Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Angel Clats, she showed up.

Oh, yeah.

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's more.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud. That'll compromise and enterprise and

anything but tranquilize. Right or not?

Walter? Good morning, Walter.

I said good morning, Walter.

Oh, Walter, how long are you going to sleep? It's almost 5 a .m.

Walter.

Walter. Honey.

Walter, the polls are going to be open in an hour.

Walter.

Walter, just think. This time tomorrow, I could be the Democratic nominee for

New York State Senate. Walter, what do you think of that?

I was afraid you'd say that.

Maybe there's some news.

They're not awake yet, either.

Ward, wake me up again when the float with Betty White passes.

Walter, come on now.

It's a lovely day today.

Do whatever you've got to do.

Why do we have to get up so early?

Yes.

Well, there are only three reasons why a wife would wake up her husband at five

in the morning.

To go fishing. I don't fish. To play golf. I don't golf.

Or to... On the biggest day of my life, Walter.

Walter.

Walter, the New York Times.

Walter, I've arrived.

There's an article about me in the New York Times, Walter. The New York Times,

Walter. The New York Times.

The Times? New York.

In Westchester County, Democratic favorite James Kunkel faces a strong

from newcomer Maude Findlay of Tuck. Continued on page eight.

that makes water. This is a very happy day for me, a very happy day.

Chuck, this is going to be a very big day for you.

You are going to see the democratic process in action.

You mean they're going to raise the price of gasoline again?

Now, come on, you know perfectly well that today is election day.

Look, since you're wide awake, why don't you make us a very special breakfast

for a very special day? How about one of your delicious omelets?

No, it'll have to be something else. I made a vow never to break an egg. before

7 a .m. It's in honor of a chicken that once saved my life.

How could a chicken save her life?

Mouth to beak resuscitation?

I have never seen you blue like you have during this campaign.

Oh, and Walter, you're marvelous, too. You know you've been an angel to go

through this with me. I don't think there are many men who would let their

have this opportunity.

I'm glad you're my husband, Walter.

I'm glad you gargled. I'm sorry you didn't.

What if you don't win?

I mean, you know, you don't have much of a chance against Jim Kunkel. Oh, come

on, Walter. Who would vote for a man who thinks we should bomb New Jersey?

Anyone who's ever lived in New Jersey?

Look, all I'm saying is I hope you're prepared for a possible disappointment

tonight at your election party. Never, Walter, never.

On the plains of desolation lie the bones of countless thousands who,

nearing their goal... faltered. And having faltered, died.

Johann Milo Schenck.

Wow. Wow. Who's that?

Philip's bowling coach.

Hey, you guys. Mother, have you forgotten you're on television?

Wake up, Winchester.

Oh, I forgot. Channel 53.

It's on.

Senator Myers, one last question.

Do you feel that Ms. Finley will have a harder time getting votes because she's

a woman?

Oh, women have made great strides recently, and I think voters recognize

these are due times. Oh, maybe it's the set. Yes, I think that people are

suspicious that strong party ties are increasingly willing to vote for

candidates who respond to their needs, no matter what their sex.

One final question.

A while back, our First Lady Betty Ford had some rather astonishing things to

say about young women and premarital sex.

Is it true, as I've heard recently, that you personally agree with her remarks?

Yes, that is true. Oh, well, Maude, I don't think that you actually agree with

it. Well, of course I do. I mean, all Mrs. Ford said was that young people do

get involved in premarital relationships, and even if you don't

they do. We should be able to talk to them about it. In other words, Mrs.

Findlay believes, as I do, that we should keep the lines of communication

to young people so that we can...

counsel them in the errors of their way. So we can say that you do agree with

Mrs. Ford up to a point. That is correct. I do agree with her up to a

And then at that point, I personally would go much further.

It's a wonderful thing, and we're now learning that it doesn't always have to

tied to husbands and wives.

I mean, if two people can have a happy premarital relationship, well, they

get lucky and carry it over into their marriage.

Like I did.

Four times.

Oh, thank you, Senator Myers, and thank you, Mrs. Finley. And now, back to the

news. Oh, Mother, you were terrific.

That was sensational.

Is Senator Myers really that square?

I don't think so. He just feels that if you make an even mildly controversial

remark on television, your phone will start ringing off the hook.

Hello.

Oh, you saw it.

How dare you use language like that on the telephone?

Oh, yeah? Well, the same to you, Reverend.

First customers.

Oh, well, I hope we're not your last.

If I'm going to pile up votes, we'll need a big turnout.

Pardon me, but may I ask you a personal question?

Yes.

Is that a maiden form bra you're wearing?

Yes, why?

I'm going to have to switch.

for state senate. You've probably seen my picture in the newspapers.

Oh, no, no, no, that's not it. I thought that maybe we went to school together.

The eyes go first.

I'd like to invite all of you to my victory party tonight at the Ramada Inn.

Now I know why you look familiar.

You were on that TV show this morning advocating premarital hanky -panky.

I saw that. And I think it will cost you the election.

You offended every decent citizen in the community.

That's a lot of bull.

My theory is you don't buy a shoe without trying it on first.

Mother, it's your turn. Go ahead.

Have you been doing this for a long time? Oh, no, no.

I didn't start until 1920.

I'll bet she remembers Teapot Dome.

Damn that Teapot Dome.

Sign here.

When was taking Mother so long?

I thought I was prepared for it, but when I saw my name on that ballot, I

just like Franklin D. Roosevelt or Harry Truman, John F. Kennedy.

Oh, Mother, that's wonderful.

I mean, it's incredible, Carol, that people can vote for you or vote against

you, but, I mean, the right to vote, your vote, Carol's vote, my vote.

Oh, my God, I forgot to vote.

Oh?

Okay, Mother, this is it. No, wait, Carol.

Oh, my moment of glory.

You know, whenever I work for other candidates in other campaigns, the

part was the election night party now the candidate would walk in and the band

would strike up for he's a jolly good fellow and the crowd would scream and

shout and the candidate would shake hands and say thank you for all your

was a real thrill let's go in and give this crowd a real

thrill

has been pretty easy so far.

Where is everybody? What happened?

Oh, they must know about the party.

Oh, now, let's not get excited, Walter. I mean, it's probably a very simple

explanation. Let's all stay calm. Give me a double anything.

Hey, what's going on here?

Where's the corpse?

Oh, Arthur.

We're sorry to be late, Maude, but we dropped into another party by mistake

downstairs in the Cardinal Richelieu room.

Yeah, buddy, we... We accidentally stumbled into a party for your opponent,

James Kunkel. You should see it down there. The joint is really jumping. You

mean a lot of people there? No, no, just a handful.

What do you mean a handful? The place is jammed.

And when Kunkel came in, they cheered and applauded. They went crazy.

Father, it doesn't mean a thing. And I didn't see anybody there from your

campaign. No, except Senator Bob Myers. Arthur!

You're joking.

I cannot believe that Senator Bob Myers, my biggest supporter, was down at

Kunkel's party.

Oh, but he is, Marty.

He's even making jokes about his hokey hair transplant.

He's probably just there to congratulate Kunkel on his victory.

What victory? The polls just closed.

See? Kunkel wins.

Yeah, it says, uh, with our straw poll now in, our political editor, Al

projects a 60 % vote for party regular James Kunkel over his neophyte opponent,

Maude Findlay.

song you know?

Obviously, the only things they play are political rallies and bar mitzvahs.

Hi there, Senator.

I'm sorry, Maude. It doesn't look too good for you, but I want you to know...

I think you put up a terrific fight.

Vivian, would you ask the band if they know the theme from Jaws?

Oh, now, wait a minute, Maude. I wouldn't even have been down there if

hadn't gone on television this morning and endorsed sin.

I did not endorse sin. It was sex, and there was nothing sinful about it.

Maude, I agree with the senator.

I agree with him. You know what this premarital business leads to?

Moral decay?

Economic collapse?

Health food?

Maud, you're in politics, and a politician has an obligation to get

Now, I'm with you, but if our views just happen to be controversial, well, a

good politician just...

Keeps it to himself.

Yes, but all my views are controversial. Everything I believe in is

controversial. Gun control, women's rights, racial equality.

The only popular belief I have is my foreign policy.

What's that? If you're in Mexico, don't drink the water.

Now, I can hardly get elected on that.

Face it, Maude, you killed your own chances.

Maybe so.

But I'd rather lose on my beliefs than win on hypocrisy.

Hey, Grandma, come here. They're talking about you on the news. Maude, you know

absolutely nothing about politics.

Bob, do me a favor. If ever you get to Mexico, try the water.

And polling places all over Westchester County report heavy activity throughout

the late afternoon and evening. The turnout is already reported to be the

highest in years.

And by the time the final tallies come in, it may well prove to be an all -time

record for a primary.

Now, this could be bad news.

for longtime Democratic leader James L. Conkle, who was counting on a light

turnout. Chief beneficiary of the heavy vote is newcomer Maude Finley, the wife

of a Tuckahoe appliance dealer.

Mets in the name of the storm!

The new politics in action apparently helped motivate the large voter turnout.

Before this night is over, we may be reporting an upset in Westchester

15 minutes ago, Maude. You never started the party before the polls closed.

Didn't you know that?

No, I didn't know that. Did you know that?

I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Did you know that? I

didn't know that. I didn't know that. Did you? I didn't know that.

What is it? I just wanted to say I didn't know that.

I hate you.

How nice to see you.

Oh, give him hell.

Oh, baby.

...in Westchester County. Earlier this week, it looked like a shoe -in for

favorite James L. Kunkel, but an unexpected last -minute heavy turnout

life to the spirited campaign of political newcomer Maude Finley of...

It's nip and tuck.

Punkle slightly ahead by one percentage point. This one could go right down to

the wire.

Ladies and gentlemen, friends, may I have your attention, please?

It's an honor for me to be associated with Maud Finder.

And I want to congratulate our Maud.

on a great campaign.

A campaign that proves that speaking out on the issues can make a

front -runner out of a dark horse.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Senator Bob Myers.

It's so nice to meet a politician whose main strength is the weakness of his

convictions.

Hasn't she got a great sense of humor?

Ladies and gentlemen, you remember Dewey Wynn?

Oh, I tell you right now, I feel the way Harry Truman must have felt that night.

Oh. And I feel like Bess.

Everybody, my husband, Walter. Oh.

Our friendly, friendly appliances.

You gargled.

that a woman has the same need for purposefulness as a man.

And that, my friends, is real love.

Of course, the election isn't over yet, but I have to tell you how

satisfying it is to be taken seriously as a candidate for public office.

And to all of you who worked so hard helping me, I love you. I love all of

especially those young people who created the late surge at the polls.

have been the ones who agreed with what I said on television this morning and

were obviously too busy doing other things to vote her over.

Japan. Boy,

what a bunch of party poopers.

Come on, Grandma, wake up.

Oh, what time is it and who won?

I said, what time is it,

Philip? Ten after four. And who won?

That was the Yankee Street in Athens.

I mean the election, Philip. Who won the election?

Oh, Mrs. Finley, I can't stand the excitement.

I've just heard on the four o 'clock news that the lead has changed hands

Who is ahead?

Who is ahead?

Either you or Mr. Cunningham.

I forget which.

Can't you remember anything?

At five o 'clock in the morning, I can't remember anything.

But you just said it was four.

You see?

Arthur. Yeah? Don't you know somebody on the Tuckahoe Tribune?

I mean, they ought to have some late news.

As a matter of fact, one of my very best buddies is on the city desk at the

Trib. We're always doing favors for each other.

Last year, I took out his appendix, and he took out my nurse.

That's how Arthur always knows what's going to happen to Mary Worth two days

ahead of time.

Hello, Trib?

Harry Foley, please.

Arthur Harmon here.

Harmon.

Dr. Harmon.

Hi, Harry.

Listen, if it isn't too much trouble, do you have the final vote count on the

Maude Finley -Jim Kunkel race?

Oh, really?

She did?

She did. She had.

Boy,

are you kidding? Isn't that something?

Well, you're not going to... What did he say? What are all these figures?

Well, what do you know?

Now, listen, Harry, if it's not too inconvenient, can you tell me what's

to happen with Mary Worth's toothache? Oh, really?

Wow. Well, thanks a lot, Harry.

Right.

Come on. Come on, Harvey. Tell us. Tell us. Well, Mary is having this root

canal.

But the amazing thing is that out of 80 ,000 votes, you only lost by 360.

360. Oh, no. 360.

Oh, Mother, Mother, you did great. It was a moral victory. And get this. In

district, right here, you only lost by one vote.

One vote?

One vote? That's amazing. I can't believe it. Just one vote.

One vote?

Like, that means that just one person in the district, I mean, it could have

been... It could have been one person here in this room. Could have cost me

whole district.

All right, who was the fink who voted for Gunfold?

Don't look at me. I didn't vote. I'm a Republican. I know. Oh, Mother, I don't

have to tell you how I voted.

Maude, I have a confession to make.

I didn't want you to move away.

Oh, good Lord, my best friend in the whole world.

So I'm glad you didn't win.

I just never dreamed, Vivian, that you would be the one who wouldn't vote for

me.

No, I voted for you. I'm just glad you didn't win.

Mother, who in this room would have a reason to vote against you?

Well, Walter.

Huh?

I said, well, Walter.

Fine, and you?

of the voting booth.

Maude, I voted for our marriage.

What a rotten thing to do.

I'll tell you.

I voted for the most beautiful, the most adorable, the sexiest candidate in the

race.

Walter. Did you ever see Conkle in a bathing suit?

All right, be cagey, citizen -friendly.

Walter, I guess I'm back to being a full -time wife again.

My lord.

You know, I'll bet I can unseat Bob Myers next time. Next time? What do you

mean? I mean, I have two whole years now, you know, to prepare me. Now, wait

minute. Oh, you love living in Washington.

Washington? I'll buy a couple of big raps. You know what they do?