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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,910 --> 00:00:07,890 Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. 2 00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:11,110 She didn't care if the whole world looked. 3 00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:17,350 Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could. 4 00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:23,730 Isadora was the first proper to answer that she showed up. 5 00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:25,330 Oh, yeah. 6 00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:30,390 When the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up. 7 00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:34,140 And then there's Maud. 8 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:39,840 And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then 9 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,000 there's Maud. And then there's Maud. 10 00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:46,760 That uncompromising, enterprising, anything but tranquilizing. Okay, 11 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:52,200 friends, now hear this. 12 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:57,740 I have tried everything I know with you. I have tried patience, kindness, 13 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,000 sweetness. 14 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:04,060 Let's face it. You plants haven't grown an eighth of an inch in six weeks. 15 00:01:05,519 --> 00:01:08,440 Now listen to me, guys. You're going to shape up or ship out. 16 00:01:09,780 --> 00:01:14,220 I read all the latest magazines, current books. They all say talk to you, so I'm 17 00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:15,220 talking to you. 18 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:16,840 And you. 19 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:23,680 I said things to you last night I haven't said to four husbands. 20 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,240 Mother, do you know what's going on? 21 00:01:29,450 --> 00:01:32,650 Mother, there's a black man outside walking up and down the property 22 00:01:33,030 --> 00:01:34,009 Picketing what? 23 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,710 Us. He says we're slumlords. 24 00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:40,170 Slumlords? That's what his sign says. A slumlord lives here. Oh, come on, Carol. 25 00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:42,490 Don't be ridiculous. Do you know what a slumlord is? 26 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:46,870 A slumlord is somebody who owns one of those terrible buildings in places like 27 00:01:46,870 --> 00:01:51,090 Harlem where they cram hundreds of people into a building and dozens of 28 00:01:51,090 --> 00:01:54,190 into two rooms and 60 people have to use one john. 29 00:01:54,790 --> 00:01:59,610 I mean, don't tell me that a slumlord lives here or that there's a black man 30 00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:00,610 there picketing. 31 00:02:01,710 --> 00:02:03,850 Carol, there's a black man out there picketing. 32 00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:07,150 There must be some mistake. 33 00:02:08,009 --> 00:02:11,310 A terrible mistake. If a slumlord lives here, I'll eat him. 34 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,420 Well, do you want to start with Walter's hat or with his shoes? 35 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:20,020 Walter? Yes, that man said he lives in a slum tenement on River Street that was 36 00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:24,220 just bought by a new group of investors, a syndicate. Walter Findlay is a member 37 00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,220 of that syndicate. 38 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:30,100 Walter Findlay? My Walter Findlay? Oh, come on, Carol, don't be ridiculous. You 39 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,920 mean not my Walter Findlay. I mean somebody else's. 40 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,160 My Walter Findlay! 41 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,480 Yes, dear. 42 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,300 Drop your socks, grab your pants, and get down here. 43 00:02:43,850 --> 00:02:45,970 about that picket. I've got to take Philip to school. Philip! 44 00:02:46,530 --> 00:02:48,010 Hurry, honey, you'll be late for school. 45 00:02:48,510 --> 00:02:51,890 I'll take him out the back way. Listen, honey, let him scrunch way down deep in 46 00:02:51,890 --> 00:02:52,448 the Volkswagen. 47 00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:55,810 I don't want him to see that picket. Oh, look, Philip, honey, there's a new game 48 00:02:55,810 --> 00:02:58,810 your mother's going to teach you. It's called scrunch. You get laid down in the 49 00:02:58,810 --> 00:02:59,810 back. 50 00:02:59,890 --> 00:03:00,890 Scrunch, scrunch. 51 00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,710 Walter, Walter, listen. 52 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:07,250 There is a black man outside our door picketing with a sign that says a 53 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,770 lives here. A slumlord? And he means you. 54 00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:11,390 How can you say that, Maud? 55 00:03:11,630 --> 00:03:15,480 Do you know what a slumlord is? Now, how could I be a slumlord? You couldn't. 56 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:19,000 You couldn't, Walter. I know it's all a terrible mistake, and I know you'll be 57 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,480 able to explain it very easily and in just a few seconds. Your time's up, 58 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,560 Walter. 59 00:03:24,380 --> 00:03:28,560 What? There is a black man out there picketing, Walter. 60 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:29,880 See for yourself. 61 00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:38,240 There is a man out there. It must be a mistake. I'll throw him off the 62 00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:39,340 He's black. 63 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,040 I'll lift him off gently. 64 00:03:44,110 --> 00:03:45,110 a slumlord. 65 00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:47,470 Walter, did you buy into a building on River Street? 66 00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:50,570 River Street? 67 00:03:51,110 --> 00:03:52,370 Yeah, the Riverview deal. 68 00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:57,210 Wait a minute. Mike Taupin put us into that. You're a slumlord, Walter. 69 00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:01,070 Oh, you'll live with a man intimately for four years. You share his every 70 00:04:01,070 --> 00:04:02,430 confidence and suddenly zap. 71 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,790 You find you're married to a total stranger. 72 00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:06,990 What? Don't talk to strangers. 73 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:09,770 But, Lord! 74 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,550 The Riverview deal is a tenement. 75 00:04:11,810 --> 00:04:12,810 Yeah, but I didn't know that. 76 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,279 I mean, Tobin says it's a good deal, so a bunch of us go into it. We don't ask 77 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:20,540 any question. We just sign the papers, and that's that. Now, who knew that the 78 00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:22,560 building was... Now you know, Walter. 79 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,340 Everything we stand for is going right down the drain. A black man is actually 80 00:04:27,340 --> 00:04:31,160 standing outside our door picketing. I mean, I can't believe it. It must be... 81 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,880 It all seems like a dream. 82 00:04:33,260 --> 00:04:35,480 Pinch me. Oh, come on. Hi, gang. 83 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:38,580 Hey, that's a heck of a new lawn decoration you got out there. 84 00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:43,420 It's so much more... made it in those little colored jockeys. 85 00:04:48,780 --> 00:04:51,660 I see you're here, Arthur. Where's the front end of the horse? 86 00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:58,140 Arthur, don't be funny. 87 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,260 I didn't know I was buying into a slum building. 88 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,560 Oh, come on, Walter. You don't have to alibi to me. 89 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,820 I know you're trying to make a fast buck. 90 00:05:06,460 --> 00:05:09,340 I'm aware of the fact that it's a dog -eat -dog world out there. And I'd love 91 00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:10,600 feed you to a St. Bernard. 92 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,940 Hello? Yes, hello, Vivian. 93 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:24,040 Thank you, darling. Yes. Thank you for being the first one to bring me the ugly 94 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,840 news. I knew I could count on a friend. 95 00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:30,600 Vivian says we're the talk of the supermarket, and the Riley's down the 96 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,240 are flying their flag at half -mast. 97 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:36,380 I'll call Tobin and see if he can get me out of this thing. 98 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,920 Don't be so hard on yourselves. 99 00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:40,220 Maude, you don't understand these deals. 100 00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:43,530 A man invests a tenement and pays taxes on the profits. 101 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:47,670 Now, those taxes are used to help tear down tenements and build new buildings, 102 00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:50,590 which turn into tenements. And then the cycle starts all over again. 103 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:52,050 That's business. 104 00:05:53,190 --> 00:05:54,190 Arthur Harmon. 105 00:05:54,230 --> 00:05:59,270 You have just described the lowest, most despicable, most unsavory type of 106 00:05:59,270 --> 00:06:00,530 businessman this country has. 107 00:06:01,650 --> 00:06:03,150 You just described Walter. 108 00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,210 Tobin's not in. I'll have to call him later. 109 00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:10,410 I still think you people ought to take my advice and call the police. 110 00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:14,310 After all, that's what they get paid for, to protect you slumlords. 111 00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:20,070 Walter, there's only one thing to do. You have to go outside, talk to that 112 00:06:20,070 --> 00:06:21,250 picket, and convince him to leave. 113 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:24,190 You're the convincing one. You talk to him. I'm too ashamed, Walter. 114 00:06:24,570 --> 00:06:29,290 Look, Howard Hughes, maybe you'll understand it better if I put it in 115 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:34,190 terms. As long as that picket is outside the door, Walter, I wouldn't give you 116 00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:35,670 two cents for your love life. 117 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:47,560 Was you calling me? 118 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,780 Yeah. I thought so, because I'm the only one out here. 119 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:54,260 Will you come in for a moment? 120 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,180 You ain't got a big dog, have you? 121 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,880 No. No dog. 122 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,400 There ain't gonna be no violence. 123 00:07:03,660 --> 00:07:06,340 Of course not. I hate violence. I do, too. 124 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,100 Especially when I'm in an all -white neighborhood. 125 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:12,900 This is nice. 126 00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:15,180 How many people live here? 127 00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:19,560 Four. No, I mean in a whole house. 128 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,240 Four. 129 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,940 My name is Walter Findley. Yes, I know. 130 00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:30,620 Mine's George Washington Carver Williams. 131 00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:35,060 You were named after a great man. 132 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,220 No, I was named after my father. 133 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,240 He didn't amount to much at all. 134 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:44,800 Have a seat, Mr. Williams. 135 00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:46,060 Here, there. 136 00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:47,450 Right here. Oh, thank you. 137 00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:56,210 Mr. Williams, can I be very direct with you? So long as you don't hit me. 138 00:07:56,790 --> 00:08:00,930 I told you I hate violence. I know, but it bears repeating. 139 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:05,910 Mr. Williams, can we talk about 401 River Street specifically? 140 00:08:06,430 --> 00:08:08,570 Now, what's wrong with that building? 141 00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:12,150 Just two things. The inside and the outside. 142 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,180 Let me put it this way. 143 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,220 I saw your daughter drying off this morning at school in a Volkswagen with 144 00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:21,660 top of your grandson's head. 145 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:29,580 The one thing is, we got one cockroach at 401 River Street that's bigger than 146 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:30,580 that Volkswagen. 147 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,780 Walter, I thought you might... Oh, I didn't know we had company. 148 00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:38,679 Would you like some coffee, Mr. Pickett? Thank you. 149 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:50,680 Walter, I hope that you spoke to Mr. Williams and explained to him that it 150 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:54,760 really is all a terrible mistake and that in our hearts we are very much with 151 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,600 you and your people. I mean, did you explain that to him? Does he understand 152 00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:01,300 Do you understand that? Oh, I understand that. 153 00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:03,460 But you're slumlords. 154 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,940 Mr. Williams, you have to understand the way these things happen. Yeah. 155 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,460 You see... 156 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:16,540 In my income tax bracket... Yeah, well, she isn't all that high. 157 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,000 That's right. 158 00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:21,680 That's right. It's not all that high. But it's hard in that aspects. 159 00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:32,560 Maybe. That's possible. I think it is. Well, anyway... People in my 160 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:36,440 income tax bracket... It's our income tax bracket. Our income tax bracket, we 161 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,900 look for what is called... 162 00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,610 A tax shelter. Tax shelter. 163 00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:41,930 A tax shelter. 164 00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:47,790 We invest money in what we call shelters. Shelters. 165 00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:49,850 We call them tenements. 166 00:09:54,050 --> 00:09:55,050 No. 167 00:09:55,430 --> 00:09:56,810 No, you don't understand. 168 00:09:57,750 --> 00:10:01,370 When I say shelter, I don't mean a building. He doesn't mean a building. I 169 00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:02,370 mean a building, no. 170 00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:06,930 I mean a way of using money. Yeah. 171 00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:12,710 So that the government can't tax it. The government can't tax it. Oh, you're 172 00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:13,790 talking about stealing. 173 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:19,190 No offense, ma 'am. I mean legal stealing. 174 00:10:19,550 --> 00:10:21,610 We ain't got some black people doing it now. 175 00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:23,050 That's progress. 176 00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,490 that people like us get into. We get into these arrangements. 177 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,170 We never know what they are. We never know. 178 00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:41,410 We never, never know. Do you know? We never know. I don't know. I mean, right 179 00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:42,269 now, we don't. 180 00:10:42,270 --> 00:10:43,630 We never know what they are. Never. 181 00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:45,130 We never know. 182 00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:46,490 We don't know what they are. 183 00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:50,730 And we think we got problems. 184 00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:57,910 I better be getting back to work. 185 00:10:58,150 --> 00:10:59,730 Oh, but Mr. Williams. Mr. Williams. 186 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,210 You got some lovely plants here. 187 00:11:02,630 --> 00:11:06,910 You know, if you talk real nice to them, they'll grow real special. 188 00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:09,470 We can't grow no plants at our place. 189 00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:11,710 The bugs get them. 190 00:11:12,510 --> 00:11:14,370 But we talk to cockroaches, though. 191 00:11:15,110 --> 00:11:18,430 And we get results that are staggered to imagination. 192 00:11:20,570 --> 00:11:22,870 Tell them, Mr. Finley. Tell me why. 193 00:11:23,110 --> 00:11:25,810 They got one roach there that's bigger than Carol's Volkswagen. 194 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:28,680 What are we going to do? 195 00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,940 Go on upstairs, Philip. I'll be there in a minute. 196 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,760 Carol, what's the matter now? What is Philip doing home from school? 197 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:37,160 I had to bring him home, Mother, because thanks to your husband, I couldn't 198 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,160 leave him in school. 199 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:41,240 A six -year -old girl called him a fascist pig. 200 00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:46,040 Did you hear that? Did you hear that? Even my own grandson is infected with 201 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:46,999 disease. Lord, please. 202 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,320 I feel bad enough as it is. 203 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:49,900 Mrs. Finley, I quit. 204 00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:51,580 You quit? 205 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,700 Master Slumlord. 206 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,820 Your faithful old donkey is leaving the plantation. 207 00:12:05,780 --> 00:12:08,900 Florida, Florida, they raised it up. Well, you know me better than that, 208 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,100 Florida. Do I look like a slumlord to you? 209 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,080 Well, that's hard to tell. You know the old saying. 210 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,360 Oh, you slumlords look alike. 211 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:22,540 Florida, let me explain. Look, Walter's accountant is taking care of it right 212 00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:26,190 now. It'll all... be straightened out, I swear to you. Florida, please don't go 213 00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:28,110 this way. Florida, please don't go. 214 00:12:29,410 --> 00:12:31,790 What do you say now, Mr. Slumlord? 215 00:12:32,770 --> 00:12:36,110 Why can't you be like other husbands and blow your money on broads? 216 00:12:41,950 --> 00:12:45,750 Oh, Florida, I knew you couldn't leave me this way. 217 00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:47,250 You came back? 218 00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:48,550 No chance. 219 00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:52,110 I just wasn't going to leave no African valet in this house. 220 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,720 to her. She found one that wasn't in the book. 221 00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,780 That's exactly why I'm not sending Philip back to school, not until this 222 00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:22,479 is settled. 223 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,260 Look, Carol, will you get off my back? We are doing everything humanly 224 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,220 Walter is at the accountant's right now. I have been on the phone all day with 225 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:33,540 the urban renewal office, and they tell me that you can't make a dent in fixing 226 00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:36,600 up that building for under $100 ,000. 227 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:39,880 Why does the telephone ring when you're in trouble? 228 00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:43,930 Hello, this is a recording. 229 00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:48,770 When you hear the beep, leave your name and number and you will be called when I 230 00:13:48,770 --> 00:13:50,730 return. You should live so long. 231 00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:02,190 Beep. 232 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,890 Oh, Carol, I think I'm going to pieces. 233 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:10,110 Walter, what happened to the accountants? What did he say? Can we get 234 00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:13,260 deal? What did he say? What did he say? I'll explain everything, but first Mr. 235 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,380 Williams wants to know if he can come in for a minute. Mr. Williams? 236 00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,200 He wants to come in here? 237 00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:21,720 I know. He's probably coming to tell us that he realizes he's made a mistake and 238 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:22,659 he's going to leave. 239 00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:26,300 I mean, I think he's thought it over and in his heart he knows what kind of 240 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,300 people we really are. 241 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,040 Evening, Mrs. Finley. 242 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,380 Mr. Finley said it might be all right if I popped in here for a minute. Of 243 00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:35,860 course. Come right in. Now tell me, what was it you wanted to talk to us about? 244 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,860 Would you mind if I use your facilities? 245 00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,970 Realizes what kind of people we really are. 246 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,170 This way, Mr. Williams. 247 00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,030 Walter Findlay, you tricked me. 248 00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:53,690 You knew what it was he wanted. 249 00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:54,930 No, I didn't. 250 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:57,790 Matter of fact, I thought he might be hungry. He was going to ask for 251 00:14:57,790 --> 00:15:00,550 to eat. Oh, don't be ridiculous. I gave him a hot lunch at one o 'clock. 252 00:15:02,450 --> 00:15:03,970 About the accountant, Walter. 253 00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:05,890 Well, he found me a buyer. 254 00:15:06,450 --> 00:15:13,170 But he's only offering me 60 cents on the dollar. It'll cost me $3 ,200 to 255 00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:14,170 out. 256 00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:17,330 $200? That thief! 257 00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:20,070 That exploiter! That bloodsucker! 258 00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:21,590 Walter, take the offer. 259 00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:25,310 Maud, are you crazy? 260 00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:27,950 I can't afford to throw away $3 ,200. 261 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:32,210 You can't afford not to, Walter. If my son is being called a fascist pig, you 262 00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:33,430 can imagine what they're calling you. 263 00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:34,650 She's right, Walter. 264 00:15:35,010 --> 00:15:36,030 Wait a minute, Maud. 265 00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:40,410 You're a slumlord, too, you know. Oh, come on. It's bad enough that I'm 266 00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:41,029 to one. 267 00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:42,830 We're both married to one. 268 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,460 The accountant said we signed a joint tenancy. Mother, did you put your name 269 00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:48,460 that paper? 270 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,640 Well, how could I? 271 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,740 Walter, I never signed that Riverview deal. 272 00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:57,120 Unless it was that night that you brought all those papers in in the blue 273 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,960 and we couldn't really talk about it because I was watching Marcus Welby and 274 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,060 was getting ready to operate on that prostitute with a benign tumor. 275 00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:08,980 Oh, my God, I'm a slumlord, too. 276 00:16:10,980 --> 00:16:11,980 Well, there you go. 277 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,740 half of you standing around with your head in the sand, while the other half 278 00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:19,620 you pollutes the environment and impresses the poor. 279 00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:21,060 Hmm. 280 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:25,580 How do you like your own words coming back to haunt you? I'm proud of Carol 281 00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:28,700 telling me off, and in one minute I'm going to be proud of me for telling you 282 00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:32,800 off. Well, now, that was a pleasant visitation. 283 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:40,120 You just can't imagine the pleasures of working with facilities that are really 284 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,120 working. 285 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,500 Now, Mr. Williams, before you go, Mr. 286 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,860 Findlay has something to tell you. No, I haven't. We have found a buyer for 401. 287 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:53,320 Not yet, Lord. Listen to me, Walter Findlay. Take the $3 ,200 loss. 288 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:54,559 $3 ,200? 289 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,160 That's a lot of money. You bet it is. So let's understand who we are in this 290 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,300 house. We live up to every debt we make, just like the rest of America. 291 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,700 Do you know what our real last name is? 292 00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:06,380 Master Charge. 293 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,319 Walter and Lord Master Charge. 294 00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:12,450 The point is that we're not rich. 295 00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:15,089 $3 ,200 is a fortune. 296 00:17:15,390 --> 00:17:16,390 A damn big fortune. 297 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:20,130 And I've worked too damn hard to lose it just like that. Man, I can't blame you. 298 00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,970 Will you keep quiet with us? 299 00:17:22,670 --> 00:17:25,510 We're a poacher in the neighborhood. You sure have a heck of a lot to say. 300 00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:30,530 And as for you, Findley, I've heard your hard luck story. While I hate to kick a 301 00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:34,270 man when he's down, I am offering you one agonizing choice. 302 00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:37,990 You are either going to lose the $3 ,200 or me. 303 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,420 That might not be so agonizing. 304 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,100 God'll get you for that. 305 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:59,240 I wasn't thinking of you, ma 'am. I was relating my own situation with my own 306 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,240 wife. 307 00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:01,780 Miserable. 308 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,180 Well, much obliged for the facilities. 309 00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:08,040 Mort, I know you didn't mean what you just said. 310 00:18:08,430 --> 00:18:12,810 You must be reading my mind. In which case, you don't realize the two pages 311 00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:13,589 stuck together. 312 00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:17,770 In between yesterday's I love you and tomorrow's I love you, there's one page 313 00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:21,050 that says sell, Walter, or else there'll be no tomorrow. 314 00:18:21,910 --> 00:18:23,390 Marty! Walter! 315 00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:26,110 Listen, I was just talking to Mr. Williams out there. 316 00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:27,550 He likes your bathroom. 317 00:18:29,490 --> 00:18:31,430 Walter, your accountant called my accountant. 318 00:18:32,050 --> 00:18:33,710 Evidently, you want to get out from under this thing. 319 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:36,990 I learned what a good investment you have there for $8 ,000. 320 00:18:37,210 --> 00:18:40,930 Well, Arthur, if you think that the Riverview deal is a good investment... 321 00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:42,290 you think it's a good investment. 322 00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:43,710 Mort, please. 323 00:18:45,410 --> 00:18:46,950 How about buying my end of the deal? 324 00:18:47,790 --> 00:18:49,710 Walter, what a brilliant idea! 325 00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:53,550 Mort, how would you like to go into the kitchen and make some coffee? 326 00:18:55,150 --> 00:18:56,150 It won't work, Walter. 327 00:18:56,550 --> 00:18:58,410 You have got a good deal there for $8 ,000. 328 00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:01,230 But it is not a good idea to do business with friends. 329 00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:04,470 Because when it comes to business, friendship goes out the window. 330 00:19:05,790 --> 00:19:06,790 I know that, Arthur. 331 00:19:06,990 --> 00:19:09,470 All right, I'll give you $5 ,500 for your end of the deal. 332 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:11,830 Arthur, come on. 333 00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:16,290 Arthur, dear, I have some hors d 'oeuvres left over from last night, plus 334 00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:19,410 extra special goodies I whipped up especially for you. 335 00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,010 Marty, they look delicious. 336 00:19:23,290 --> 00:19:25,050 How about a Swedish meatball? 337 00:19:25,270 --> 00:19:26,270 Thank you. 338 00:19:26,990 --> 00:19:28,710 How about a pig in the blanket? 339 00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:30,110 Thank you. 340 00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:32,520 How about $7 ,000? 341 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,760 Sorry, $5 ,500 is my final offer. If you thought it was a good deal at eight, 342 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,080 why won't you give us seven? Business is business, Marty. 343 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,400 Besides, I have to charge you something for moving expenses. 344 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:43,760 What moving expenses? 345 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,440 Well, if I buy it, that picket has to move from your door to my door. I'll get 346 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:48,440 it. 347 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,500 I'd rather see it rotting in the freezer. 348 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:52,580 Arthur. 349 00:19:52,980 --> 00:19:53,980 Thank you, darling. 350 00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:58,100 We're going to take your offer. No, we're not. I'd still be losing $2 ,500. 351 00:19:58,640 --> 00:19:59,640 Or me. 352 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:00,900 Is that your choice, Walter? 353 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:02,740 Don't push your luck, Arthur. 354 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:05,240 And don't push yours either, Walter. 355 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,180 Don't push yours either, Mother. You signed that paper to... Oh, come on, 356 00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:13,900 I may have signed the paper, but it was Walter who brought it home. Oh, you and 357 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:16,940 your husband signed a piece of paper. Neither one of you knows what you're 358 00:20:16,940 --> 00:20:19,560 signing, but suddenly he's more to blame than you are. 359 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,400 Walter Carroll's right. 360 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:26,020 Sell the tenement to Arthur, and I'll personally make up the $2 ,500. 361 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,200 What? Where'd you get $2 ,500, Maud? 362 00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:30,690 Household accounts. 363 00:20:31,010 --> 00:20:34,570 You know us housewives. A little less red meat here. 364 00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:37,010 Day -old bread. Cheating at Keno. 365 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,570 What? 366 00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:41,750 In four years of marriage, I've saved $40. 367 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:47,090 $40. I'm talking about $2 ,500. 368 00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:51,850 Walter, please don't nitpick about a lousy $2 ,460. 369 00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:53,170 Sell. 370 00:20:53,490 --> 00:20:54,550 You're crazy. 371 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:56,250 Everybody's crazy. 372 00:20:56,910 --> 00:20:57,910 Hello? 373 00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:00,340 It's the accountant. 374 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:01,720 What? 375 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,720 Sensational. 376 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,720 It's not the happiest news in the world, but it's almost the happiest news in 377 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:08,399 the world. 378 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,400 Okay, thanks, Mike. 379 00:21:09,860 --> 00:21:12,040 Don't look like the cat who swallowed the telephone. Talk. 380 00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:14,040 You found me a buyer. 381 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,500 $7 ,000. 382 00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:22,120 Walter, you only lost $1 ,000. I'm so proud of you. 383 00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:25,380 Don't say I didn't try to help you, Walter. 384 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,740 Do you mind if I say that, Arthur? You didn't try to help him. 385 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,020 All right, you people just don't understand. That's what's wrong with 386 00:21:32,020 --> 00:21:34,640 simply don't understand the old F .E .S. 387 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:38,940 Free Enterprise System. 388 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:46,240 Honey, sweetie, I know you're awfully unhappy about that $1 ,000, but I swear 389 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:50,400 you, sweetheart, I'll make it up to you. I promise. I mean, tonight alone I'll 390 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:51,400 make it up to you. 391 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:57,840 news for you. 392 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,580 He's so happy he dropped his sign. He's running up the lawn. 393 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:01,820 Hi again. 394 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,740 Somebody here must know me better than I know myself. 395 00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:07,060 Uh, what do you mean, Mr. Williams? 396 00:22:07,380 --> 00:22:10,500 Wouldn't you call me in to offer me this facilities again? 397 00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:15,020 Oh, no, but of course you can use them. Now, come in. I have wonderful news. 398 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:18,160 Mr. Findlay and I sold our end of 401. 399 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,520 We are no longer slumlords. 400 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:21,800 Is that so? 401 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,260 I'm gonna miss that nice white towel. 402 00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,950 And that nice border on top of the yellow fishes. 403 00:22:31,370 --> 00:22:34,350 Walter, how much cash do you have on you? 404 00:22:34,550 --> 00:22:36,570 I don't know. Fifty, sixty dollars. 405 00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:40,130 Mr. Williams, I know this isn't very much. 406 00:22:40,410 --> 00:22:43,390 Especially when they said you couldn't fix the building up for less than a 407 00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:44,390 hundred thou. 408 00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:46,990 Still and all, you can't look at everything that way, young lady. 409 00:22:48,010 --> 00:22:49,990 I might do some good with this money. 410 00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:52,790 What a lovely thought. 411 00:22:53,470 --> 00:22:54,470 Yeah. 412 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:55,840 We have nine then. 413 00:22:58,120 --> 00:22:59,320 Well, goodbye, everybody. 414 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:05,760 And to you, nice plant, I hope you grow up to be as big as Volkswagen's tube. 415 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:15,100 I forgot my transistor radio on my four -inch Sony TV. 416 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:16,900 What's he doing in there? 417 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:21,080 He's in here because we just gave him some wonderful news, Florida. 418 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,640 We sold our end of 401. 419 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:27,460 We are no longer slumlords. That's right, Florida. And just to ease her 420 00:23:27,460 --> 00:23:29,320 conscience, Mother gave Mr. Williams $60. 421 00:23:29,820 --> 00:23:31,380 Carol, that's a rotten thing to say. 422 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:35,320 I gave him the money because the poor guy needed it. How would you like to 423 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,620 in his rat -infested, roach -encrusted environment? 424 00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:39,500 Don't be silly, Maude. 425 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,980 What good can $60 do the people in that tenement? 426 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,980 Mr. Williams, why don't you just run it up in a crap game? 427 00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:50,180 What a terrible thing to say. 428 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:51,400 I mean... 429 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,820 It shows what you know about black people. 430 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:58,240 Please accept my apology, Mr. Williams, and you too. You too, Florida. 431 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,420 I mean, one thing for sure, he's not going to use it to exploit the poor. 432 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:07,100 Mr. Williams? No, ma 'am. But to tell the truth, $60 ain't much for a poor 433 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:11,720 What I might do is take this money and put it on a worthy cause. 434 00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:15,860 You see, Walter, Carol, he's smart. 435 00:24:16,780 --> 00:24:19,200 Worthy cause is running at ten to one. 436 00:24:24,270 --> 00:24:25,270 on the nose for me. 437 00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:39,990 Fellas, I'm here to tell you that Maud's love and affection is really going to 438 00:24:39,990 --> 00:24:44,150 work for you. Because last night, I can't tell you how it worked for me. 439 00:24:46,270 --> 00:24:51,270 I mean, I grew and grew and this morning I feel ten... 440 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,600 I couldn't help overhearing you. 441 00:24:57,340 --> 00:24:58,740 That was a lovely tribute. 442 00:25:04,340 --> 00:25:07,360 Sweetheart, you really shouldn't talk that way in front of the begonias. 443 00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:11,000 I mean, he's just a baby. 444 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,800 Maud was recorded on tape before a live audience. 37142

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