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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:07,890 Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. 2 00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:11,030 She didn't care if the whole world looked. 3 00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:14,850 Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. 4 00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:17,350 She was a sister who really could. 5 00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:23,750 Isadora was the first proper to answer that she showed up. 6 00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:25,330 Oh, yeah. 7 00:00:25,630 --> 00:00:27,690 And the country was falling apart. 8 00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:30,390 Betsy Ross got it all sewed up. 9 00:00:30,710 --> 00:00:32,210 And the dance floor. 10 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,090 And then there's Maud. 11 00:00:34,390 --> 00:00:39,810 And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then 12 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:44,710 there's Maud. And then there's Maud. That'll compromise and enterprise and 13 00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:47,370 anything but tranquilize. Right on, Maud. 14 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:58,850 Dark is all work on the Mississippi. 15 00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:02,210 Dark is all work. 16 00:01:06,540 --> 00:01:09,400 I can't believe my ears. Did you hear what you just said? 17 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:13,660 You just sang, darkies all work on the Mississippi. 18 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,900 They are not the words. We have new words now. 19 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,240 Oh, yeah. 20 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:21,280 Colored fools. 21 00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:28,380 Lower it up. We do not say darkies. We do not say colored folks. Everything has 22 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:33,780 changed. Now we say, here we all work on the Mississippi. Here we all work while 23 00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:35,120 the straw boss plays. 24 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,540 Everything has changed. 25 00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:39,640 Yeah, except for one thing. Y 'all still playing and we still working. 26 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,260 Look, Florida, nothing racial. Would you mind getting the telephone? 27 00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:52,160 Mother, what about that banner? It's not hanging straight. 28 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:54,960 Yeah, it does sag a little in the middle. 29 00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:57,630 But then again, so does Walter. It's good enough. 30 00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:02,630 Listen, what happened to all the silver? You used to have a ton of it. 31 00:02:02,930 --> 00:02:06,270 Sweetie, don't you remember when I divorced Albert, he got it in the 32 00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:08,650 settlement. What did Albert want with the silver? 33 00:02:08,949 --> 00:02:10,810 What did I want with all those power tools? 34 00:02:12,290 --> 00:02:15,110 A spite can be a terrible thing, Kathy. 35 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,990 Mother, do you really expect people to wear these silly things? 36 00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:23,290 Well, of course. Honey, Walter will love it. He'll think it's his 10th birthday 37 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:24,710 party instead of his 50th. 38 00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:28,210 Anything to get him out of that blue funk he's been in. 39 00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:32,190 Oh, sweetheart, Walter's only going through what every man goes through when 40 00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:33,190 reaches 50. 41 00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:37,750 That sudden, horrible realization that all those young girls hanging around the 42 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:38,850 schoolyard are teachers. 43 00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:44,019 That was Mr. 44 00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:48,200 Crowley's office calling from Peoria. Yeah. His plane got off on time, and 45 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,780 landing at LaGuardia at 5 .30. 46 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,120 That's wonderful! 47 00:02:51,620 --> 00:02:54,380 Oh, what a surprise this is going to be, Florida. 48 00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:58,800 Floyd Crowley. You know, he and Mr. Findley were boyhood chums back in 49 00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,120 They haven't seen each other in over 30 years. 50 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:06,840 Oh, I must say that to pull off a surprise like this, a wife really has to 51 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:07,840 tip -top. 52 00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:13,550 Mrs. Finley, any woman with four marriages ain't just tip -top, she's 53 00:03:13,550 --> 00:03:14,550 pro. 54 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:23,550 Anyway, it is the best birthday present I could have gotten for Walter. Look 55 00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:26,730 what I got. I had this blown up from an old snapshot. 56 00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:31,530 The two of them, age 11, in Peoria. 57 00:03:31,890 --> 00:03:35,330 Walter will die when he sees it. Which one is Mr. Finley? 58 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,380 This one, the one with the runny nose. 59 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,820 Oh, to think I always wanted to have a little boy like that. 60 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,660 And now I have one. 61 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,920 And he's 50 years old. 62 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:54,920 Happy 50th birthday to you. 63 00:03:55,560 --> 00:04:00,240 Happy 50th birthday to you. Okay, come on, Arthur. Now knock it off, will you? 64 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,460 Now, Stan, give me a drink and make it something appropriate. 65 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,460 Like a shot of old granddad. 66 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,300 Walter, it's only your birthday. 67 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,760 Only your birthday, huh? 68 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,820 I think I'll look at this. I got this birthday card in the mail this morning 69 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:19,140 from my oldest friend, Floyd Crowley. We've known each other since we were 70 00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:20,839 eight. That's 42 years, Arthur. 71 00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:22,480 42 years. 72 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,080 How could I know anybody 42 years? 73 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,420 My father knows people 42 years. 74 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,040 Arthur, I think I've turned into my father. 75 00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:37,500 Walter. You're right. I mustn't be morbid. I mustn't be morbid. 76 00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,740 Should I show you the old dead skin on my knuckles? 77 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:43,640 See how it stands up when I pull it? 78 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,040 You have to snap right back, Arthur. 79 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:47,500 There's no snap in it now. 80 00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:51,840 Walter, old pal, listen. I've also been thinking about all the important things 81 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,640 I swore I'd accomplish when I was in my 20s and 30s. 82 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,440 This morning I made a list of them. 83 00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:01,100 Arthur, did you ever make love to a movie star? 84 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:02,920 No. 85 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,000 Not actually. 86 00:05:09,020 --> 00:05:10,020 Did you, Walter? 87 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,420 No, just another dream that went up in smoke. 88 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:17,100 Like my plans to live in Paris for two years and my glider pilot lesson. 89 00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:18,340 Oh, thanks, Sam. 90 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,340 Listen, old pal, you've got to snap out of this. You're carrying on as if you 91 00:05:21,340 --> 00:05:22,239 were ancient. 92 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,540 Actually, you're still a young man. 93 00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:24,559 I am. 94 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,180 Certainly. Except for your knuckles. 95 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,300 Well, you're in the prime of life. 96 00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:34,450 Not young enough to beat that lousy bum Tommy Hollander on Saturday. 97 00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:35,850 Tommy Hollander? 98 00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:37,230 Yeah, we're both in a tournament. 99 00:05:37,530 --> 00:05:41,150 And I gotta beat that miserable cheater if it's the last thing I do. Walter, you 100 00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:44,370 can't play Tommy Hollander. What do you mean I can't play Tommy Hollander? He 101 00:05:44,370 --> 00:05:45,370 died, Walter. 102 00:05:47,370 --> 00:05:50,170 He keeled over yesterday, just like that on the 14th hole. 103 00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:53,810 That poor sweet guy. 104 00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:56,730 Poor old Tommy. 105 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,110 Yeah, poor old Tommy. 106 00:05:58,670 --> 00:06:00,030 Would have been 48 next month. 107 00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:03,990 Two years younger than you. 108 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:08,830 What was it, Arthur? A heart attack? Yeah, a beauty. Never knew what hit him. 109 00:06:11,230 --> 00:06:14,810 I didn't know he had heart trouble. He didn't until yesterday on the 14th 110 00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,350 Right after his chip shot. 111 00:06:19,650 --> 00:06:23,070 He was sitting right here and he told me he had a complete physical checkup. 112 00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:27,170 EKG, chest x -ray, stomach x -ray, the whole ball of wax. 113 00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:28,980 Got a clean bill of health. 114 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:30,540 Case or us are up. 115 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,620 And you said 50's the prime of life. It is, if you reach it. 116 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,920 You know, someone once said, a man is not old if he's still seeking something. 117 00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:45,200 Now, there must be something you're still seeking, Walter. Not anymore, 118 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,680 I'll never be a glider pilot now. 119 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,300 And I'll never be half of a vaudeville team either. Are you going into 120 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,300 vaudeville, Walter? 121 00:06:52,619 --> 00:06:57,480 Oh, wait a minute. Me and my childhood pal, Floyd Crowley, we put this act 122 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:01,980 together when we were 12 years old. You should have seen it, Arthur. We sang and 123 00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:03,540 had movements for every word. 124 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:09,980 There's an old spinning wheel in the parlor 125 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:16,740 Spinning dreams of a long, long ago 126 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:17,960 That's lovely, Walter. 127 00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:21,600 I'll see you at the party. 128 00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:23,170 God willing. 129 00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:34,570 Spinning dreams of an old -fashioned garden 130 00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:41,130 And a maid with an 131 00:07:41,130 --> 00:07:44,950 old -fashioned boy 132 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,440 I do, don't I? 133 00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:03,740 Oh, this is going to be the most wonderful birthday party ever. 134 00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:08,640 Mrs. Finley, before I forget, here's a little something to put with the other 135 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,660 gifts for Mr. Finley. 136 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:13,560 Oh, Florida, how terribly sweet. 137 00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:18,380 No, I can't tell you how touched and gratified I am that you feel comfortable 138 00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:20,280 enough with us to want to exchange gifts. 139 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:24,360 I mean, what with all the bitterness and... strife between the races today. 140 00:08:24,580 --> 00:08:28,580 Mrs. Finley, please, don't make me regret my generous impulse. 141 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:34,480 That was shaping up to be one of my better statements on World Brothers. 142 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:40,880 That must be Floyd Crowley from Peoria, but Walter isn't even here yet. Go back, 143 00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:43,280 finish the canapes. Carol, better go up and change. 144 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:44,860 I'm coming. I'm going. 145 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,580 Oh, Terry. 146 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:52,520 God. willing. 147 00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,510 Why didn't you use your key? 148 00:09:00,090 --> 00:09:02,310 Because I felt like ringing our doorbell. 149 00:09:03,390 --> 00:09:05,050 I never rang our doorbell. 150 00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:08,250 Now I have, and it's over. 151 00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:11,130 Forget the doorbell. 152 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:14,390 Sweetheart, it's your birthday. You can ring my bell. 153 00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:18,150 Please. 154 00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:20,690 Walter, is there something wrong? 155 00:09:21,070 --> 00:09:23,760 No. It's just that I have this tight feeling in my chest. 156 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,100 Now, look, darling, you are not going to have gas for your birthday. 157 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,060 But not with 18 guests coming. 158 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,000 Mort, I'm 50 years old, half a century. 159 00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:41,380 Oh, I know, darling. I know exactly how you feel. 160 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,260 Come sit with Mommy a moment. 161 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,720 Yes, sweetheart. 162 00:09:49,610 --> 00:09:51,990 I want you to remember that you're not alone. 163 00:09:52,790 --> 00:09:54,610 Do you remember what Robert Browning wrote? 164 00:09:55,550 --> 00:09:57,690 Grow old along with me. 165 00:09:58,290 --> 00:10:00,510 The better it is yet to be. 166 00:10:00,930 --> 00:10:02,730 Now, what does that mean to you, sweetheart? 167 00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,830 Did I show you the skin on my knuckles? 168 00:10:08,570 --> 00:10:10,110 See how it doesn't snap back? 169 00:10:10,770 --> 00:10:12,990 Look at this, Maude. Look at this chicken neck. 170 00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:16,010 Here I am trying... 171 00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:19,830 desperately to bring you out of your despondency with love and affection and 172 00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:22,010 kindness, and what do I get for it? A chicken neck. 173 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:27,130 Now, listen to me, Walter Findley. I am not going to let you wallow in your own 174 00:10:27,130 --> 00:10:29,670 self -pity. Please, Maude, let me wallow. 175 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:35,130 Walter, you have to get used to the idea of being 50 years old. I've had it up 176 00:10:35,130 --> 00:10:39,130 to here with your morbidness. But I haven't. 177 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:42,050 I used to listen to you when you started with your hot flashes. 178 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:46,580 hot flash for you right now. 179 00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,120 Happy birthday, Walter. 180 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:56,360 Carol, Florida, birthday boy's here. 181 00:10:56,580 --> 00:11:00,580 I'm not going to wear this hat. You're going to wear it. You're like a damn 182 00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:01,580 fool. 183 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,820 Wonderful. You're beginning to feel like your old self again. 184 00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:09,560 Did Walter's surprise arrive? 185 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,260 Surprise? What surprise? 186 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:18,930 Walter, it is something very special. It is something that is going to just lift 187 00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:23,330 you right up out of that cellar, isn't it, girls? Yes. What is it? I can't. 188 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,090 That's probably it now. 189 00:11:25,590 --> 00:11:29,550 It is, girls. Let's leave him alone. Look, Walter, you answer the door 190 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:30,970 It's your surprise. 191 00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:35,450 Just yell, yell, come in. Darling, it's my birthday present to you. 192 00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:39,210 Come in. 193 00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:45,230 Excuse me, I was looking for Walter. 194 00:11:49,170 --> 00:11:50,170 Walter? 195 00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:52,910 Walter Finley? 196 00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:56,170 Floyd? 197 00:11:58,490 --> 00:12:00,550 Floyd Crowley? 198 00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:03,310 There's an old... 199 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:52,479 30 years. 200 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,620 No, so they weren't really that close, but I'm sure he was a lovely individual. 201 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,640 Hi. Oh, hi, darling. I'm on the phone to Peoria. 202 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,020 You were saying, Mr. Sheridan? 203 00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,960 Yes, yes, we were aware that Floyd had no family. 204 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:11,840 Yeah, no, I think it's just lovely of your local VFW to take care of the 205 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,440 arrangements. Oh, by the way, did Floyd arrive at the airport all right? 206 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,500 Oh, that's too bad. 207 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,720 What happened? No, Floyd arrived, but his luggage was lost. 208 00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:27,980 Well, the important thing is that Floyd arrived safe and sound. 209 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,340 Nice talking to you, Mr. Sheridan. Bye -bye. 210 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:38,260 Oh, Carol, have we ever managed to live through these past three days? I will 211 00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:39,119 never know. 212 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,740 How's Walter? Did he go to work? Work? He won't even phone the store. 213 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:47,060 Three days now, he's been sitting up there, staring at the walls, muttering 214 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,440 things like, the moving finger writes. 215 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:56,280 Carol, I feel so guilty. It's all my fault. Mother, you can't blame yourself. 216 00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:57,900 What you tried to do was lovely. 217 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,800 Look, you brought Floyd Crowley up here to cheer Walter up. Something tells me 218 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,800 it didn't work. 219 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,780 Oh, if there were only something we could do, the man is drowning in self 220 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:11,380 Carol. I mean, there must be... 221 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,220 Don't look now, but I think that's Walter coming down the stairs. 222 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,460 Is it Walter or the ghost of Christmas past? 223 00:14:23,020 --> 00:14:28,220 Oh, Walter. Walter, I'm so glad you're feeling better. Darling, I can't tell 224 00:14:28,220 --> 00:14:30,700 how nice it is to see you downstairs again. 225 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:32,580 Philip. 226 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,580 What about Philip, dear? Philip! 227 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:38,100 He's outside, Walter. Sweetheart, do you want to talk to Philip? I don't 228 00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,100 understand. Philip! 229 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,660 Walter, you haven't spoken to me for over 24 hours. Philip! 230 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,180 We only pass this way once. 231 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:56,800 But before I go, there's one great truth I'd like to teach you. 232 00:14:58,140 --> 00:14:59,940 Now, where were you at 6 o 'clock this morning? 233 00:15:00,420 --> 00:15:01,420 In the bathroom. 234 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:02,880 Good. 235 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,740 The house is very quiet at 6 a .m., Philip. 236 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,480 And the walls are very thin. 237 00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:14,780 That means, Philip, if you don't want to wake up a tired old man, try for the 238 00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,880 side of the bowl, not the water. 239 00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:30,180 Now, Philip, 240 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,080 repeat after me. 241 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:38,380 When water falls on water, it makes a sound that all can hear. 242 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:49,240 But when it's sprayed on porcelain, it falls silent to the ears. 243 00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:53,340 You understand? 244 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,580 When it's sprayed on porcelain... That's very good, very good. 245 00:15:57,020 --> 00:16:03,340 Now run along and play. And Philip, run around the bases once for your old 246 00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:05,320 grandpa. Okay, Gramps. 247 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,820 Walter, what did you say to the boy? 248 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,640 Man talk. You wouldn't understand. 249 00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:20,800 Walter, we are going to have this out right now. Carol, do you mind? 250 00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:22,140 No, of course not. 251 00:16:25,540 --> 00:16:31,160 Walter, if there's anything I can do... Just don't waste your life, Carol. 252 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:35,440 Carol, while there's still time, go out there and run around the bases once for 253 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,440 Walter. 254 00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,140 Okay, Walter? 255 00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:43,420 Talk to me. 256 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,870 There's an old spinning wheel. 257 00:16:48,390 --> 00:16:49,910 Walter, cut that out! 258 00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:54,250 Now, look, I feel just as bad about Floyd as you do. But, darling, what 259 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:59,270 to Floyd is as much a part of life as living. You have to expect these things 260 00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:01,950 you grow older. Walter, I've had it. I can't take it anymore. 261 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,690 You're not the only man on earth who's growing older. Oh, yeah? And how about 262 00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:06,690 this chicken neck? 263 00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:10,010 Walter, please stop torturing yourself. 264 00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:11,390 Listen, darling. 265 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:17,040 I have seen pictures of you when you were 20 and 30 years old. Walter, you 266 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,500 better looking now than you were then. Now, what do you think about that? 267 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:25,460 Maude, middle -aged people always look better to other middle -aged people. 268 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,700 That's all that keeps us from killing ourselves. 269 00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:35,200 Walter, what are you talking about, darling? You are better looking now than 270 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,820 were. I swear it. And so am I, Walter. 271 00:17:41,740 --> 00:17:43,360 I said, and so am I, Walter. 272 00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:49,300 God'll get you for this. 273 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,420 Hi, Marty. 274 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:59,300 Hi, Walter. I was laughing, boy. I'm so glad you're here, Arthur. Walter, look, 275 00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:03,700 if you won't talk to me, talk to Arthur. He's your closest friend. Talk to him, 276 00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:07,200 darling. Tell him what's gnawing at you, what's eating you up alive. 277 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:13,100 You said that a man is not old as long as he is seeking something. I don't know 278 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,100 what I'm seeking. 279 00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:16,260 I don't know if there's anything left to seek. 280 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,720 It's too late to be a glider pilot. 281 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,500 Walter, where are you going? 282 00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:24,820 Going upstairs to pack. I've got to be by myself. 283 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,980 Walter. Walter, help me. 284 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:33,580 Well, Maude, you know what's bothering Walter, don't you? 285 00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,440 For the first time, he's facing his own mortality. 286 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,440 He's afraid, Maude. 287 00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:42,200 And the only thing that'll counteract the fear of death is life. 288 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:43,720 And how do we do that? 289 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,280 With love. 290 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:49,820 Oh, come on, Arthur. He already has that. He knows I love him. Of course he 291 00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:52,540 does. I'm not just talking about your spiritual love, though, Maude. 292 00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:57,080 I'm talking about your, uh, physical relationship. 293 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:58,880 Oh, that. 294 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,220 Oh, Arthur, the things I could tell you if you were a woman doctor. 295 00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:07,630 From another town. 296 00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:15,150 I'm only trying to help, Maude. Arthur, let me put it this way. 297 00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:20,910 For the past two weeks, if Walt Disney had a camera at the foot of our bed, 298 00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:25,730 there is no scene that couldn't be shown uncut in front of the Mouseketeers. 299 00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:34,030 I understand, Maude. 300 00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:38,050 But, you know, I've been reading up on... Sex research, Master and Johnson. 301 00:19:38,430 --> 00:19:42,270 And, you know, they put a great deal of emphasis on the simple act of touching. 302 00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:46,670 Touching? Yes, not in the erotic sense, Martin. 303 00:19:47,110 --> 00:19:53,190 I mean, hugging, caressing, using physical gentleness to break through the 304 00:19:53,190 --> 00:19:54,570 defenses of a withdrawn person. 305 00:19:55,990 --> 00:19:56,990 Touching. 306 00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,010 I'll try it, Arthur. 307 00:19:59,210 --> 00:20:00,910 I mean, I'll try anything. 308 00:20:01,410 --> 00:20:02,329 It could work. 309 00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:03,330 Thank you, Arthur. 310 00:20:04,990 --> 00:20:10,270 Don't quote me on this, but sometimes you're a real sweet guy. 311 00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,590 You see? You see? You're touching me. 312 00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:15,750 You broke through my defenses. 313 00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:19,470 By golly, it works! 314 00:20:25,230 --> 00:20:26,990 I'm going to see Walter now. 315 00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:47,410 I want to touch you. 316 00:20:49,530 --> 00:20:53,190 What? I'm trying to pack. Where are my socks? Walter, come on. This is me. I 317 00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:57,830 only want to touch you. The last thing in the world. The last thing I want is 318 00:20:57,830 --> 00:20:59,710 be touched. I don't want my skin touched. 319 00:21:00,070 --> 00:21:01,250 Then let me touch your teeth. 320 00:21:04,410 --> 00:21:07,850 I don't want the tip of your finger on any part of my person. I don't want to 321 00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,650 touched here or here or here. 322 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,440 Especially not there. 323 00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:21,480 Can't you get it through your head? I don't want to be touched. 324 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:22,940 I want to be alone. 325 00:21:23,340 --> 00:21:24,340 You want to be alone? 326 00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:27,320 Is that what you want, Walter? You want to be alone? 327 00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:31,820 All right, then be alone, because I want to be alone, too. 328 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:35,520 Where are you going? How do I know? I'm not there yet. 329 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,640 But I am going someplace, Walter, and I am going to have fun. 330 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:43,640 All right, go ahead. Go ahead. See if I care. Of course you don't care. 331 00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:45,930 You don't care about me. All you care about is you. 332 00:21:46,770 --> 00:21:51,610 Lord, I am 50 years old. And boring, Walter. 333 00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:54,610 But let me tell you something, buddy boy. 334 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:58,330 You are not 50. You are 50 and three days. 335 00:21:58,690 --> 00:22:02,290 Three days closer to the Grim Reaper, old buddy. 336 00:22:12,970 --> 00:22:13,970 that negligee for? 337 00:22:14,130 --> 00:22:15,650 Might be cold where I'm going. 338 00:22:19,870 --> 00:22:23,990 Come on, Lord. I just bought that for, you know, for special occasions. Yeah, 339 00:22:23,990 --> 00:22:26,670 well, one never knows when she's going to run into a special occasion. 340 00:22:27,630 --> 00:22:30,730 Now, wait a minute. No, you wait a minute. 341 00:22:31,110 --> 00:22:36,170 I am very sorry, Walter Findlay, that you had to find out on your 50th 342 00:22:36,170 --> 00:22:40,690 that you are a mere mortal. But it is not the end of the world. Now, take my 343 00:22:40,690 --> 00:22:41,690 suitcase downstairs. 344 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,260 I never said it was the end of the world. 345 00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:47,160 I said I have to think about the few remaining years I have left. 346 00:22:47,380 --> 00:22:50,340 Then by all means, think about them, Walter. Think about them. 347 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,180 Wallow in them. Do everything but live them. Now take my suitcase downstairs. 348 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:55,760 You want your suitcase downstairs? 349 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,780 You want your suitcase downstairs? 350 00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:02,400 There. It's downstairs. 351 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,540 Do you want to understand me, Walter? 352 00:23:38,940 --> 00:23:39,940 Sure. 353 00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:42,440 I'd like to even understand myself. 354 00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:45,900 Darling, you said it yourself. 355 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,780 A man is not old as long as he's still seeking something. 356 00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:54,920 Walter, if we both lived to be a thousand, I'd still want to know more 357 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,920 you. 358 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,720 The same for me, Mort. 359 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,080 Then there is something left to seek, isn't there? 360 00:24:06,730 --> 00:24:09,810 And, Walter, we're touching. 361 00:24:12,630 --> 00:24:14,570 A whole lot we're touching. 362 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,570 What are you laughing about? 363 00:24:21,830 --> 00:24:24,690 I don't know what made me think of it, but I just thought of this old riddle 364 00:24:24,690 --> 00:24:26,770 Floyd and I used to do. A riddle? 365 00:24:26,990 --> 00:24:28,870 Yeah. What has one eye? 366 00:24:29,090 --> 00:24:30,810 Yeah. Sticks out its tongue? 367 00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:33,610 Yeah. And loves to make love? 368 00:24:34,790 --> 00:24:35,990 I know the answer. 369 00:24:44,460 --> 00:24:45,500 Happy birthday, Walter. 370 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,420 Walter, just think. 371 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:06,500 You're 50, and I'm 47. Do you know what that means? 372 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,020 Do you know what that means, Walter? 373 00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:13,040 In three years, you'll be 53. 374 00:25:14,190 --> 00:25:15,450 And I'll be 44. 375 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,140 Maud was recorded on tape before a live audience. 31152

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