Original subtitles

Greetings, Bat-fans. This is Batman.

And Robin, the Boy Wonder.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

Welcoming you to The New Adventures of Batman.

Watch us wage our never-ending battle of good versus evil.

Ride with us, as we chase the greatest array of villains

the world has ever seen,

proving that crime does not pay.

Get set for thrills and action.

Join me, Batman.

And me, Robin the Boy Wonder.

And Batgirl.

And me too, Bat-Mite.

In the super New Adventures of…

…Batman.

Well done, Giggles. That's a good hyena.

Yes, sir. There's nothing like the sound of laughter to make a house a home.

What's this?

Ooh, what fun-tastic news.

Giggles, my boy, we're going to be rich. Rich beyond our wildest dreams.

Set point, Dickie boy. Service.

Nice shot.

I was lucky to win that one. You're getting tough, Dick.

Are you really gonna hold me to our bet?

I sure am. You're cooking all the meals for a whole week, my boy.

Which reminds me, I'm starving. What's for dinner?

What else? My specialty.

Not peanut butter and sardine pie?

That's the one.

I'm glad we didn't play winner-take-all.

Bruce, the Bat-Signal.

The Commissioner wants us. To the Batcave!

- Hold it, Robin. - What's wrong, Batman?

Someone's been snooping around here.

You don't think it's—

Hello, hello, hello, Dynamic Duo!

All right. Where are you, Bat-Mite?

Ta-da!

Bat-Mite, I thought we told you

to stay in your own world and out of our hair.

I tried. I really did, but it was dreadfully boring.

Besides, you need my help to fight evil.

Three's a crowd, Bat-Mite.

But, but all I wanna do is help.

Let's face it, Bat-Mite.

You're a nice guy, but you're also a royal pain.

All right, I'm going. I'm going.

I know when I'm not wanted.

Think we were a little hard on him, Batman.

Don't worry. He'll be back soon enough.

Come on. We'd better see what the Commissioner wants.

Poor Bat-Mite was really disappointed.

Relax, Boy Wonder. It's better that he stays behind.

But not too far behind.

This videotape cassette just arrived.

I… I think you two better take a look.

The Joker.

Greetings, Batbrain and Boy Blunder.

This evening, at precisely seven o'clock,

I, the notorious Joker,

will stage the biggest rip-off in the history of Gotham City.

And I will do it right under your very noses, Batman and Robin.

Doesn't he know it's not polite to point?

And since you'll need all the help you can get, remember this clue.

"Oil and water don't mix."

Do you have any idea what the Joker's up to?

Not yet, Commissioner, but we—

I know. I know, I know, I know, I know.

The Joker's clue, "oil and water don't mix,"

is full… Is full of hidden meanings.

Good, good. Like what?

Well, how should I know? He's the brains of the outfit.

We'll get right on it, Commissioner. Let's go, Robin.

We have less than an hour to figure out what the Joker's up to.

Hey, wait for me!

I fed the Bat-computer everything in our crime file on the Joker, Batman.

Well, if you want my opinion—

That's just it. We don't want your opinion.

Now, the best way you can help us is not to help us.

- But— - Don't call us. We'll call you.

There's not much here, Batman.

I'm afraid our investigation's running out of gas already.

Gas! Robin, that's it!

Look at this.

"Scientist to unveil amazing new car tonight.

Professor Julius Irwin will demonstrate his revolutionary new car

that runs on water instead of gasoline

at seven o'clock this evening at the convention center."

- I don't get it. - What is gasoline made from?

Oil. Hey. The Joker's clue.

"Oil and water don't mix." He was talking about that car.

Right, old chum. I'll alert the Commissioner.

All right. I'll capture the Joker myself.

Now, which button do I push first?

Eeny, meeny, miney, Mite!

Oops! Wrong button.

- The Batmobile. - Talk to you later, Commissioner.

Clear the way!

Bungling baloney, Bat-Mite. Come back here.

This will stop him, Robin.

All I wanted to do was help.

I know, Bat-Mite, but unless you stop interfering,

we'll never catch the Joker.

What are you trying to tell me, Caped Crusaders?

We'll catch the Joker without your help. Do you understand?

Professor Irwin is due any moment.

He's scheduled to give a short speech, then demonstrate the car.

That's probably when the Joker will make his move, Commissioner.

- My men are ready. - Here comes the Professor.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and honored guests.

Today marks a major milestone in automotive history.

Here sits a car that will run perfectly

on nothing more than plain water.

Commissioner, I've heard the Professor speak before,

and there's something different about his voice.

And now I will personally demonstrate my invention.

First, we fill the power cell with ordinary tap water.

Robin, zoom in on the Professor's hand with camera three.

I'm zooming.

Jumping jewelry, Batman! That ring… It's the Joker's!

Let's clinch this car caper, Robin!

Batman and Robin!

Holy goof-ups, Bat-Mite.

You just blew our sneak attack.

I spotted him first. He's mine. He's—

Help! Help!

So long, Dynamic Dud-os!

Too bad your little friend decided to drop in.

Look out!

Batman, you saved my life.

We all have our weak moments.

We found the real Professor tied up in that shed.

You have to get my invention back.

It's not perfected yet, and under certain conditions

it can explode

with the force of a nuclear bomb.

Smoking smithereens! What kind of conditions?

That's just it.

When the Joker grabbed me, I got bumped on the head,

and now I…

I can't remember.

The Joker could have hidden that car anywhere in Gotham City.

That's a lot of territory to search.

We have to warn everyone. The whole city's in danger.

I'm afraid that would only result in mass panic, Professor.

Somehow we've got to locate the Joker and your car before it's too late.

The only question is, where do we start?

Greetings, citizens of Gotham City.

The Joker.

He must be jamming every TV set in town.

Come and get me, boys.

Why, that's our parking lot out back.

When I fill her up, I don't mess around.

But now, I present my new AquaCar!

It's an idea that really holds water.

And I'll sell it to the highest bidder.

I've always said you coppers are all wet.

Give us the car, Joker.

Only for a price, Caped Creeps.

Then here's our down payment.

Now who's laughing, Joker?

Hey, wait, Batman. I'll help.

- I'll stop him. - Batman, duck.

Whose side is he on, anyway?

I don't know, but he's wearing our colors.

All I wanted to do was help.

Please think hard, Professor. Try once more to remember.

What is it that might trigger your car to explode?

I'm sorry. I just don't…

Wait a minute.

It has something to do with salt.

- Now I remember. Salt. - Salt?

Salt? Okay, thanks, Commissioner.

Salt? Keep talking, Professor.

If salt contaminates my car's power unit,

it will reverse polarity.

And?

And the car will begin converting all the water near it into energy,

until it explodes.

The more water, the bigger the explosion, eh?

Commissioner, bring Professor Irwin to the waterfront as fast as you can.

Robin, if our hunch about Joker's location is right,

we don't have much time to head off a disaster.

We'll have to surround the harbor.

Take the Batboat. I'll meet you with the Batmobile.

I'm on my way, Batman.

Guess who.

- Bat-Mite! - Ah, you peeked.

Never mind that.

You've caused us enough trouble, so buzz off.

Hey, you don't have to cry about it.

I can't help it. Nobody wants me around.

That's because you never listen.

We have to find the Professor's car before it explodes,

and we can't afford any more foul-ups.

Come on. Don't take it so hard.

Okay, okay.

- You can stay on one condition. - All right.

Promise me you'll sit still and not touch a thing.

I promise. On, James.

Okay, Bat-Mite. You stay here and keep quiet.

I'm gonna take a look around.

Oh, what'll it hurt just to sneak one eensy-teensy little peek?

Robin? Robin?

So, with a ridiculous getup like that, you can only be the Bat-Mite.

And the Dynamic Do-Nothings can't be far behind.

Come, Giggles.

We're going to give them a little surprise party.

Go ahead and laugh. I'm going to warn Batman and Robin. You'll see.

Uh-oh!

I forgot. Steel is the one thing that stops me.

Hey!

Welcome aboard, Boy Blunder.

Joker, you have to give up the Professor's car.

It's going to explode!

Sure, sure, and I'm Santa Claus.

Give that back.

Robin to Batman. Come in, Batman.

- Go ahead, Robin. - I've located the Joker.

- Pier seven, berth two. - Nice going, Boy Wonder.

- See you there. - I'll be waiting.

Batman!

Commissioner, we've found the Joker at pier seven.

The salt air.

That makes the danger even greater, Batman.

The more water, the bigger the explosion.

That's what I was afraid of.

The waterfront is the worst possible place

for the Joker to hide the car.

I have to warn Batman that he's walking into a trap, but how?

I don't know, but you'd better do it fast,

- before this car explodes. - Huh?

Holy nuclear time bomb.

Robin's Batring signal.

Something's up, and it's going to be me in the Batgyro.

Here comes the Batmobile now, Giggles.

In a minute, we'll have that Caped Creep caught.

Wait a minute. Where's Batman?

Right behind you, Joker.

Up you go.

No fair, Batman. No fair.

Come on, Professor. Let's find that car of yours before it's too late.

Robin.

Get out, Batman. Save yourselves while you can.

Professor, how do you shut this car down?

Professor!

There! There's a fuse box on the right side of the engine.

There's a trip switch at the bottom.

We have a lot of hot water here.

Anyone for tea?

Well, here's my special supper.

Just in time for breakfast.

That's okay, Robbsie. I'm starving.

Well?

I think the sardines add a certain tang to the peanut butter.

Hey. Where'd he go?

Never mind him. Dish me up some of that, will you, Robin?

Sure, but I thought you didn't like it.

Listen. Anything that gets rid of Bat-Mite, I love…

Wha— Ugh.

- Bat-message. - Some people never learn.

But Professor Irwin certainly learned something today.

He was so worried about looking good in front of others,

he presented a car to the public that he knew was dangerous.

Right. And he learned the most important lesson of all.

It's not what other people think about us that's important.

What's important is doing what is right.

I learned a lot too, Caped Crusaders.

Next time Robin cooks supper, I'm eating out.