Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner.

Angel Blatt, she showed up.

Oh, yeah.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's more.

Right on up.

hasn't been slept in. She's not anyplace in the house.

Well, the last time I saw her was when she came in at two o 'clock this

You were up at two o 'clock this morning? Oh, I just happened to be here

bar.

She had a date with Senator Myers last night. Did he bring her home?

Yes, but they were so late that your mother suggested he stayed over.

I made up the sofa for him in the den.

Well, did anything happen at the Harmon's party last night that could

her? Let me think now.

Your mother was dancing with the senator, and everything was going fine

Mr. Finlay arrived with a young girl called Kathy. He was wearing a big

and she was wearing no bra, which accounted for his big smile.

Well, Mother and Walter have been separated for three weeks.

She was there with the senator. Why should she mind if Walter shows up with

girl? She didn't. She took it right in her side.

Then Mr.

Finley started drinking.

Walter went off the wagon.

And the next thing, he gets out of the bottle and he leaves with the girl.

Oh, he was ever so tiddly.

Then Dr.

Arman went after him to keep an eye on him.

But he was a trifle tiddly too.

Mrs. Finlay was worried.

So she and the senator went to Mr.

Finlay's apartment to see if he'd got home safe.

But they found something they didn't bargain for.

Apparently, Mr. Finlay had taken that gorgeous girl back to his apartment.

And when Mrs. Finlay got there...

There go the two of you.

over, through.

So I've decided to paint the entire house.

I am invincible. Mother, come on, let's have some coffee. Mother.

I love this color.

I found it in the garage.

It's the new me, Carol.

Bold, independent, sort of a brash olive with just a hint of the old west.

I call it Lorne Gray.

cup of coffee wouldn't hurt.

A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup. Boy!

Mother, I have never seen you this... Bug off, Carol!

Cream?

Thank you.

Mother, you're aging. I said bug off!

Mrs. Naugatuck, why don't you see if the senator would like a cup? He's in the

den. I'm sure he's up by now.

Well, I'll finish my painting later. I have to... watch myself being

on the Good Morning Tuckahoe show in 45 minutes, and then I have a very busy day

of campaigning. Mother, can't you see you're at your breaking point?

Breaking point? Carol, my breaking point hasn't even been tested yet.

Good morning, God!

Testing one.

God, I know how upset you are over Walter falling off the wagon, and I

want you to have to... to carry the extra burden of worrying about Arthur

getting drunk and staying out all night. And so I brought you some wonderful

news about Arthur. Please, I don't want to hear it. Not one word. I don't even

want you to mention his name. Oh, Maude. If I thought you really meant that.

Arthur called me this morning at 5 o 'clock from the hospital. It seems he'd

gotten an emergency call on his beeper, and he pulled himself together and

rushed over to the operating room and removed a gallbladder.

Isn't that amazing?

And he'd no sooner removed one rubber glove than his beeper beeped again, and

guess what he removed then? The other rubber glove he left in the room.

No. No. An appendix.

Oh, he is such a saint.

Look, Vivian, I am very sorry. I am terribly, terribly sorry. Oh, I'll have

sponge off in a jiffy, Senator.

There's an old bathrobe of Mr. Finlay's in the cupboard there.

I spilled coffee on his pants, and he's got an important debate in Washington

this afternoon.

Nothing hurts a senator's credibility more than wet pants.

find anything when I want it. Never!

Mother, what are you looking for? Oh, that Italian phrase I was going to use

the Daughters of Italy luncheon this afternoon.

It's, uh, buona fortuna e buon mangiare a tutti.

And it means good luck and good eating to all.

Buona fortuna. How am I going to remember that, Carol? I'll just, I'll

say viva la popi.

painting for today. Please, Carol, Carol, I don't want to hear anymore. I

want any of your advice. I mean, why don't you just get off my back?

You want to know why?

Yes, I do. Because you're my mother and I love you.

Honey, I'm so sorry.

Oh, Carol, when I walked into that... apartment last night with Senator Bob

found Walter in bed with that girl.

Three weeks of separation and the fact that he's drinking again just kills me.

Oh, Carol, I love Walter so much and I hate him.

Excuse me.

I have just remembered something that I have to do.

in my own home.

Mother, you knew this wasn't going to be easy when you started.

Career versus marriage never is.

Walter isn't against my career, Carol. He's against my career in Albany.

You know, selling the store and just dragging along.

Will you stop defending him and stop assuming all the guilt?

Walter walked out on you because of an inconvenience to him. Oh, come on,

Yes, it's a severe inconvenience, but that's all it is, is an inconvenience.

And he's making you feel guilty when he's the one who refuses to even

compromise.

And the whole time he's carrying around this big banner that says, if you don't

do it my way, Maude, 100%, then you don't love me.

Well, Walter has to meet you halfway, doesn't he? He has to give a little.

Isn't that what an honest relationship is all about?

You know, Carol, there's something I've been wanting to say to you for years.

Something... Something I feel I can tell you now.

What? Buona fortuna e buon mangiato.

Kathy.

You see, I really love my wife.

Kathy, please.

Kathy, wake up!

Not tonight, Vivian. I gotta head in.

after spending the night with another guy is ridiculous.

I'm such a stupid jerk, drinking again after two years.

Arthur, what's this?

Huh?

That's Kathy's shoe.

What happened to the rest of them?

I don't know. Maybe we drank her.

No, I remember now.

Just before she called us drunken bums.

and left us at that bar. I traded shoes with her.

Thank heavens I thought to call Vivian when I woke at five this morning. I told

her I was at the hospital operating.

I think I got her fresh enough.

Good luck. I'll make some breakfast.

be glad to know that she's just thick over what you've done. Just thick.

You know, you could learn a lesson from Arthur while you were out carousing

around with that teenage Twinkie.

Do you know where Arthur was?

At the hospital, removing gallbladders and appendixes and all kinds of icky

little things.

since the night here last night.

Vivian!

My God, the two of you shared her.

And I thought Maud was the only one with something to worry about.

Maud, what does she know about this?

Oh, she was so worried about you, she came over here last night and found you

bed with that young lady.

Vivian, that was no lady. That was your husband.

Kathy didn't come home with us.

Oh, Ma.

Oh, Ma thought I was in bed with... Oh, my God. Poor Ma. No, Walter, listen. Why

do I do everything wrong?

Why do I have to hurt her?

I deserve to be kicked like a dog.

Here comes Senator Bob from our den wearing your bathrobe and without his

trousers.

I mean, it's true that I have a perfectly good excuse just the way you

but... What a riotous coincidence.

It sure is. I spent the night with a man and so did you.

It's not funny, Walter.

I'll drink to that.

Now, Walter, I know what this looks like, but it's... Listen, Walter,

Bob spent the night in the den on the sofa.

Mrs. Naugatuck accidentally spilled some coffee on his trousers, that's all. I

mean, you certainly don't think that there's anything going on between Bob

me. I mean, come on, Walter, that's silly.

Oh, that's silly.

Maude and me?

Oh, that's ridiculous.

I mean, that's absurd.

I mean, it's crazy.

I mean, that's... Oh, yeah, that's your point!

Your trousers are out in the kitchen.

Who wouldn't want a drink? Look what you put me through with your dumb campaign.

I mean, but I must realize that a big -time politician like Maud Finley

have any time to feel guilty about the damage she causes.

Oh, come on, Walter. That's bull, and you know it.

Walter, any honest relationship calls for give and take. Can't you give a

little, Walter? Maud, when you're up in Albany making life better for everybody,

just remember a small -time appliance dealer back in Tuckahoe every once in a

while because that's one life you really fouled up.

Walter, please don't.

Walter, please.

Leave me alone.

Please, Walter, please.

All right, Walter, you win!

You win.

You win.

Now, quit the race.

But I have to be honest with you, Walter. It'll be a long time before I

anything gently in this house.

Oh, Maude.

That's how you feel now.

But you'll get over it. You'll see we'll work it out.

Oh, Vivian Arthur!

Maude's not going to run for the Senate. She's staying home and so am I.

Let's celebrate. I'll get some ice and fix you a drink.

Maude, really?

If I don't, Walter will drink himself to death.

Oh, but Vivian, it is so unfair.

It is so damned unfair.

Marty, listen.

If you're dropping out of the race just because Walter has slipped in his

drinking again, you're making a big mistake.

Arthur! Bloody Mary!

No thanks, Walter.

Remember, Walter's an alcoholic, Marty.

You're not responsible for that.

You have got to detach yourself with love.

Because if he wants to drink, he'll find an excuse no matter what you do.

Arthur, in my head I know that, but in my heart I love him. I can't see him

end up in the gutter.

Zippity -doo -dah, zippity -ay.

I'll just go in and break the news to Senator Bob.

Great.

Well, Walter, I guess this solves your problem.

Maude made her decision.

What do you think of her decision?

I think it sucks scissors.

Ah, a little drink to celebrate.

I won.

Won?

Won what?

Happiness through blackmail?

You know, you're like a baby throwing a temper tantrum.

Everybody has to give in to Walter Finley because he's an alcoholic.

I don't like you very much right now, Walter.

Mother! Mother, come on in!

Walter! Hey, Carol, I got something to tell you. No, later. Mother has to watch

herself on TV. Where is she? In the kitchen. Mother!

even though you're running for the state senate, you have your eye on the

presidency? Oh, no, no, no, I was misquoted. No, what I said was, I have

on the president.

We understand that the latest polls have you gaining rapidly on your opponent

for the Democratic primary, James Kunkel.

How would you explain that?

Very simply, the...

emergence of women in our society.

For as New Woman magazine so aptly puts it, Jack and Jill went up the hill to

fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown.

And Jill went on to complete the assignment, much to the great admiration

employer, and excelled in all future endeavors, far exceeding the

of all those who assumed she had no capacity.

Happier this way?

How can you define happiness? It's a feeling that we women

have for each other because we know in our own special way that we are freer

than we have ever been before. By free, I mean free to do and to be whatever

we want. It's so exciting.

Oh, Mother, you're marvelous.

I loved the life that I led before I entered the race. I loved being a

homemaker. I loved raising a child. And I like to think that I was successful at

it. But I don't know. Now I have a chance to achieve what I feel

I'm capable of achieving in life.

To be effective.

Isn't that a marvelous word?

Because...

I don't know, if you don't strive, then the door to life remains forever shut,

and that person just wanders through the rest of her life wondering what might

have happened if she had walked through, you know?

And I walked through.

I opened that door.

So no matter what happens, win or lose, I can never regret that.

Now, let's ask a few practical questions.

Do you believe in higher taxes for the same?

Oh, in the matter of taxes, I'd like to quote something from a speech I made

just last week.

The matter of higher taxes is one that everyone would like to avoid.

But I think...

wonderful on that TV show. You're lighting up that whole screen.

I've never seen you so alive, so vibrant, so damn happy. Would you like

with your eggs?

Yes. Here you go.

against something that I shouldn't fight.

You mean you don't want the bacon?

Will you pay attention to me? I said you win. Run for the state senate. Look,

Walter, is this some kind of a joke? I'm serious, Maude. I want you to run.

Walter, for three weeks you have told me how you would not quit your job and

sell the store and move to Albany with me. Short of that, you would not permit

my being in Albany five days a week with you here in Tuckahoe.

Walter, I...

I'll never forget the crushing pain I felt when you walked out of this house

telling me that you absolutely would not tolerate a part -time wife and you

slammed the door in my face.

That isn't just like you, Mort. You take one little thing I say and stretch it

all out of proportion.

You mean to tell me you've changed your mind in two and a half minutes? How much

booze have you had, Walter?

Mort, I need you.

It's not because of the booze. I beat that before and I'll beat it again.

Maude, I need you because I so dreadfully miss you.

Look, Walter... Maude, sit down and listen to me. Honey, are you sure you

what you're saying? Maude, you sit down and listen to me. Because... Maude, I

want you to sit down and listen to me. I think you should... Maude! I

mean

it.

I mean... I'd rather have a... part -time wife who's happy than a full -time

wife who's... Listen, if I learn to live with federal income tax, I can learn to

live with a state senator.

No, both ideas depress me.

Oh, Walter, I mean, after all this time and all this arguing, how can I be sure

that you mean this? Maude, I want you to run.

You really do mean it?

Walter, stand.

I love you. I love you.