Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc was the lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And the dead fall.

And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then

there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude.

That uncompromising, enterprising, anything but tranquilizing. Right or

Hello?

No, this is not Mr. Findley. It's Mrs. Findley.

Yeah, Mr. Findlay has a much higher voice.

What? Oh, fine. Then I'll expect her soon. Oh, by the way, what's her name?

Mrs. Evans.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Bye -bye.

Oh, Philip, is your mother up yet?

Listen, honey, if you're going to go out and play with your tape recorder, be

careful of it. And keep your jacket zipped up. It's chilly outside.

It's warm out. It is chilly.

Now, you keep your jacket zipped up or Grandma Maud will rip you a little

harder.

Carol! I hear you, Mother.

Honey, I want to get breakfast out of the way and the house straightened up in

15 minutes.

Morning, Maud. Morning.

the frantic cleaning at 9 o 'clock on Saturday morning. I'm expecting somebody

and I don't want her to walk into a disorderly house.

This isn't a disorderly house. This is a dirty house.

I've been in disorderly houses and I know what they're like.

Be careful, Walden.

You have a long life ahead of you and I'm going to be with you every minute of

it.

Great. Is the coffee ready?

Yeah, it's in the kitchen.

Right. Carol!

trays and grinds. I'm coming.

Honey, I'm sorry I had to get you up so early on a Saturday morning, but the

agency is sending over a housekeeper for me to interview. It's okay. I was up

early anyway.

That dumb kid was making so much noise, he woke me up at seven.

Philip is not dumb.

Besides, you can't expect an eight -year -old to be quiet in the morning. What

was he doing?

He was in his room practicing swearing.

He was shouting obscenities into that tape recorder you bought him and then

playing it back.

Well, he was probably checking it out.

Whatever happened to testing one, two, three?

Anyway, I stopped him.

Gently, I hope.

Of course, I told him to shut the hell up.

Walter, you've always had a marvelous way with children.

When a kid yells dirty words into a tape recorder and then plays it back, must

have an uncommon need to be cursed at, and I was delighted to fill that need.

Walter.

Honey.

Listen.

This is your home.

And if you don't want my daughter and my only grandchild living here with us,

just tell me.

And I'll rip your heart out.

All right, Mother, I'm here. Am I allowed to have a cup of coffee before

start work? Now, look, honey, I know it's your day off, but this housekeeper

important. So try not to remind me of all the money I wasted sending you

charm school.

I was out till four in the morning. You have me up at nine o 'clock to play

house. Where's Philip? He's outside playing. Well, there's no tape recorder,

you should hear what I... Walter.

Don't you want to find out who Carol was out with last night? No.

Who was it, honey?

The Toyota dealer?

The chiropodist?

Or the one who said he isn't married and I know better?

Mother, I'm not going to sit here while you do a number on the men I date. So

stop asking who I was out with, what we had for dinner, and did we go all the

way.

asked you a question like that. Come on. Where would I get a dumb expression

like that? It's right out of the 40s. Hey, come on, you two. Cut it out.

I mean, does every house in America with a mother and daughter in it sound like

this one? What are you talking about, Walter? Carol and I are the envy of

mother and daughter we know.

How do we know that, Mother?

From all the telegrams we get.

Dear Carol and Maude, we envy you. Signed, a mother and daughter.

Listen, honey, let's finish up and straighten up the house a bit before the

housekeeper gets here. I think it's ridiculous. Us getting the place cleaned

a maid.

We do not say maid. We say housekeeper. Correction noted.

I suppose we're getting another black housekeeper?

Well, how should I know? I didn't ask for one. Mother!

All right, I asked.

Yes, and you'll spoil her to death and Walter will end up firing her just like

Marcy and Willie. I do not spoil them.

You do, Maude. You see black and you...

Carol, don't you dare open that door.

Straighten up the place. Fluff up some pillows or something.

Be right there.

Carol, listen, from that look on your face, you are going to scare that poor

woman to death.

Carol, you don't know how frightening it is for them to come into a brand new

situation in a white household.

I, for one, intend to make her feel warm and welcome.

Mrs. Evans, I hope you didn't have any trouble finding us. Oh, no, ma 'am. I

heard you all the way from the bus stop.

May I come in?

Of course, of course. Come in, Mrs. Evans. Meet my daughter, Carol. Carol,

is Mrs. Evans.

Ma 'am?

Ma 'am?

Did I hear you say ma 'am?

We can't have that in this household.

Now, from now on, I want you to call her Carol and me Maude. Now, what shall we

call you?

Mrs. Evans.

I don't think you understand.

She understands just fine. May I take your coat, Mrs. Evans? Thank you.

Mrs. Evans, won't you sit down?

Would you excuse me a minute?

Carol, I just wanted to ask you.

How do you like her?

I like her. I mean, I love the way she comes on.

You love the way she comes on, but you don't see one inch beneath that, do you?

Obviously, the poor woman is frightened to death.

What you call coming on is a defense. It's her way of coping with the pain.

Mrs. Evans.

Evans, have you ever met someone and instinctively liked that person at the

first time? No, never.

Oh.

This is a big house you have here, Mrs. Finley.

Yes, but it cleans like a small one.

Oh, now, look. The thing that we have to get straight right off the bat is that

in this household, we are all on a first -name basis. I mean, even my daughter

calls me Maude.

Now, what's your first name? Florida.

Florida. Oh, you were named after the state.

No, I was named after my aunt.

Oh, and she was named after the state.

No, she was named after her mother.

Oh, her mother. Was named after an orange.

You see?

They were speaking them down there.

And she went into labor right in the orange grove.

Had the baby ten minutes later.

They was either going to call her Florida or sun -kissed.

Now you know the whole story?

Fascinating. Fascinating.

I mean, the things that come out of your culture are so rich, so

juicy.

I got one about an apple, I'll tell you something.

Thank you, honey.

You know, Florida, you and I have a great deal in common.

We do?

When I was young, we were very, very, very poor.

As a matter of fact, for the first seven years, I had to share a bedroom with

two sisters.

That many?

She's such a tease.

She has her father's dimples, and look how she's flashing them at me.

Shameless child.

Walter. Oh, Walter, I'd like you to meet Florida.

Congratulations, Maude. Eleven minutes.

That's the longest you've kept a maid in two years.

Walter, there's a thin line between love and hate.

And you're erasing it.

Florida, Florida, I'd like you to meet Mr.

Findley. Hello.

Oh, how do you do?

Florida, how nice. You were named after the state.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Walter.

She was named after an ant.

Is there something wrong?

I was looking for the dimples.

The dimples?

I guess they must be someplace else.

Mr. Findlay isn't Carol's father. You see, I was married before.

A lot before.

God will get you for that.

What is it here?

Just the three of you living here?

Three and a half.

Carol's got an eight -year -old kid.

Philip is not dumb.

No trouble. As a matter of fact, Florida, he's responsible for picking up

own room. Sometimes he forgets. Forgets?

That kid served time for littering.

They're both such teasers, but that's family.

And Florida, dear, that's exactly how I want you to feel.

Like one of the family.

I got a family.

You bet you have.

Look, Mrs. Finley.

I really have to go because today I'm my own housekeeper. Well, Florida, the

job's yours.

The agency said that you have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoons open,

that's fine, and the money's fine, so, Florida, I want you to consider this

your home.

I got a home.

You can say that again.

I'll be here Monday at 1 o 'clock.

Oh.

And the first week will be on a trial basis.

Oh, Florida, don't be ridiculous. You're not on trial. I know.

You are.

See you Monday.

I hope you two are satisfied with all that quarreling and bickering. The poor

woman doesn't know what to think. Mother, Florida will survive the family.

wonderful. It's your fawning over her that's the problem.

I do not fawn.

Carol, that woman needs our help.

She's not supposed to need our help. She's supposed to be our help.

Walter, Florida is not your modern Negro.

She hasn't found that new sense of self -respect and militancy.

Let's face it, Walter, Florida is your pre -liberation southern black.

You make her sound like a tropical fish.

You'd better start looking for a new maid, Mother. You're going to need one

week. Oh?

Listen, honey, I have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

I intend to treat that woman as an equal.

Teach her a new sense of self -respect.

By Friday, she wouldn't leave me if her life depended on it. Mort?

How can you be sure?

Because her life will depend on it.

We're out of gin.

Yesterday, this bottle was almost half full.

You don't suppose Florida's taking a little nip on it now and then, do you?

Shame on you. A little gin is missing, and just because we happen to have a

black maid, you automatically think she took it. Wrong.

I'd think Florida took it if she was snow white. My prejudice is in color.

maids. They drink.

The point I'm making, Florida, is that for the first time in... the young

in the ghetto are trying for a bigger political voice.

Most of the kids in my neighborhood are trying for a hit record.

I'll carry mine. I'll take it, Mrs. Finley.

Sorry about the dirty dishes on the coffee table, Mr. Finley, but some

don't let nobody get their work done.

Isn't Florida a dream? Did you see the way she just took that bag from me?

just like she was a maid.

Now listen, Walter, don't be a sore loser just because I told you she'd be

here. And by the way, Carol, today is Friday and she hasn't said one word

quitting. And it's no wonder, Maude. We're out of gin.

Oh, I forgot.

Florida and I had a couple of martinis at lunch.

A couple of martinis at lunch? You in Florida?

And most homes are made drinks on the sly. In our house, it's part of our on

-the -job training.

Oh, Miss Carol, I forgot to tell you. Philip's school called.

Principal wants a theater tomorrow.

He said something about a tape recorder.

A tape recorder?

Yeah, he said something about wiping it clean and having it impounded.

The other day, Walter caught Philip swearing into his new tape recorder.

And you didn't tell me about it?

Honey, all little boys swear.

Maybe not like Philip. Walter.

No, it just didn't seem important.

Not important? My son takes an obscene tape recorder to school. You say it's

important? Oh, Carol, please. By the way, Florida, why didn't you tell me

that call?

The message was for her.

I know, but what difference does it make? We were together all day.

Well, like I said, the message was for her. Thank you, Florida.

It is about time someone respected the privacy of the individual around here.

Well, I don't know about that, but like I said, the message... Don't say it

again, Carter.

Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sick of them words myself.

You are spoiling her rotten. I am. She is. You are. You want to talk about

spoiling someone. Let's talk about you and Phillip. What did he need with a $49

tape recorder anyway?

That kid is spoiled rotten. Walter. I said rotten.

I am his mother. You're absolutely right. I think we should have the party

Saturday. Still fighting about the kid, huh?

Florida, where are you going?

To get the groceries.

So why don't you use the back door? Walter!

But you'll have a shorter walk. It's closer to the car.

I know it's shorter, but you tell that to the NAACP over there.

You know that the back door still has racial overtones.

Come over here, Mort. I'll tell you what I do know. I know what you know, and

it's not very much, Walter. Mort. You goofed. You made a big mistake. Mort!

Sit!

You'll be making a fool of yourself again.

Thank you. Pardon me. He is right, Mother. Take today.

I come home. The house is a mess. You and Florida aren't even here. We were

shopping, and please keep your voice down. Any minute now, she's liable to

in. I'm in.

Okay, you can start talking.

By the way, since when did the maid come in at one o 'clock in the afternoon and

get lunch?

Walter, you would take the food out of her mouth.

Yes, and the olive out of her martini.

You always overdo more. Florida, Philip, it's the same thing.

Walter, where are you going?

Next door. to borrow some gin from Arthur. His maid only drinks tequila.

I just... I don't understand his attitude or yours. That makes us even,

And do me a favor. When Philip comes in, let me talk to him about the tape

recorder. And another thing, Mother.

Try not to buy him a car until he's at least ten.

Carol!

I got an announcement to make.

It's six o 'clock, the week is up, and I is out.

Florida, you can't quit. What do you mean I can't quit? Are you the market?

Just because I had a few words with Carol and Walter... That has nothing to

with it. It's just playing you.

Me?

Me?

I must be losing my mind.

Better you than me.

Florida, don't go.

I have to catch my bus. May I have my money?

I was only trying to help.

All right, go.

If you don't want to improve yourself, I'm not going to try to change you.

What do you mean, improve myself?

You want to know?

I'll tell you.

Florida, for one week, I have been trying to prove to you that a black

be just as proud and just as self -respecting as a white woman, but you

darn dumb to know it.

And for one week, I've been trying to do my work like a black woman who is just

as proud and just as self -respecting as any white woman, and you are just too

darn dumb to know that.

work, Mrs. Finlay.

But I don't like using the front door when the back door is closer. I don't

drinking martinis in the middle of the day. And what's more, I like to eat in

the kitchen by myself.

you're equal.

Listen, if I'm good enough to employ you, I'm good enough to eat with you.

You want to run that around again?

No, I didn't understand it the first time.

Florida.

Oh, never mind.

No, wait!

Listen, you may be leaving my house, but you're not going...

Have it your way.

But the next time, do me a favor and get yourself a white maid, huh?

She'll be able to use the back door, and it'll be a whole lot easier on her

feet.

Good night, Florida. See you Monday.

You won't see me Monday. I'm breaking out of here for good.

Look, honey, I want you to know it has nothing to do with you. But I just keep

running into problems with white liberals that just won't quit.

Well, you're not going to tell me you'd rather work for a bigot.

No.

But at least they don't keep trying to change you. They just hate you as you

Florida, you're okay.

I really wish you'd stay.

I kind of like you too, honey. You're groovy.

Maybe I could make mother understand.

Oh, Walter.

If I die before my time, it won't be from drinking.

It'll be from running around looking for something to drink.

Walter, Florida's leaving. For good.

Oh, I'm really sorry about that, Florida. I kind of like your style.

Don't you think if Florida agreed to stay a while, you and I could get Maude

change? Not Maude. Maude won't change.

And I want you to know something, Florida. I like her style, too.

As a matter of fact, Florida, you and my mother are not that unalike.

Look, why don't you two hang loose? Let me see if I can't fix up things.

I was just checking to see if I didn't leave nothing.

You didn't leave nothing.

How can you be sure?

Listen, Florida, since you're still here not looking for anything,

I've been sitting here thinking, well,

if you'd like to stay, I'll let you work as long and as

hard as you want.

You mean that? I mean you can work your butt off. Good.

Here Monday at 1 p .m. and start with the bathrooms and bedrooms. I always

with the kitchen and downstairs.

No, it's always best to start upstairs.

It's best to start downstairs. Upstairs. Look, you telling me, woman, this is my

career. You just an amateur.

But honey, it's my house and mine to keep clean.

Look, I ain't never trained no boss before.

But you either gonna do what you do good and let me do what I do good.

Oh, well, that's that.

Do the things you do good.

See you Monday.

and you said I couldn't keep a maid.

Whatever Morty wants.

Morty gets it.

And little man, little Morty wants it.

Don't take this as a review of your voice, Mort, but it's good to hear you

singing around the house again.

Joy reigns again at the Finleys. It must be your success at Florida.

Well, I must say that I... Mother, what would you say if I told you that Walter

and I were responsible for Florida staying?

I'd say, liar, liar, house on fire.

Maud was recorded on tape before a live audience.