Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider, she didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her, she was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner, ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh yeah!

When the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud. That'll compromise and enterprise and

anything but tranquilize. Right on, Maud.

Fly me to the moon and let me fly among the stars.

That's good.

But this'll be even better.

Much better.

Tell me what the spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.

Mute's got something for you.

Walter, I'm sorry.

Honey, I'm sorry, Walter. I am so sorry. You'll never know how sorry I am.

Walter, Walter, Walter, you have every right to be absolutely furious with me.

Honey, I know I've been spending a lot of time up in Albany lately, you know,

lobbying for that anti -pollution bill. And, oh, Walter, I know I couldn't have

picked a worse night to be late. I mean, I mean, the biggest, most important

night of your life.

I mean, my God.

My... Guy, Walter Findlay, chosen Tuckahoe's Businessman of the Year,

winner of this year's Tucky Award.

Oh, come on, Walter.

Walter, honey, I am so sorry I came in in the middle of the presentation and

everything. Oh, Walter, they can have their Oscars and their Emmys and their

Tonys. I love your Tucky.

Walter, sweetheart, I know what an honor it is. Your name on this trophy, along

with other Tuckahoe Men of the Year, Art of Art's Gas Station, Joe Gamble, night

manager of Chicken Delight, Mario Leonetti, philanthropist, and part

owner of the Pussycat Porno Theater.

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry I was late. I mean, I really blew the whole thing

open, honey.

Walter, when you find out why I was late, I know you're going to understand.

Walter, I know that tonight was the most important night of your life, but,

Walter, I just had the most incredible honor bestowed on me, too.

Walter, you know what?

You're gone, that's what.

Walter, please listen to me.

Walter, what are you doing?

You just ate a nine -course dinner at the musketeer room of the Ramada Inn.

I mean, I know when you're angry, you eat compulsively, but... Oh, now,

we do not eat snacks on our best royal Copenhagen, China.

You realize, of course, that now we can only have dinner for seven.

At least you evened it out to six.

Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl.

Walter, you're not going to stand here breaking all my best china, are you?

All right, Walter. I see there is only one way to stop this.

You too, fella.

Mother, mother, did you tell Walter yet? We haven't gotten around to that. We

are here to toast Tuckahoe's Man of the Year.

It's going to be an even bigger night for Walter when he hears the news about

Ma. I know. I can't wait to see his face when he finds out. Marty, what have you

got there?

Walter's most prized possession.

His old phonograph record, 78.

He's had them ever since he was a teenager.

Well, sweetheart, have you calmed down yet?

Look, Walter, your old recording of the Andrews sisters doing hold tight.

Hold tight, hold tight.

Grab something valuable and join us.

Walter. Walter.

I love

him.

Walter, will you listen to reason now?

No.

Walter. Walter.

Walter, mother has a perfectly good excuse for being late tonight. Forget

Carol. I mean, this is not the time.

Come on, you've got to tell him your good news.

The hell with our good news.

I'm up there in the dais, your empty chair beside me, thanking my missing

for her support and then telling everybody that you couldn't be there

because you were laid up in bed with the Asian flu. I know.

And just then you come running through the door and knock over a Chinese busboy

carrying a tray of dishes.

Honey, you handled it so beautifully, saying I was getting even with him for

Asian flu.

This is Walter's night.

I don't want any of you big mouths telling him that they've asked me to run

the state senate of New York.

It's true, Walter.

It's true.

Honey, this afternoon up in Albany, the leader of the Democratic caucus asked me

if I would be interested in running in the primary for state senate in this

district. Walter...

Honey, they think I'm a viable candidate.

Imagine, Walter, me, Maude Findlay, viable.

Someday I'm going to look up that word.

Oh, Walter, Walter, of course it'll mean that I'll have to live up in Albany

five days a week, but, honey, I'll be home most weekends and, of course, every

holiday. Oh, sweetheart, I'm so lucky that you are the most understanding...

Passionate, supportive, woman -oriented, Walter. You're not Tuckahoe's man of

the year. You are Tuckahoe's person of the year.

Lord. Yes, person.

Just one question.

Yes, my very own person.

Well, you're up in Albany. Who's going to take care of me?

Walter.

Margaret's hugging me to take care of you, and Philip will be here to keep you

from being lonesome. You see, darling, nothing's going to change.

I think she's been nipping at the milk again.

Mother has been asked to run for the New York State Senate.

This calls for a celebration.

I'll go and warm up some of those veal kidneys you love.

That's a good idea. I'll open the cold duck. Mrs. Naugatuck, somebody else here

is having a big night.

Who? Mr.

Findlay, of course.

Man of the year. How do you like his trophy?

Another thing to polish.

Mario Leonetti.

He's no philanthropist. His pussycat theater wouldn't give me my senior

citizen's discount.

Walter.

Walter.

Honey, is something wrong?

For crying out loud, Mort. Can't you run for some office that's local where at

least you'd be at home?

Let's say we go and help Mrs. Nocta. I'm with you, Carol. Come on, Viv.

No, I...

this for me. This is my chance to do something that matters.

Look, I know it's important to you, Maud, but I don't want a weekend wife.

I'm too old to change my lifestyle.

Maud, I am not a hermit.

I have an uncommon need not to be alone.

Oh, honey, I know that, and I love you for it, but what about my needs?

What about my rewards? Where are my trophies, Walter? What are you talking

about?

Here's one, Maud.

This beautiful home you've created. And in that kitchen right now, there's

another lovely trophy you've created.

Mrs. Nogatuck?

I'm talking about your daughter.

Ford, you've been a wonderful mother and a wonderful grandmother, and you're a

great wife. Isn't that enough for you? Let me ask you something, Walter. Would

it be enough for you?

Honey, I treasure every moment of it. But, Walter, you've been a...

Wonderful husband and a wonderful grandfather to Philip. You've been a

friend to Carol. But, Walter, you also have an outside life.

An outside life?

I'm an appliance dealer. What's the big deal?

deal, Walter, is that every day you're out there proving yourself, testing

yourself. Honey, I have seen you come home dozens of times so excited because

some business deal you'd pulled off. I mean, you were walking 17 feet off the

ground, Walter, and I've always been so happy for you and so, so jealous.

Walter, that's a high I've never known.

I mean, and now I finally have a chance to stretch myself, Walter. Oh, God, let

me have this one chance to stretch my mind and my talent and use them

meaningfully. At least let me have that chance. Is that asking too much?

Maybe you're right.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being selfish because I love you so much.

You know, maybe our life has been so good that I'm afraid to change it.

Oh, Walter, you're so sweet.

Thank you, darling.

And you'll see, Walter, everything is going to work out.

That's probably all they've called. I promised them I'd give them my decision

tonight.

Hello? Yes, this is Maude. Oh, hello, Bob.

How did I know it was you?

Oh, come on. I'd recognize that deep, basso, profundo voice of yours anywhere.

Huh? That's how you recognize my voice?

You old basso, you.

Of course, I talked it over with my husband. Here, I'll let him tell you

himself.

Hello, Senator Myers.

Thank you.

I know she's wonderful.

I know we can use somebody like Morden and Albany for the next two years.

So if she wants to run, she can run.

But it's going to be over my dead body.

Bob?

Now, what you just... That noise you just heard was a victory celebration.

Would you hold on just a moment, Bob?

How could you do a thing like this?

Maud, if by some miracle you get elected, I couldn't handle it. Not for

years. I'd be a hypocrite, Maud.

Letting you run and hoping you'd lose. Then why don't you root for me to win,

Walter, and hope that we can work it out?

How? With you up in Albany and me here with a trophy and Mrs. Norgatuck's

kidneys?

Let me ask you, Maud.

Are you willing to risk our marriage over this?

I'll be right with you.

I'll be right with you, Bob.

Walter, are you telling me point blank that if I choose to run, our marriage is

going to end?

Oh, he didn't mean that. He didn't mean that. I don't know. Vivi sounded

pretty... Oh, shut up!

Walter, is that what you're saying?

Isn't that what you're saying, Maud? No, and you're not saying it either,

Walter.

You're bluffing, Walter.

Hello, Bob? Yeah, I'm sorry for the delay.

Listen, Bob, could I give you my answer tomorrow?

Oh, it has to be tonight.

Bob, the answer is yes.

I'm going to run.

What?

No, nothing happened. Nothing happened, Bob.

My husband just broke his tucky.

Cold duck, cold duck, cold duck, cold duck. Oh,

don't you think you're hitting the cold duck too hard?

Vivian, you can never hit a cold duck too hard.

Remember that, Edgar Allan Poe.

Oh, I love him.

Well, you should settle this thing with Walter instead of sitting here drinking.

She's right.

I have never seen Walter so furious.

Vivian, do you remember that old toast that we did at our senior prom?

Let's see.

Oh, fingers to fingers, thumbs to thumbs.

Open the church and there are the people.

I know it doesn't rhyme now, but wait till the tide comes in.

I'm ready now.

No, but the important thing is not to let Walter know I'm concerned because if

he finds that out, then he'll just, you know, take advantage of me.

Oh!

He thought I stumbled, didn't he?

Does old Maude know how to break the tension or does old Maude know how to

the tension?

Just another tension breaker.

Straightened out.

punishing me.

You put on that brown suit because you know I hate it.

You know, I was thinking about giving it to charity, but I didn't want to stir

up a lot of bad will down at Goodwill.

You get it, Walter? Bad will.

At Goodwill.

You got it and you don't like it.

Well, this is serious.

You think I'm bluffing, don't you?

I'm not.

All my things are packed. I'm leaving.

Right, Walter?

That's the way you feel.

Go ahead and leave.

You gonna let me walk out of here just like that?

Walter, you know I'd do anything in the world not to have you leave.

Good. Then change your mind.

You're right.

Maud, what are you doing?

You asked me to change my mind. I had another one in here someplace.

Are you a little mind?

I know you're... What?

What?

What, Walter?

Oh, what's the use? I'm all packed. Goodbye.

What the...

suitcase away or I'm going to swallow this key.

Walter, I mean it. I'm going to swallow this key. You're going to spend the rest

of your life locked in a bedroom with a woman whose insides are slowly rusting.

Get your hands off my underwear.

We've been together over 1 ,600 nights. This is the first time you've ever made

this request of me.

if I can share the challenge and the excitement of it with you, Walter.

Walter, I'm not going to let you leave. I'm not going to let you do anything

that's impulsive.

Get your rump off my suit.

Rump?

Walter, is that what you call what I have, a rump?

Walter, I prefer to think of it as a fanny.

A tushy.

yet, Walter.

Come here.

I said I'm leaving.

Now, please get it through your head that I mean it.

Boy, you certainly know how to sober a person up.

Walter, listen.

I don't blame you for not wanting a weekend wife.

So I'll tell you what we'll do, Walter.

Come with me and open a store up in Albany. What?

Well, I mean, it's a perfect place to sell washing machines. Where could you

find more dirty linen than in our state capitol?

What about my store here?

Sell it.

Sell it, just like that.

25 years right down the drain. No way, Maud.

Maybe that store isn't much, but it represents my life. Something that I'm

of. Something that I did.

Something that I did all by myself.

You hear yourself, Walter?

Walter, do you hear what you're saying?

I did it all by myself. Oh, God, if only once I could say that!

Look, I can't blame you for what you want to do. I understand, sweetheart. I

really understand.

But... But I can't live with it.

It's as simple as that.

I don't believe this. I mean, this has to be some kind of a dream. This can't

happening to us.

Listen, Walter.

Walter, I have always tried to be an understanding wife, Walter, and I never

thought I'd have to say this to you, but, Walter, you walk out of here, and

help me, I'll flatten you.

Out of my way, Maud. No, Walter, please. Walter, we're two sane people who love

each other. Walter, can't we compromise? I mean, meet me halfway.

Halfway between Tuckahoe and Albany is Poughkeepsie, and I don't want to live

there either.

Walter, what in heaven's name are you doing?

Walter, what?

Exactly what it looks like. Oh, no, Walter. Frankly, Walter, this is not

to solve anything, walking out like this.

And it certainly won't help Maud's campaign for people to learn that her

marriage is on the ropes.

Are you kidding?

Tuckahoe is known as alimony on the Hudson.

I mean, they'll carry her all the way to Albany on their shoulders.

Listen, Walter, why don't you come home and sleep at our place? You and I can

talk this thing over.

Yeah, and, Maude, I'll come over and stay with you. It'll be just like the

old days at the sorority.

Nice living, but I'm in no mood to sit around hoping for a panty raid.

Walter.

Do you really want to break up our marriage?

But all it'll take to stop me is one phone call to Albany.

Walter, I know I'm not alone in this, Carol.

Mother, a person has to do what's right for that person.

And?

I can't take the responsibility of making that decision for you.

Vivian, you understand, don't you? Yes, I do, Maude. You see, Walter, I'm not

alone. I think your place is with your husband.

Alone at last.

This is terrific.

I mean, really, isn't this terrific?

You know, when I was in college with Vivian, I wanted to go on and study law.

But my parents were hurting for money, so what little they had they saved to

send my kid brother to graduate school. They felt that he needed it, because

after all, he was a boy, and I was a girl.

I don't know, it seems all my life there has always been somebody else who came

first. A husband I love, a daughter I adore.

And don't misunderstand me because I never spent one second resenting it,

I mean, doesn't any one of you want me to come first?

Just this once?

all right don't feel bad i mean you can't help thinking what you're thinking

all think i'm wrong i don't care i i ended up working my way

through college and i'm gonna work my way through this too because this is

something that i have to do for me so damn it i'll take you all on

you Walter, with a slamming door between us, you, Carol,

determined to make me feel that I've made a mistake, the two of you,

I'll take you all on.

Walter, I love you.

I love you too, Maude.

he'll be back Carol he'll be back