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Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.
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She didn't care if the whole world
looked.
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00:00:11,630 --> 00:00:14,830
Joan of Arc put the Lord to guide her.
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She was a sister who really could.
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00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:23,750
Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?
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00:00:24,370 --> 00:00:27,690
The country was falling apart.
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00:00:28,010 --> 00:00:30,390
Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.
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Carol, your mother must have saved
everything from kindergarten through
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00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,800
We're going to be up to our eyeballs in
nostalgia tonight. Listen to this,
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00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,300
Walter. It's from Mother's High School
Yearbook.
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00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:04,030
First comes love, then comes marriage,
then comes Maude with a baby carriage.
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00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:08,370
There must be in every yearbook that was
ever written. I finally found the pom
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00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:11,710
-poms. And you know where they were? Up
in the attic in a box marked Christmas
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00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:12,710
decoration.
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00:01:14,130 --> 00:01:17,790
Ford, you'll never believe what Carol
found in your high school yearbook. This
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00:01:17,790 --> 00:01:19,490
kid must have been a real fortune
teller.
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00:01:19,870 --> 00:01:25,590
First comes love, then comes marriage,
then comes love, and another marriage.
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Then comes love, and another marriage.
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Then comes love, and another marriage.
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Easy, Finley, or the next box in the
attic will be Mark Walter.
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00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:45,040
Look what you... You have all that stuff
spread out. Bunny's going to be here
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00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:46,760
any minute now, and the place is a
wreck.
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00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,440
Mother, why did you keep all this junk?
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Junk? Oh, Carol, be kind.
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00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:54,480
Honey, there's a big chunk of my life
kicking around in there.
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00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:58,320
No, I just thought Bunny would get a
kick out of it. After all, we were
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for four years in high school and two
years in college.
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00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:05,100
Golly, do you realize I haven't seen her
in over 25 years?
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00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:06,620
Mort, who was Roger?
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00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:07,980
Roger? Roger who?
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You don't remember Roger? And he wrote,
I think you're grand. I think you're
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mighty. I want my pajamas next to your
nightie.
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00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:19,720
That... Roger.
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00:02:19,970 --> 00:02:24,630
Oh, Walter, I'll never forget him. A
sweet boy, absolutely insane about me.
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But how come he added, don't get
excited, don't get misled? I mean on the
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clothesline, not on your bed.
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Because he was also a fink.
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00:02:35,710 --> 00:02:37,330
Were you really a cheerleader?
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00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:40,170
Carol, are you kidding? I was the
captain.
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00:02:41,790 --> 00:02:42,810
Hey, come on, Ward.
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00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:46,170
Let's have one of your college cheers.
Oh, come on. I haven't done one in a
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00:02:46,170 --> 00:02:47,170
hundred years.
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00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,220
I remember when the W covered my entire
chest.
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00:02:55,980 --> 00:03:00,080
You've got room enough now to spell out
Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
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00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:08,040
Thank you, Walter. And I'll remember
that little remark the next time you
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00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,160
me at three in the morning with one of
your simple yes or no questions.
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00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,740
One of your cheers. Oh, come on, Carol.
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00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,099
Come on.
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00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:30,880
I don't even remember where the feet go.
Come on, we'd love to see it. Come on,
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00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:31,739
Lord. I'm really ready.
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00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:32,740
Right on. Oh,
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I can't.
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00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:35,700
Oh, come on, Lord.
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00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,920
And... Go, team, go.
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Marching down the field.
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No, no, no.
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00:03:46,140 --> 00:03:49,420
We will never yield. Come on and cheer,
cheer, cheer.
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00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:55,480
is winning today. Rock, rock, rock!
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00:04:34,359 --> 00:04:35,359
Oh,
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00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:45,040
that was great.
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00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,700
Well, thank you, Maude. But we better
not ever do a cheer together or you're
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00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:51,420
going to need earthquake insurance.
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00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,080
Oh, see you all tomorrow.
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00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,620
I've got your college yearbook here, but
I can't find Bunny.
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00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,560
Oh, well, honey, her real name is
Phyllis. Phyllis Nash.
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00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,280
We just called her Bunny because of an
overbite.
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00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,220
She was also called Mousy.
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00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:18,640
But she was a lovely, gentle girl with a
marvelous personality and a beautiful,
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00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:22,760
beautiful soul. A real dog, huh? Like
you wouldn't believe.
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00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,840
Here she is. Here she is.
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00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,000
What's she doing now?
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Oh, I don't know. On the phone, she said
something about being with Avon.
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00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,040
You mean ding -dong? Selling door -to
-door? Yeah, I guess so.
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00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:40,220
Oh, I'm so excited. Bunny Nash after all
these years.
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00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,240
Lord, what do we call her? Bunny or
Mousy?
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00:05:43,580 --> 00:05:47,180
Don't you dare call her Mousy. It's all
right to call her Bunny because she
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00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,500
never knew why we called her that.
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00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:53,220
But I really want you to be careful what
you say. She's a very sensitive girl
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00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,380
and cries easily, especially at certain
times of the month.
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00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,580
While I'm thinking of it, I'd better
hide that PTA Mother of the Year Award.
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00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:05,260
Seeing that'll be like rubbing salt into
an open wound.
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00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:07,080
Why?
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00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:10,680
Why shouldn't she see a Mother of the
Year Award that's 20 years old?
84
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,560
Carol, that's just what I mean about
being sensitive.
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00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,720
Honey, Phyllis never married.
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00:06:16,940 --> 00:06:18,220
She's totally alone.
87
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,640
I mean, she's had a rough enough time of
it, she's not going to get hurt in her
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00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:22,760
old buddy Maud's house.
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00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:25,700
Here, here.
90
00:06:26,340 --> 00:06:27,340
No jokes.
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00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:31,510
Take all this stuff into the den, and
listen, both of you, be very careful
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00:06:31,510 --> 00:06:35,930
you say. I mean, no matter what she
looks like, Phyllis was very important
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00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:36,930
me.
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00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,370
Maude.
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Phyllis?
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00:07:14,229 --> 00:07:17,010
Fixed. And that isn't all you had fixed.
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00:07:18,270 --> 00:07:20,990
You're beautiful. Oh, no, Mother, you.
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00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:24,750
You are beautiful. Oh, come on, Philip.
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00:07:24,990 --> 00:07:28,250
Look at you. Honey, you're gorgeous.
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00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:33,130
Oh, no, really, Mother, really. You are
a striking woman.
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00:07:33,690 --> 00:07:35,290
Well, thank you, Phyllis.
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00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:39,690
But you, I mean, you're... You are
stunning.
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How could we ever have called you...
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Mousy? Well, I guess I was a little
mousy way back then, but Maude, how
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00:07:48,310 --> 00:07:50,050
have ever called you chunky?
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00:07:50,790 --> 00:07:55,970
Maybe I was a little chunky for a while
back then.
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I want you to meet my family. Walter,
Carol, this is Phyllis. Hello, Carol.
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00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,590
This is Phyllis?
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00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,890
Walter, we've already done that.
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Five years, you're actually here.
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00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:19,780
Oh, Maude. Oh, I can hardly believe it
myself.
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00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:23,160
Oh, Maude, I hope you're going to
forgive me, darling, but I can only stay
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00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,019
short time.
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00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:27,540
Oh. No, I have an appointment in town,
and I'm due in Boston this evening.
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00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:28,859
What's in Boston?
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00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:32,120
Oh, it's nothing. It's something that
came up at the very last minute.
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00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,580
Oh, Mother thought you were... Aren't
you an Avon lady?
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Well, I suppose I am in a way, but I
happen to be one of the vice presidents.
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00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:44,059
Funny. You mean...
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00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:46,570
You're a vice president of the company?
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00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:49,630
Oh, Maude, I have been for the past
seven years. Oh, Maude.
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00:08:49,870 --> 00:08:52,650
I've been called Bunny for 20 years.
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Oh, Maude.
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How the hell with Boston?
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Listen, I can let that wait. Invite me
to dinner and I'll stay over. Oh,
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wonderful, wonderful.
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00:09:03,770 --> 00:09:08,230
We have so much catching up to do. Let's
see. I am dying to find out what it's
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00:09:08,230 --> 00:09:09,850
like to be vice president of Avon.
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00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,090
Oh, it's fantastic.
130
00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:16,050
I just love every minute of it. I mean,
there's the old gang to talk about. Oh,
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00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:19,190
do you find you're discriminated against
because you're a woman? You know, I
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00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:21,050
often hear from May and Flo.
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00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:25,550
Oh, well, any company that's with it
today, Carol, accepts you for what you
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00:09:25,610 --> 00:09:30,570
You know, May moved to Ashtabula. No,
no, Phyllis. Most corporations are still
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00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,930
discriminating against women. Oh, but
more and more companies are coming
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00:09:34,430 --> 00:09:38,450
Carol. Yeah, but I often wonder about
when. Listen, I could do it. A bright
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00:09:38,450 --> 00:09:42,700
young woman like you can do it. You
know, after... Fred was arrested for
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00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,020
embezzling, I heard Gwen took to the
street.
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00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:53,300
In the corporation I work for, there is
only one woman in a major executive
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00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:56,400
capacity. And later she turned into an
axe murderer.
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00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,260
Isn't that nice?
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00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:06,460
Oh, while I remember, I have to call the
airport.
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00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:07,840
May I use your phone?
144
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,840
I must have that number here somewhere.
145
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:16,640
Oh, look what I just found.
146
00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,940
Incidentally, Carol, I love that dress.
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Oh, thank you.
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00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:25,600
Hello, Operation C.
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Yes, this is Phyllis Nash.
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Yes, listen, could you hanger my plane
for me?
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00:10:32,780 --> 00:10:37,080
Yes, I have to postpone my trip until
nine tomorrow morning. All right? Thank
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you.
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00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,560
You have your own plane, Phyllis? Well,
actually, it's the company plane.
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00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:42,880
But you fly it yourself?
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00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:46,300
Well, there's a company pilot, but I
enjoy taking over the controls.
156
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,800
Oh, Maude, what's this?
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00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:56,120
It's nothing, dear. It's probably some
old award I've won.
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00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:00,020
Oh, Maude, the Tuckahoe Parent Teachers
Association.
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00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:04,350
Mother of the Year, 1951.
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00:11:04,770 --> 00:11:06,910
Oh, isn't that adorable?
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00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:10,730
It really is quite an honor, Phil. You
know, they only give them out every
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00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:14,050
Isn't that nice?
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00:11:14,370 --> 00:11:17,870
Well, now, listen, I have to be running
along now to my appointment. Now, I'm to
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be back here at 7 -7, okay?
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00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:22,370
Oh, thank you.
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00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:27,070
Oh, Maude, isn't life full of surprises?
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00:11:28,350 --> 00:11:29,570
Here you end up.
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Mother of the year. And I bet half the
senior class thought she'd be the first
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woman president.
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I'll see you later.
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Bye -bye. Bye -bye.
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00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,900
Now, look, in this country, anybody can
become president, but how many
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presidents can be mother of the year?
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00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,160
Poor Mousy.
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Poor Mousy? Maud, that's mighty Mousy.
176
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:03,640
I want to thank both of you for being so
sweet to Phil. I mean, for making her
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feel so wanted, for building her up.
178
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:10,080
Mother, what are you talking about? That
woman doesn't need building up. She's
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00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,700
got everything she could possibly want.
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00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,100
You bet she has. She's got the world by
the tail, Maude.
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00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:20,760
Neither one of you can see one -eighth
of an inch below the surface, can you?
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00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:25,240
Sure, Phil may have a marvelous job and
fly her own plane and make her own
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00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,240
decisions, but...
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00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:30,480
Oh, underneath all that bull, and
believe me, that's exactly what it is.
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00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:37,340
Phyllis is a very unhappy, unfulfilled
lady, trapped in a plastic world,
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00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:41,660
and you have the insensitivity to say
that she has the world by the tail?
187
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:42,920
She's miserable!
188
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,460
Oh, Bunny.
189
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,280
Bunny, what have I done with my life?
190
00:13:00,970 --> 00:13:03,990
So the upshot of the thing was he didn't
have a kidney stone. But that didn't
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00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:07,250
stop the jokes because the poor guy's
name was Stone. See, Benjamin Stone.
192
00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:08,710
Kidney Stone.
193
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:12,750
That's fascinating, Dr.
194
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:13,950
Hart.
195
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:15,150
Funny, too, Arthur.
196
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:16,870
Right up there with your other jokes.
197
00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:19,890
Thank you, Carol.
198
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:23,830
You know, they're always accusing
doctors of talking shop. I got to stop
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00:13:23,830 --> 00:13:27,130
shop. I realize it was a funny joke, but
I got to stop talking shop.
200
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,080
How about you, Miss Nash? I understand
you're with Avon.
201
00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:35,180
I imagine you have quite a high rate of
varicose veins in that business.
202
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:43,180
Mort, Mort, we have guests. We both
shouldn't be in here. We were talking
203
00:13:43,180 --> 00:13:47,320
Phyllis, and I'm very interested in your
reaction. I mean, to the career woman
204
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,780
thing. I assume you're fairly
interested.
205
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:54,140
Well, it's not uninteresting. More
interesting than the wife and motherhood
206
00:13:54,140 --> 00:13:57,480
thing? Mort, I don't even know how to
compare this. Don't you lie to me,
207
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:02,450
I see the natural male interest in the
unknown, the untamed, the
208
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:05,830
But let me tell you something, Walter
Finley, that sometimes you'll find more
209
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:10,590
pure passion and more hot blood in the
known and the tamed and the
210
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:12,510
And have you any idea what I'm talking
about?
211
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:13,730
No. Neither do I.
212
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:21,370
Now, please, get out of here while I'm
working in the kitchen.
213
00:14:21,890 --> 00:14:25,490
Maude, why are you so troubled about
Phyllis?
214
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,300
Because she's my friend, Walter.
215
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:31,300
And her life is so empty.
216
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:37,240
I mean, if you had a friend whose life
was empty, wouldn't you try to fill it
217
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,240
up? No.
218
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:41,800
Because what can you fill it up with
except your own life?
219
00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:44,820
That means when you fill hers, yours is
empty.
220
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,100
That's a lovely philosophy.
221
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,180
Is there any more to that?
222
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,720
Yes, I was also going to say... Okay!
223
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:00,600
Coffee, everybody.
224
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,860
Marty, this is quite a little friend
you've got here. Have you heard her
225
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:07,640
schedule? Tomorrow she has to be in
Boston, and then New Orleans, and the
226
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,020
after that she has to be in Paris.
227
00:15:09,540 --> 00:15:15,120
Paris? Oh, poor dear Phyllis, always,
always on the go.
228
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:19,700
Honey, why don't you talk them into
giving you a nice, quiet desk job where
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00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,140
can get to meet somebody and maybe
settle down?
230
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:28,350
Maude. A desk job and meeting someone
and settling down are three ingredients
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00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:30,250
that tend to make me throw up.
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00:15:33,690 --> 00:15:35,510
Touché, Mother. Yeah, touché yourself.
233
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:41,030
Honey, why don't you go upstairs and
wake up Philip?
234
00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:44,870
I'd love Phyllis to see how cute he is
when his eyes are all fuzzy -wuzzy.
235
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:48,650
Because, Mother, she already saw him.
She was upstairs with me when I put him
236
00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:51,590
bed. Oh, sure, I even did the slither
-ga -dee for him.
237
00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:53,530
The slither -ga -dee? What's that?
238
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,060
Oh, don't you know that? The
Slithergadee is an old poem. Oh, it goes
239
00:15:57,060 --> 00:16:00,580
like this. Phyllis, Phyllis, honey, I'm
sorry, but with all due respect, in
240
00:16:00,580 --> 00:16:03,820
order to do the Slithergadee properly,
you have to know something about
241
00:16:03,820 --> 00:16:08,640
children, which is where being a mother
and a grandmother come in handy. Now,
242
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:14,300
first of all, you have to find a
doorway, and you stand in it like this,
243
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:20,980
And then it goes, The Slithergadee came
out of the sea.
244
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:28,470
And it caught everybody, but it didn't
catch me. You didn't catch me,
245
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:29,990
you old slithergundy.
246
00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:35,310
You caught everybody, but you'll never
catch me.
247
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:42,290
Oh,
248
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,930
Lord, Lord, that was wonderful.
249
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,520
How come I never heard you do that
before?
250
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,740
Well, because right after you say your
prayers, you like me to sing you to
251
00:16:51,740 --> 00:16:52,740
sleep.
252
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,120
Anyway, Phil, now you know how the
slither -ga -dee goes.
253
00:16:57,460 --> 00:17:00,180
Yes, indeed, and that is exactly the way
I did it.
254
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:05,319
You know, Ma, there are some things even
an Avon girl can learn without being a
255
00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:07,819
mother and a grandmother. Now, come on,
Philip. Arthur!
256
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:11,500
Yeah? Why don't we go over to your house
and shoot some pool and give Philip and
257
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,160
Maude a chance to reminisce?
258
00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:14,579
Don't care about me.
259
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,400
When they said they needed an extra man,
I didn't know it was going to be for
260
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,400
Waller.
261
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,339
Hey, sweetie.
262
00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:24,280
See you later, girl. Wait a minute. I
haven't got a pool table. Come.
263
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:28,539
Brandy, Phil?
264
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,540
Well,
265
00:17:29,620 --> 00:17:31,200
ladies, I'm sure you'd like to be alone.
266
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,700
Phyllis, I loved meeting you.
267
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:36,580
Oh, the feeling is mutual, Carol, and
I'll see that it happens again and soon.
268
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,240
Good. I'll look forward to it. Good
night, Mother.
269
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:40,500
Night, honey.
270
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:45,800
She's a wonderful girl, Maude. She's
really got it all together.
271
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,180
All except a man.
272
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:57,460
What's so important about a man? Oh,
come on, Phil. Get off it. We're alone
273
00:17:58,080 --> 00:17:59,980
What is a woman without a man?
274
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:03,820
Hey, remember that question in Hasler's
class, Philosophy of Logic I?
275
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:10,660
Does a tree make a sound in the forest
when it falls unless there's an ear to
276
00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:11,649
hear it?
277
00:18:11,649 --> 00:18:14,670
Maude, are you trying to say that a
woman needs a man to prove her
278
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:16,830
In a way.
279
00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:20,170
Oh, come on now, Maude.
280
00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:22,650
Sweetheart.
281
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:28,230
I don't buy it. Even if I did, I've got
them in all shapes and sizes, from the
282
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:33,890
53 -year -old head of a $2 billion
conglomerate to a 28 -year -old beach
283
00:18:33,950 --> 00:18:36,630
Oh, come on now. Phil, you know we're
not talking about that.
284
00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:38,870
We're talking about one man.
285
00:18:39,590 --> 00:18:40,870
One man to love.
286
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:46,280
and to cherish, and to take care of,
will take care of you. Did you say 28
287
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,280
years?
288
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:58,800
To old friends.
289
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,220
To old friends.
290
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:01,600
To you, Chunky.
291
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,820
To you, Mousy.
292
00:19:04,780 --> 00:19:06,480
Oh, that still hurts.
293
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,060
Yeah, well, Chunky isn't exactly a pick
-me -up.
294
00:19:11,340 --> 00:19:13,200
Oh, Lord, we were young then.
295
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,620
Okay, Phil.
296
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,060
Here's our high school yearbook.
297
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:28,100
Remember Gloria Forelli? Oh, beautiful
hair, beautiful eyes, magnificent
298
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,380
nose, absolutely no chin.
299
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,240
See what she wrote?
300
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:39,600
First comes love, then comes marriage,
then comes Maude with a baby carriage.
301
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:41,929
Very original.
302
00:19:42,690 --> 00:19:45,170
Listen, these old chestnuts still make a
point.
303
00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:48,690
First comes love, then comes marriage.
304
00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:50,290
Come on, Maude, turn the page.
305
00:19:51,970 --> 00:19:53,650
Did I say something wrong, Phil?
306
00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:55,790
Yes, by insinuation.
307
00:19:56,110 --> 00:19:59,750
Oh, come on. If I say something wrong, I
say it straight out and flat out and
308
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:00,850
never by insinuation.
309
00:20:01,370 --> 00:20:04,750
Besides, I never say anything wrong
because I happen to be a perfect person.
310
00:20:07,590 --> 00:20:08,890
Come on now, Maude.
311
00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:14,390
Ever since I walked in here, you have
bombarded me with your wonderful home,
312
00:20:14,490 --> 00:20:18,410
your wonderful marriage, your wonderful
daughter, your wonderful et cetera.
313
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:22,250
Because I have a wonderful home and a
wonderful marriage and a wonderful
314
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:27,110
daughter and a wonderful et cetera. And
while we're at it, where do you get off
315
00:20:27,110 --> 00:20:31,110
bombarding me all evening with your
wonderful job and your wonderful plane
316
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:32,730
your wonderful sense of freedom?
317
00:20:34,890 --> 00:20:37,210
anything about a wonderful sense of
freedom.
318
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,170
All right. Maybe you didn't say anything
about a wonderful sense of freedom.
319
00:20:40,230 --> 00:20:43,570
Maybe somebody else said something about
a wonderful sense of freedom. Maybe I
320
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:45,370
said something about a wonderful sense
of freedom.
321
00:20:46,570 --> 00:20:48,450
Phyllis, why do you resent my happiness?
322
00:20:52,630 --> 00:20:57,110
Maud, is that what you think? Oh, come
on, honey. It's as plain as the caps on
323
00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:58,110
your teeth.
324
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:06,490
Maud, is... since we were in high
school, even in college, you majored in
325
00:21:06,490 --> 00:21:11,150
feeling sorry for me. Here it is, 25
years later, I am a smashing success and
326
00:21:11,150 --> 00:21:13,010
you're still feeling sorry for me.
327
00:21:13,530 --> 00:21:17,870
You make it sound like I'm limping
through life under some burden of
328
00:21:17,870 --> 00:21:21,570
freedom while you're marching to glory
with a can of Drano and a Johnny Mop.
329
00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,610
You know, you were more beautiful when
we called you Mousy.
330
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,280
Don't look now, Maude, but your
schoolgirl dreams are showing. You're
331
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,720
your heart out because Bunny Nash is
leading the life you could have had.
332
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:36,720
have had is right.
333
00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:40,140
You said yourself half the senior class
thought I'd be the first woman
334
00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:43,920
president. But you chose not to run.
I'll tell you something better than
335
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:48,560
You know, in a way, Maude, I owe my
career to you. I mean, every time
336
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:52,460
big came up, I'd say to myself, now,
what would Maude do in this situation?
337
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,940
And then I'd do it.
338
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:55,520
Really, Phil?
339
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:57,180
Really, Maude.
340
00:21:57,770 --> 00:22:00,430
So don't blame me because you turned it
down.
341
00:22:01,150 --> 00:22:06,350
You know something else? I would turn it
down again, Phil, for just what I have
342
00:22:06,350 --> 00:22:10,410
now. Roots. And don't think I didn't
work like hell for them.
343
00:22:10,650 --> 00:22:13,390
I hit three lemons before I hit the
jackpot.
344
00:22:16,390 --> 00:22:23,350
But I
345
00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:26,990
hit the jackpot, Phil. I hit the jackpot
I always wanted.
346
00:22:27,550 --> 00:22:28,590
Do you know what that means?
347
00:22:28,870 --> 00:22:30,430
No. Do you know what that means?
348
00:22:31,570 --> 00:22:38,510
That means that I'm 47 years old and all
I have to show for it is a hokey plaque
349
00:22:38,510 --> 00:22:40,970
that says I'm some kind of a mother.
350
00:22:44,970 --> 00:22:46,750
Oh, Maude, please think.
351
00:22:47,710 --> 00:22:50,510
Don't start crying or you'll have me
crying too.
352
00:22:51,510 --> 00:22:52,510
Maude.
353
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:58,480
What each of us has been trying to do is
justify her own life. But why should I
354
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:04,500
have to justify my life? Phil, I love my
life. Maude, I love mine. I really do.
355
00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:10,300
You mean that you... You wouldn't trade
your life for mine?
356
00:23:11,540 --> 00:23:12,560
No way.
357
00:23:17,460 --> 00:23:19,880
Maude, would you trade yours for mine?
358
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:21,600
Not a chance.
359
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:27,920
Except I have to admit that I hear about
your career and your romances and,
360
00:23:28,020 --> 00:23:32,100
well, the thought does split across my
mind.
361
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:33,800
How about you?
362
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:42,240
Oh, well, sometimes when I look at a
wonderful, nice man like Walter, I think
363
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:43,240
maybe.
364
00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,400
Do you really mean that?
365
00:23:47,060 --> 00:23:48,060
Oh, maybe.
366
00:23:49,860 --> 00:23:51,440
Oh, let's face it, Maude.
367
00:23:52,490 --> 00:23:56,410
No matter what you get in life, you
can't have it all.
368
00:24:06,870 --> 00:24:10,170
Well, to the next episode of Bunny and
Maude.
369
00:24:12,510 --> 00:24:14,790
Only if I can have the Kleenex
concession.
370
00:24:17,910 --> 00:24:20,530
Phil, I have a confession.
371
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,700
Yeah? I want it all.
372
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,900
So do I, Maude.
373
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:34,700
So do I.
374
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:47,860
Oh, hi, Maude.
375
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,240
Has Bunny gone back to her hotel room
yet? Yep.
376
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,960
And I want to tell you something,
Walden.
377
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:06,080
Bunny may be beautiful and successful,
but if you think I'm unhappy that I'm
378
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,620
in that hotel room, you're dead wrong.
379
00:25:09,540 --> 00:25:13,580
I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking
how unhappy I am I'm not in that hotel
380
00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:14,580
room.
381
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,940
Maud was recorded on tape before a live
audience.
32486
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