All language subtitles for maude_s02e16_maude_s_guest

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart,
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud.

That'll compromise and enterprise and
anything but tranquilize. Right on,

Oh, oh, oh.

Here, you are the chicken.

Oh, Flora, I burned myself twice. The
chicken's greasy.

Let's face it, I'm a rotten cook.

Don't worry about it, honey. With your
looks, when a man asks what's cooking

tonight, he ain't thinking about fried
chicken.

Come here.

Do me a favor and try that.

Oh, it looks like fried chicken. Smells
like fried chicken.

Mmm.

Any suggestions?

Yep. Call Colonel Sanders.

Oh, sir's mother right for making me
cook.

Where is she, anyway?

I'm doing last -minute shopping for more
decoration.

Again? Mm -hmm.

The way she's fixing up that room, you'd
think she was expecting the Queen of

England for a two -week visit instead of
a little girl from the ghetto. Right.

Now, about your chicken, honey, before
you roll it in the back... Florida, stop

jiving with Carol and give me a high.

Stop jiving?

The ghetto kid ain't even here yet, and
already your mother sounds like Chubby

Checkers.

Oh, Florida, I'm so excited. Look what I
got, just perfect for a little black

girl's room. Look, records, stuffed
animals.

You'll notice the color of the puppy.

And here is a piece de resistance.

A poster of Isaac Hayes.

They say that John Denver is very big
now, too, but unfortunately, he's white.

Oh, poor devil.

With us, you know, here we are. the
first family to take a minority child to

stay with us over the school vacation.

With us leading the way, Florida, this
entire white neighborhood will very soon

be sprinkled with little black faces
like flowers.

Yeah, up to now, I've been the only one.

A lonely little petunia in an onion
patch.

the energy crisis, you're the only one
who doesn't seem to be having any

problem.

You getting oil from the Arabs?

Hi, Grandpa.

Hi, Philip.

Grandma, who stole my record player?

Philip, nobody stole your record player.

Grandma put it in the guest room.

But it's my record player.

Honey, we know it's your record player.

But we want our guest to be happy, don't
we?

No.

Philip,

dear.

Philip, you know, with that girl living
here in the house with us, we will learn

more about her, she will learn more
about us, and that will make for better

understanding and a better world.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I don't get my record player back.

All right, Philip, what doth the north
wind do?

Blow. Right, Philip, blow.

Help your mother blot her greasy
chicken.

Maud, sweetheart, you're pushing.

Don't expect too much when this girl
gets here. Oh, me push, Walter? Come on,

you know I can handle anything.

Now, if there's anyone who can deal
unemotionally with a little child from

ghetto, it's... She's here.

Stop being so unemotional.

Now listen, listen.

Her name is Francie Porter or Potter or
something like that. Now look, no matter

how nervous you are, remember it is
nothing, nothing compared to the way

poor terrified child feels. You know,
reaching out desperately for compassion

and understanding.

Don't tell me you're...

You know, that's a long walk from the
bus stop. I like to froze my butt off.

Yes.

Well, uh, welcome to our home, Francie
Porter.

It's Potter.

Well, Potter Porter, you're here, and
that's what's important, isn't it?

Right on?

my mother to the phone.

Don't jive me, Markham, or I'll bust you
good when I get back. You hear?

Frankie,

I cannot tell you what an honor it is to
have you in our home.

Well, whatever gets you through the
night.

I got here. I've got here. I'm calling.
Goodbye.

Damn.

Well, Francie, I hope you're hungry.
We're having fried chicken for dinner.

Good. I win a buck.

You win a buck?

Yeah, I bet that dumb brother of mine
said you'd have fried chicken for me the

first thing off.

I love a person with a sense of humor.

Excuse me.

Carol, for heaven's sake, go in the
kitchen and throw out the grits.

Oh, Florida.

Florida, our little guest has arrived.

Uh, Francie, this is Florida. My dear,
dear friend. Probably the best friend I

have in the whole world. I'm the main
one.

Auntie? Oh, you know what aunt I'm
talking about.

Pancake lady.

Ooh.

It's gonna be one of them kind of
relationships, huh?

Come on, honey.

Hey, fat mama, what you gonna do with my
bag?

You call me fat mama again and I'll show
you what I'm gonna do with it.

unless you already ate my chicken.

I need you to put your things in these
drawers and hang your coat in that

closet. What are they trying to make
this place, the Harlem Hilton?

I hate it already.

Then why did you come?

Because my mother said if I didn't come,
she'd go upside my head.

You see, my mother's got this thing.

Like, I gotta go stay with the white
family so they'll learn what I'm like.

like it'll make for a better world and
all that jazz.

So I told her, why don't she go live
with her wife family and leave me alone?

But she's 52 and nobody'll take her.

Look, honey, the Finleys happen to be
very nice people.

You don't have to be afraid of them.

What you talking about?

I'm 16 and I ain't afraid of nothing.

I just don't like living with honkies,
that's all.

mighty mouth.

There's no need for you to be nasty.
These people have gone to a lot of

for you.

Yeah, so did that white family last
summer.

It took eight and a half days of my
vacation so they could get rid of 200

of their guilt.

I'm a two -time loser.

Well, well, well, you two are having a
real old -fashioned bull session.

Yeah.

A lot of boo, but not much session.

Boy, that Florida is really a nerd.

Oh, Francie, Florida is not a nerd.

You didn't think I knew what that meant,
did you?

How do you like our little puppy? It's
been in the family for years.

Then you should take the price tag off.

Look, Francie...

Why don't you tell me something about
yourself?

Oh, come on, Francie. I want to be your
friend.

You want to be my friend? Then boot me
out of this house.

Go downstairs and call my mother and
tell her you don't want me here. But we

want you here, Francie, as a member of
the family.

I already got a family.

Look, I know what you want. You want a
poor little black Francie Potter from

ghetto to be charitable to.

Francie, please.

Understand what you went through. Oh,
Francie, come on. They must have been

poor, misguided liberals.

You know, who were trying to harm us?

Francie, we're not like that. Believe
me, we are not trying to rip you on.

Rip me off?

You see, we're communicating.

Look, if you don't mind, I'd rather have
my mother lay one on me than stand

here. and listen to you talk down to me.
Bye.

No, Francie, please. I am not talking
down to you. Look, you cannot leave.

me a chance.

Francie, you've only been here five
minutes.

I mean, nobody learns to like me in five
minutes.

I grow on people.

Oh, Francie, I told my friends, my
family, everybody that you'd love it

You have to stay.

Okay.

What's it worth to you?

Now, Francie.

Now, Francie, don't tell me that you're
thinking of trying to blackmail... You

mean that you would actually expect...
Fran... I think I have $20 in my

purse.

has been with us. She has blossomed like
a flower. Maude, I am so proud of you.

Oh, but what's so heartening is that she
really is a member of the family.

You've never seen a happier home.

those little marks from your facelift
show.

Walter, what is wrong?

Lord, I am swamped down here with
paperwork, and Francie is deliberately

blasting that music out that I can't
even think.

One more record, I'm going to kick that
experiment of yours around the block at

45 RPM.

Hey, Walter, did you explain to her that
you had work to do? Well, of course I

did. She just told me to swim on out and
sing my blues to the big white whale.

Sing your blues to the big wife. Walter,
that's cute.

She meant you, Maude.

That's even cuter.

Right. Well, I'll just go next door and
get Arthur.

Look, let's face it, Maude. This just is
not working out.

I mean, she's made the whole house into
an uproar. She can't get along with

anyone. As a matter of fact, I can't
understand why she just doesn't leave.

If I didn't know better, I'd swear you
were bribing her to stay. Oh, Walter,

what a despicable, outrageous, insulting
thing to accuse me of.

How much did you give her? Twenty
dollars and shut up.

Look, Mrs. Finley, I know Francie is
black, but you've got to open up your

and slip a little hate in there.

Look, Florida, I...

determined to make this thing work
because if there is anything I can't

it's having my family say I told you so
and having to keep my mouth shut because

they're right.

Francie, I'm home.

Francie! Walt, will you give it up?
We're not communicating with this girl.

That's nonsense, Walt. It is not, Walt.

People communicate only when they are
being themselves. One does not get

to someone by being something other than
what one is.

That's a lovely speech, Walter. Really
lovely.

Remind me when we have time to record it
on tape so I can accidentally erase it.

Okay, Mort.

Take all this for example.

Annual Valentine party. We never had a
Valentine party in our lives. Oh,

Every year, don't I give you a
Valentine? And don't you give me one?

And don't we always have a little fun to
celebrate the occasion?

Well, not in the living room, Ward. We
celebrate upstairs and... Technicality!

A party is a party, no matter where.

Now, stop persecuting me, Walter.

Hi.

How's the fight going?

How'd you know we were fighting?

I just saw the... Birds fly off the
chimney.

And to think I picked natural childbirth
because I couldn't wait to see you.

Oh, Walter.

Walter, don't you understand?

Francie is acting this way because she
doesn't feel loved here.

Now, tonight with the Valentines, we'll
have a little fun, and I guarantee you

she'll start feeling like a member of
the family.

Honey, she has this hard protective
shell, but, Walter, Crack that shell

love.

Underneath, she's soft and sweet and
tender.

You make her sound like a crab meat
cocktail.

Happy Valentine's! Happy Valentine's!
Look, Bob, Bob, look at the Valentine

Arthur game. Isn't that adorable?

Look, a cutout of a ballerina, and it
says, You're my tutu.

That's not all, Marty. The heart being
the symbol of Valentine's.

I also gave Vivian a gift certificate
for an electrocardiogram.

Dearest, sweetest, most sentimental man
in the whole world. I think I'm getting

a pain in my tutu.

Well, this ought to hold you until
dinner.

Well, the party's beginning.

Carol, why don't you get Philip, and
I'll get Francie.

Francie?

I've got five good reasons right here in
my hand.

That's, uh, black ghetto talk. It means
I love you.

Well, Vivian tells me you're not doing
too well with your little experiment

intolerance. Oh, Vivian is wrong,
Arthur. Francie is coming along fine.

Okay, I'm here.

Look at that face.

Don't you just love that smile? It
lights up the whole room.

Arthur? Vivian?

This is Francie.

Francie.

This is Mrs.

Cavender, Dr. Harmon. Well, Francie,
we've heard a lot of interesting things

about you.

Name one.

Francie, this is a party. There's no
time for games.

This is a very, very important occasion.

St. Valentine's Day. It's a moment when
people open their hearts and let the

love flow out. That is right, Marty, and
that is exactly why I brought you this.

Happy Valentine's, Marty. Well, Arthur,
how meaningful.

You see, Francis, when I'm near you, I
feel I'm surrounded by all

the beauties of nature. Oh, Arthur,
because I know I'm in moose country.

floating fancy.

And now, dear, because you are the
newest member of the family, you get

Valentine from us first.

Ah, here, Francie.

Happy Valentine Day.

So read it.

Go ahead, read it, and read it aloud so
we can all hear it.

Valentine's Day, we all rejoice the
three little words to which we give

So for a dear sweet girl with a heart so
true, we want you to know that we love

you.

Thank you, dear. You read that
beautifully.

And so fast.

Yeah, just like a real person.

Yes, that's right, dear.

Mrs. Finley, I didn't have a chance to
buy any valentines, so...

I thought it'd be kind of nice if I'd
just make one up for everybody.

Francie, that's lovely.

Isn't that marvelous?

You see what a little patience can do?

Everybody, Francie made up a Valentine's
for us. Okay, Francie, you're on.

For your card, so sweet and gooey, all I
can say is one...

Oh, didn't I do that good, too?

Uh, Francie, dear, there's something you
don't know about me. I am famous for

not losing my temper.

Oh, well, if you want me to perform...

is, you know.

Gorillas. Frankly, dear, I might as well
tell you I am not going to lose my

temper. Why, sure.

You give the little gorilla a little
reward and she'll do all kinds of cute

little tricks for you.

Francie, you have just done away with
200 years of guilt in two minutes flat.

Come and sit down, you little nerd.

Now, you listen to me.

I know life hasn't been very good to
you, Francie, but there are people who

reaching out, and I'm one of them.

All right, I made a lot of mistakes, and
I tried too hard.

I hate to disillusion you, but I'm not
perfect.

You sit there, and I'm long -winded,
too.

mistakes and I said the wrong thing. But
Francie, I cared for you.

Everybody cared for you.

But if you're so full of hate that you
just can't accept that possibility, then

maybe you're right.

So get upstairs and get your things and
get out of here.

And so far as I'm concerned, you can
freeze your butt off till it turns blue.

Sorry. I'm the one who's sorry.

You're right, Walter.

You can't accomplish anything unless
you're yourself.

Just now was the first time I've been
myself with that girl.

And that didn't work either.

Now what?

Oh, I'll handle this.

you listen to me, Francie?

Bug off, Mrs. Finley. Can't you see I'm
busy?

You know, you're making it very
difficult for me to send you back in the

condition you came in.

You're beginning to sound just like my
mother.

Look, if I'm a member of this family
like you say I am, then there ain't

be no difference between me or any other
member.

From now on,

own weight like everybody else around
here.

And I'm going to start by cleaning up
that mess I made out there.

So would you get out of here and let me
get it together?

Oh, wait a minute.

Here's your money back, damn it.

Happy Valentine.

Happy Valentine, Francie.

Francie, we have both been such nerds.

Yes, Francie.

Yes.

Thank you, dear.

Yes, it was very sweet of you to call.

Bye -bye.

You know, Florida, I never thought I'd
say this.

Francie's been gone two days, and I miss
her.

I really miss her. Yeah.

In my own way, I kind of miss the little
fast buck, too.

You know something? This experiment in
relationships between the races should

a lesson to all of us. I mean, with a
little kindness and firmness and love,

can accomplish miracles.

You're right, Mrs. Finley.

In two years, just look what I
accomplished with you.

Maud was recorded on tape before a live
audience.