Original subtitles

Coffee.

Please. Thanks, see you soon. -Thank you.

Come here, little one.

Hi, with Edith. I'm coming today Not, I don't feel so good.

Sorry, it's nothing serious. Just a little cold.

I'm back on Monday.

Edi.

Oh, you're already there.

Are you leaving? -No.

I mean, I'm just there. -Oké.

Yes, I ...

Still on the bike?

Yes.

And you?

No.

Not on my bike, no. Of course not.

Your flowers. Flowers.

Oh, yes.

I didn't know if you would come.

I wanted to call you To say I came.

But I'm not such a caller. -I know that.

Have you been to his grave?

Yes.

Looks nice.

I do my best. -Yes.

I was afraid it is on A construction site would look like.

No.

No, luckily not.

So we just have to wait here?

Yes, I think so.

You have not changed anything.

Then don't get too close.

It still looks just like that As 10 years ago.

The tree is gone ...

At his grave. -Yes.

He had some disease.

Yes.

I thought it was because of the poison. -No, it has nothing to do with that.

Okay.

How many graves do they have to move?

I don't really know.

We find out soon enough.

Do you want something? -What?

Coffee, tea, water? -O, no, no, no. Thank you.

Okay, thank you.

I find this difficult. -Well...

Let's hear first What they have to say.

No, me ...

No, I mean, waiting here together, And that I've not seen you for years.

I don't know how you are doing.

You don't know how I am doing. I know Not what to say and I have to pee.

Well, then you have to go.

I mean peeing.

Yes.

Best to drink actually.

Do you know what I find strange?

That things happen alone If it doesn't matter anymore.

If you don't need it anymore.

Are you talking about me?

So ...

You don't care Whether I am here or not?

I don't say that.

That's how it sounds.

But I don't mean it. I mean it in a positive way.

That...

that you discover that you can do without anything That you no longer need it.

Isn't that positive?

Yes, but are you happy that I am there or not? -Yja, I am very happy that you are there.

Okay. -That we are here together.

Washed up so to speak. -So you feel washed up?

Yes.

What...

What was that?

What happened? -Is were injured?

Come here.

Is it okay? -Don't know.

December 31, 2012.

That's a long time ago, right?

December 31, 2012 ...

at 10 past 7.

10 past 7? -The door closed.

I looked at the clock, 10 past 7.

I never forgot.

What did you actually do that evening?

Or don't you know that anymore? -Wel.

Of course it is.

I drove to ...

Ma's beach house, Just before midnight.

I stopped at a gas station And I wanted to call you, but then ...

I thought, you damn an ​​idiot.

I mean, who leaves on such a day And then calls at midnight? So ...

So, I didn't call.

Do you know what I noticed?

How often you do things that you don't really want to do.

Are you talking about that evening? -Nee, no ... I mean ...

I mean, yes, probably.

You don't have to apologize. -I don't do that either. It's more ...

An insight long after the event. I mean...

We all end up in the end In the same place.

We do things that we would rather not do ...

Or we leave things that we would rather do.

Funny, right? You have to laugh about it.

To hear that from you, I find funny.

You have to laugh about it. Yes, hilarious.

It's funny, right?

Have you been hurt now? -No.

You are not suddenly offended?

What are you going to do?

I have to go outside.

But they can come that way.

Do you want to record? -No.

Not important?

Don't you think it's bizarre ...

To each other after all those years To see here again?

I think it's bizarre.

A bizarre play of fate, right?

I didn't really think about it.

You see me for the first time in 10 years ...

Here, at this place.

And you didn't really think about it.

Incredible.

Is there something you have thought about? -What do you mean?

For example, about that letter? -Let us first hear what they say.

What the options are, the costs ... -The costs?

Yes, the costs.

We're talking about Jacob And you start about money?

Sorry, I didn't mean it.

You know that too. It's ridiculous To pretend I meant it that way.

Edi?

Edi? -I am hungry.

Here.

You used to be addicted to that stuff.

I try to reduce.

Did you know I was addicted to sleeping pills?

According to my doctor they couldn't hurt ...

and it was normal for a woman In my circumstances.

After all I had experienced Very normal.

Isn't that reassuring?

That it will not get out of hand. The addiction.

Well, not nice.

Do you know what the worst is To addictions?

That you get so difficult? -That you have one so easy.

It happens before you really have it.

You start with half a half And then another, and another.

But not every evening. Only If it is really necessary, of course.

And it is really necessary.

So many things are increasingly necessary.

Things in small bottles ...

Or in handy print strips.

And before you know it, Take one every night.

For a long time I hoped That I could leave things behind ...

could start again.

Nonsense of course.

It will never be the same again. What you Also tries, a new house, new ...

Friends, new job.

Is that what you want?

Not then?

Exampling everything and starting over.

Yes, but where should you start?

Where? -On what point would you start?

What do you want to phase out and how do you know that What will be better after that?

What an idiotic question.

Sorry.

I miss him.

I miss him as much as then. Is that crazy?

And do you miss him?

I think of him every day If you mean that.

I mean if you are still missing him.

I don't really know what I should miss.

So you don't miss it?

I resigned myself.

That he is no longer there? -no, that I miss him every day.

I think of him every day.

Suffering is addictive. There would be Het rehab clinics must be ahead ...

With mandatory admission.

Sounds a bit crazy, right?

It sounds cold.

Distant.

As if it's not about you.

Yes, it sounds like an opinion that people have when it's not about them.

Such a casual comment.

The idea that you have control About your own life ...

And also about your own suffering.

Yes, but it is true.

Don't you think?

Until certain ... -No, I don't think so, no.

Do you think that matters what you do or not ...

That you are rewarded or punished?

What should I learn from this? I get rid of that question.

What should I learn from this? Nothing.

That life is sometimes crazy, For some people crazy ...

For completely inexplicable reasons.

Why do you have more than 10 years Make nothing to be heard?

Or explain why you left. -You know that very well.

A little explanation would be nice. -Oké.

Okay, so if I explain it or if I say That I am sorry, would that make a difference?

Sometimes it is nice to hear that you were right.

Okay, sorry.

I'm sorry.

Do you feel better now?

Wow. You really thought about it, isn't it?

Don't know.

I think soon.

Yes, I'll call you back.

Okay. Okay, day.

Cold, right? -Yes.

I'm sorry. I was a bit ...

Oh, I think it's going to rain. Terrible.

Yes.

You used to like rain.

Have they been while I was gone? -No.

Do you know what?

What are you doing? -I are going to call them.

Why? -Why not?

We can still wait a while?

We've been waiting for an hour. -Are you in a hurry or something?

That's not the point?

you have reached the Vianden cemetery.

unfortunately we can do right now accept your call.

you can use us from Monday reach until Friday.

Isn't that strange, right?

It's strange ...

that the ground around the graves Not excavated ...

And that there is no sign With explanation about what will happen.

He is already there in that mess ...

10 years.

Can you imagine that? -Not do it. You shouldn't think so.

You are right.

Isn't he really there? -What?

He's not really there.

If he's not there, who then? -You know what I mean.

You have not changed anything.

Not in all those years. -I just try to view it differently.

Nonsense. You are trying not to look at it.

As always. -We go there again.

Yes, walk away again.

What do you want then? Do you want me to go on it?

No, then I have to make my image Adjust you too much.

Has anything happened? Has something happened while I was gone?

A lot happened when you were gone.

No, I mean when I was just gone. -O, do you mean that?

Yes. -Just? No, nothing has just happened.

On closer inspection I am not so happy That you are here.

Well, then I can go better. -Yes, you are good at that.

What do you want from me? Do you want me to stay?

If you want, just say that. Well?

Okay.

Coward. -O, no, no. You're not going to do this.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

I don't want that. -I said sorry.

I don't want that. That's not okay. You don't do this.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. -What do you want? What do you want ...

What I want? -What do you want?

Oh what do I want?

Stop. -O, my God, how skinny you are.

No, no, no, really. -You have lost so much weight. Don't you eat?

Okay. Stop.

A man alone. Does not take good care of itself.

You have to eat a little more. Don't drink too much.

Doesn't anyone tell you that? -Yes, yes, yes.

Your mother certainly. -No, my wife.

My wife.

Do you know her for a long time?

About two years.

Your mother has all the time Nothing told me.

She probably didn't want to hurt you.

Nice.

Compassionate.

I hate happiness.

Happy people.

They see so ...

Happy out.

What do you see when you look at me?

Do you have to laugh? Funny. Do you feel better now?

Come. We don't go deep, Making psychological analyzes, isn't it?

I just asked what you see If you look at me.

What do you want me to see? -What do you see?

I only see defects.

What is not, but there should be are, a history, a past.

A failed past.

Yes, maybe. A failed past.

A failed story. -You see that.

Isn't that true? We are a failed story.

I'm sorry I don't can see differently.

Did you know I am writing a book?

A book?

Do you write a book? -Yes.

What kind of book?

Just a book.

A journalistic book, or? -No.

So it's fiction. -Well...

No. Partly yes, but ...

I didn't know you had such ambitions.

Do you want to know what it is about?

Okay, it's about a man.

You could say it is me Or partly or whatever.

But it's about a man ...

And it's about a boy. -I don't want to know.

And one morning the man wakes up And notes ...

that he doesn't ...

I said: I don't want to know.

I want to tell my side of the story. -How you get there ...

to write About something that is so private?

The world is full of it. -O, my God.

Will it be world literature now?

I understand that you are doing cynically. -I don't do that.

I think it's a shame. So with your grief Walking for sale, isn't it pathetic?

I just want to give it his right place.

His right place. Why do we have to do everything Giving his right place in life?

To be able to close the book ...

And put it in the cupboard.

My life is not a book That you can put in the cupboard.

When I'm dead, maybe. Maybe then, yes.

So you prefer your grief? -yes, maybe.

Rather than selling it to someone who gives 15 euros for it, if you're lucky.

Isn't that from his bike?

Do you want to know for your book?

A nice little anecdote about your crazy ex.

I still have a few, you know, With juicy details.

Always good for sale.

I didn't expect That you would be happy with it.

Good. -Yes.

But in a sense ...

I also write it for you.

Or at least for us.

Okay.

Tell me.

What is that 'us' then?

What are we, we together, then, In your eyes?

We are ...

a man and a woman who have lost a child.

Or maybe I should say who first lost a child ...

And then each other.

or who lost a child And then itself ...

And then each other.

Yes. That's a whole ...

Clear and concise summary From us, yes.

If you feel sorrow alone If you think of someone ...

If you think of someone you have kept so incredible ...

And if nothing comes to the place to take that grief ...

Then don't do something Incredibly wrong?

I am sad.

I am entitled to that. I have a child lost. We have lost a child.

Then you are entitled to sadness. -T set that you still had a child.

Would he just have his whole life have to deal with grieving parents?

Only because they find That they are entitled to that?

I don't have another child. -yes, but couple.

Yes.

Do you remember someone said That we had to take a new one?

'A new'

As if they were talking about a cat.

Maybe we should have done that.

Yes, I mean, it will be Better if you don't continue? No.

Will it be better if you continue?

It's worth trying, right?

You are a father.

You are the father of another child, isn't it?

What makes that difference?

Are you the father of another child? -What matters?

Is it a boy or a girl? -I have no other child.

Not yet.

Val is pregnant. -Fall?

Yes. That's the name of her. Valerie. Fall.

Her name is Valerie. -Yes.

And Valerie is pregnant? -Yes.

From you? -Yes.

How old is she?

What does that matter? -Jong, of course.

Young. Optimistic.

Cheerful. Your mother must love her.

God, you are so bitter. -Yja, how would that come?

You think you are the only one with pain. The only one with pain or sorrow.

Everything was always your story Your drama, your suffering, your loss.

As if I had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

You didn't see him run over. You were not there.

No, I didn't see it happen. I wasn't there.

I was on the editors type some dick story.

No, I didn't see it happen But I felt it. I feel it.

I feel it ...

Here.

When I was just in the Netherlands I run a lot.

To alleviate the pain, The terrible pain you feel ...

In your stomach and your chest.

I ran for miles And had no idea where I was going.

I set one foot for the other.

But luckily, At the end of the trip ...

Was a young woman waiting ...

And she opened her arms And took you to her beautiful house.

And yes ...

Then you knew you had come home.

And after years and years of running ...

Did you finally be where you had to be.

At home.

At Valerie.

And before you knew it ...

Was your beautiful, happy woman expecting.

And then you suddenly thought: wait a minute.

I used to have a son somewhere Long ago ...

that was tragically persuaded By a motorist ...

who tore through the street with 80 km/h.

Yes, it was sad, but you know, Fortunately, life continues.

And in that gray brain ...

A brilliant idea then arose.

I'm going to write a book about it.

Yes, a book about me and my son And how difficult it was all.

Even if you had to dig deep In your memory ...

because you hardly knew anymore How that had gone.

But maybe I can, your pathetic ex-wife, help you a little with the details ...

Because it is with me Never passed, never.

Every moment ...

Every detail ...

Everything ...

Everything ...

Everything is stored in this head.

Perfectly preserved.

Sorry.

You are angry because I left. I understand that.

Yes.

You abandoned me. That's a fact.

Yes, I left on New Year's Eve At 10 past 7, with two suitcases.

That's a fact. -Yes.

Let's all those facts again Go through, okay?

Do you remember what I was wearing?

What kind of weather it was? -A red sweater.

Memory for details.

I would almost say a writer's memory. -Do I apologize again?

Do you want that? -I'm sorry.

Well, very noble. You're sorry. -He you regret?

Of which? -You have done nothing.

That's right, I didn't do anything. -Indeed.

What do you want to say? -I left on New Year's Eve ...

10 past 7, two suitcases in my hand.

You didn't follow me Try not to stop me.

Bravo. You didn't do anything.

Unbelievable how you turn things around. Still.

I think it's incredible How you roll yourself in self -pity.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Not a word of yours in 10 years.

And then this. -Dan what?

Than...

this.

I had hoped That things had changed.

I hoped you had changed.

And you? -I am changed.

I have changed a lot. -Me, too.

In some things ...

I have resigned myself with what happened to me.

Sorry. Us.

I am not saying I accept it Or that I understand ...

But I put down At the fact that this is my life.

I do things, you know.

I have friends, I have a job.

I'm going to the cinema, I take My students to the museum.

It's all very normal.

Like a normal life, I mean.

I get up.

I breakfast.

I read the newspaper.

I can talk about things that happen in the world.

I participate. I do my best.

I participate.

Do you just want to continue For the rest of your life?

I don't understand you. -Why do you have to understand me?

Because we have a past together. We share a history,

Which will never disappear again, No matter how hard we try.

I want to put a line under it. I want to put a line under that together.

Put a line under it? -Yes.

You are really good at metaphors, right? I mean it.

Put a line under it.

I can really notice That you are a writer.

Crazy. I thought being a writer Something was ...

what you had your whole life in you, What you couldn't ignore.

I didn't know you ...

Discover after your 50th That you were a writer.

Good to know that it is still possible. That even me ...

Still something can be. That I can still discover that.

What are you going to do? -I go.

Maybe you can do something else For a change.

When I drove here, I had to think about ...

you. I thought when we were each other Meeted 20 years ago.

I remembered you here had a small pit in your cheek.

Exactly here, if you laughed and ...

I wanted to say That I remembered that.

I wanted to say how much I kept From that memory ...

From you if you laughed.

Yes, it is.

I couldn't start the car.

Well, he wanted to start But I couldn't.

Do you know that?

I came across the manager. I let see him the letter and he told ...

That they indeed ...

They were clearing a few graves, But those were old ...

from the early 1900 and that they ...

There was a piece about it In the local newspaper.

It gave him sleepless nights, he said.

You hate me, huh.

No. -If you don't hate me, what then?

You want me to say That I still love you ...

So you can say:

Don't know.

Am I so? -Yes.

I don't want to be like that.

Yes.

Do you want to go somewhere else?

Want to know for sure?

I can bring you.

Do you want to go to your house? -No. Not to my house.

What are you going to do then?

I just want to stay here. -Good.

I want you to say everything finally works well.

Everything will be fine in the end.

Yes.

On my deathbed, probably.

Is that funny? -Yja, damn funny.

Yes.

I sometimes feel ...

that my head is full of all kinds of things that I can't ...

Can't forget, right?

That I should not forget. -Yes.

Thank you.

I remember that I walked into the hospital ...

Through the glass doors, the sliding doors ...

And it looked like a supermarket.

There was a restaurant In the foyer, with tables and chairs ...

And we said we there ...

In a week with Jacob would sit ...

And ice would eat or whatever.

Do you remember?

Yes.

He is there at every step I take.

He is there everywhere.

Sometimes I see a man with a boy At the back of his bike ...

or play football in the park Or swim in the sea.

And then I think: I am that man, Is he that boy?

You know.

Will it remain so forever?

What is the point of continuing?

It's no longer raining.

Walk a bit?

Yes. -Oké.

Do you remember that I asked you:

Do you think such things feel like it?

And you looked at me As if I was crazy.

And you said things like this don't feel like, no reason.

These things just happen. They happen to happen by chance.

That was your position. And...

That point of view that ...

sucked me down which made me no more air.

Yes, I'm sorry. That's the way I am.

I don't believe that.

Sometimes I see people who are very worse Have experienced ...

And have learned to live with it.

And they say they are happy.

And I see them being happy.

Then I wonder ...

What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me?

Do you understand that? -Yes.

Why did you leave?

Why that evening?

I just couldn't.

I couldn't handle it.

Happy new year. Count until it was 12 hours.

Til the glass, look at you. You hug.

I just couldn't.

I remember how the door with a soft click closed. Just.

As if you were going to work Whether shopping went ...

As if you would be back like that.

And then the car started.

I counted, 30 seconds Until the car drove away.

30 seconds to change thoughts.

I kept counting, 15 seconds, until it sound from the car had disappeared.

I looked at the clock, 10 minutes past 7.

It is true what you say. I didn't do anything.

I just let you go.

With two suitcases in your hands On New Year's Eve.

It was ...

So hard to drive away. So damn difficult.

At every intersection I thought: Go back, go back.

With every traffic light: Go back, go back.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't.

I sat by the window all night. In the dark.

And I always had to think of the latter Moments with Jacob in the hospital.

You on one side of his bed And I on the other hand ...

And someone said: We are now going to disconnect it.

How long do we have?

A few minutes.

Fifteen minutes.

And I thought: this is not the moment To cry.

So I held it tight.

For the first time in weeks I held it tight.

Without snakes on his body. Without that ...

Sucking sound of the ventilation device. Peaking the monitor.

Only he and me.

I felt his chest go up and down ...

And his fingers in my ...

Warm blood, beating blood.

Only me and he.

The world stood still.

Somehow It was a complete moment.

Me and he.

9 minutes.

In the end it was 9 minutes.

How did you come up with the idea For that letter?

Well, there was something in the newspaper about ...

clearing old graves And the whole thing about that.

And that off the ground?

That was at the old gas factory.

Those two things were on the same page.

I know you think I'm crazy. -Yes.

Yes.

Did you get help? That wanted Not you, but have you sought help?

I've been everywhere.

Psychologists. Therapists.

They all said the same. Yes, it's hard.

Yes, it will never be the same again.

Yes.

I want to be happy again. Is that too much to ask?

No, I don't think so.

I want someone to save me.

It doesn't work that way. -You can easily say that.

You are saved.

You have a new woman And soon a new child.

Do you want to know what really saved me? -Yes.

Yes. Want to know for sure?

Promise you won't laugh.

Promise me. -I will not laugh.

Promise me. -I promise it.

Okay.

I started singing.

You said ... it's funny. You said you ... okay.

Isn't it funny? No, it's funny.

Say that you went to a church choir.

Well, it's a choir. It's a choir.

It's a choir.

I think it's great that you are in a choir.

That's nice of you. Okay, so, I ...

We rehearse at a school.

And one day ... This is really true.

One day I was very early For the rehearsal. I stood there ...

Waiting for the others.

And I heard this man sing ...

And he had a beautiful voice.

Such a voice that allows you to vibrate completely. That goes through you.

And it was like I sang it myself Do you understand?

It was ...

And suddenly I thought ...

What if this is?

Okay? What if there is nothing better, Nothing better ...

Then this comes. What if this is?

Okay? And I .... -That seems terrible to me.

No, but ...

Wouldn't it be a relief? In a sense. I mean...

not...

want something else, Didn't expect anything else.

This is it. -That is absurd.

Being happy because there is nothing left. No more expectations.

It would be soothing, right? -But not very hopeful.

What do you want? Hope or peace.

Both.

You heard that man singing And thought:

What if everything stays as it is now?

Yes. -What then?

Then I was just ... Did I have rest, you know?

Yes.

I don't believe that.

It doesn't matter if you believe it Or not. It happened anyway.

I hate that.

Stories like this That just happens to some people.

Stories that are not logical, Which you cannot repeat yourself.

The idea that you first The light must see.

Only nobody will tell you ever How you can do that.

Do you sing often? -AverVeerer once a week.

And you? -No.

You always sang for him.

Do you know that? -Yes.

When he was a baby. -Yes.

And also in the hospital.

Did I sing in the hospital? -Yes.

Yes.

Do you remember?

On the day he died.

And...

I held you And you held it ...

You had your lips against his forehead Printed and I saw your lips moving.

And you sang for him and ...

I couldn't hear what it was, but ...

Don't you know anymore?

Are you sure? -Yes.

Yes, yes.

Is it going?

Yes, I want to leave here.

Now?

Yes, now. -Now immediately?

Now immediately. -What I just said.

No, no, it's ...

It's because of everything from today. Everything.

I just want to leave here. I want to go home.

Do you want me to bring you? -No, I want to go home alone.

Okay.

I don't want to leave you like that.

I'm so sorry, Lucas.

You have to believe me. I'm really sorry.

I don't want to leave you like that. -It is good.

Is there something I can do for you? -No, nothing, thank you.

No, nothing at all? -Mass holding me.