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[ singing in Aboriginal launguage ]
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♪ Look at the sun ♪
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♪ Falling from the sky ♪
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♪ Look at the sunset ♪
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♪ Takes my mind ♪
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♪ Back ♪
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♪ To my homeland ♪
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♪ Far away ♪
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♪ It's the story ♪
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♪ It's the story ♪
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♪ Runnin' in my mind ♪
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♪ It's so clear ♪
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♪ It's so clear ♪
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♪ I remember ♪
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♪ I remember ♪
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♪ Oh, my ♪
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♪ Oh, my ♪
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♪ Oh, my ♪
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♪ Oh, my ♪
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♪ Sunset gleaming ♪
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♪ Hey ♪
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♪ Hey, people ♪
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♪ Can you dig what I say? ♪
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♪ Our land ♪
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♪ Our land ♪
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♪ Hear what I say ♪
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♪ Hear what I say ♪
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♪ To the people ♪
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♪ Of the land ♪
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♪ Try my ♪
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♪ Try my ♪
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♪ Try my ♪
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♪ Sunset, baby ♪
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[ various native animal sounds ]
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[ snoring ]
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The Kelly Gang had been
holding up banks
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for as long as, well, for as
long as there'd been banks.
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Historically, we were
the World's First Biker Gang.
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What really set us apart
from all the other outlaws
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was our philosophy.
41
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We always gave everything
we stole to the poor.
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My uncle Dan had been the
most notorious aboriginal outlaw
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of all time,
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until he retired to run the family pub.
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My brother job was
the Gang's tax expert,
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and the rest of the Gang
worked full-time
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00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:07,300
in the manufacture
and consumption of beer.
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Come on, Ned.
You're be late for work.
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♪ Wild thing ♪
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♪ You make my heart sing... ♪
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Yep.
Times has changed, all right.
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The entire bank-robbing division
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of the once world-famous Kelly Gang
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had been reduced to just one man...
55
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me.
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[ loud buzzing ]
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[ whimpers ]
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[ buzzing ]
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♪ Oh ♪
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♪ Wild thing ♪
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♪ You make my heart sing, yeah... ♪
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We lived in this wild pub.
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It was so old that no one was sure
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if it was actually built
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or just somehow
grew out of the ground.
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Over the years, it has become home
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to every kind of wildlife
you can imagine.
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♪ Wild thing ♪
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♪ Wild thing ♪
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[ bubbling ]
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Apart from my dog,
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my bike was my best mate.
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I personally built it
from the wheels up
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out of scrap metal.
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Sure, it had some
minor structural problems.
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It wasn't exactly mechanically perfect,
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but everyone respected it.
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[ boom ]
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Especially Joe.
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Morning, Dan.
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Morning, Ned.
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It is refueled.
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Thanks, Joe.
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You still haven't fixed
that leaking pump.
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[ machine groans ]
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Have now.
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[ backfiring ]
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Ooh!
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See yourself.
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Our pub was on the shore
of a national park,
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hundreds of miles from anywhere.
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I reckon it was as close to paradise
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as you can get.
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Riding to work that day,
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nothing seemed different
from any other day.
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At least that's what
I thought at the time.
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[ tires screech ]
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Good morning.
I'd like to make a withdrawal.
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[ machine speaking ]
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It's a .44.
101
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Check out the dickhead
talking to a machine.
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That's no dickhead.
103
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That's Ned Kelly.
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Oh, yeah!
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[ machine speaking ]
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I don't think so.
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Ouch. Computer malfunction.
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Bingo.
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[ counting in distorted machine voice ]
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This is the Kelly Gang...
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[ all gasp ]
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And I'd like to make a deposit.
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Deposit?
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Yeah. Deposit this money
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amongst the bank accounts of any
people who can't repay their loans.
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And I want receipts,
and I want 'em now.
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Oui. Oui.
I will get all the staff onto it.
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All officers, take your positions.
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It was then I heard something
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you rarely hear in the
middle of a bank robbery...
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Shakespeare.
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"If music be the food of love,
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play on. Give me excess of it."
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"If music be the food of love..."
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And who are you?
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Robin Banks.
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I was earlier. Now I'm depositin'.
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This is my lunch break.
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I love american accents.
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Excuse me.
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I like the way you talk.
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In fact, I like everything
about America.
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What you reading?
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Shakespeare.
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[ fly buzzes ]
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[ people scream ]
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I hate flies.
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Mr. Kelly, all the people's receipts.
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[ sirens ]
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Thanks, mate.
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This time he's trapped.
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Hey...
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maybe I'll see you later.
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I doubt it, cowboy.
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[ buzzer ]
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Bye, Ned.
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Wait for it.
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[ cocks gun ]
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What's the matter, boys?
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00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:02,499
♪ Robbin' people with a six-gun ♪
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♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
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♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪
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♪ I needed money 'cause ♪
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♪ I had none ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the ♪
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♪ Law won ♪
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♪ I fought the law ♪
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♪ And the law won ♪
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♪ I left my baby, and I feel so bad ♪
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♪ I guess my race is run ♪
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♪ She's the best girl that I ever had ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the-- ♪
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♪ I lost my girl, and I lost my fun ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
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♪ Hey, I fought the law,
and the law won ♪
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♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
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After him!
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♪ I fought the law, and the law won ♪
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♪ I said I fought the law... ♪
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Of course,
I didn't know it at the time,
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but I'd just triggered
off a chain of events
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that was to threaten
the very existence
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of the Kelly Gang.
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"...cannot see the pretty fall
leaves that themselves commit,
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or if they could,
Cupid himself would blush."
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The outlaw
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dropped this.
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Take it to Sir John's office immediately.
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Ned Kelly has robbed
yet another branch
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of the International Trust Bank,
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but this time his target
was head office.
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The bank's largest foreign investors
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have responded by
threatening to pack up
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and go home.
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However, locals are
reacting quite differently.
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Ned Kelly's deadly. He's great.
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He's wonderful.
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He's fabulous.
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He gives us the cash.
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He's got a great bike.
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Since Ned Kelly has
been depositing money
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in our bank account,
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I can afford more groceries.
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Look.
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Through the haphazard program
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of redistributing money,
200
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,499
the Kelly Gang has effectively
201
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lowered interest rates, cut inflation,
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and raised the standard of living
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for the average family.
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Rotten bastards.
205
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:34,499
It's been Ned Kelly's complete
disregard for authority
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that has captured
the Hearts of the People
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and made him something
of a national hero.
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00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,800
Yes?
209
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:48,999
Sir John, one of our young tellers
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has some information
regarding the robbery.
211
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,300
What is it?
212
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:55,800
Apparently this was
dropped during the holdup.
213
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,800
Oh, Sir John.
214
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,999
There's also a Major Wib
here to see you.
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00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,800
Yes. Come in.
216
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,800
[ clanking ]
217
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,999
Major Wib from Great Britain, sir.
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00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,499
Formerly of Her Majesty's
personal guards.
219
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,999
Five years Scotland Yard,
220
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,999
three years Royal British Commandos.
221
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,999
Served with distinction special
forces-- intelligence branch.
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00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,999
At your service,
Vis-a-vis the Kelly problem.
223
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,499
That's very impressive, Major.
224
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,999
Thank you, Sir John.
225
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,499
I had the pleasure of being
on duty at Buckingham Palace
226
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:36,499
the day you got your knighthood.
227
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,300
Oh, really?
228
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,999
Yes. Rah-rah poo-poo, sir.
229
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,499
It's about time we had a man
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00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,499
of your particular talents
working exclusively for us
231
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,499
in the field of corporate banking.
232
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,999
If you'll pardon the pun, sir,
233
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,800
I plan to make a killing.
234
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,800
Thank you. That'll be all.
235
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,800
Please, Major.
236
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:03,800
Now, what do you make of this?
237
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,800
It's a toweling mat,
238
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,999
commonly used on the top
of Australian hotel bars
239
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,800
for the absorption of beer spillage.
240
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,499
Looks like some sort of a rodent.
241
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,499
Is it a rat?
242
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,999
It's a kangaroo, sir.
243
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,800
[ squeak ]
244
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,300
The Glenrowan Hotel.
245
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:40,999
It's in a national park
called Reckless Island.
246
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,499
No wonder the police
can't track them down.
247
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,800
According to this, it's
a remote wilderness.
248
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,499
Kelly would know that island
like the back of his hand.
249
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:51,999
At the first sign of armed aggression,
250
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,499
he'd vanish into the bush
and pick us off like flies.
251
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,999
[ fly buzzes ]
252
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,300
Yes, you're right.
253
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:00,300
Major, the one thing
you'll learn in business
254
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,499
is that almost anything
can be achieved
255
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:06,999
by having good political connections.
256
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,800
Miss Twisty, draft a confidential fax
257
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,800
to the department of national parks.
258
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,300
Tell them that the bank will be acting
259
00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,800
as the Sole Agent for the
sale of Reckless Island.
260
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,999
Right away, Sir John.
261
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,499
You can't sell a national park.
262
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:22,800
Wib?
263
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:26,499
I'm going to turn Kelly's hideout
264
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:30,300
into a... japanese tourist resort.
265
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:38,300
♪ Met down by the jetty landing ♪
266
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:42,300
♪ Where the... ♪
267
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:54,300
♪ The others rated standing ♪
268
00:14:55,500 --> 00:15:00,999
♪ Like Scott of the Antarctic ♪
269
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,800
♪ Base camp too far away ♪
270
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:11,499
♪ She don't like ♪
271
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,800
♪ That kind of behaviour ♪
272
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,999
♪ She don't like ♪
273
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,300
♪ That kind of behavior... ♪
274
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,499
For a Kelly, getting shot
was an occupational hazard.
275
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,999
But I guess over the years
we must have developed
276
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,999
some sort of natural tolerance.
277
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:35,999
[ siren ]
278
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,300
[ barking ]
279
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,499
Unfortunately, I still had to spend
280
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:45,800
a heck of a lot of time
digging out bullets.
281
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,999
Good morning, ma'am.
282
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,499
How may the bank help you?
283
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,300
I'm taking out a loan.
284
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:00,800
Oh, my God.
285
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,300
It's the Hollywood Outlaw!
286
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,499
Aah!
287
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:04,499
Don't kill me.
288
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,999
I've never killed anyone.
289
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,499
I only shoot guns
290
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,999
from the hands of those who would...
291
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,499
Prefer to see me dead.
292
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,800
Now, hand over the money.
293
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,300
I've got some shopping to do.
294
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,300
Freeze, lady!
Stay right where you are!
295
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:23,999
I regret the day
296
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,499
I let you put a video store here.
297
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,300
All you and that dog ever do
298
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,800
is watch that same dumb movie.
299
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,999
Hey! We were watching that.
300
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,300
[ dog barking ]
301
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,499
I'm getting shot to pieces,
and for what?
302
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,499
We got the biggest turnover
of any bank robbers around
303
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,999
and we still can't afford
to fix the pub.
304
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,999
Using stolen money for our own benefit
305
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,999
would be against every principle
306
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,300
upon which the Kelly Gang
was founded.
307
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:51,300
[ pop ]
308
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,300
Ohh...
309
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:54,999
Dan was right, of course.
310
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,499
The robbing from the rich
and giving to the poor
311
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,999
wasn't easy like in Robin Hood's day.
312
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,499
I could use help with the stamps.
313
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,499
I used to deposit so much money
314
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,999
in so many people's bank accounts,
315
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,300
we could spend all afternoon
mailing out receipts.
316
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,499
[ crunch ]
317
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,499
[ air escaping ]
318
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,499
Oh, look.
319
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:23,300
I been shot in the lung again.
320
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,999
[ wheezing ]
321
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:27,999
[ hissing ]
322
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,999
[ wheezing ]
323
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,499
Of course, that was nothing
324
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,800
compared with my dad.
325
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:36,999
He was still listed
326
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,499
in the guinness book of world records
327
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:41,800
as the world's most
frequently shot human being.
328
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,300
You're very lucky.
329
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,800
You've got your father's
bulletproof constitution.
330
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,999
A little lower, I think, Uncle Dan.
331
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,499
[ clang clang ]
332
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,999
That's it.
333
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,499
OK. Ready?
334
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,499
Yep.
335
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:58,499
[ thunk ]
336
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,300
[ pop ]
337
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,300
Band-aids.
338
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,800
[ air escaping ]
339
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,999
Ah, thanks.
340
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,800
[ air escaping ]
341
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,999
[ escaping air stops ]
342
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,300
Whew!
343
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:28,999
I gotta do something
344
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,999
about getting shot all the time.
345
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,999
[ clang ]
346
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,499
And there it was--
347
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,300
a bulletproof garbage can.
348
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,800
- Aah!
- Aah!
349
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,999
Come on, Ned. It's happy hour.
350
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:44,999
Pass the beer.
351
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,300
[ laughing and shouting ]
352
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:58,300
[ rooster crows ]
353
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,499
Hurry up, Ned.
354
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,800
Banks close at 5:00, you know.
355
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:13,800
[ hiccup and burp ]
356
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:27,800
[ snoring ]
357
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,800
[ whistles ]
358
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,800
Morning, Dog.
359
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:37,800
Ready?
360
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,499
Corn flakes.
361
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,800
[ barking ]
362
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,499
No, fella.
363
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:45,999
Corn...
364
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,300
flakes.
365
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:48,499
Corn flakes.
366
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:49,499
Come on.
367
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,499
Talk.
368
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:51,499
[ woof woof ]
369
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,300
[ woof ]
370
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,999
Keep practicing.
371
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,800
[ horn honks ]
372
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,300
[ honk ]
373
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,800
Heh.
374
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:40,800
Mr. Kelly.
375
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,499
- Yes! - Yes!
- Yes!
376
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,999
We're all Kellys, mate.
377
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,499
You have a letter.
378
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:47,999
A letter?
379
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,800
A letter?
380
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,499
[ talking and shouting ]
381
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,300
[ woof ]
382
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,800
[ whoosh ]
383
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:03,499
"The International Trust Bank
384
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,300
"will be acting as Sole
Agent for the sale of...
385
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:07,499
Reckless Island."
386
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,300
- What?
- What?
387
00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,499
According to this document,
388
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,999
our island is going to
be relocated to...
389
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,999
Tokyo Bay, Japan.
390
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,300
What?
391
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,499
I loathe this weather.
392
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:22,999
I loathe this country.
393
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,800
Quite right, Sir John.
394
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,800
Ah, for a cold, Foggy,
drizzly english morning, eh?
395
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,300
I reckon this flag needs
a slight modification.
396
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,300
What the hell's going on in here?
397
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:37,300
That's the British flag!
398
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:39,999
Take it back to Britain.
399
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,499
You're a larrikin, Kelly.
400
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:44,800
You have absolutely
no respect for authority.
401
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:50,800
You're not selling our island.
402
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,499
There's obviously an informer
403
00:21:52,500 --> 00:21:54,300
working somewhere in the bank.
404
00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,800
Hmm?
405
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,499
Well, they won't be
working here for long.
406
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:04,999
We've brought in
every birth certificate
407
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:08,800
of every Kelly who was
born on Reckless Island.
408
00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:10,800
Yeah.
409
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,499
They go back quite a long way.
410
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,300
It proves that the Kellys
have lived there
411
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,300
in one form or another
412
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,800
for at least 40,000 years.
413
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:22,999
The first person
414
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,999
to land on the island
415
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,300
was an aborigine named Awaba Kelly.
416
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,499
This here's his birth certificate.
417
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,300
So what.
418
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:38,499
That makes Reckless Island
419
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:41,300
Kelly Tribal Land.
420
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,499
So us Kellys legally have
first right of purchase.
421
00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:48,999
Fine, but... you'll have to match
422
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,999
the japanese offer of $1 million.
423
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:54,999
No problem.
424
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:55,999
Oh, really?
425
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,999
You'll never raise the cash.
426
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,999
Aren't you forgetting something, mate?
427
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,999
The Kelly Gang robs banks.
428
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,999
Yes, but the Kelly Gang
429
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,300
gives all its money to the poor.
430
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,300
Ahem.
431
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,999
We were in deep trouble, all right,
432
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,999
so we headed to the Brewery
433
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,499
to do some thinking.
434
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,800
It was there that I found out
435
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,800
this wasn't the first time
436
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,800
Reckless Island had been under threat.
437
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,300
Legend has it
438
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:30,300
that it's about an ancient battle
439
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:32,499
in which the first inhabitants
saved the island
440
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:34,499
from evil invaders.
441
00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:36,499
No kidding.
442
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:39,800
It's all part of aboriginal mythology--
443
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,300
you know, Ned-- the dreaming.
444
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:44,800
I suppose it doesn't make any sense
445
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,800
in the modern world.
446
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,800
If we could make it make sense,
447
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,800
maybe everything that
doesn't make sense
448
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:53,499
would make sense, eh?
449
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:54,999
Ah, you do enough dreaming
450
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,300
for everyone around here.
451
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,499
[ whooshing ]
452
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:08,499
[ roaring ]
453
00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:12,300
[ rumbling ]
454
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:14,800
[ crashing ]
455
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,800
[ clunk ]
456
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,800
[ rooster crows ]
457
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,499
Slept in again, eh?
458
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,499
Yes. He was up all night.
459
00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,300
I think he was building something.
460
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,300
♪ Wild thing ♪
461
00:25:07,500 --> 00:25:10,800
♪ You make my heart sing ♪
462
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:15,999
♪ You make everything groovy ♪
463
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,300
♪ Oh, wild thing, yes ♪
464
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,999
What are you doing with
that can on your head?
465
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:33,999
I'm going bank robbing.
466
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,999
You go robbing a bank in
that garbage can outfit.
467
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,499
You'll wreck the entire image
468
00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:39,499
of the Kelly Gang.
469
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:41,800
What are you wearing it for?
470
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:49,800
So I don't get shot. Aah!
471
00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:54,999
With a bulletproof armor suit,
472
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,999
I can rob a lot of bank real fast
473
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,800
and buy the island back.
474
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,499
Any money the Kelly Gang
gets in this country.
475
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,499
Belongs to the people of this country.
476
00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:07,999
Why don't we rob banks
in another country?
477
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,999
I'm telling you, for an outlaw,
478
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,300
America is the land of opportunity.
479
00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:13,999
Even a little kid knows
480
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,300
that in America
when people rob banks.
481
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:18,499
They get to keep all
the money themselves.
482
00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:20,999
You've been looking
at too many movies.
483
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,999
Look, there's only one
way to save this island.
484
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,800
It's called Free Enterprise.
485
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,499
[ star-spangled banner plays ]
486
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:36,999
Suddenly, I was on
my way to the USA,
487
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,499
home of bank-robbing legends
488
00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:40,800
like Jesse James, Bonnie and Clyde,
489
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,800
and the Hollywood Outlaw.
490
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,300
Uh...
491
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,300
What's the purpose of your
trip to the United States?
492
00:26:58,500 --> 00:26:59,800
Business.
493
00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,800
Hold your fire!
494
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,800
Your accountants had hidden talents.
495
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:28,499
So, what's this big discovery of yours?
496
00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:30,800
Ned Kelly has left the gang
497
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,999
and gone to America.
498
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,999
Why would he go there?
499
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,800
Money.
500
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,300
Yes, of course.
501
00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:40,800
[ sniff ]
502
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,499
He's out of steal the million dollars
503
00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:45,999
to buy Reckless Island himself.
504
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,300
Now he's all alone
in a foreign country.
505
00:27:50,500 --> 00:27:52,800
Think I'll pay him a visit.
506
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,499
Be careful! You mustn't
use a gun yourself.
507
00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:07,999
We're an International Bank.
508
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,999
We can't afford to be
incriminated in America.
509
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,800
That's right.
I'm a bank executive now.
510
00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:16,499
Does, uh...
511
00:28:16,500 --> 00:28:19,499
that mean I get to fly
in the corporate jet?
512
00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:22,300
[ snoring loudly ]
513
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,300
[ clucking ]
514
00:28:34,500 --> 00:28:37,800
"The lion, dying, thrusteth forth his paw
515
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,300
"and wounds the Earth,
516
00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:41,999
"nothing else with rage
to be o'erpowered.
517
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,999
"And wilt thou, pupil-like,
take the correction?
518
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,999
"Mildly kiss the rod
519
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,999
"and fawn on rage with base humility,
520
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,999
which art alive..."
521
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,499
[ snort ]
522
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:56,300
"in the king of beasts?"
523
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,800
[ sigh ]
524
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,999
"Good night, good night,
525
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,499
parting is such sweet Sorrow."
526
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:14,800
Sorrow.
527
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,999
Such sweet Sorrow.
528
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,499
"Parting is such sweet Sorrow.
529
00:29:21,500 --> 00:29:24,499
Good night. Good night."
530
00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:26,300
G'day.
531
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,999
What are you doing here?
532
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,800
I'm going to America.
533
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:33,999
What for?
534
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,999
Rob a few banks.
535
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:39,499
They say guys who carry guns
536
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:41,800
have a serious personality deficiency.
537
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:42,800
Huh?
538
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,999
It's a prop, a tool, a crutch.
539
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,499
If you know anything
about bank robbing,
540
00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:51,800
you'd know you need a gun.
541
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,300
Lucky this seat was empty, eh?
542
00:29:59,500 --> 00:30:02,800
What are you doing up here, anyway?
543
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,499
Actually, I got fired
544
00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:06,499
for trying to save an island.
545
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,300
No kidding.
546
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:10,999
That's exactly what I'm trying to do.
547
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:12,499
Someone from your bank
548
00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:14,999
sent us a copy of a fax which--
549
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,800
It was you.
550
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,499
Thanks.
551
00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,800
You're welcome.
552
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,999
Nice pair of dolphins.
553
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,800
Hmm?
554
00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:31,499
Uh, yeah. I think I'll go
back to my book now.
555
00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:34,800
Look, I'm really sorry
you lost your job.
556
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,300
Well...
557
00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:39,999
I wasn't cut out for banking anyway.
558
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,999
Maybe it was the best thing
that could have happened.
559
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,499
Hmm.
560
00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:47,800
Looks like we're heading
to the same place.
561
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:51,499
Uh... no. No, um,
562
00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:54,300
I'm changing planes in
LA, going on to England.
563
00:30:54,500 --> 00:30:56,499
I'm auditioning for a new drama school
564
00:30:56,500 --> 00:30:57,999
at Stratford-upon-avon.
565
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,499
Are you an actress?
566
00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:02,300
Well... someday.
567
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,800
Got a boyfriend?
568
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:11,999
Um, over the past few years,
569
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:16,300
spending every night with
Shakespeare for me was Norm.
570
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,800
Norm who?
571
00:31:35,500 --> 00:31:37,800
♪ Get your motor runnin' ♪
572
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,999
♪ Get out on the highway ♪
573
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,499
Lookin' for adventure ♪
574
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:48,999
♪ And whatever comes our way ♪
575
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,499
♪ In the town they call the big apple ♪
576
00:31:52,500 --> 00:31:56,300
♪ Take the world in a love embrace... ♪
577
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,800
[ honk ]
578
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:00,499
Hey! Wrong way, buddy!
579
00:32:00,500 --> 00:32:01,499
Watch out!
580
00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:04,499
You're on the wrong
side of the road!
581
00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:08,300
♪ We were born, born to be wild ♪
582
00:32:08,500 --> 00:32:09,999
♪ We hit town so hard... ♪
583
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,800
Excuse me.
I'm looking for Hollywood.
584
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,499
There's a sign.
585
00:32:14,500 --> 00:32:15,999
It is written.
586
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:19,800
♪ Born to be wild ♪
587
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:27,300
♪ Born to be wild ♪
588
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:33,999
[ siren ]
589
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,300
[ gunshots ]
590
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,800
We got you surrounded!
591
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,499
Aah!
592
00:32:40,500 --> 00:32:42,800
Drop the money, lady!
593
00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:48,300
I'll cover you. Get on.
594
00:32:48,500 --> 00:32:51,499
I'm not getting on that thing.
It's filthy.
595
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:53,800
[ engine groaning ]
596
00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:57,800
[ plop ]
597
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,300
Hey. That money's not real.
598
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,300
And that bank's not real.
599
00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:10,999
Hang on.
600
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,499
I know who you are.
601
00:33:12,500 --> 00:33:15,300
You're the Hollywood Outlaw!
602
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:17,499
Cut it, Lyle.
603
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:18,999
Cut!
604
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,999
Sorry. We'll have to
go again, everybody.
605
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,999
Can I...
606
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:25,999
have your autograph?
607
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,800
[ sigh ]
608
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:29,499
[ man's voice ] Mr. Delance!
609
00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:30,999
I'm sorry, Chuck.
610
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,999
I have no idea how this happened.
611
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,999
Wait a minute.
612
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,800
You're a bloke.
613
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:38,999
Get those camera ready?
614
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,499
Rocket-head here rides up
615
00:33:40,500 --> 00:33:42,499
and says, "Get on the bike."
616
00:33:42,500 --> 00:33:44,499
Well, I'm an actor,
617
00:33:44,500 --> 00:33:46,999
and that's a stuntman's job.
618
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:48,999
Hey. We'll shoot it over.
619
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,999
You're looking great, Chuck.
620
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,499
I can't perform anymore.
I'm just too upset.
621
00:33:54,500 --> 00:33:57,499
Oh, for crying out loud.
622
00:33:57,500 --> 00:33:59,999
I don't care who your agent is.
623
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,800
I'll see that you never work
624
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,300
in this town again.
625
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,800
Who is this guy, anyway,
626
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,499
Tin Man from The Wizard of OZ?
627
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:09,300
The name's Kelly.
628
00:34:13,500 --> 00:34:16,300
Ned Kelly.
629
00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:18,300
[ singing ]
630
00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:21,499
I thought I must have
landed on another planet.
631
00:34:21,500 --> 00:34:23,300
Banks weren't banks,
money wasn't money,
632
00:34:23,500 --> 00:34:26,999
and my favorite actress
turned out to be a man.
633
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:28,300
To save Reckless Island,
634
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:31,800
I needed to find a real bank, and fast.
635
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:44,300
♪ You're tormented by
the futility of life ♪
636
00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,499
♪ But I can see the stars ♪
637
00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:48,800
♪ From a million miles ♪
638
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,800
♪ Are you out there somewhere? ♪
639
00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:55,300
[ clunk ]
640
00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:59,300
Hey, man, where'd you
get that pile of junk?
641
00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:01,499
Check out the metal-head.
642
00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:03,499
What are you, undercover cop?
643
00:35:03,500 --> 00:35:05,499
FBI? CIA?
644
00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:07,800
Bank robber.
645
00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:14,800
All right.
646
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,499
Ahem.
647
00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:19,800
Good evening!
648
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,800
How may we help you... Masked Man?
649
00:35:25,500 --> 00:35:27,499
Well, if you're the loan arranger,
650
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:29,800
just hand over a million bucks.
651
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,800
You're more than welcome
to what we've got.
652
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,499
We've got a weird one
653
00:35:35,500 --> 00:35:37,999
holding up the Hollywood friendly bank.
654
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,800
Throw it up on the big screen.
655
00:35:47,500 --> 00:35:49,300
That's him.
656
00:35:49,500 --> 00:35:52,300
But be very careful, Lieutenant.
657
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:53,999
The most dangerous place on Earth
658
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,999
is between Ned Kelly
and a bag of money.
659
00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:59,499
Would you like a line of credit?
660
00:35:59,500 --> 00:36:00,800
A credit account?
661
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:01,800
Credit card?
662
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:02,800
Cash.
663
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,050
OK.
664
00:36:04,500 --> 00:36:08,300
Please, fill out this application form.
665
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:09,999
What for?
666
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,499
We don't get much call for cash.
667
00:36:12,500 --> 00:36:13,800
We have to order some.
668
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:16,300
Sure I can't fix you up with plastic?
669
00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:19,999
Sam, your dinner's ready.
670
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,800
But, Mom, it's a total fiasco.
671
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,999
This is where he shoots the guns
672
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,499
out fo the actors' hands,
673
00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:29,999
with real bullets, for God's sake.
674
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,999
Those cops are supposed to be winning.
675
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,300
Look at that jerk.
He's ruined the Climax.
676
00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:37,999
He screwed up the movie.
677
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:39,499
I like him.
678
00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:40,800
What?
679
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:42,300
He's a damn sight better.
680
00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:44,499
Than those ham actors you hire.
681
00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:45,999
Get a load of Chuck.
682
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,300
Mr. Delance!
683
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:50,499
Are you sure this gentleman
684
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,800
is doing an unrehearsed performance?
685
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:53,999
Absolutely.
686
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,499
He's an animal.
687
00:36:55,500 --> 00:36:56,999
That's what I thought.
688
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,800
You better sign him up.
689
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:00,499
Sign him up?
690
00:37:00,500 --> 00:37:02,999
Of course. What did
you say his name was?
691
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,300
Uh... Kelly. Fred Kelly.
692
00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:07,999
No, no, no. Ned Kelly.
693
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:11,499
Kelly. One of the great
show business names.
694
00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:14,300
Gene Kelly, Grace Kelly.
695
00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:16,300
No kidding.
696
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,499
I'd better find this guy
697
00:37:18,500 --> 00:37:20,999
before some other studio nabs him.
698
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:22,800
How'd the bank robbery go?
699
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,300
He signed you up for
a credit card, right?
700
00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:27,499
Right.
701
00:37:27,500 --> 00:37:28,999
[ clang ]
702
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,499
Listen, man,
I'll give you some free advice.
703
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:33,499
Forget that bank-robbing gig.
704
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,999
The best way to get rich quick
705
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,300
is do what all the
smart people are doing.
706
00:37:39,500 --> 00:37:41,499
You got to get yourself into...
707
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:43,300
the entertainment business!
708
00:37:43,500 --> 00:37:45,499
Ned, baby!
709
00:37:45,500 --> 00:37:48,300
♪ In Hollywood, you'll steal the show ♪
710
00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:51,499
♪ It's not what you do,
it's who you know ♪
711
00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:54,499
♪ The girls, the bucks,
you'll have 'em all ♪
712
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:57,499
♪ When you're a star,
they'll return your call ♪
713
00:37:57,500 --> 00:37:59,800
♪ If you can just handle the fame ♪
714
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,999
♪ Ned Kelly will be a household name ♪
715
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,800
♪ You'll be riding in your limo ♪
716
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:05,999
♪ You'll be flying in your jet ♪
717
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,499
♪ Your name up in lights,
your foot's in cement ♪
718
00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:09,999
Jeepers, it's the cops.
719
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,800
♪ We'll trim your nose,
we'll lift your butt ♪
720
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,499
♪ If you turn to flab, we'll liposuck ♪
721
00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:15,999
Officers, ready to fire.
722
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,999
♪ If you can just handle the fame ♪
723
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,999
♪ Ned Kelly ♪
724
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:25,300
♪ Will be a household ♪
725
00:38:25,500 --> 00:38:26,999
♪ Son of a gun lovin', fun lovin' ♪
726
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,300
♪ Bike ridin' ♪
727
00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:29,999
♪ Bike ridin'... heartbreaker ♪
728
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,499
♪ Big faker ♪
729
00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:33,999
♪ Ned Kelly ♪
730
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:39,499
♪ Will be a household name ♪
731
00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:41,499
Nice jacket.
732
00:38:41,500 --> 00:38:42,999
You're under arrest.
733
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,499
Hand over the guns, buddy,
734
00:38:44,500 --> 00:38:45,999
or you'll be wearing metal
735
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,499
inside your head.
736
00:38:47,500 --> 00:38:49,999
Hey, cop, America's a free country.
737
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,499
Every person has the
right to bear arms.
738
00:38:52,500 --> 00:38:54,300
Yeah.
739
00:38:56,500 --> 00:39:00,800
You're about to be shot dead
on Nationwide television.
740
00:39:01,500 --> 00:39:04,999
No TV network would stoop so low.
741
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:08,499
Welcome to News Kill, live.
742
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:09,999
I'm here on Hollywood Boulevard,
743
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,499
where some wacko with
a trash can on his head
744
00:39:13,500 --> 00:39:16,499
is about to be blasted to
pieces by the Hollywood police,
745
00:39:16,500 --> 00:39:18,499
right before your very eyes.
746
00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:20,499
[ cocking guns ]
747
00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:22,800
OK, men, don't take any chances.
748
00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:25,999
Put two bullets apiece in his head,
749
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,499
then we'll break for doughnuts.
750
00:39:27,500 --> 00:39:29,300
Hey, what's the problem, Officer?
751
00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:31,999
This guy's an
international bank robber.
752
00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:36,300
He's not a bank robber.
He's an actor.
753
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:37,499
Huh?
754
00:39:37,500 --> 00:39:38,800
An actor?
755
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,300
OK, boys, he's just an actor.
756
00:39:41,500 --> 00:39:43,300
Let's go.
757
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,499
An actor?
758
00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:47,499
That's right. And legally,
759
00:39:47,500 --> 00:39:51,300
Hollywood police can't shoot actors.
760
00:39:51,500 --> 00:39:53,300
If the police start shooting actors,
761
00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:55,300
then the studios will close down.
762
00:39:55,500 --> 00:39:57,499
If that happens,
there's no more movies.
763
00:39:57,500 --> 00:39:58,999
With no more movies,
764
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,300
people have got nothing to believe in.
765
00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:02,999
Everyone gets depressed,
766
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,499
no one goes to work,
767
00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:06,499
and the economy collapses.
768
00:40:06,500 --> 00:40:08,499
Yes, yes. That's very sad.
769
00:40:08,500 --> 00:40:09,999
Now find me some people
770
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,300
who can shoot actors.
771
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:14,999
I had to admit
772
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,999
that as an international bank robber,
773
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,300
I'd been a failure.
774
00:40:18,500 --> 00:40:20,800
The only way to save the island now
775
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,300
was to pretend I was an actor.
776
00:40:23,500 --> 00:40:24,800
Ned,
777
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,499
delance pictures is
into action movies--
778
00:40:27,500 --> 00:40:31,499
you know, macho heroes, sex, violence.
779
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:32,499
High turnover.
780
00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:34,300
Big profits.
781
00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:37,499
The quality of our movies is so high
782
00:40:37,500 --> 00:40:40,999
that they bypass the
theaters completely
783
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:44,499
and go straight to video.
784
00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:46,300
Wow!
785
00:40:46,500 --> 00:40:48,300
Do you want to know the secret
786
00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,999
to making big money in video rental?
787
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,999
The answer is one word--
788
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,499
guns.
789
00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:57,499
You see, guns aren't just guns.
790
00:40:57,500 --> 00:40:58,499
They're a...
791
00:40:58,500 --> 00:40:59,999
Phallic symbol.
792
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,999
Yeah.
793
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,300
The bigger the gun,
the bigger the profit.
794
00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,499
Now, I know what you're thinking.
795
00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:09,999
Let me tell you what you're thinking.
796
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:13,499
You're thinking, how will
I turn a nobody like you
797
00:41:13,500 --> 00:41:14,800
into a big star?
798
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,800
Well, it's simple.
799
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,800
We're going to build you
800
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,999
the biggest goddamn
gun in Hollywood.
801
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,300
But, Sam, aren't you
forgetting something?
802
00:41:24,500 --> 00:41:28,800
Over 60% of video renters are women.
803
00:41:29,500 --> 00:41:30,999
Mom's right.
804
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,999
What the heck do the
women want to see?
805
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:35,999
Women want a love story.
806
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,499
A love story...
807
00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:40,999
with a big gun.
808
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,499
Brilliant.
809
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,300
It's got everything.
810
00:41:44,500 --> 00:41:46,499
Ned, to be a movie star here,
811
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:48,999
you have to talk like an american.
812
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:51,800
For a million bucks,
I'll talk like a martian.
813
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,499
A million bucks?
814
00:41:54,500 --> 00:41:57,300
[ buzzing ]
815
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:02,300
Hmm.
816
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,999
Tell you what I'll do.
817
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,499
When the movie's finished,
818
00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:10,499
I'll pay you 1 million bucks.
819
00:42:10,500 --> 00:42:12,499
You got a deal.
820
00:42:12,500 --> 00:42:16,499
Mom, if we can just
find the right actress
821
00:42:16,500 --> 00:42:19,800
to play opposite Ned...
822
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,499
then every lovesick couple,
823
00:42:22,500 --> 00:42:24,800
every lonely guy and gal,
824
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,999
every family in America
825
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:31,499
will be saying, "Let's rent a video!"
826
00:42:31,500 --> 00:42:33,999
It's going to be a great movie.
827
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:35,300
It's called...
828
00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:37,800
The Christian Cowboy.
829
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,999
It's about a gunslinging stranger
830
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,499
who cleans up Las Vegas
831
00:42:41,500 --> 00:42:45,499
and falls in love with a beautiful nun.
832
00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:47,499
Look, I could be accepted
833
00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:50,999
into the newest Shakespearean
drama school in England.
834
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,499
I won't throw that away
835
00:42:52,500 --> 00:42:55,499
to be in some totally crass movie.
836
00:42:55,500 --> 00:42:56,999
Bye. I got to run.
837
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,499
With your help, we can
buy Reckless Island
838
00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:01,499
and save it from ecological disaster.
839
00:43:01,500 --> 00:43:04,499
You mean...
840
00:43:04,500 --> 00:43:07,499
if I do this movie with you,
841
00:43:07,500 --> 00:43:09,499
it'll save your wilderness?
842
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:11,999
It's the only chance we've got.
843
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:12,999
Look,
844
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,300
the head of the studio told me
845
00:43:15,500 --> 00:43:17,999
he's got the best writer in Hollywood
846
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:19,300
working on the script,
847
00:43:19,500 --> 00:43:21,499
so it'll probably be like Shakespeare.
848
00:43:21,500 --> 00:43:23,999
Christian Cowboy, take 1.
849
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,999
♪ I want to thank my Jesus
for the way that I feel ♪
850
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,499
♪ I'm so full of religion
I just can't be still ♪
851
00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:32,800
♪ I want to sing it and shout it ♪
852
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:34,300
♪ And let the people know ♪
853
00:43:34,500 --> 00:43:36,300
♪ That I'm saved by his mercy ♪
854
00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:37,999
♪ And I'm ready to go ♪
855
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:39,499
♪ That's why I'm happy ♪
856
00:43:39,500 --> 00:43:40,499
♪ Yes, I'm happy ♪
857
00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:41,999
♪ Happy on my way ♪
858
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,800
♪ Rejoicing and singing ♪
859
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,300
♪ His praises every dails ♪
860
00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:48,999
♪ For Jesus is near me,
and there he will stay ♪
861
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,499
♪ That's why I'm happy ♪
862
00:43:50,500 --> 00:43:54,300
♪ Yes, I'm happy, happy on my way ♪
863
00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:56,499
I repeat--
864
00:43:56,500 --> 00:44:00,300
repent, sinners!
865
00:44:02,500 --> 00:44:05,300
Jesus said...
866
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:10,800
gambling is Satan's tool.
867
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:15,499
Beware of the work of the devil,
868
00:44:15,500 --> 00:44:18,800
or your souls will burn
in the fires of hell!
869
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:20,800
Hey!
870
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,499
Look, dudes! Ha ha ha!
871
00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:29,800
It's the Christian Cowboy!
872
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,300
[ all laughing ]
873
00:44:35,500 --> 00:44:36,999
Hah!
874
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:38,800
[ all stop laughing ]
875
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,499
The word of the lord
876
00:44:42,500 --> 00:44:44,999
is the only way to your salvation.
877
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,300
[ gunshots ]
878
00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:55,800
[ cocking guns ]
879
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,999
Prayer time, sinners!
880
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:03,999
Aah!
881
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:04,999
- Ow!
- Aah!
882
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,800
Aah!
883
00:45:10,500 --> 00:45:11,999
Uhh...
884
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,999
[ bell tolls ]
885
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,800
That's one way of doing it, I guess.
886
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,800
Oh, Reverend.
887
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:21,800
I thank the lord
888
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:26,800
you brought that... big gun to town.
889
00:45:28,500 --> 00:45:30,300
Ma'am,
890
00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:33,300
you're a fine-lookin' nun.
891
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,300
You better get thee to a nunnery.
892
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:44,999
Love this!
893
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:46,499
Cut it, Lyle.
894
00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:49,499
Freeze, Mr. Kelly. Music down.
895
00:45:49,500 --> 00:45:52,300
Turning off the blue screen.
896
00:45:57,500 --> 00:45:58,499
Cut!
897
00:45:58,500 --> 00:45:59,999
[ buzzer ]
898
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:03,499
That's-- that's a wrap for day one.
899
00:46:03,500 --> 00:46:05,800
Call tomorrow, 6am.
900
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,499
Fantastic.
901
00:46:07,500 --> 00:46:08,999
Robin, you're a natural.
902
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,999
Ned, what's the scoop
with your ad lib line--
903
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:13,999
"Better get thee to a nunnery"?
904
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,999
It was Robin's idea.
905
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,300
Uh, it's hamlet's line to Ophelia.
906
00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:19,800
It's classic Shakespeare.
907
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,499
Who the hell's Shakespeare?
908
00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:25,800
He's only the greatest
english writer of all time.
909
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,499
Well, he'd better have
an american work permit.
910
00:46:28,500 --> 00:46:29,999
I don't want union trouble.
911
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,999
He died 400 years ago.
912
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,499
I thought it sounded stale.
913
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:37,800
Let's stick to Bernie's script.
914
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,999
You're on another winner, Bernie.
915
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,800
Thanks.
I'm adding some extra violence.
916
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,999
If it's 400 years old,
917
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:51,800
that means legally all his
stuff is out of copyright.
918
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,499
What are you saying?
919
00:46:53,500 --> 00:46:55,300
It's free.
920
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:58,300
Hey, Bernie,
921
00:46:58,500 --> 00:46:59,499
on second thought,
922
00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:02,499
there may be something
to this Shakespeare stuff.
923
00:47:02,500 --> 00:47:04,499
Get some of his old scripts
924
00:47:04,500 --> 00:47:06,300
and freshen them up.
925
00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:33,999
[ crunch ]
926
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,300
[ tuning up on bagpipes ]
927
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:52,800
Who are you?
928
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:55,999
Big Mac...
929
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:57,499
Beth.
930
00:47:57,500 --> 00:47:59,800
[ munch ]
931
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:02,499
To blow your head off
932
00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:04,499
or...
933
00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:06,999
not blow your head off--
934
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,800
that is the question.
935
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:13,300
[ burp ]
936
00:48:14,000 --> 00:48:16,999
That's the last of 'em.
937
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:19,499
How can the sisters of Las Vegas
938
00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:21,499
ever repay you for cleanin' up
939
00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:24,999
the rottenest town in the west?
940
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:25,999
Well, ma'am,
941
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:29,800
you could kick that habit
and marry me.
942
00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:33,300
Ohh, yes!
943
00:48:38,500 --> 00:48:40,800
Amen.
944
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:45,300
Cut!
945
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,800
[ clanking ]
946
00:49:00,500 --> 00:49:02,300
Lost somethin'?
947
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:04,499
Yeah.
948
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:06,800
My driver.
949
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:07,800
Where you headin'?
950
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:09,499
To my hotel.
951
00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:12,300
I'll give you a ride.
952
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:14,050
OK.
953
00:49:34,500 --> 00:49:36,800
There you go.
954
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,300
Thanks, mister.
955
00:49:44,500 --> 00:49:46,800
[ engine fails ]
956
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,800
No worries.
957
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:55,050
Oh!
958
00:49:58,500 --> 00:49:59,800
Climb on.
959
00:50:02,000 --> 00:50:04,499
♪ As love rides up ♪
960
00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:06,499
♪ It's though a lone ranger ♪
961
00:50:06,500 --> 00:50:08,499
♪ Changed you into somethin' ♪
962
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:10,499
♪ Rich and strange ♪
963
00:50:10,500 --> 00:50:12,499
♪ Stranger than fiction ♪
964
00:50:12,500 --> 00:50:13,999
♪ Truth or the dare ♪
965
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:15,999
♪ I say, when you come down ♪
966
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,499
♪ You say, come down from where? ♪
967
00:50:18,500 --> 00:50:21,999
♪ Riding to the future
would be easy for you ♪
968
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:26,300
♪ To fall into your heart
would be easy to do ♪
969
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:32,300
♪ Love doesn't come as you like it ♪
970
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,499
♪ Love your rocket dreams ♪
971
00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:38,800
♪ Repossess your soul... ♪
972
00:50:42,500 --> 00:50:48,800
♪ Love doesn't come as you like it ♪
973
00:50:50,500 --> 00:50:52,499
♪ Ain't no other Cupids ♪
974
00:50:52,500 --> 00:50:54,300
♪ Arrow can't go through ♪
975
00:50:54,500 --> 00:50:56,499
♪ No woman is an island ♪
976
00:50:56,500 --> 00:50:57,999
♪ Not even you ♪
977
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:00,999
♪ Standin' here together... ♪
978
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,300
Thanks for the ride.
979
00:51:03,500 --> 00:51:06,499
I'll see you. In makeup. Ciao.
980
00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:07,999
Oh, wait.
981
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,300
Why don't I lend you this?
982
00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:11,300
Thanks.
983
00:51:11,500 --> 00:51:12,499
I got to go.
984
00:51:12,500 --> 00:51:13,499
Bye.
985
00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:15,300
Bye.
986
00:51:21,500 --> 00:51:23,999
"All the world's a stage,
987
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:28,300
and all the men and
women merely players."
988
00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:30,999
"They have their exits
989
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,300
and their entrances."
990
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,300
"And each person in time
991
00:51:38,500 --> 00:51:41,300
plays many parts."
992
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,300
[ gunshots ]
993
00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:57,800
[ Director's instructions
on PA system ]
994
00:51:58,000 --> 00:51:58,999
Wrap the set.
995
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,999
OK, wrap it, and thank you.
996
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,499
She'll sleep with anything.
997
00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:04,499
She's sleeping with the director.
998
00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:05,499
So am I.
999
00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:07,300
What?
1000
00:52:08,500 --> 00:52:09,999
Hollywood.
1001
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:10,999
What a place.
1002
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:12,999
One day you're a bank robber,
1003
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,800
the next day you're a movie star.
1004
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,800
All I had to do was finish the movie,
1005
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:19,999
and I'd have the money.
1006
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,999
I knew everyone back home
had been countin' on me.
1007
00:52:23,000 --> 00:52:26,300
It was time to tell 'em the good news.
1008
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,499
[ intro music plays ]
1009
00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:42,800
Lights, camera, action!
1010
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:43,999
You're the star
1011
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,300
of a happy Hollywood video letter.
1012
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:47,999
Your 20 second starts... now.
1013
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:48,999
Hi, Dan.
1014
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:50,800
Hi, Joe.
1015
00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:00,300
Ooh.
1016
00:53:03,500 --> 00:53:05,800
Video letter.
1017
00:53:07,500 --> 00:53:08,499
What is it?
1018
00:53:08,500 --> 00:53:09,800
Hmm.
1019
00:53:18,500 --> 00:53:21,499
[ intro music plays ]
1020
00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:22,999
Hi, Dan. Hi, Joe.
1021
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,499
It's Ned!
1022
00:53:24,500 --> 00:53:25,499
[ woof woof ]
1023
00:53:25,500 --> 00:53:27,499
I think he's wearing makeup.
1024
00:53:27,500 --> 00:53:31,499
You don't reckon he's
turned kinky, do you?
1025
00:53:31,500 --> 00:53:32,499
Guess what.
1026
00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:34,800
I'm an actor.
1027
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:36,999
Gee.
1028
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,999
The time's nearly up.
1029
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,999
Well...
1030
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,499
I just wanted you blokes to know
1031
00:53:42,500 --> 00:53:44,499
that when I finish my movie,
1032
00:53:44,500 --> 00:53:46,999
I'll be gettin' 1 mi--
1033
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:47,999
[ everybody groans ]
1034
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,800
[ honks horn ]
1035
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,999
[ honk honk ]
1036
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,499
Get away. No photographs.
1037
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:10,499
Shoo!
1038
00:54:10,500 --> 00:54:12,300
Come on, Ernie.
1039
00:54:12,500 --> 00:54:13,999
Let's get some autographs.
1040
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,800
Any stars coming in this mornin'?
1041
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:23,499
G'day, Ralph.
1042
00:54:23,500 --> 00:54:25,800
G'day, mate. Mr. Kelly.
1043
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:28,499
Can I have your autograph?
1044
00:54:28,500 --> 00:54:29,999
Sure.
1045
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:33,300
Please write, "To Hank."
1046
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,499
I really admire what you do.
1047
00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:38,999
I could never be an actor.
1048
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,999
I'd be too afraid.
1049
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:45,300
Uh, make mine out, "To Ernie."
1050
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:48,499
Ms. Banks,
1051
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:51,800
will you be moving into a
secret Hollywood love nest,
1052
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,499
and if so, with who?
1053
00:54:53,500 --> 00:54:54,999
Hey! There he is!
1054
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:57,300
Where? Where?
1055
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,300
Ned...
1056
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:04,999
Do you like carrots?
1057
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:05,999
Yeah.
1058
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,499
Mr. Kelly, don't you feel
1059
00:55:07,500 --> 00:55:10,800
your gratuitous use of guns on screen
1060
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,999
is helping to create a
more dangerous society?
1061
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:15,499
From an intellectual basis--
1062
00:55:15,500 --> 00:55:16,999
Let me handle this.
1063
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,499
Hey, smarty-pants, where you from?
1064
00:55:19,500 --> 00:55:20,499
New York.
1065
00:55:20,500 --> 00:55:22,499
- Oh!
- Oh!
1066
00:55:22,500 --> 00:55:23,999
Well, here in Hollywood,
1067
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,499
it's personality questions only.
1068
00:55:25,500 --> 00:55:26,800
Mr. Kelly,
1069
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:30,300
what color underpants do you wear?
1070
00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:33,999
Black.
1071
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:34,999
Ooh!
1072
00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:36,999
Outrageous.
1073
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:38,999
You better get into makeup.
1074
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,499
I'd like to ask Mr. Kelly
another question.
1075
00:55:41,500 --> 00:55:42,800
Go take a meeting.
1076
00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:44,499
Hey, buddy, watch your language.
1077
00:55:44,500 --> 00:55:45,499
Why don't you keep in touch?
1078
00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:46,999
You keep in touch.
1079
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,300
You keep in touch.
1080
00:55:48,500 --> 00:55:49,499
You keep in touch!
1081
00:55:49,500 --> 00:55:50,999
You keep in touch!
1082
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,499
No!
1083
00:55:52,500 --> 00:55:54,300
You keep in touch!
1084
00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:56,300
I'm not gonna keep in touch,
1085
00:55:56,500 --> 00:55:59,499
'cause you can keep in touch!
1086
00:55:59,500 --> 00:56:01,999
I got Ned Kelly's autograph.
1087
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,800
That wasn't Ned Kelly.
1088
00:56:06,500 --> 00:56:08,800
Who are you?
1089
00:56:11,500 --> 00:56:14,499
I'm the president of the Ned Kelly...
1090
00:56:14,500 --> 00:56:15,499
Fan Club.
1091
00:56:15,500 --> 00:56:17,499
And that wasn't him.
1092
00:56:17,500 --> 00:56:18,999
Who was it, then?
1093
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,300
A thief.
1094
00:56:20,500 --> 00:56:21,999
He stole Ned Kelly's identity.
1095
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,499
Well, he signed Ned Kelly's name.
1096
00:56:24,500 --> 00:56:25,999
Yeah. He wrote mine, too.
1097
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:27,300
Look. "To Ernie."
1098
00:56:27,500 --> 00:56:28,999
If he wrote your name,
1099
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:31,300
then he's stolen your identity, too.
1100
00:56:33,500 --> 00:56:35,499
What do you mean?
1101
00:56:35,500 --> 00:56:36,999
When your identity's been stolen,
1102
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:38,499
you're no longer yourself.
1103
00:56:38,500 --> 00:56:40,999
You've got no personality.
1104
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,300
You're nobody.
1105
00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:46,999
I want my identity back.
1106
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,300
Automatic.
1107
00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,999
Silencer.
1108
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,300
Semiautomatic.
1109
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,300
Price check.
1110
00:56:59,500 --> 00:57:01,300
Man targets.
1111
00:57:01,500 --> 00:57:03,800
Regular size.
1112
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,800
You have no choice.
1113
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:09,300
He's stolen your identity, aren't he?
1114
00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:10,800
Maybe. I--
1115
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:13,300
I haven't been feeling myself lately.
1116
00:57:13,500 --> 00:57:16,999
Man target's on special-- 9.05!
1117
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:18,800
That's the way they operate.
1118
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,800
We believe he's an alien,
1119
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:22,499
possibly from another planet.
1120
00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:24,800
[ siren ]
1121
00:57:28,500 --> 00:57:30,499
It's time to make our move.
1122
00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:31,999
Wib, are you prepared?
1123
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:33,999
Absolutely, Sir John.
1124
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:35,999
My people here are fully trained.
1125
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,999
All we need to do now
1126
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:41,800
is get our friend in a public place alone.
1127
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:46,999
Ned, the eyelashes
are a big improvement.
1128
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,300
You're looking great.
1129
00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:55,499
By the way,
1130
00:57:55,500 --> 00:57:58,499
the women want to see
you wearing a mustache.
1131
00:57:58,500 --> 00:58:00,499
[ loud bang ]
1132
00:58:00,500 --> 00:58:01,800
Don't shoot, mister.
1133
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,300
It's only popcorn.
1134
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,999
Sorry. I thought you
were going to shoot us.
1135
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:10,999
Ned Kelly, one of these days
1136
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:13,800
you're going to kill
somebody with this thing!
1137
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:15,300
Guns don't solve problems,
1138
00:58:15,500 --> 00:58:16,499
they create them.
1139
00:58:16,500 --> 00:58:17,499
You don't need a gun.
1140
00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:18,800
You're addicted.
1141
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:19,999
You're a gun addict.
1142
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,300
[ gunshot ]
1143
00:58:24,500 --> 00:58:25,999
I'm not addicted.
1144
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,300
I haven't fired a shot all day.
1145
00:58:28,500 --> 00:58:30,999
I can give these things
up anytime I want.
1146
00:58:31,000 --> 00:58:32,800
Anytime at all.
1147
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,300
[ gunshots ]
1148
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,300
Feels good.
1149
00:58:59,000 --> 00:59:00,300
Ah.
1150
00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:02,999
Overstretched and undercapitalized.
1151
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:04,300
Good.
1152
00:59:05,500 --> 00:59:06,800
Miss Twisty,
1153
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,999
let's send a fax.
1154
00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:12,300
A fax?
1155
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:17,300
This fax just came through.
1156
00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:20,300
I'm so sorry.
1157
00:59:20,500 --> 00:59:22,499
I can't pay you your money.
1158
00:59:22,500 --> 00:59:24,499
They've frozen our accounts.
1159
00:59:24,500 --> 00:59:27,499
They've foreclosed on all his loans.
1160
00:59:27,500 --> 00:59:29,800
[ Delance ]
They're going to sell us off.
1161
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:32,800
[ Robin ] Who's done this?
1162
00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:34,499
Our bank, of course.
1163
00:59:34,500 --> 00:59:36,300
Bank?
1164
00:59:36,500 --> 00:59:38,800
Which bank?
1165
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,300
[ telephone rings ]
1166
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:25,300
[ ring ring ]
1167
01:00:25,500 --> 01:00:26,499
[ boom ]
1168
01:00:26,500 --> 01:00:28,300
[ ring ring ]
1169
01:00:29,500 --> 01:00:32,300
- Aah!
- Aah!
1170
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,499
Come on, let's try again.
1171
01:00:35,500 --> 01:00:36,999
This is hopeless.
1172
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:38,800
It's solid steel.
1173
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:40,800
[ ring ring ]
1174
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,300
[ ring ring ]
1175
01:00:45,500 --> 01:00:47,800
[ ring ring ]
1176
01:00:48,500 --> 01:00:50,800
[ ring ring ]
1177
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:53,300
[ ring ring ]
1178
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:55,800
[ ring ]
1179
01:00:56,500 --> 01:00:57,499
Hello?
1180
01:00:57,500 --> 01:00:58,999
Hello?
1181
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:00,499
[ woof woof ]
1182
01:01:00,500 --> 01:01:02,999
Dog, how are you?
1183
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:04,499
It's Ned.
1184
01:01:04,500 --> 01:01:05,999
[ woof woof woof ]
1185
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:06,999
Slow down.
1186
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:08,499
What are you doing?
1187
01:01:08,500 --> 01:01:10,999
Talking to my dog.
1188
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:12,499
[ woof ]
1189
01:01:12,500 --> 01:01:15,300
Now, listen. Listen to me carefully.
1190
01:01:17,500 --> 01:01:21,800
Where is Dan?
1191
01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:26,300
[ Corn... flakes ]
1192
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:28,999
Good dog.
1193
01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:30,800
Is the dog talking back?
1194
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:32,300
Sort of.
1195
01:01:32,500 --> 01:01:34,499
Stop kidding around, Dog.
1196
01:01:34,500 --> 01:01:35,999
Where's Dan?
1197
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,999
[ whimpers ]
1198
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:39,800
[ yelps ]
1199
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:40,999
Dog?
1200
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,300
Dog?
1201
01:01:43,500 --> 01:01:44,800
[ telephone rings ]
1202
01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:46,999
Hello?
1203
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:47,999
Dog?
1204
01:01:48,000 --> 01:01:50,800
Ned, there's a call for you.
1205
01:01:55,500 --> 01:01:56,999
Hello?
1206
01:01:57,000 --> 01:02:00,499
Just letting you know that
if you're planning a trip home,
1207
01:02:00,500 --> 01:02:02,499
you'll need a Japanese Visa
1208
01:02:02,500 --> 01:02:04,999
because I'm exporting Reckless Island
1209
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:06,800
tomorrow.
1210
01:02:07,500 --> 01:02:09,499
What's wrong?
1211
01:02:09,500 --> 01:02:12,999
A bunch of blokes in gray
suits are talking my home.
1212
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:14,499
Organized crime.
1213
01:02:14,500 --> 01:02:17,300
It's worse than that.
1214
01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,499
They're corporate bankers.
1215
01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:21,999
Here's your money, Ned.
1216
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:23,999
Holy cow.
1217
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,999
Mom's been laundering
the company's money.
1218
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:29,499
I knew that sooner or later,
1219
01:02:29,500 --> 01:02:32,999
borrowing all that money
would catch up with you,
1220
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:36,999
so I have been putting aside
a little something each week.
1221
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:38,999
If you guys are broke,
1222
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:41,499
I couldn't take that money.
1223
01:02:41,500 --> 01:02:43,800
You must save your wilderness.
1224
01:02:44,000 --> 01:02:45,999
Ned, it's yours. You earned it.
1225
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,999
Besides, we need much
more than $1 million
1226
01:02:49,000 --> 01:02:50,999
to save the studio.
1227
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,999
The only way we can stay
in show business now
1228
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:55,800
is to beat that bank.
1229
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,300
And no one has ever beaten a bank.
1230
01:02:58,500 --> 01:03:00,999
Well, there was a first
time for everything.
1231
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:03,999
That bank was stealing my home.
1232
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,999
They'd hurt my friends
and beaten up my dog.
1233
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,300
Enough was enough.
1234
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,499
You're not coming. It's too dangerous.
1235
01:03:13,500 --> 01:03:14,499
Mr. Kelly,
1236
01:03:14,500 --> 01:03:16,999
the flight to Australia
is boarding immediately.
1237
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:18,300
Better hurry.
1238
01:03:18,500 --> 01:03:19,999
So don't bother arguing anymore.
1239
01:03:20,000 --> 01:03:21,499
I'm not arguing anymore.
1240
01:03:21,500 --> 01:03:23,999
Will you give me a ticket, please?
1241
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:26,300
You two are traveling together?
1242
01:03:26,500 --> 01:03:28,300
- No.
- Yes.
1243
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:30,999
How nice.
1244
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,499
Try it again.
1245
01:03:32,500 --> 01:03:33,499
[ buzzer ]
1246
01:03:33,500 --> 01:03:35,300
Come on. Come on.
1247
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:40,999
There.
1248
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,300
All right.
1249
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:44,999
OK, you're all clear.
1250
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:45,999
Thank you.
1251
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:47,499
Have a nice flight.
1252
01:03:47,500 --> 01:03:49,300
All right, next, please.
1253
01:03:59,500 --> 01:04:02,499
Oh, look,
your fans came to say goodbye.
1254
01:04:02,500 --> 01:04:03,800
Hi.
1255
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:05,999
Kelly!
1256
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,499
Bon voyage.
1257
01:04:07,500 --> 01:04:08,999
Fare time, alien.
1258
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:12,300
♪ I'd like to feel my
finger on your trigger ♪
1259
01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:13,800
♪ Oh, yes ♪
1260
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:17,999
♪ I know that nobody
can do to your heart ♪
1261
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:19,499
♪ Oh, yes ♪
1262
01:04:19,500 --> 01:04:24,999
♪ Happiness is a warm gun,
yes, it is ♪
1263
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:29,300
♪ Happiness is a warm gun,
yes, it is ♪
1264
01:04:29,500 --> 01:04:30,800
It's done.
1265
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,300
Two bullets point-blank range.
1266
01:04:33,500 --> 01:04:34,999
I'm on my way back.
1267
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,999
Good.
1268
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:40,499
That's the last we'll see of Ned Kelly.
1269
01:04:40,500 --> 01:04:43,800
Hey, look!
The bullets have hit the cross!
1270
01:04:48,500 --> 01:04:50,800
Amen.
1271
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:54,499
My plan was simple.
1272
01:04:54,500 --> 01:04:55,999
Give the bank the money
1273
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:58,300
and kick them off the island.
1274
01:04:58,500 --> 01:05:01,300
Anyway, I figured Sir John
had to be bluffing.
1275
01:05:01,500 --> 01:05:03,499
You can't export an island.
1276
01:05:03,500 --> 01:05:04,800
It's impossible.
1277
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:05,999
Charges have been laid
1278
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:09,999
under the ocean and across the spit.
1279
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:11,499
The explosions will fracture
1280
01:05:11,500 --> 01:05:13,499
the rock strata beneath the surface,
1281
01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:15,999
breaking the island off
from the mainland.
1282
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:17,499
Then an ocean-going tugboat
1283
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:19,999
will simply tow it to Japan.
1284
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,800
Won't the island just sink?
1285
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,800
Not with the latest Japanese technology.
1286
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:24,999
They've fitted the island
1287
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:27,300
with a series of subsurface stabilizers
1288
01:05:27,500 --> 01:05:30,300
to provide it with flotation
during the voyage.
1289
01:05:30,500 --> 01:05:32,300
Well, it's really creating
1290
01:05:32,500 --> 01:05:34,800
an offshore asset!
1291
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:04,300
- Aah!
- Aah!
1292
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:25,999
Hut-2, hut-2, hut-2, hut-2!
1293
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:28,499
Hut-2, hut-2, hut-2, hut-2!
1294
01:06:28,500 --> 01:06:30,999
Hut-2, hut-2, hut-2, hut-2!
1295
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:33,800
Gentlemen, up until now,
1296
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:35,499
the best undeveloped real estate
1297
01:06:35,500 --> 01:06:39,999
has been located in the
most remote places on Earth.
1298
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,999
Our bank is about to prove
1299
01:06:42,000 --> 01:06:43,999
that cheap wilderness can be exported
1300
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:47,800
to the world's most wealthy
industrialized countries.
1301
01:06:48,500 --> 01:06:50,800
Aah!
1302
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:58,999
There's heavily armed bankers out
there, and you've given up guns.
1303
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:01,300
What can you do by yourself?
1304
01:07:01,500 --> 01:07:02,999
Trust me.
1305
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:05,499
Ned, I might not ever see you again,
1306
01:07:05,500 --> 01:07:07,499
so whatever happens, I...
1307
01:07:07,500 --> 01:07:10,300
Robin, I know what I'm doing.
1308
01:07:23,500 --> 01:07:25,300
Now what?
1309
01:07:34,500 --> 01:07:36,300
[ squeals ]
1310
01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:38,999
[ speaking Japanese ]
1311
01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:41,499
Yes, the island is yours.
1312
01:07:41,500 --> 01:07:44,800
Sayonara!
1313
01:08:22,500 --> 01:08:24,499
We're moving!
1314
01:08:24,500 --> 01:08:27,499
You've all done an excellent job.
1315
01:08:27,500 --> 01:08:29,999
I'd like you to stay on board the island
1316
01:08:30,000 --> 01:08:31,999
until it's safety reached
international waters.
1317
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,800
Fly me back to the bank.
1318
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:36,300
I'll refuel the helicopter, sir.
1319
01:08:49,500 --> 01:08:50,800
[ engine starts ]
1320
01:09:07,500 --> 01:09:10,300
It's Ned Kelly!
1321
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:31,300
The island stopped moving!
1322
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:52,800
Aah!
1323
01:09:58,000 --> 01:09:59,300
Shoot them both.
1324
01:09:59,500 --> 01:10:00,800
Fire!
1325
01:10:04,500 --> 01:10:05,499
Inside! Quick!
1326
01:10:05,500 --> 01:10:06,800
Ohh!
1327
01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:14,800
- Aah!
- Aah!
1328
01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:18,300
- Aah!
- Aah!
1329
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:23,999
Aah!
1330
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,499
He's ricocheting bullets
with that rubbish bin suit.
1331
01:10:26,500 --> 01:10:29,499
Put down your guns
before you kill yourselves.
1332
01:10:29,500 --> 01:10:31,800
Ow!
1333
01:10:34,000 --> 01:10:36,300
Ned.
1334
01:10:40,500 --> 01:10:43,300
The pub's on fire.
1335
01:10:43,500 --> 01:10:45,800
Ned's out there, and he's in trouble.
1336
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:47,800
I can feel it.
1337
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:04,499
Wake up, Dan.
1338
01:11:04,500 --> 01:11:05,800
You're daydreaming.
1339
01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:07,999
You're daydreaming.
You're daydreaming...
1340
01:11:08,000 --> 01:11:08,999
Yeah.
1341
01:11:09,000 --> 01:11:12,800
Day... dreaming.
1342
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:26,999
Aah!
1343
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:29,300
1...
1344
01:11:33,500 --> 01:11:38,800
- Aah!
- Aah!
1345
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:42,300
Aim for his head!
1346
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,499
Don't go out. It's suicide.
1347
01:11:53,500 --> 01:11:55,300
We can't stay here either.
1348
01:11:55,500 --> 01:11:57,999
Let's take all the beer we can carry
1349
01:11:58,000 --> 01:12:00,499
and get out the back way.
1350
01:12:00,500 --> 01:12:02,499
You're not deserting Ned, are you?
1351
01:12:02,500 --> 01:12:04,499
Aim for his legs!
1352
01:12:04,500 --> 01:12:06,300
Legs?
1353
01:12:21,000 --> 01:12:23,800
We'll finish him off.
1354
01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,800
Hold fire!
1355
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:31,300
We'll move in and shoot him in the head.
1356
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:36,800
Now!
1357
01:12:48,500 --> 01:12:51,300
- Aah!
- Aah!
1358
01:13:26,500 --> 01:13:28,499
[ woof ]
1359
01:13:28,500 --> 01:13:29,999
I quit!
1360
01:13:30,000 --> 01:13:30,999
I resign.
1361
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:32,800
My head hurts.
1362
01:13:33,500 --> 01:13:36,300
Here's your money.
1363
01:13:38,000 --> 01:13:40,800
Now get off our island.
1364
01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:44,800
Welcome home.
1365
01:13:47,500 --> 01:13:48,800
Aah!
1366
01:13:51,500 --> 01:13:52,999
Ha ha!
1367
01:13:53,000 --> 01:13:55,999
You business people
don't know when to stop.
1368
01:13:56,000 --> 01:13:59,800
Remove your helmet.
1369
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:13,499
Unless you have friends
in Heaven, Kelly,
1370
01:14:13,500 --> 01:14:16,300
you're out of luck.
1371
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:31,499
Such is life.
1372
01:14:31,500 --> 01:14:33,800
[ roaring ]
1373
01:14:46,000 --> 01:14:47,800
Amen.
1374
01:14:54,500 --> 01:14:56,999
It looks like you broke
your dad's record
1375
01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:58,499
for getting shot.
1376
01:14:58,500 --> 01:15:00,800
Congratulations! Ha ha!
1377
01:15:09,000 --> 01:15:10,999
Guns?
1378
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:13,999
Looks like the Kelly
Gang's back in business.
1379
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:15,499
Yeah...
1380
01:15:15,500 --> 01:15:17,300
show business.
1381
01:15:24,500 --> 01:15:26,800
♪ Oh, faith ♪
1382
01:15:27,500 --> 01:15:30,800
♪ You've got to have faith ♪
1383
01:15:32,500 --> 01:15:34,300
♪ Oh, faith ♪
1384
01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:38,300
♪ You've got to have faith ♪
1385
01:15:39,500 --> 01:15:41,499
When you think about it,
1386
01:15:41,500 --> 01:15:42,999
what possible reason is there
1387
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:45,999
for a grown man to need a gun?
1388
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:50,300
[ fly buzzing ]
1389
01:15:53,500 --> 01:15:55,800
[ gunshot ]
1390
01:15:56,500 --> 01:15:59,800
Captioned by Grantman Brown90277
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