All language subtitles for maude_s03e20_walter_s_pride

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud.
That uncompromising, enterprising,

but tranquilizing. Right on, Maud.

He said he wanted steak and kidney pie
with mashed potatoes for dinner. And I

say there will be no mashed potatoes.

Mr. Findlay is turning into a walking
fat farm.

He needs another potato like I need a
silicone injection.

He's gaining weight, isn't he? Gaining
weight?

If he knew how to fly, he could rent out
his tushy as the Goodyear blimp.

I've never seen him this way. He only
eats this way when he's depressed.

Mrs. Naugatuck, come here.

There will absolutely not be steak and
kidney pie with mashed potatoes. We are

having broiled trout and a salad with
diet dressing. Is that clear?

Yes, mon Führer.

Oh, that's really amusing.

Remind me to give you a raise.

Oh. Thank you. And when does it stop?
When hell freezes over.

Got any idea what's bothering Walter?

No, but I'm sure it has to do with
money. You know, he's just not himself.

I mean, I ask him what's wrong and he
says nothing, Maude, except we have to

down on expenses.

Then he runs around the house turning
off the lights and stuffing his face.

It's like being married to an owl with a
tapeworm.

Walter, darling.

Why are all the lights on?

Because it's nighttime.

That's no excuse.

I'll help you off with this, Tuffy.

Nobody understands me.

We got to cut down on expenses.

Must you talk with your mouth full?

Another thing, Mark.

It's like a furnace in here.

Can't we do something about the heat?
It's costing me a fortune.

Mrs. Naugatuck, would you mind turning
down the thermostat?

Turn it down to 60.

If you don't mind, sir, I'd like to turn
it down to 32.

32? That's right.

I get a raise when this place freezes
over.

It's his favorite room.

He can feed his face and read the mail
by the light of the refrigerator.

Pills.

Nothing but pills, pills, pills.

Why can't we get junk mail like
everybody else?

If we did, you'd probably eat it.

There's not enough salt in your steak
and kidney pie.

Walter, that's our dinner.

Now, look, Walter, something has got to
be wrong. There's nothing wrong, Walter.

All right, we'll discuss it your way.

Well, why don't you come home?

No. Walter, I'm your wife.

I'm your partner in this life. You've
got to tell me what's wrong, Walter.

You've got to.

I'll tell you, and then you'll know.

If I don't come up with the money by the
end of next week,

Findlay's Friendly Appliances goes
bankrupt.

I'm two weeks behind on my payroll, and
the bank won't give me any more

extensions on my loans.

Walter, how much money do we have to
raise?

A lot.

How much?

$12 ,000.

Oh, good Lord.

Since when did you turn Catholic?

Since we became paupers.

I will leave no church unturned.

Honey, why didn't you tell me about this
before?

I didn't want to bother you, Mort. What
was I supposed to do?

Come to you and cry?

Men don't cry, Mort.

I'm 52 years old.

And in all my life, I don't think I've
seen a half a dozen men cry.

I've never cried in front of you, Mort.

I mean, you've never seen me cry.

Look at this, I'm crying.

There isn't a human being in the world
who hasn't cried.

I'm scared, Mort.

I'm a fat man.

And I'm scared.

Everything's going to be all right.

Lord, I've already borrowed on
everything.

The life insurance, the cars.

Listen, the way the economy is going,
the small businessman doesn't have a

chance. Remember Sam Lewis?

The bathroom fixture king of Tuckahoe?

Right into the toilet.

He files for bankruptcy.

They're not building any more houses, so
he went broke.

Honey, how about getting a loan from the
government?

The government?

They'll only bail you out if you're
Lockheed, Franklin Bank, the

Railroad. But the Walter Findles of the
country, Maud, all we get is a slap on

the back, a win button, and a pep talk
from Elliot Janeway.

It's a fool's game, Maud.

I don't want you to say anything. Now,
look, listen to me, Walter, please.

Under the circumstances, Walter, the
house is free and clear.

Maud. We'll borrow on it.

No, the house is yours. The house is
ours, Walter. It just happens to be in

name. Maud, the house is your security.
It is your next thing. Now, listen, this

is my problem. It is our problem,
Walter. Now, why shouldn't we borrow on

Give me one good reason.

Maud, I built Findley's Friendly
Appliances.

32 years ago, I started the long, long
climb, but I needed no outside help. I

did it all by myself.

I am Horatio Alger.

I am independent and proud.

I am an American success story.

Walter, I asked you for one good reason.
Not a bicentennial minute!

I'm not taking charity from you or
anybody else. Walter, it's not charity.

a loan.

He lost the loan on the insurance. What
if I lose the $12 ,000?

They'll take away the house.

Honey, I love you.

Walter, who cares?

I care.

I'm not going to borrow money from my
wife, and that's it. Case closed.

All right, all right, all right.

How about asking Arthur for the money?

I'm not going to borrow money from
Arthur.

That's the quickest way to lose a
friend. Now, listen to me, Walter.

Either you ask Arthur for the money, or
I'm going to mortgage the house.

And look, if Arthur needed money, you
would be the first person he'd come to,

right?

Right. Right, so stick him before he
sticks you.

All right, Walter, out with it. What in
the world is it?

Okay, Arthur.

I'll give it to you straight.

Can you lend me some money?

That's it?

That's the whole thing?

Why didn't you come right out and say
so?

Look, I'm your friend.

If you want my right arm, you got my
right arm. If you want a pint of my

you got a pint of my blood.

Look, if you need money, Walter, I'd be
insulted if you didn't ask me. How much

do you want?

$12 ,000.

Would you take a pint

of blood?

I'm sorry I asked you, Arthur. Forget
it.

It's $12 ,000.

Well, keep it down. Does the whole world
have to know I'm a failure?

Walter, you're not a failure.

Arthur, if I don't raise that money by a
week from tomorrow, I lose everything.

Oh, come on. You're just a little
strapped. I know how it feels.

Listen, these times are tough for
everybody.

If I had the money, I'd love to loan it
to you. I just don't have it.

Look, all you got to do is buck up and
pull yourself together.

Listen to Sam Lewis there.

Hey, Sam.

minute of your time.

Come on over and cheer Walter up, will
you?

Hiya, Walter. Another round for Sam and
me, and another glass of milk for

Walter. On me.

Sam, I was just telling Walter here.

Now, you just went bankrupt.

He just lost his business.

But look at him.

You don't see him sitting around the
house moping.

I can.

I lost the house, too.

I can't even pay my dues at the club.

This is my farewell drink.

Tonight.

Arthur, he's amazing.

Sam, how can you be so happy? You just
lost your plumbing business.

That's right.

Now I haven't even got a pot.

Look, Walter, it's all in the way you
look at things.

No matter how rough things get, once you
make up your mind, you can always do

something about it.

I mean, do you really think so? Of
course.

I'll guarantee I'm not going to sit
around feeling sorry for myself. I

take that.

I've got too much pride.

Me too.

Yeah, but I'm going to do something
about it. You hear that, brave man,

Do you hear that?

I guess you're right, Arthur.

That is the power of positive thinking.

Now, that is courage, Walter.

You don't hear him whining.

You certainly don't.

You know, he's an inspiration.

Uh -oh.

I'm sorry, Walter.

That's my drink.

Oh, I'm sorry. And thanks.

I'm not supposed to have that stuff, you
know. It's poison to me.

Yeah, me too.

Well, what the hay.

You only live once.

Here's to it. Good luck, Sam.

Down the hatch.

Sam, you really are an inspiration to
me.

I got to tell you something, Sam.

I know you're not going to believe this.

But when I woke up this morning,

just for a second, a fleeting

second, a thought crossed my mind.

I looked into the mirror and I said,
only for a second, Walter,

why don't you do yourself in?

Yeah, how about that?

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Mrs.

Nogatuck. Hasn't Dr. Harmon arrived yet?
Not yet.

By the way, Mum, Mr. Finlay's got hold
of that chicken we were going to have

dinner tonight.

Is there any left?

Only the part where the egg drops out.

Oh, poor Walter. I mean, he was eating
like a horse before his friend Sam

himself, but this past week he's just
been impossible.

Oh, madam, if Mr. Finlay... Still
worried about losing the store.

I'd like to help out.

I've got $300 tucked away in my
stocking. Oh, Mrs.

Naugatuck, that's awfully sweet of you,
but... As a matter of fact, I can let

you have it now if you like it.

Oh, please, not now.

Oh, and don't raise your skirt.

If Mr. Findlay sees your leg, he's
liable to bite it.

Well, it's there if you need it.

I thought Mrs. Naugaduck was going to
let out my pants.

Walter, she's been letting them out as
fast as she can.

You've been letting yourself out even
faster.

Walter, it's impossible to keep up with
you.

It's called fat lag.

I'm going upstairs, Mort.

Call me the minute dinner's ready.

Aren't you even going to try to save the
store?

What the hell for?

I'm on the verge of bankruptcy.

Doesn't make any difference if it
happens today, tomorrow, or next week.

I'm going broke.

Only a miracle can save me, Mort, and
you haven't been a Catholic long enough

for that.

Walter, I am not going to let you give
up like this. I cannot. Oh, thank

I'm sorry, Marty. I meant to be here.

I'm sorry I meant to be here sooner, but
I've been all over town trying to raise

the money. I've asked everybody, even my
doctor friends, but their money's all

tied up in medical buildings.

Well, listen, I found the money, Arthur.

I mortgaged the house, and I raised $12
,000.

Now, look, here is a cashier's check. I
want you to deposit it to your account

and tell Walter that you raised the
money. Marty, I already told you. I

do that.

I cannot lie to my best friend. You have
to, Arthur. Look what's happening to

him. He's leading himself into an early
grave. I know. I know. I tried to talk

to him about that. You know what
happened?

He threatened me with a leg of lamb.

Now, Marty, you take this check and you
just give it to him yourself.

Arthur, I can't do it. Every time I
bring it up, he raises the roof. Him and

that ridiculous male pride.

Now, look, Arthur, you have to do this
for me. You have to do it for Walter,

please. Now, look, just make up a story
about how you raise the money. Just keep

it short and simple.

Walter!

Walter, dear, Arthur wants to talk to
you. No, Marty, I need more time,

I'm no good at making up stories.

Nonsense. You're a doctor. You do it all
the time.

you came downstairs like that, I'd start
boiling water and timing your pains.

That's not funny, Arthur.

When's dinner?

Walter, listen, dear. Arthur has some
wonderful news for you. Tell him,

Tell him?

Tell him?

Oh, tell him.

About the $12 ,000 you wanted. Now, I
didn't have it when you asked.

Now, look, a lot of people think that
the medical profession is fine right

but, you know, the money isn't coming in
the way it used to.

I mean, some people are actually
postponing operations.

Oh, look, I pick up a tonsillectomy here
and a gallbladder there, but they're

holding back on the big stuff, Walter.

Arthur, tell Walter about your aunt.

Well, she had a nose job and a
hysterectomy.

Arthur, Arthur, tell him about your rich
aunt. My rich aunt?

Oh, my rich aunt.

Yes, well, she paid me back some money
she owed me, so I have a little extra

cash now. Oh, Arthur, Arthur, one of the
patients just called. She'd like to

know if you could...

I'm going to do, Walters. I'm going to
write you out a check for $12 ,000, and

you can meet the payment at the bank.

A check for $12 ,000?

Isn't that wonderful, Walter?

Stop gnawing.

And then later on, when you get back on
your feet, you can pay me back whenever

you want.

Oh, Walter.

I'm a doctor.

Life's my game.

I'm sorry, but it's nothing.

Oh, nothing?

How can you say it's nothing? Arthur,
you're so good.

You're so humane. Arthur, you're so
perfect.

You're an absolute god.

You're an absolute god. I'm just so
proud of you. Here, you've been

about money, and then you turn right.
Oh, you're just a god, Arthur. You're an

honest -to -god god. Please.

I can't let you do this, Arthur. He can
do anything he wants, Walter. He's a

god.

Walter, I'm just so happy for you. John,
I'm so proud of you. Oh, Arthur, that

you could do this.

You're not only a god, you're a saint.

A real saint. Oh, come on, please,
Walter. I'm not even supposed to be a

a false god.

Not your money? What does that mean?

Would you believe he won the Reader's
Digest sweepstakes?

Marty, here.

I'm sorry. Here's your check back.

Father, I just want you to know, if I'd
had the money, I would have loaned it to

you.

Arthur? Arthur, does this mean you're
not a god?

$4 ,000.

Mrs. Naugatuck and I earned it working
both sides of the street.

What? I mortgaged the house.

You what? Oh, come on, honey. You
mortgaged the house when I... Honey,

Don't honey me!

You deliberately went against my wishes.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to make a sandwich this big!

Go ahead. Go ahead. I mean, who cares
that you've already had one heart

Now, go ahead. Solve your problem the
way your good friend Sam solved his. Oh,

he really came up with a great solution,
didn't he? Oh, sweetie, you forgot the

mozzarella cheese.

I mean, since you're going to kill
yourself anyway, it's a great artery

I understand that Mrs.

Lewis and the children are at home
laughing hysterically over the way Sam

his problems.

I don't want any lectures, Maud. If I
want to kill myself, that's my business.

Yeah, but while you're killing yourself,
Walter, you're also killing me.

Now, listen, Maud. I'm a man.

A man who has never taken anything from
anybody and a man who's not going to

start now. Oh, come on. You would have
taken the money from Arthur.

That's different. He'll get by.

I'm not going to risk losing the only
security you have.

Walter, the only security I have is in
me and in you.

Beyond that, I think you're the most
selfish person I've ever met.

Selfish?

Me? Yes, you, Walter.

You want the pleasure of sharing with
me, but you won't let me have the

of sharing with you.

Walter, we share our days and our
nights.

Now, what's more important, sharing the
money or sharing the days and nights?

Because if sharing the money is too much
for you, Walter, then maybe we

shouldn't be sharing the days and
nights.

What are you going to do, Walter? Leave
me?

You seem determined to leave me, Walter.

Okay, Walter.

That's your appetite.

Your attitude here.

Let's not forget dessert.

Oh,

Walter.

Walter, Walter, please don't walk away
from our life.

See what you've turned us into, Walter.

Laurel and Hardy.

Except that you're not only the dumb
one, you're also the fat one.

And the joke, Walter, is our marriage.

Maude, our marriage isn't a joke.

Our marriage and you mean more to me
than anything.

Pride, money, business.

And, Walter, listen, for the last time,
will you please, please, for the last

time, will you please take the
ridiculous check?

Yes.

I love you. I love you.

Oh, Walter.

Maud was recorded on tape before a live
audience.