Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

Good morning, Maude. Morning, Mother. Did you sleep well?

Well, Carol, I did not.

Didn't have a chance to.

Walter, I cannot believe how much you snored last night.

You'd better watch it. One of these nights, you're going to blow off your

mustache.

Good morning, Florida.

Good morning, Florida.

Is that all of it?

Don't worry about it. I always come through the kitchen like a black

what that was all about, but I'm going to find out.

Good morning, Florida.

Florida, dear, I said good morning.

I heard you in the first place, Mrs. Finley.

Believe me, your voice has no trouble traveling from where you are to any

you want to send me.

Florida, what's wrong?

Florida, please, what's wrong? Nothing's wrong. Haven't you read the papers?

It's National Foul Mood Day. Some people like Valentine's Day, some like

Groundhog's Day. Me? I'm celebrating Foul Mood Day.

Whoopee!

Lord, I think something's troubling her.

You detected that.

Bravo, Walter.

Now, honey, I really am disturbed about her.

She just... Bit my head off. Walter, you talk to her. Why me? Oh, come on,

darling. You're so much more diplomatic than I am. Look, honey, just talk to her

in your own warm, you know, inimitable, lovely, compassionate way. Well, okay.

And if you hurt her feelings, I'll rip your heart out.

That does it, Maud.

You want to talk to Florida? You talk to her. I'm going upstairs to the library.

Carol. Hi.

Oh, Carol, please, talk to her. No, Mother.

Mother Florida has the right to her privacy. Now, if she's got a problem

she can't share with us, all we can do is love her and wait until she comes out

of it.

Carol, you owe me your life.

There were years when I could have stepped on you in your playpen.

So get me to that kitchen. I'm sorry, Mother. All right, all right. You go to

work. I'll talk to her. But remember this.

This is the first thing I have asked you to do for me since you were in toilet

training.

And you didn't do that either.

I came to apologize.

For what?

For whatever I've said or done to make you so upset. Why does it have to be

Maybe it's something in my private life got me this way.

I do have a private life, you know. My own family, friends, names. Oh, come on

now, Florida. I know that.

But every morning you come to work with a big smile on your face, happy as a

lark. Happy as a lark, huh? Did you ever see a happy lark, Mrs. Finley?

Well, I've been looking at them little birds all my life, and not one of them

ever smiled at me.

Florida, what are you doing? You don't smoke.

They say these things are supposed to relax you.

Well, I'm waiting.

Now, look, Florida.

Honey, have you seen a doctor recently? No, it might be possible that you're

going through... Look, when...

When women get to be at our time of life, you know... What do you mean, our

of life? You don't know how old I am. You forget.

You people don't never know how old we are.

That kills you, don't it?

Look, Florida, put down the cigarette and talk to me.

Now, if you are this upset, it has to be something very, very, very important to

you. I mean, as important as you're thinking of leaving me.

You cannot leave me.

What do you mean I cannot leave you? I could swear there was a war fought about

this kind of thing and I was side one.

All right. If that's the way you feel, you're free to leave.

deserve to know why you want to quit. I didn't say I do. It's just that I have

to think about it. Think about what? Oh, Florida, look, honey, I know sometimes

I say the wrong things or I talk too much. Oh, your big mouth don't bother me

none, Ms. Finley.

It's kind of like working with the radio on.

Why are you so upset? Why are you smoking and why are you thinking of

I hope you can forgive me for this, Mrs. Finley, but it's none of your business.

But it is my business. I love you, Florida. Don't say that.

But I do.

Well, I can't stand seeing you so unhappy because I love you. I told you

saying that.

My husband keeps saying that and then he goes right on driving me up a wall.

Florida, you're having trouble with Henry.

Henry who?

Florida. Come on. Look me in the eye and tell me that you're not having trouble

with Henry.

I said the eye, Florida. You're looking me in the mouth.

I like practicing with a moving target.

Florida. Florida.

Mrs. Finley, if you make me cry, I will never forgive you.

Here it comes, and I'm never going to forget it.

Oh, honey, Florida.

Lucky I had no idea you were this upset. Sit down.

Florida.

You see, he got this job driving a cab in his off hours, so just so I could

quit work and stay at home, said he was tired of me working for the man.

He said that?

Actually, he said honky.

I can't understand, Henry.

You live with a man for 22 years.

You wake up one morning and all of a sudden he's super fly.

I don't know, Florida, I may be cutting my own throat, but if Henry can afford

to have you quit... He can't, Mrs. Finley. He's a fireman. His work is

and he needs his rest.

He can't... drive cabs all hours and then go into a dangerous job. I can't

that.

In a couple of years, when the children are older and out of the house, that's

when I'll be able to quit.

But my Henry, he just won't wait.

We argued so bad this morning there was even the threat of violence. Oh, no,

Florida. That's right, and I ain't never hit him before.

I'll get that. You stay and finish your cry. It'll do you good.

Come in, Mr. Evans.

You're Florida's husband.

Well, that's one way of putting it, but the other way, which is the right way,

is that Florida's my wife.

Anyhow, I ain't got but a few minutes. I'm here to pick her up.

Pick her up? But Florida isn't going anywhere, Mr. Evans.

Oh, I'll be the judge of that, Mrs. Finley.

Yeah, that's right. Just like I was telling Mrs. Finley, here come the

Now get your things. I'm taking you home. The hell you say.

Now don't give me no lift, woman. I got the taxi parked outside. I'm going to

drive you home right now, so let's go. Look, Mr. Evans, Florida, why don't I

leave and just let the two of you iron things out?

Oh, she's not going to be doing no more ironing, Mrs. Finley.

Let's go to our own family.

No more ironing for white folks.

Mr. Evans, I'll have you know that under this roof, we are all human beings.

There is no white and no black.

We are all the same. Here we are all people color.

You didn't tell me you was working for a comedian.

You had no call to talk to her that way. If you want to abuse a woman, you might

as well stick with me. You already put in 22 years at it. She's been working

Miss Ann too long.

Where do you get off using words like abuse?

If you want to tell me I'm hassling you, just come right on up front and say so.

All right, man, you're hassling me. Don't you open your mouth to me like

Now, Florida, your career as a maid is over. Not for two more years, Henry, and

that's that.

That's that, is it?

Well, I can't pick you up and drag you out of here.

So I tell you what.

I'm going to make you a sporting proposition.

I'm holding one match in this hand here, right? Oh, no, you don't, Henry Evans.

I'm not going to play any little games with you. You trick me that way. You

always trick me. This is no trick, Floyd. I'm holding one match in my hand,

ain't it?

Henry. Ain't this just one match here? You see it's one match, isn't it? Yeah.

All right, now tell you what. I'm going to take it and put it behind my back and

bring it back real fast.

There. How many matches do you see now?

One. Uh -uh.

Now there's two.

There ain't but one match there, Henry. But I say there's two.

Now, will you go home with me if I'm right?

Henry, you're tricking me. Baby, how can I trick you? You say there's one match.

You see it with your own eyes. But I say there's two.

Now, will you go home with me if I'm right?

No, you're tricking me.

Well, will you go home with me if I'm wrong?

Yeah. Get your things. I'm wrong.

I just want you to know that there is absolutely no reason to be uncomfortable

about fighting in this house.

True love grows best in the soil of emotions passionately expressed.

You saved that jive talk for the cotton field, Mrs. Trentley.

Now, Florida, now hear this.

I'm pressed for time now, but when my shift is over tonight, I'm coming back

taking you home for good. You hear me? Once and for all, I'm taking you home

good. Now, that's that over and out.

Wait a minute, Henry. No, no, that's that. Now, over and out.

I'm coming back at 9 o 'clock, and I mean 9 o 'clock WPT.

Florida, what's WPT?

White people time.

If he didn't mean 9 o 'clock sharp, he would have said CPT. That's colored

people time.

Which means?

Shuffle on in when you feel like it.

the male chauvinist pigs.

I mean, he's something straight out of the dark ages.

Nothing racial intended.

Oh, Walter.

Look, honey, before you go to work, I know that you're doing inventory this

week, but it's very important that you be home no later than nine o 'clock.

Florida's husband wants her to quit her job. Now, she doesn't want to do it.

Honey, he's coming by at 9 o 'clock to pick her up and take her home. Please be

here. You know, maybe another man can talk some sense into it. Another man is

right. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 -foot pole.

Walter! Now, look, Mort, I'm sure that Florida understands.

We have no right to interfere in her marriage. And I have no time for any of

this jive talk.

Now, Florida and I need your help. So you be back, Walter, at 9 o 'clock

And I mean WPT.

Mort, what the devil is she talking about?

I think she's turning black by osmosis.

Now look, Mort, if Mr. Evans wants his wife home, that's his right. We're not

going to get involved. I absolutely forbid it. You absolutely forbid it? You

heard me.

We're staying out of this.

And that's that.

Nothing racial intended, by the way.

Carol, Joe Namath. Mother, it's Bob Green. Joe Namath. I tell you both,

and martyrs. Oh, come on. Carol, come on. Will you listen to me? Will you

to me? Now, I have watched every single pro football game on TV all year, so I'm

an authority.

And I know that Joe Namath, without a shadow of a doubt, has a cuter rear end

than either Bob's or his.

Well, anyway, enough of that.

Here's to our emancipation proclamation.

I mean, a womancipation proclamation. To our womancipation proclamation.

Florida and I are finally getting out from under the yoke of male domination.

Yeah, but I'm also under the yoke of white racism.

That makes me have a double yoke.

It isn't only the man's fault.

We women bring it on ourselves.

Oh, come on, honey. That's because we're told right off the bat that we're

second class.

I mean, when does the new father hand out cigars? When he has a boy.

That's right.

And did you ever see a girl join her father in business?

You never heard tell of Sanford and Dora.

So on, so on, so on.

Dora, when did you start smoking?

Well, it all...

him this morning, Carol.

My husband started it and her husband clinched it. You know, men are no damn

good.

Probably a bad thief.

You know, the same gene that gives them those little bald spots on the backs of

their heads.

Which is Mother Nature's way of getting even.

Mother Nature, thank heaven she's a woman.

That's probably my bald spot now.

Black mother, you too, Florida. I've got a date. But we'll keep the car radio

tuned in to police calls.

Oh, hi, love.

Well, we just finished the old inventory.

Your lips feel like thin slices of day -old

liver.

Sorry about that, Walter, because day -old liver lips are too good for you.

I suppose all this has something to do with our talk this morning. Talk? What

talk? I don't remember any talk, Walter. All I remember are orders. I absolutely

forbid it. That's that. Over and out. Do you remember those words, Walter? Well,

so you never forget them, I am going to have them hand -painted on your next

Christmas tie, which I shall probably be sending from an adorable little tie

shop in Reno.

I have a charge there, Walter.

Lord, I had to stop you from getting between Florida and a husband. I was

trying to protect you from yourself.

Thank you, Napoleon.

Now, look, Florida is my friend.

I will deal with her in my own way. And if I make a mistake, it will be my own

mistake. And I do not want you, Walter, under the benevolent guise of protection

to prevent me from making that mistake.

Now, Florida is going to stay here until she solves her problem with her

husband. Is that clear?

Oh, yes, I understand.

You're going to make a fool of yourself, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Now, what's for dinner?

Now, Walter, I'm now going to show you the difference between us.

What's for dinner, you snarl?

And your little forked tongue darts out of your little hairy mouth.

But because I am a woman, Walter, without rancor, I am offering you a

dinner.

Chicken or roast beef?

Chicken or roast beef. That's nice.

I think I'll have the chicken.

Sweetheart, while I'm preparing dinner, why don't you finish making your martini

and just relax?

Well, one for our side.

Here's your dinner, darling.

Walter, if you think that's a frozen chicken, wait till you see what you find

bed tonight.

Over and out, Walter. Over and out.

You too?

I'm not going to inhale. He's not worth it.

WPT, that's Henry.

You going to go out there?

Yeah.

But I'm going out.

CPT. I'm Henry Evans.

I'm Walter Finley. Come in.

Where's Florida? She's in the kitchen, but I think you ought to know she

to stay over tonight.

Oh, not if I have anything to say about it. Do you mind if I talk to her? Of

course not. Good.

Florida!

Why, Mr.

Evans, what a pleasant surprise. You called?

Where's Florida?

Well, the last I saw of her, she had resorted to smoking.

Because of you. She was puffing on a cigarette.

A cigarette?

Well, tell her to drag her butt out here.

Gutter humor titillates you, doesn't it?

Mr. Evans, you stay here with Ball, Zach, while I convey your message.

I'll explain the whole thing to her, and then she'll probably change her mind.

I've just spoken to Mrs. Evans.

And she wishes me to convey the message to you that at this particular moment

she does not care to converse with you. She requests instead that you bug off.

Well, Mrs. Evans said that, didn't she?

Well, I'm not leaving here until I talk to her. Lord, I told you before that if

he wants his wife home with him, that's his business.

Now, look, I'm not asking you to get out of their lives any longer. I am

demanding it.

Walter, the last king in this country was calm.

And he was shot off the Empire State Building for being less of a drag than

are right now.

He was also a lot more attractive.

All right, Henry. I'm going to give you two minutes to say I'm sorry and go

home. But when I go home, you go on with me. And I'm not coming home until you

say out loud right here and right now.

that I'm keeping my job for two more years. Tell her, Mr. Evans.

Maude, stay out of it. Florida, I got a good mind to go right upside your head.

Now get your coat and come on.

What makes you think you can order me around like that, Henry?

You're my wife. That gives me the right.

When he says wife, he means possession.

So what, Maude? You told me a hundred times you want to feel possessed.

Walter Finley, I never said that standing up and you know it.

are not supposed to be possessions, Henry Evans.

Now, if you want me, you're going to have to take me as your equal.

Lord, I never said nothing about you not being my equal. Why do you want to run

all this civil rights jazz on me? This ain't civil rights, Henry. It's woman's

rights. Woman's rights?

Boy, don't nobody ever want to talk about men's rights. Out of sight, Henry.

Let's talk about it right now. Right on.

Isn't that adorable?

They found each other.

Yeah. Two peas in a pod.

One of them black -eyed.

I'll tell you something, Henry. There's only one way to end this argument.

Florida, don't take this personally, but you're fired.

Fired? You hear that, man? You are something else.

All right, Florida, get your coat. Come on now, let's go.

Don't listen to him. You are rehired with a rain. And I'm firing you again.

Quick, get your coat, Florida. You're rehired, Florida. Damn it, Florida,

too slow. So what am I now?

Employment service, they ain't gonna believe this.

If she's fired, Walter, you might just as well fire me as your wife.

You hear that, Henry?

We're busting up their marriage, and it's all your fault.

All my fault. You hear that, Walter? All I'm trying to do is get the same things

for my wife that your wife has, and she's complaining.

I got news for you, Henry. When your wife has everything my wife has, she'll

still complain.

All women. I tell you, I don't understand them. But especially you

You sit up here in your nice world, and instead of enjoying the things you got,

You're wearing yourself sick about some women's rights.

Well, let me tell you, baby, I'm Ebony.

In the world I grew up in, a black man couldn't even get a job. So the woman

went out and worked and supported the family.

And quite as it's kept, none of us never wanted it that way. And some of us

don't have to have it that way, like me.

Now, I got a J -O -B and a good one.

And if I have to work two jobs, then I will, because I am no longer going to be

the husband of a black maid.

You people ain't gonna be sucked in by that jive.

Florida, he knows what he's talking about. He's black.

And what do you think I am, Sundance?

You ain't listening to a black problem woman. You listening to a male ego.

Now, wait a minute, Florida.

Oh, Henry, you wait a minute.

Now, you hurt because of your pride, and I love you for that.

But I also resent you for not being just as proud of me as I am of you.

proud of you, Florida. It's just that I don't want you to be a maid no more.

Them two don't go together, Henry.

Your mother was a maid. That's how your brothers got through school and you got

to be a fireman. My grandmother was a maid. That's how my daddy got a little

schooling. There are a lot of women, Henry, on both sides of my family who

worked all their lives in white kitchens so their kids could get some of the

things they should have.

You want to be proud of something, Henry? You be proud of them, because

all black women. And I tell you, there ain't never been a better woman than

that.

I'm going home now, Miss Finley. I'll see you in the morning.

Right, Henry?

Tell you what.

So that I don't have to make this decision by myself, I'm going to hold up

match. How many of you see it? One, you know you can't do that trick. Oh, yeah,

wait a minute. You didn't know.

Hello,

Maude.

I guess we learned a big lesson tonight.

Oh, we sure did.

Regardless of race, color, or creed, you're all a bunch of male chauvinist

Oh, what a beautiful morning.

Oh, what a beautiful day. Good morning, Mrs. Finley.

You know, Florida, The wonderful thing about fighting with Walter is that we

always reconcile afterwards.

And Florida, last night we had one of the great reconciliations of all time.

Well, you can keep your reconciliation, Mrs. Finley. With me and Henry, it's

forgive and forget.

And last night we had a forgive and I'll never forget.

Maude was recorded on tape before a live audience.