All language subtitles for maude_s04e16_walter_s_stigma

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc would the Lord to guide her.

She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh yeah!

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And Betsy Ross!

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud.
That'll compromise and enterprise and

anything but tranquilize. Right or not?

I just hope that when I'm 53, I look as
good as he does. You did.

Uh,

Vivian, is the cake ready?

Yes, yes, but where's our birthday boy?
He's gonna miss his own surprise party.

Oh, I called the store. They said he
left at 4 o 'clock.

Mother, it's almost 6 o 'clock.

Oh, come on, you two. You know Walter.

He can never tear himself away from
anybody he happens to be talking to. You

know, customers, supermarket clerks, the
man at the newsstand.

I mean, he's always been that way.
That's why tonight's party is going to

biggest surprise I've ever given Walter.

Except on our honeymoon.

No, I invited all these people tonight
because these are the people that Walter

stops and talks to. These are the real
friends of Friendly Findley's. Oh,

a sweet, generous gesture. I know. They
eat like horses.

Well... I know Muller, the butcher, and
Art from Art's service station, but who

are the rest of these people?

Oh, well, Carol, I don't know everybody,
although I do know most of them. Oh,

Harry!

Harry, my daughter Carol.

This is Harry Devlin, Walter's auto
mechanic.

Hello. Walter adores your grease jobs.

And I adored him.

He's one of Tuckahoe's greats. Oh,
Harry!

And that's Jerry Financio, Walter's
druggist. And that's the pharmacist's

Jerry's wife? No, Jerry's mate. Jerry's
wife goes with the dry cleaner.

Do you know who that is?

That is Hazel M.

Hathaway.

The Hazel M. Hathaway who writes tales
from your tuckahoe tattler and just

everybody? I love her.

That's the one.

That is the one. If she enjoys herself
here tonight, she'll probably put

Walter's name in her column tomorrow.

Hey!

Perhaps I'd better.

Mrs. Hathaway, I'm Maude Findlay.
Welcome to my home.

Oh, Mrs.

Findlay. I was just noticing the decor
in this room. Did you do it yourself, or

did you have a decorator? Well, no,
actually, I did it all myself.

That's what I figured.

Where's the guest of honor? What's his
name?

There's a car pulling up in the
driveway.

Oh, quiet, everybody.

Quiet, everybody. Now, look, you all
know what you have to do. Now, we're

to yell surprise, and then we're all
going to sing happy birthday. Oh,

incidentally, I took Walter's key so
that he'd have to ring the bell.

Pretty nice house this Finley guy's got.
It's hard to believe.

What? That he's a sex weirdo.

Like they say, perversion cuts across
socioeconomic lines.

Uh -oh, they got company.

Listen, maybe we ought to give this guy
a break and come back later.

You can't let a perpetrator like Finley
run around loose.

The guy's charged with lewd and
lascivious conduct, exposing himself in

You're right.

Two policemen, isn't this marvelous?

Come on in.

What a wonderful surprise for Walter.

I'm Officer Crandall, and this is
Officer Sullivan. Now, where is... Oh,

come right on in. We expect Walter any
minute. Look, everybody.

Chuckahoe's finest.

Yeah, I just think it's so fantastic the
way Walter makes friends so easily.

I mean, you know, what happened to you
two? I know. You gave him a traffic

ticket, and he charmed the pants off
you.

That's my Walter. That is my Walter.

Ours, too.

Ours, too.

Why don't you help yourselves to a drink
and just relax, huh?

Officers, I just want you to know I was
the first one in this neighborhood that

had a bumper sticker that says, Guns
kill people, not cops.

I support law and order to combat this
police brutality bunk.

Fits the description perfectly.

Guys bopping innocent women on the
street and making lewd and lascivious

propositions. Not a creep. A real
sickie. Listen, everybody, everybody,

wonderful idea. While we're waiting,
let's have a musical entertainment by

Gravenstein. Walter Taylor.

Walter fell in love with him one day
when he heard him whittle.

Apparently, he's the only whittler who
doesn't need to pucker.

Of course, I haven't heard him myself.
Perhaps you'd like to write him up in

your column.

I'd be delighted.

Now, what was the name?

Gravenstein. Like the apple?

Gravenstein.

All right.

Your musical virtuoso, Elmer
Gravenstein.

he did in front of those two innocent
ladies.

Let's bust him.

moment of my life. All right, you men,
line up for that special toast.

Oh, by the way, Walter, this is Hazel M.
Hathaway from the Tuckahoe Trib.

No, you're not the Hazel M. Hathaway who
writes tales from your Tuckahoe

tattler. Guilty.

Okay, we are ready.

Wait till you see the special treat your
friends have prepared to toast your

birthday.

Walter Finley, a friend who's like a
brother. Oh, thanks, Arthur.

Walter Finley, old friends are the best.

Oh, Harry, you old son of a grease gun.

Walter Finley, who proves that nice guys
can finish first.

Walter Finley, you're under arrest.

accosted two women on Main Street,
exposed yourself, and made indecent

suggestions.

Way to go, Walter!

We identified you from your picture in
the shopping news. You're charged with

lewd and lascivious conduct.

Lewd and lascivious? My Walter!

Oh, officers, I assure you, he never
acts that way. Except in the privacy of

bedroom. And even then...

you understand your rights. Oh, you
monkeys are beautiful.

Hey, look at this.

Look at this, everybody.

More toy cuffs.

They're real cuffs.

You're not serious.

We're serious.

Oh, now, look, if this is your idea of a
joke, I'm... Lewd and lascivious? My

Walter? Well, that's a charge.

This has got to be a mistake.

Lord, if even a hint of this gets out,
I'll be ruined. We'll straighten it all

out. Listen, we'll be right back. Carol,
you take care of our guests.

I mean, this is ridiculous. We'll get to
the bottom of this. Walter, no one will

even know the police have been here.

Floyd.

Hazel. Hold the front page. I'm at the
Finley party. Her cheese puffs are

nothing. And her husband's a pervert.

Look, Sergeant, I'm innocent.

I wasn't anywhere near those two ladies
at 5 .30 this afternoon.

Then where were you?

Your employees say you weren't at your
store.

That's right, Walter. Why don't you
clear it up once and for all, tell the

officer where you were.

Well, I was, uh...

I was, uh... You went to your public
speaking class?

I took off early to go to... I went to a
film retrospective.

What's a film retrospective?

You know, it's where they show classic
films by some of the immortal artists.

You know, Dietrich, Garbo, Barrymore,
Van Johnson.

Walter, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
Tell the officer.

Well, actually, it was a Donald Duck
festival.

A

Donald

Duck festival?

You went to a Donald Duck festival?
Walter, that has to be the most Mickey

thing you've ever done.

I see.

A Donald Duck Festival.

Did you see anybody at this alleged
Donald Duck Festival who might remember

I don't know. Maybe.

Oh, for God's sake, Walter. Now think!

Think! Oh, yes.

Yes. I had a fight with an eight -year
-old kid over the last box of Jujubees.

All right, folks. Just take a seat. We
have to wait for the plaintiffs.

But I want to go home. It's my birthday.

Sit down.

experience of my life.

Mrs. Hathaway, stop writing.

The minute those women get here, Walter
will be cleared.

You're just wasting your bick.

Walter, I don't see how they can bring
these charges against you.

Were you anywhere near Elm Street today?

Of course. My store is on Elm Street.

What are you getting at, Arthur?

Oh, nothing. Just wondering.

You see that, Mort?

You see what a charge like this can do?

Even my best friend is beginning to have
doubts. Oh, come on. Now, Walter Arthur

isn't doubting you.

Of course not, Walter.

Um, Walter, is it possible that when you
left the store, you forgot to zip

up? I mean, sometimes you are... You do
that too, Arthur?

Vivian! Walter's the pervert here, not
me.

Accused. Accused.

Pervert.

Nothing personal, Walter.

That's him. He's the one. That's the
man. That's the one right there. What

you talking about? I never saw you
before in my life. Oh, he's the one all

right. First he pinched me and then he,
you know.

And then he asked me to dump Clara here
as if I ever would and go to a motel

with him.

Lady, you're wrong.

I'm no weirdo.

I spent the whole afternoon at a Donald
Duck festival.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a
deadline to meet. No, wait a minute.

Hathaway, you are not going to print
that. I'm warning you. Don't yell at me.

This probably never would have happened
if you'd given him what he needed at

home.

I will go to your editor. I will go to
your publisher.

You go ahead.

They're both the same man. Floyd
Hathaway, my husband.

ladies ready to file a complaint?

Absolutely. Yes. All right, this way.

Animal.

All right, step over here, Finley. We
need some fingerprints.

Fingerprints? Mort, call Barney. I need
a lawyer.

Arthur.

Arthur's not really guilty, is he?

Well, I certainly hope not, Vivian. An
awful lot of people know I'm his best

friend.

Who do I give this affidavit to,
Sergeant?

Inside.

Hey, Walter?

Hi, Fred.

Walter, old buddy.

What brings you here?

Oh, some kids broke into my store, stole
some baseball gloves.

Why are they taking your fingerprints,
Walter?

They picked me up for jaywalking.

They take your fingerprints for
jaywalking?

Walter, Barney is on his way over. He
thinks you ought to sue for false

For jaywalking?

Oh, Fred, thank heaven you're here.
They've arrested Walter because of some

ridiculous mix -up.

What?

Listen, Sergeant, Walter Findley is one
of the finest citizens in Tuckahoe. He's

also one of my closest personal friends.
Now, what's this phony charge?

Two hysterical women claim that Walter
exposed himself to them on Elm Street.

In there?

You see that, Maud?

I'll never be able to show my face in
public again.

Maud, that story in the paper will kill
me. Honey, honey, I will take care of

it. I'll get them to delay the story
until we can find that kid who ripped

that box of juju beans.

Maud!

Just one thing.

You know I'm innocent, don't you?

Oh, Walter.

Walter, you silly Billy.

I know you. I know what kind of man you
are.

Walter, I know you couldn't in a million
years dream up an alibi as dumb as a

Donald Duck festival.

No, no, no. I'm sorry, Mrs. Finley.
Please, Mr. Hathaway. I mean, delay the

story. Just for a... couple of hours
until we can find that kid who can prove

that Walter was at the theater. Please,
I beg of you, Mr. Hathaway.

I'm a reasonable man, Mrs. Findlay. I
understand your concern.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the
doubt.

Eddie, you know that story on the front
page with the headline, Walter Findlay

arrested on sex charge?

Yeah. Well, change it to Walter Finley
denies he's a pervert.

That's worse!

That's like saying that President Ford
is learning how to get off an airplane

without falling on his face.

Mrs. Finley, where did you get that
information? That's not important.

Mrs. Finley, two witnesses have
positively identified your husband.

You'd better wake up and smell the
coffee.

The public has a right to know what goes
on in the streets of this community.

We believe in the First Amendment.

And the Ten Commandments. Look, I
believe in the First Amendment and

the commandments.

I assure you, my husband has never done
anything wrong in the streets. Well,

maybe once. It was after a snowstorm.
Aha.

Behind a building. I was standing guard.
It was an emergency.

All right, Mrs. Spender.

All right.

Please, you cannot prevent... That
story, what if you print it and then

is proven innocent?

Well, I'll print that, too. Oh, sure.

You'll bury it someplace where no one
will read it. Like in your wife's

Mrs. Finley, I understand your position,
but as publisher of the Tuckahoe

Tribune, I hold a sacred trust.

The precious right of our readers to
know the truth.

We print what we know, fearlessly.

In spite of any threats or
intimidations. Yes, we have our

Findley, and no power on earth can cause
us to swerve from our devotion to the

truth. So don't think you can come in
here and influence us just because your

husband happens to be a big advertiser.

Wait a minute.

What do you mean her husband's a big
advertiser? He owns Findley's Friendly

Appliances.

You mean this Walter Findley is friendly
Wally Findley?

Why, he's one of our biggest
advertisers.

Floyd, what does that have to do with
it? What about our sacred principles?

What about the public's precious right
to know?

Hazel, you know I'd never betray our
principles.

I'm not killing this story because
Walter Findley is a major advertiser.

strictly a news judgment.

I need room for the story on the
Rotarian's pancake breakfast tomorrow

in the J .C. Penney parking lot.

The public has a precious right to know
about that, too, you know. Lloyd, what

are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

Selling out.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, Mr.

Hathaway. Lloyd, don't you realize that
this story could put me right.

Why don't you just stick to reprinting
the dip recipes from the back of the

Frito bags?

Eddie, kill that Finley story.

Yes, the whole thing. Kill it. Oh, thank
you, Mr.

Hathaway. Thank you, thank you, thank
you. All right, Mrs. Finley.

Maybe we can't say anything about your
husband, but you're going to regret this

because tomorrow morning I am going to
run the most vicious, scathing, ruthless

piece I've ever written. I am going to
crucify your abominable pigs in a

blanket.

Good, I got the recipe from your column.

I'm not making this up.

In the Floss cartoon, Goofy took away
the ladder while Donald was throwing off

the branch when suddenly he looked
down... Walter, please, we believe you.

Vivian, quiet, please.

All right, Walter.

Now, he was up to three. What happened?

it for yourself.

Oh, sure, and wind up a convict like
you.

Oh, thank heaven.

At least they are not going to print
that, George.

Oh, well. Oh, you're right, Sarge.

They ought to hang you and throw away
the key.

Look what the boys picked up, Sarge.

Indecent exposure on the corner of 4th
and L.

this is our man.

Oh, Mr. Finley, I'm so sorry.

Twice in one day, kind of pushing your
luck, ain't you, fella? It's fun.

Well, Walter, at least you can see how
they made the mistake.

I look like that.

Yes, Walter, you're just going to have
to face these things.

Oh, but sweetheart, honey, it turned out
to be a happy birthday after all.

Happy birthday, Walter.

Happy birthday, Walter.

Walter,

you shouldn't do that in a police
station.

I didn't touch you.

Don't you ever try that again.

And as a word of advice, trim your
nails.

Stations are still intact.

Step over here, ladies. We've got to go
through this again.

Phil. Yeah, yeah, I'm still down at the
police station. Listen.

You'll never guess what Walter Findley
just bought his way out of.

Ta -da!

Watch two weeks from tonight when Maude
launches her own candidate for

president.

Are you ready, folks?

Bring it in, boys.

Our official campaign poster.

HFP.

Henry Fonda for president.

Martin was taped in Hollywood before a
live audience.