, but this time... I

she doesn't sleep four hours a night.

She's either writing or phoning or
planning meetings.

Well, you know her.

She's had these super highs off and on
ever since I was a kid. I must say,

though, I do love her when she gets
excited about these projects.

Remember, like, that time she backed
that fellow who invented a universal

solvent and then lost it all when he
couldn't find anything to keep it in?

You know, she's so dynamic.

Ta -da!

Are you ready, folks?

Bring it in, boys.

Our official campaign poster.

HFP.

Henry Fonda for president.

Mark this prediction.

The initial HFP will go down in history.

Bigger than FDR.

Bigger than JFK. Bigger than LBJ.

B -U -L.

Funny, Walter.

Pathetic, but funny.

Listen, honey, do you have any money for
a tip? Oh, wait a minute. Never mind,

never mind. Here, boys, here's 50 bucks.

50 bucks?

Thanks for your trouble.

Oh, oh, is this a candidate or is this a
candidate?

Oh, my God, he'll look gorgeous on Mount
Rushmore.

Wait till you hear our new campaign
song, Walter.

Ain't he great?

You know he ought to be head of state.

So speaking very presidentially. Huh?

Huh? Presidentially?

Ain't he great?

Come on, girls, let's do it the way we
rehearsed. Okay?

Okay. Oh, ain't he great?

We're gonna make him hell.

It's fun to work with. I love... Carol!

Stop the envelope incorrectly.

I told you I do not want Mr. Fonda's
face folded.

Look, you've creased his teeth.

I'm sorry, Mother. I'm sure that's the
only one I did wrong.

Oh, sure.

Sure. Sometimes I think I should do
everything myself.

Not only is nobody trying to help me,
but... I even get the feeling of...

Sabotage.

Sabotage?

Maud, you have some nerve accusing your
family and friends of letting you down.

That's right, Walter.

This whole idea of yours is stupid
anyway.

Running an actor for president.

Oh, is that so, Arthur? Well, who do you
want to be our next president?

Ronald Reagan.

And don't give me that look, Maud
Finley. Ronald Reagan was never an

you know it.

But you're doing all this work and
spending all of this money on something

that's out of your reach.

Look, I admit that Henry Fonda is a
decent, sensible, honest man, but he

be elected president. Not with those
qualifications.

Walter, look around you.

Listen to all of your friends. I don't
believe there is one single candidate

that anybody is the least bit excited
about.

I mean, it seems to me that every single
candidate is a guess.

How about Henry Fonda as a guess?

He's certainly the best of the lot.

I agree with Mother. So do I. And I'm
sure Mr. Fonda feels the same way,

he? Well, if he doesn't now, he
certainly will once I call him and tell

running for president.

Mother, you haven't even talked to Henry
Fonda yet?

You mean you haven't talked to him?

I don't believe it.

Well, I suppose he doesn't want to go
into politics.

Arthur, I am offering him the presidency
of the United States.

How can he turn me down?

What? Oh, come on. Now, look, I mean,
our generation is going to make it, but

what about Philip?

What about our grandson? I mean, what
guarantee have we that in 25 years

there'll be a world he can live in?

So... I say to hell with the old
familiar faces and tired phrases.

I've always been Fonda Fonda.

How about that for a slogan?

I'm Fonda Fonda. I'm Fonda Fonda. Carol,
can you see that on your bumper?

When slogans come this easily and this
fast, it's an omen. Omen? Lord, it's a

pipe dream.

You know what you're beginning to sound
like?

You're beginning to sound...

Two months at Berlitz, and that's what
he learns.

Mort, you'll never even get a chance to
talk to him. I know if I were Henry

Fonda, I wouldn't answer your call.

Exactly. And it's just that kind of
thinking, Walter, that's keeping you

being president of the United States.

Give me a call. I'd have been glad to
meet you down at the office.

Well, Maud said she knew you, Dr.
Lester, and since you live in the

neighborhood, well, I guess I'm looking
for a little reassurance.

I'll handle this, Walter.

After all, we're fellow doctors.

It's like this, Herb.

Herbie? Yeah?

You see, Walter and Carol, the
stepfather here, were concerned about

So I told them, look, if you're
concerned about Maud, you ought to see

buddy, Herbie Lester, the best
psychiatrist in the eastern seaboard.

That's very kind and generous of you,
Lawrence.

Arthur. Oh, yes.

Lawrence Harmon.

You're Arthur Hancock.

No,

I'm Arthur Harmon.

Oh, of course.

That's nice to meet you.

Well, I suppose you're all worried about
Maude and her campaign to elect Henry

Fonda president.

You know about it? Everyone in town
knows about it. She's been calling my

for weeks trying to get my endorsement.

Look here.

She even sent me this hat here.

Ain't he great?

Doctor,

the reason we're so worried about my
mother is she's gone to all of this

and all this expense.

She hasn't even talked to Mr. Fonda yet.

Well, I'm not surprised.

Think she might have gone overboard, eh?

Well, that usually happens sooner or
later to someone who might be a manic

depressant. Manic depressant?

Manic...

Well, I thought you knew.

What the hell are you talking about,
doctor?

My wife is no maniac.

Walter. Mr.

Finley, the word manic doesn't mean
anyone's a maniac.

Far from it.

And Maud's in very good company.

I mean, we even suspected Abraham
Lincoln was a manic depressant.

And so was Teddy Roosevelt and Winston
Churchill.

Look, I don't care about them. I also
don't care for doctors who diagnose

patients from their Model T Fords. You
didn't hear me out, Mr. Finley.

About 19 years ago, Maude spent some
time in therapy with me. And I told her

then, God bless her, that she had manic
depressive tendencies.

Oh, he's crazy.

Now, Maude may be driving me up a wall,
but she's not crazy.

Doctor, you're a beanbag.

He's not saying Maude is crazy.

He's just saying she may need a little
help.

It's quite possible she might. You know,
all of us at some time or other in our

lives have emotional highs and lows, you
know, uncontrolled.

The higher this gets, the lower this can
get.

And both emotional extremes, well, they
can be dangerous.

You buy all of this about Mort Carroll?

You too, Arthur?

I suspected it.

Well, let me tell you something. You're
all nuts.

Walter.

Don't get so upset. You know, manic
depressive disorders, they seem to be

physical.

I mean, we learned that recently. At any
rate, they're easy to control with the

proper medication.

You know, manic depressives are people
with a chemical imbalance in the blood.

Ah. Now, listen, Walter, I'm telling
you, there may be 20 million Americans

suffer from some variation of the same
disorder.

Really? Why, certainly.

And manic depressives, by the way, are
some of the most interesting people I

know. I mean, their enthusiasm and their
persuasiveness, it can really work

wonders sometimes.

There you are, you devils.

What are they trying to do, Herb? Talk
you into that Fonda campaign

Do I have family?

Do I have friends?

Oh, Walter, sweetheart.

Carol, darling.

Hello, Arthur.

Sir, Wednesday night, I'm having some
people over to discuss the campaign, and

I'd be so happy if you'd join us. I'd
love to come. Good.

Who'll be there? Well, all of us, of
course, and some campaign strategists

Madison Avenue. Maud.

Maud, you're dragging more and more
people into our hopeless cause.

Hopeless?

Walter, I think that just one of our
guests Wednesday night might change your

mind.

Who?

Henry Fonda.

exciting, isn't it? Even I think that
Henry Fonda's actually going to be in

house. Henry Fonda.

Hank.

Here.

Oh, shame on me.

I mean, I have never heard such hogwash.

Henry Fonda's a man just... just like
any other man.

Thank you, Bibb.

Carol, she's done it again.

Did she tell you, huh? I mean, did she
tell you? Did she tell me why?

Did she tell you how she got Henry Fonda
to come here tonight?

Yes, she called his agent and asked him.
Yes, but she didn't even mention

running him for president.

She asked him to fly in to do his one
-man show, Daryl.

At the Tuckahoe Community Theater.

We don't have a Tuckahoe Community
Theater.

We do now. You're standing in it.

Oh, that's marvelous. I've never seen a
Broadway hit in the living room before.

Walter, you can't tell me that Mr. Fonda
would fly 3 ,000 miles because some

lady calls his agent and says she wants
him to do Daryl for one night. That lady

also wired his agent $5 ,000 of our
money as a deposit against a

$20 ,000... a guarantee.

How can she spend that much? She's
practically wiped out her bank account.

Oh, Walter.

Oh, Walter, Dr.

Lester's right. Mother's got a terrible
problem.

Oh, come on now, Carol. She may be pig
-headed, but she's as normal as I am.

Speaking very presidentially, ain't he
great?

Everybody, how do I look? I want Mr.
Fonda to know I'm sincere.

You know, folksy yet cheap.

Sort of a cross between Will and Ginger
Rogers.

That must be Mr. Fonda. Oh, oh, Arthur,
Arthur, go stand somewhere else. I want

him to think I'm alone.

Dr.

Lester, how nice to see you. And our ad
man, Mr. Crowell. Please meet my

husband, Walter.

My daughter, Carol.

My dear friends, Dr.

and Mrs. Harmon.

And, of course, you all know our
presidential press secretary, Gus

Gus. Gus is very well known as the taxi
driver, but he is best known as the only

man in existence who's had over 420
letters to the editor printed in the New

York Daily News.

Look for him. I always sign them fed up.

Or sometimes just as initials.

Presidential press secretary?

Don't tell me.

You're Henry Fonda.

Please come.

I'm looking for the Tuckahoe Community
Theater.

My agent gave me this address, but
obviously there's been some mistake.

Oh, well, it's not really a mistake.

No, it's more like a lie.

I don't understand.

Seven o 'clock, I'm due on stage at 8
.30. I've never missed a curtain in my

life. Oh, my God, what strength of
character.

Mr.

Fonda, you are at the right address.

I'm Mrs. Findlay.

Please, won't you sit down, have a
cheese doodle, and I'll explain it.

Thank you, but I'm afraid I don't care
for cheese doodles.

Straight from the shoulder.

You don't care for cheese doodles. You
didn't hem and haw. You didn't try to be

politic. You gave it to me straight from
the shoulder.

I'm afraid I don't care for cheese
doodles.

Mr. Fonda, I proudly present you with
your next career.

President of the United States.

Cindy, this joke would have worked
better if you'd gotten one that lit up

dark.

Jimmy Stewart put you up to this, right?

I'm afraid my wife is serious, Mr.
Fonda.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Fonda, if you
look outdoors right now, you'll see a

skywriter spelling out Henry Fonda for
president.

Well, he needs to take spelling lessons.

Driving up here, I saw a plane writing
Henry Fondue.

I'm so sorry. I thought he was
advertising some new cheese dip.

I'll take a fly. Next time, I'll write
it.

Mrs. Finley, I have this.

Thinking, feeling, you're really
serious.

I am very serious, sir.

So am I.

Look, I was coming east anyway in a
couple of days.

I'll have my agent send your check back.

I appreciate the compliment, if that's
what it is. Look, Mr. Fonda, please,

two minutes. Give me two minutes of your
time. Please, please.

Two minutes.

Two minutes. Please,

Mr. Fonda, sit down. Two minutes.

Look.

Mr. Fonda, look around you. This is your
headquarters.

You are a presidential candidate.

Mrs. Findlay, as we used to say back
home, a cat may have kittens in the

but that don't make them biscuits.

was witty.

Mr. Fonda, Mr. Fonda, I saw you play
Clarence Garrow and I was overwhelmed

by the way your earthiness and your
honesty and your integrity came shining

through. I also played Jesse James'
brother.

And you played him beautifully. Oh, yes,
I just loved you in that and...

I also thought Ty Power was awfully cute
as Jesse.

Mrs.

Findlay.

Friend of Mrs. Findlay.

I'm an actor, not a politician, so if
you'll excuse me. Please, Mr. Fonda,

me out.

Please, excuse me, if I may, for just a
moment, please.

As much as I admire and I respect Mr.
Fonda, there is no way, no way that you

can interest enough of the electorate to
believe that Henry Fonda...

A lifelong actor has the qualifications
for presidential leadership.

Applause.

Applaud him.

Applaud a totally defeated speech.

Let me tell you something about my
dream, Mr. President.

That does sound good, doesn't it?

Mr. President.

Sure, you say you're totally and
completely inexperienced, but

what?

inexperienced at corruption, at
pandering to special interests, at

Mr. Fonda, you have something that no
other candidate has. It's what I call

spiritual honesty.

Mr. Fonda, you are the quintessential
American and the only one who can bring

this country the leadership it so
desperately needs.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Your next president of the United
States.

I pledge $1 ,000.

I told you they were persuasive.

Mr. Finley, I'm positive you can do
anything you set your mind to do.

But I do not wish to become the
president of the United States.

and because I am so sure that you could
do anything you set your mind to, if you

do succeed in getting me nominated, I
will not run.

That was a wonderful speech. You do,
Daryl, better than I do. Thank you, and

good night.

He's gone.

He's gone because he didn't think it was
possible.

No, Maude.

He's gone because he didn't want to do
it. He didn't want to do it because he

didn't think it could be done.

But anything, Walter, anything is
possible if you do something to make

take you seriously.

But what, Maude?

I'm going to burn down the house.

You all think it's a nutty idea, don't
you? Which shows how little you know

about leadership.

It is a genius idea. I burn down this
house. Somewhere in New Jersey, somebody

burns his house down. A minister in Iowa
burns his church down.

I mean, don't tell me that then people
won't seriously take the Henry Fonda for

president campaign.

You're all totally without imagination.

She's going into this. Now what? I don't
believe it.

I can snap her out of it just like that.

Would you all mind leaving us alone for
just a minute? Sure.

You hang in there, Mother.

Oh, Walter.

I'm so tired.

Oh, no, no, no. No, you're not,
sweetheart.

You've got all this... stamina and spunk
in the world no not anymore walter

oh it's all my fault i had the

opportunity i missed it no no believe me
sweetheart you didn't do anything wrong

i did everything wrong walter everything

What, darling?

I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner.

Oh, my sweet, sweet darling.

It'll be all right.

Maud was taped in Hollywood before a
live audience.